Page 38 of Kindred Spirits at Harling Hall (Ghosts of Rowan Vale #1)

38

For the next hour, Brodie hurried in and out of the house, carrying his belongings to the van before taking Lawrie’s things back upstairs for him.

The mood around the breakfast table had lightened immeasurably when Lawrie had revealed he’d decided to stay. Agnes had promptly burst into tears which had caused Florrie to put her arms around her and say, ‘There, there, Mother. No need to cry, is there? This is good news, ain’t it?’

‘ Isn’t it, Florence,’ Agnes wailed, patting her arm. ‘And yes, my darling, it’s very good news.’

‘Splendid,’ Aubrey agreed. ‘Absolutely splendid. Now we just need young Brodie to change his mind and that will be job done.’

‘Ah,’ Lawrie said sadly, ‘I wish it were that easy. For some reason, Brodie seems determined to start over in Devon. It’s quite bewildering. I can’t imagine why he’s still so intent on leaving.’

‘Hmm. I think he’s barmy, what with ’er offering ’im a new job an’ all,’ Florrie said, nodding in my direction.

‘How on earth did you…’ I stared at her in horror. ‘Were you spying on me?’

‘A new job?’ Lawrie asked, surprised. ‘What new job is this?’

‘Estate manager,’ Immi told him.

I gaped at her. ‘How did you know?’

‘Florrie told me,’ she said with a shrug.

‘And me,’ Mia admitted.

‘Ahem, and me,’ Aubrey said with a sigh. ‘I must say, it’s bad form to spy on other people, and I have told Florence that, but in this case, she was only doing it because she wants him to stay. We all want him to stay.’ He gave me a knowing look. ‘Don’t we?’

‘Well,’ I said, feeling about six inches tall, ‘now you know. I offered him the job and he didn’t want it. Turned me down flat. So now that’s sorted… If you’ll excuse me.’

I pushed away the mug of cold coffee – the third I’d had that morning while I lingered in the dining room, staying well out of Brodie’s way – and ran upstairs, just managing to time my exit so he was outside as I careered through the hallway.

I flung myself on the bed and dug the heels of my hands into my eyes. I would not cry. I refused point blank to waste any tears on someone who didn’t care about me.

‘A good cry might do you good.’

I yelped and sat up, realising Agnes had entered my room and plonked herself on the chair Lawrie had recently vacated.

‘Good grief,’ I said. ‘I might as well take the bloody door off the hinges the way everyone just comes and goes in here.’

She shrugged. ‘It wouldn’t make any difference to me one way or the other.’

‘No,’ I said with a sigh. ‘I don’t suppose it would.’

‘Callie, I’m very sorry that Florence was eavesdropping on your conversation with Brodie,’ she said sheepishly. ‘She shouldn’t have done that, as Mr Wyndham rightly pointed out. However, in a way, I’m rather glad she did.’

‘Are you? I thought you were a stickler for manners.’

‘I am, naturally. But if she hadn’t listened, I perhaps wouldn’t have understood what’s going on, and why young Brodie is so determined to leave.’

I swung my legs off the side of the bed and eyed her dolefully. ‘It doesn’t take a genius to work it out, does it? He’s not interested.’

‘Interested?’

I gulped. ‘In this place, I mean. In being estate manager. I mean, what more could I have offered him? I thought he loved this estate. I thought being in charge would be everything he’d dreamed of. It seems an accountancy job and a house in Devon mean more. Who knew?’

‘Well now you’re just being silly,’ Agnes said.

‘Pardon?’

‘You must know that this was never about the house or the estate or any job. This was about you. It always was.’

‘You’ve completely lost me,’ I said. ‘Unless you mean he’d rather take a job in Devon than stay here with me, in which case thanks, but I’d already figured that out for myself.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘You know, the thing I regret more than anything is that I didn’t let Mia tell Florence who she really was. Since our little girl found out the truth, she’s been so much happier. It’s been delightful to see how much lighter she seems. She smiles so much more. She calls me Mother, you know.’

‘I know,’ I said, trying to smile. ‘And she calls Aubrey Poppa.’

Agnes coughed. ‘Yes, well, I’m hoping I can cajole her into calling him Father at some point. I mean, really, what sort of word is Poppa? Papa maybe, but Poppa? And yet Mr Wyndham seems quite taken with it so what do I know?’ She sighed heavily. ‘Anyway, the point is, perhaps we could have had all this happiness so much earlier if I’d just allowed Mia to speak out. But I didn’t. And do you know why I didn’t?’

‘Because you were scared Florrie wouldn’t love you as much, and would want to be with Mia more than you,’ I said.

Her eyebrows shot up. ‘Oh yes, of course, you already know that because I told you.’

‘It didn’t take much figuring out, to be honest,’ I said.

‘Oh really? Well, aren’t you the clever one? What a pity you can’t be as perceptive when it comes to your own life.’

‘Agnes,’ I said wearily, ‘if you’ve got something to say just say it.’

‘You and I are a lot alike,’ she said.

My eyebrows shot up even higher than hers had. ‘I don’t think we are,’ I said.

‘Don’t you? You know little about my life, Callie, but we were both let down by people who should have loved us, and it’s left both of us feeling a little bruised and – dare I say it – afraid. I think you, like me, believe yourself unworthy of love, and that if someone better were to come along, those we love would abandon us without a second thought. Am I wrong?’

She wasn’t, though it pained me to admit it. ‘ Okay ,’ I said slowly. ‘And?’

‘My fears made me cling to those I love even tighter. I couldn’t bear the thought of Florence turning to Mia, so I refused to give them the opportunity to get to know each other. Instead, I schemed with Lawrie to keep them apart, so I could hold tight to my daughter. By doing so, I made her very unhappy and hurt Mia in the process. I regret that deeply.’

‘I know,’ I said. ‘But it all worked out in the end.’

‘You, on the other hand,’ she said, nodding vigorously, ‘express your fear by pushing people away. Rather than clinging to them too tightly, you act as if they don’t really matter to you at all. No wonder young Brodie is so confused.’

‘Confused? Agnes, I couldn’t have made it any clearer,’ I protested.

‘Nonsense! Florence told me word for word what occurred between you in the rose garden,’ she said. ‘You offered him a job, Callie. A job!’

‘A very good job! A promotion!’

‘Anyone can offer him a job. Can’t you see that? You made it very plain to him that you need him. That the estate needs him.’

‘And so we do,’ I said.

‘Yes, but did you make it clear that you also want him? That you love him? That the reason you want him to stay isn’t because you need an estate manager? That it’s because he means everything to you, and you can’t bear the thought of him walking away.’

‘But… but surely…’

Oh. Sweet. Lord .

‘Hmm. That’s what I thought. There’s your explanation, Callie. Brodie doesn’t feel wanted. He feels needed but not as a loving partner. As a business partner. If you want him to stay, you need to tell him how you really feel. No more hedging your bets. No more trying to protect that heart of yours. You’re a lucky woman. Yours is still beating. Now go and make the most of it!’

‘Agnes,’ I said, ‘I wish I could kiss you.’

She wrinkled her nose. ‘The very idea!’

But there was a hint of a smile on her face as I shot out of the bedroom door, fingers tightly crossed for my own happy ever after.