Page 35 of Kindred Spirits at Harling Hall (Ghosts of Rowan Vale #1)

35

The hall was full of boxes and the cleaners weren’t happy about it.

‘Trip hazard, that’s what they are,’ Angela grumbled. ‘You ought to be careful cos if any of us have a fall, you’ll be sued. Cost you a packet, that will.’

‘I don’t know why you’re having a go at me,’ I said indignantly. ‘They’re not my boxes. They’re Lawrie’s and Brodie’s, remember?’

‘Ah, but it’s your house,’ Angela said craftily. ‘You’re the boss. The buck stops with you.’

‘Oh, you’ve finally realised that, have you?’ I folded my arms. ‘Amazing how you accept that fact when it suits you.’

Angela laughed. ‘Oh, we accepted you ages ago, lovey. Don’t expect us to start fawning over you now, though. That’s not our style.’

‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ I said. Seeing the twinkle in her eyes, I laughed too. ‘I’ll speak to Brodie. See if we can move these boxes into another room until the removal van comes.’

She gave me a sideways look. ‘He’s definitely going then? Thought maybe he’d changed his mind. That he’d decided there were reasons to stay here after all.’

My face burned. Bloody Bonnie and her big mouth! ‘It’s all arranged. He’s got a house in Devon waiting for him and… and three interviews lined up.’

‘All systems go then,’ she said. ‘Ah, well. It’ll be a shame when they leave. I’ll miss the pair of them. Won’t be the same round here without the Davenports. No offence, lovey.’

‘None taken.’

I headed into the study, all too aware that I agreed entirely with Angela. It wouldn’t be the same without the Davenports. Not at all.

I’d been taken aback when Brodie told me about the interviews the previous evening at dinner.

‘Three of them,’ he’d said. ‘Great, eh? Surely even I will manage to get a job from one of them.’

‘I’m sure you’ll be offered all three,’ I’d said. ‘They’d be lucky to have you.’

‘Ha. Yeah.’ He’d sounded offhand. Not as thrilled as I’d expected. Then again, I supposed leaving Rowan Vale was going to be such a wrench that even landing a new job and having a new home in beautiful Devon wasn’t going to make up for it.

I couldn’t deny that his news had hit me like a punch in the stomach. This was real. He was actually going. I’d known it was coming of course, but it had always been at some point in the future. One day. Later.

But now we were at the end of June and there was no more putting it off. Lawrie and Brodie had packed up their personal possessions and booked a removal van.

‘Just a self-drive transit,’ Brodie had explained. ‘It’s not like we’ve got furniture to take with us or anything. I can load it myself.’

‘I’ll help,’ I’d said, then cursed inwardly. It sounded like I couldn’t wait to see him off the premises. ‘If you like,’ I’d added lamely.

He bit his lip, considering. ‘I’ll manage,’ he’d said in the end and the subject was closed.

Feeling wretched, I picked up the letter I’d received that morning from Mr Eldridge. An old-fashioned solicitor, he liked to put things in writing and post them, rather than ping me an email like anyone else under retirement age. The letter had informed me that he’d interviewed suitable candidates for the position of estate accountant and that he’d shortlisted five of them. He felt I needed to sit in on the final interviews, since I would be working closely with the person I eventually employed.

I didn’t see why. I’d had almost nothing to do with the accounts since I arrived here. Brodie dealt with all that, and he understood that figures and spreadsheets just weren’t my thing. What if the new accountant didn’t get that? What if he or she kept pestering me about it all?

‘Penny for them?’

I looked up, my heart fluttering as it always did when Brodie entered the room.

‘Not worth a penny,’ I told him glumly. ‘It’s this letter from Mr Eldridge. Here, read it.’

He sat down opposite me, and I handed the letter to him. After a moment he said, ‘Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? You need a new accountant.’

‘But I don’t want to be involved in any of that stuff!’ I protested. My heart thudded at the thought of what I might be expected to do in future. I wasn’t up to this. I couldn’t manage without Brodie. I waved a bundle of papers around, increasingly agitated. ‘See, he’s sent me CVs to look at! What do I care about any of this?’

‘It’s your job, Callie,’ he said quietly. ‘The estate is your responsibility.’

‘Lawrie doesn’t deal with any of it,’ I pointed out.

‘Well, no, but he’s got…’ His voice trailed off.

Yeah. He’s got you .

‘It’s not just the accounts either,’ I said, increasingly panicked. ‘What about all the other stuff you do around the estate?’

‘You don’t have to worry. There are people who work in the village that can take over the things I did.’

‘Then why did you do them?’ I asked resentfully. ‘You do realise you’ve made yourself indispensable? Everyone looks to you for advice. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve heard, “Have you run this past Brodie?” or “Oh, it’s all sorted. Check with Brodie. He’ll tell you.” It’s so frustrating!’

‘I had no idea I was such a pain in the arse,’ he said, grinning.

‘Well, why did you anyway?’ I asked. ‘Make yourself indispensable? You’d already got the job of estate accountant. Surely that’s enough for anyone? Why do all that extra stuff when you could have passed it to other people?’

‘Honestly?’

‘Honestly.’

‘Okay.’ He sighed. ‘I suppose, if you must know, I was trying to prove myself to everyone.’

I frowned. ‘Why?’

‘Think about it,’ he said heavily. ‘When it became obvious Dad didn’t have the gift, it was all reliant on me. Everyone hoped I’d inherited it. But then it was clear I hadn’t, and we all knew what that meant. Grandpa was devastated and I felt like I’d let everyone down. Let him down most of all.’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘And not just him. The entire estate. All the villagers. All the ghosts I can’t even see. They wanted some continuity and security, but I couldn’t offer them that. I felt terrible, and so ashamed.’

‘Why on earth would you be ashamed?’ I gasped. ‘It’s not your fault. It’s just one of those things.’

‘Like seeing ghosts is in your world. You know what it’s like when you’re different. Except, in my family, not being able to see ghosts is a problem, whereas in yours, it’s the other way around. I felt as if I needed to prove my worth in some other way, and the only thing I could think of was to make myself indispensable. I wanted – I needed – people to rely on me. To say, “That Brodie, he might not have the gift, but we’d be lost without him”. Oh, I know! I know it’s stupid. And as it turns out it was incredibly selfish of me, too, because now people do rely on me and I’m leaving. And all this will fall on your shoulders. And I’m sorry.’

He looked so miserable that I couldn’t help myself. I reached for his hand and squeezed it.

‘While we’re being honest, there’s something I should probably have told you and Lawrie before I took over this place.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh? What’s that?’

I took a deep breath, my pulse racing as I prepared to humiliate myself in front of him. ‘The fact is… I’m dyslexic,’ I said hurriedly.

There was silence for a moment then Brodie said, ‘Ah!’

‘What do you mean, ah ?’ I asked indignantly.

‘Nothing bad,’ he assured me. ‘Just it’s starting to make sense now. Why you needed an Idiot’s Guide , and why you’re so reluctant to do anything that involves any kind of reading and writing. You should have told us, Callie. Why didn’t you?’

‘Well, why do you think?’ I cried. ‘It’s humiliating. I struggle to read and write. I mean, I can do it, but it takes me ages, it’s a real effort and I sometimes get it all mixed up. I feel so stupid. I’m ashamed.’

He studied me then said slowly, ‘“Why on earth would you be ashamed? It’s not your fault. It’s just one of those things.”’

‘Ooh,’ I said, narrowing my eyes. ‘Throwing my own words back at me. Sneaky.’

He smiled. ‘Couldn’t resist. But it’s true. You have no reason to be ashamed. I wish you’d told me earlier, Callie. I could have been much more of a help to you than I have been.’

‘You’ve done enough. Besides, I couldn’t face telling you. If you knew how much I struggled at school… As if seeing ghosts wasn’t enough for my dad, having a daughter he considered stupid just about put the tin lid on it for him. No wonder he despises me.’

‘He’s a moron,’ Brodie said fiercely. ‘He never deserved a wonderful daughter like you. If anyone’s a failure, it’s him. I think you’re amazing!’ He shook his head. ‘And now I’m adding to your troubles by leaving you in the lurch. I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’ I was so relieved at how well he’d taken it that I could afford to be generous. ‘Like you said, there are other people who can take over some of your jobs. I’ll have a think about it. I’m sure I can ask around and figure something out.’

It took all my willpower not to hurl myself across the desk and beg him to unpack those boxes, cancel the van and tell Mr Eldridge to stuff his CVs where the sun didn’t shine.

Don’t leave me to do all this! I’m going to mess it up! Stop being so stubborn and stay!

But I didn’t. He’d made his choice. He already knew I wanted him to stay. I couldn’t have made it any clearer really. I just wasn’t important enough to him.

‘How are things going with the lessons?’ he asked at last, after we’d sat in silence for what felt like forever.

I managed a smile. ‘Really well. Immi and I went to the library the other day and got some early reading books for John and Robert. Immi’s teaching them how to read and she’s so patient with them. Walter’s very impressed with her.’

‘I understand why those lessons were so important to you now. And Florence? How’s she doing?’

‘Still plays up now and then when she’s bored,’ I said, ‘but she told Immi she’s enjoying the classes so I’m not too worried. It’s funny, the two girls are getting on famously, and when you think how much Florrie hated her not so long ago! Even Agnes has warmed to Immi, especially after she announced the new name for her kitten.’

He laughed. ‘Ah yes. Brian. Who’d have thought it?’

‘She decided it wasn’t a big deal, given everything Florrie’s been through, and that Brian quite suited him after all.’

‘She’s a good kid,’ he said softly.

‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘She is.’

I wished he wouldn’t look at me that way. He was making me go all squirmy inside, and the fact that he and Immi got on so well only made all this more difficult. Where was I ever going to find someone like Brodie again?

Well, I wasn’t, was I? I already knew that. He was one in a million.

And he was leaving me.

* * *

Lawrie had been increasingly quiet over the last few days, hardly saying anything at mealtimes and retiring to his room earlier and earlier, but it seemed today, he hadn’t bothered to leave the room at all, and both Mia and Brodie were concerned.

‘I offered to take him a tray up,’ Mia said as she served dessert, ‘but he wasn’t interested. Mug of Ovaltine. That’s all he wanted. I’m so worried about him.’

‘Maybe I should go up and try to coax him into eating,’ Brodie said anxiously.

‘Or maybe,’ I said heavily, ‘ I should. There are things we need to talk about anyway. I need to put this right.’

Brodie and Mia exchanged glances.

‘Are you sure?’ Brodie asked.

I wasn’t sure at all, but I had to do something. Lawrie and I had started off so well and, despite everything, I still really liked and admired him. I hated the way things had deteriorated between us.

When I tapped gently at his door a few moments later, it was Agnes who called me to come in. She was sitting on his bed, watching fondly as he sipped his Ovaltine. I wondered how many times that scene had played out in the past.

‘I shall leave you to it, Lawrie,’ she said, nodding at me as she glided past, giving me a look of sympathy that quite unnerved me.

He looked older than ever, and so tired. Like Mia, I felt terribly worried about him. He was getting on, after all, and this stress couldn’t be doing him good. Lawrie looked so depressed, and as I was at least partly responsible for this, I had to fix it.

‘What can I do for you, Callie?’ he asked wearily as I pulled up a chair and sat close to the bed.

‘We missed you at dinner,’ I told him. ‘Aren’t you feeling well?’

‘What I’m feeling,’ he said, putting his mug on the bedside table, ‘is my age. I think it’s finally caught up with me. I suppose it was inevitable.’

‘Rubbish, you’ve got lots of years left in you yet.’

He lifted his eyebrows, and I shifted uncomfortably. ‘Lawrie, is this because of me? I know I’ve upset you and I’m truly sorry. I never meant to, really I didn’t.’

He held up his hand. ‘You’ve done nothing wrong, Callie. This situation was never going to be easy for any of us. I’m amazed how well you’ve coped with the changes. Far better than I have, it seems. You know, I’ve been sitting here thinking about the way I’ve behaved over the last few weeks, and I’ve concluded that I’ve been a foolish old man.’

‘Don’t say that,’ I said. ‘It’s not true.’

‘Well, I’ve certainly behaved like one,’ he said. ‘Even Agnes has just given me a bit of a lecture, and if Agnes thinks I’ve been silly, who am I to argue?’

I laughed. ‘Well, no one’s perfect. Even Agnes.’

‘She speaks very highly of you, Callie,’ he said, suddenly serious. ‘She was so afraid that you’d destroy her relationship with Florence, but in fact, it’s stronger than ever. You were right. Florence did need to hear the truth. I was wrong to prevent Mia from telling it to her. I behaved badly and I’m deeply sorry. I shall be apologising to both Florence and Mia forthwith.’

‘I’m just glad it worked out,’ I told him. ‘For my sake as much as anything. Agnes would have made my life a misery if it hadn’t.’

‘You haven’t seen the best of Agnes. She’s a good woman with a big heart. You wait and see.’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘Aubrey must see something in her, mustn’t he? And Florrie clearly loves her – even if it took her a while to realise it.’

His eyes twinkled. ‘Agnes says she tried to get Florence to call them Mama and Papa, but the child wasn’t having it. They’ve compromised on Mother and Poppa. Agnes wanted her to call Aubrey Father, but she stubbornly insisted she preferred Poppa, and Aubrey is absolutely delighted.’ He sighed with pleasure. ‘It does my heart good to see them so happy.’

‘She’s doing very well in her lessons, too,’ I told him. ‘As are John and Robert. Immi’s teaching them to read when she can. She’s been helping at the weekend but when the summer holidays start, she’ll be there every day. Not my idea,’ I added hastily, in case he thought I was a proper tyrant. ‘It’s all her. She’s happy to help them and Walter really appreciates having someone to turn the pages of the books and write on the blackboard for him.’

‘Something else I tried to veto,’ he said regretfully. ‘I was wrong about that too, wasn’t I? You said what Florence needed was routine and discipline and you were clearly right.’

‘I was only partly right,’ I said. ‘She didn’t just need those. She needed lots of love and comfort too. The lessons are doing her good, but I think realising how loved she was all along – by her own family and by Agnes and Aubrey – has made all the difference.’

‘That’s a good point. Either way, if I’d had my way, Florence would have missed out. Stupid old man that I am. I’m very glad that the children are having lessons. I’m sure it will do them all the world of good. John and Robert must be so much happier now this business with Peter has been sorted out.’

‘I think Peter’s pretty relieved, too,’ I said. ‘Or should I say, Pillory Pete.’

‘Pillory Pete!’ He chuckled. ‘I don’t know. Those children! You know, I might pop along to the one of the lessons and see how they’re all doing. What do you think?’

‘I think that would be a great idea,’ I said. ‘I’m sure Walter would be over the moon to have you there so he can show off his excellent teaching.’

‘I’m sure he would. I wonder what quote he’ll throw at me to demonstrate his pleasure?’ he mused. ‘Maybe I will then. I’m running out of time, after all.’

‘I wish you’d change your mind and stay,’ I said. ‘I really don’t want you to go.’

‘You don’t need me here, Callie,’ he said. ‘You’ve proved yourself a worthy successor to the Davenports. It’s your time now and you’re going to be brilliant. You already are brilliant. I’m so glad you walked into the Hall that day to complain about Bill and Ronnie.’

‘And Florrie,’ I reminded him. ‘You can’t forget her.’

‘Never. I’ll never forget her.’ He gazed wistfully out of the window. ‘I’ll never forget any of them.’

I reached for his hand. ‘Lawrie…’

‘Now, Callie,’ he said briskly. ‘About Brodie.’

My face began to burn, and I dropped my hand. ‘What about him?’

‘I understand that your relationship has, er, warmed up shall we say?’

How on earth did he know that?

‘Has he said something?’

He smiled. ‘Brodie? He would never be so indiscreet.’

‘Then how…?’ I scowled. ‘Ah. Bonnie.’

‘Indeed. I have eyes and ears everywhere, Callie. Never forget it.’ He chuckled which made me feel a bit better. At least he wasn’t outraged or devastated.

‘It’s nothing,’ I said. ‘Honestly. It was a kiss. Just a silly kiss. But we both know the score. It can’t work and that’s that.’

‘Can’t it?’ He frowned. ‘Why not?’

‘You know why not! Brodie’s going away with you. He’s got job interviews in bloody Devon. Hardly seems like he’s planning a long-term future with me, does it?’

‘Have you asked him to stay?’

‘Well… No. There’d be no point,’ I said hurriedly. ‘He’d never leave you and you won’t stay, so that’s that.’

‘We’re not joined at the hip,’ he told me sternly. ‘Perhaps if you’d just ask him, he’d surprise you.’

I shook my head. ‘He wouldn’t stay if you were going. He’s devoted to you. You either both stay, or you both go. Simple as that.’

‘Are you trying emotional blackmail, Callie?’

‘Not at all. I’m just stating the facts as I see them,’ I said glumly. ‘I like Brodie a lot. And to be honest, I think he really likes me too. But he loves you, and that’s the difference. We’re both grown-ups and we can deal with this. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Brodie might be a professional man,’ he said, ‘but he’s also a gentle, sensitive soul. When he gives his heart, it will be for good. You know, you two could be good for each other. A team. I… I never told you about my parents, did I?’

I blushed, wondering if I should inform him that Millie hadn’t been so discreet. I decided honesty wasn’t always the best possibility. ‘No. What about them?’

‘This is very difficult for me. My father was devoted to this estate. It was everything to him. I suppose, looking back, it must have been quite lonely for my mother. She – well, let’s just say she found solace elsewhere. It was a dreadful shock when I found out the truth about their marriage, yet how could I blame her? My father certainly didn’t. In fact, it seemed that as long as he was free to continue focusing on the estate, he didn’t really care.’

He shook his head sadly. ‘I always swore I would never be so blind. So selfish. When I married Jacqueline – Brodie’s grandmother – I thought I would be the perfect husband. Everything my father wasn’t. Looking back, it’s hard for me to see when that changed, and to admit that I ended up just as selfish and obsessed as my father.’

‘You mean, Jacqueline…’

‘Oh no! No, she would never betray me that way. She loved me dearly, and I loved her. But she must have felt so alone so much of the time, and that was my fault. I only saw the truth after she died, more than a decade ago now, and I have so many regrets. You and Brodie wouldn’t have that problem. You both know and love this estate and neither one of you would feel neglected.’ He gave me a hopeful look. ‘You know, if you spoke to him, if you asked him to stay, I’m sure he would. Maybe he’s just waiting for you to ask.’

But Brodie already knew I wanted him to stay. What more could I do? Issue a written invitation? Lawrie had it all wrong. Brodie hadn’t given me his heart at all, let alone for good.

‘It was just a kiss, Lawrie,’ I repeated, not quite meeting his gaze. ‘Nothing to get so upset about. Now, are you going to come downstairs for breakfast tomorrow, or do I have to sit by your bedside nagging you at every meal from now on?’

He smiled. ‘I’ll be there,’ he promised.

I got up to leave and he reached for my hand. ‘I’m glad we’re friends again, Callie.’

Somehow, I managed to swallow down the lump in my throat. ‘Always, Lawrie.’