Page 30 of Kindred Spirits at Harling Hall (Ghosts of Rowan Vale #1)

30

There was no sign of Lawrie in the house, though it was quite possible he’d gone for a wander around the grounds, or even into the village. Mia pleaded with me not to have another argument with him, as it wasn’t worth falling out with him again after we’d only just made up.

I supposed she had a point. Before I’d learned the truth about Mia, I’d apologised profusely to Lawrie, Agnes and Aubrey yesterday, explaining that I’d realised that inviting all the ghosts to the Hall without even asking if it was okay had been completely out of order, and that I would take steps to ensure another meeting place would be found in future.

Agnes had been surprisingly generous in accepting my apology, and Lawrie had looked very relieved, as if he’d hated arguing with me and was more than happy to put past grievances behind us.

To Mia’s relief I decided, therefore, to give myself a chance to calm down, so I spent the morning in the library at the Hall, looking for books that might prove suitable for young children and realising that, as old and sombre as they were, they weren’t even suitable for me. I decided the local library might be a better option and wondered how to go about getting library memberships for three dead people.

I gave up and wandered back towards the living room just as Brodie arrived home, his arms full of papers.

‘What’s all that?’ I asked curiously.

‘More details of jobs,’ he explained briefly.

‘What sort of jobs?’

He didn’t meet my gaze. ‘Accountancy mostly. It’s what I’m trained for, after all.’

‘Accountancy? You mean, those are details of jobs you’re thinking of applying for?’

He nodded. ‘Time’s ticking on. I need to find employment. These are all in Devon. That’s where the house is that Dad’s bought for us to live in when we leave here.’

I realised I hadn’t given much thought to where Brodie and Lawrie would end up. I hadn’t wanted to think about it really, but this was bringing it home to me that in a week’s time, I’d be alone in this place without Lawrie to interfere. Or advise. And without Brodie to do the million and one things Brodie did around here. Or just be Brodie.

I swallowed. ‘Devon? That’s… that’s nice for you. Bit far away, though.’

‘Not as far as Oz,’ he said briefly. ‘Which was Dad’s first suggestion. Anyway, what have you been doing today?’

‘Do you really want to know?’

‘I wouldn’t ask otherwise, would I?’

‘You’d better come into the living room,’ I said. ‘You might need a brandy for this.’

When I’d told him the truth about Mia and Florrie, and how Agnes and Lawrie had manipulated the situation, he agreed that a brandy was just the job.

‘Oh wow,’ he said, putting down his now empty glass. ‘I can’t believe Grandpa kept this quiet from me. And Mia! How did she manage to fool even Florrie?’

‘She was so scared they’d sack her that she did exactly as they asked,’ I said grimly.

‘Mia doesn’t strike me as the scared sort,’ he mused. ‘Not easily bullied, either.’

‘But she loves Florrie,’ I pointed out. ‘She doesn’t want to lose her, and until now, Lawrie and Agnes held all the power.’

‘What are you going to do about it?’ he asked.

‘Tell them both to back off, and that it’s up to Mia if she wants Florrie to know who she is. What else?’

‘So, another row with Grandpa then? Haven’t you just made it up with him?’

‘I don’t want to,’ I admitted. ‘But the situation here is ridiculous. This thing between him and Agnes is crazy. He lets her get away with anything and it’s not fair. Florrie has every right to know about her family.’

‘I completely agree,’ he said.

‘You do?’

‘Of course. Florrie’s lost everything. She may have died back in 1941 but she’s still a ten-year-old child at heart. A ten-year-old child who was sent away from her family to live among strangers in an area she was totally unfamiliar with. I’m sure she’d love to know that her sister never forgot about her, or that her great-niece is right here in this house because of her.’

‘Exactly!’ I said, so glad he understood.

‘But I don’t think arguing with Grandpa is the way to approach this,’ he cautioned. ‘You’ve got to be smarter than that. He’s never going to cross Agnes. What you must understand, is that she was by his side from him being a baby. When his own parents weren’t around for him, she was. He genuinely does view her as family, and he loves her. And believe it or not, she loves him.’

‘Then they should both understand how important family is,’ I said. ‘How come it’s all right for them to cling to each other, but they expect Florrie and Mia to stay separated and alone?’

‘It’s hypocritical,’ he acknowledged, ‘but if you go in there like a bull in a china shop, you’re going to get nowhere. All you’ll do is make Grandpa dig his heels in even deeper. No, it’s Agnes you need to tackle.’

‘Agnes? She’ll never give in,’ I said. ‘You haven’t met her but believe me, she’s as stubborn as they come.’

‘From what I’ve heard of her, though, she’s got a gentle side. A caring side. And she did give in about the lessons when she realised what was best for Florence. Whatever you think of her, you can’t deny that she loves that girl. You need to talk to her, mother to mother. Make her see how unfair she’s being but at the same time acknowledge her fears and let her know you understand where she’s coming from. Tell her you’ll help her figure out where they all go from here. Make her feel that you’re on her side but that she needs to put Florence first in all this.’

‘Hmm.’ I sipped my own brandy and nodded. ‘You might be onto something. I’ll give that a go. Honestly, how can she be so blind as to how unhappy her own daughter is?’

Brodie crossed the room and refilled his glass. ‘Ah. While we’re on that subject…’

My eyes widened. ‘Meaning what?’

He sat next to me on the sofa, brandy glass in hand. ‘Far be it from me to tell you how to raise your own daughter, but you have noticed how unhappy Immi is lately?’

‘I’ve noticed how grumpy she is lately,’ I said with feeling. I swilled the brandy round in my glass. ‘ Is she unhappy? Has she said as much?’

‘I think,’ he said carefully, ‘that she’s feeling a little neglected. The estate does take up so much of your time, and I’ve explained to her that it’s all so much harder while you’re settling in and finding your feet here, and that things will get better. She’s not convinced.’

‘She’s talked to you about it?’ I asked, astonished and not a little hurt. ‘Why you? Why not me?’

‘She’s tried to talk to you, Callie,’ he said patiently. ‘Unfortunately, you’re not listening to her.’

‘Meaning what? I always listen to her!’

‘Okay, well you’re not hearing her then.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ I said sullenly.

‘She wants to be involved more in the estate. I know, I know.’ He held up his hand as I opened my mouth to protest. ‘There are things that she can’t understand that are far too grown up for her, and I get that. I think she does too. But she’s not asking to hire and fire people, or learn the accounts, or deal with repairs. She wants to meet the ghosts properly, and she wants to be part of that community. She feels very aggrieved that you won’t let her.’

I bit my lip, aware that I’d done my best to keep her away from the ghosts. I knew she had to see the ones that lived in the Hall, but I’d figured that was more than enough. It was why I’d arranged the meeting with the other ghosts and the lessons with Walter for times when I knew she’d be in school, safely out of their way.

‘I’m just trying to protect her,’ I murmured. ‘Give her a normal life.’

‘Have you any idea how much she hates the word normal ?’ Brodie shook his head. ‘Callie, this is normal for her and for you. When are you going to realise that? She has a gift. Let her use it. Let her be part of this community or she’ll grow up very resentful of you, and you wouldn’t want that, would you?’

I gulped down the remaining brandy thinking about it.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said at last. ‘I know she’s your child and it’s none of my business how you raise her. I just don’t like to see her so unhappy, and I’d hate for you two to drift apart when it wouldn’t take much to bring you so much closer together.’ He paused. ‘She misses you, you know. You don’t spend nearly enough time in each other’s company. And I promise, that’s the last thing I’ll say on the subject. It’s up to you now.’

We sat in silence for a few moments.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked at last.

‘Just thinking how good you are with kids,’ I admitted. ‘For a man.’

He laughed. ‘Wow, how sexist is that! Thank you, I think, although plenty of men are good with kids.’

‘Not in my experience,’ I told him. ‘You know about my dad. As for Immi’s father…’

His fingers tightened around the brandy glass.

‘You’ve never mentioned him before,’ he said, trying and failing to sound casual.

‘Why would I? He was the worst. Total jerk.’

‘Does he see Immi at all?’

I laughed. ‘He’s never even met her! And you know, she never asks about him. Not once. And I’ve never mentioned him to her either. What a terrible situation, eh?’

‘So, you broke up before Immi was born then?’ he asked. ‘Sorry, you don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business.’

I hesitated, not sure whether I was brave enough to say what was on my mind. But heck, I was a new woman, wasn’t I? I was learning fast that the only way to get anywhere was to be more assertive. Keeping quiet and saying nothing had got me nowhere after all.

‘Given that we almost kissed the other day, I think it is your business. Well, a bit.’

His eyes widened. ‘Are we really going there?’

I sighed. ‘It wouldn’t make much sense, would it? I mean, with you leaving so soon.’

He stared into his glass for a moment. ‘It wouldn’t. No.’

We both looked a bit awkward, then Brodie cleared his throat and said, ‘So, Immi’s father?’

Back to earth with a bump. I’d hoped we could have floated around in hope for a bit, but Brodie was obviously determined to ground us. Even though it made sense, I felt a pang of loss for something I’d never really had.

‘Immi’s father. Right.’ I took a deep breath, preparing myself to relive memories I’d buried for years. ‘We were only together for six months. I was nineteen. He was twenty-five. I’m ashamed to say I was completely smitten with him, which is ridiculous because all the signs were there that he was a loser. I’d caught him out lying a few times, and I can’t honestly say I trusted him. But he was ever so good looking and lots of girls fancied him, and I’d never been the object of anyone’s envy before, so it was nice to have people who’d always looked down on me looking up to me for a change.’

‘Not really a good reason to stay with a liar,’ he said.

‘Absolutely not, but I was young and daft, and…’ I sighed. ‘I wanted to have a boyfriend and be normal.’

‘Ah,’ he said, nodding. ‘ Normal . Obviously.’

‘Besides, he was an escape from home. He took me out, got me out from under their feet. I know it doesn’t seem much now, but at the time… Anyway, when I told him I was pregnant, he seemed okay with it at first,’ I said, my face burning as I remembered how gullible I’d been. ‘But then he told me it wasn’t working for him and that he wouldn’t be seeing me again. I didn’t believe him, but then he just vanished from my life. No sign of him at all. He’d never been on social media – said he thought it was boring – and his number had been disconnected. I was devastated, and Dad and Judy – my stepmother – thought I’d done something stupid to put him off me. They said he was a nice lad and trust me to ruin things.’

‘But you can’t think it was your fault?’ Brodie asked disbelievingly. ‘He just ghosted you? Sorry, bad choice of word, but you know what I mean.’

‘I did at first,’ I said grimly. ‘Then, when I was about six months pregnant, there was a knock on the door and there was some woman standing there. She was pregnant too. Put us back-to-back and we’d have looked like a pair of bookends. Turns out she was his wife, and that was their second baby. He already had a two-year-old daughter.’

‘Oh, Callie!’ Brodie sounded horrified. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry for me ,’ I said defiantly. ‘Be sorry for her . She burst into tears and admitted this was the third affair he’d had in as many years. She begged me to leave him alone and give them a chance to be happy. Can you imagine? I said to her, “Bloody hell, my name’s Callie, not Jolene!” As if it was all my fault when I didn’t even know he was married… I dread to think what number he’s up to now.’

‘My God, I can’t believe men like him actually exist.’ Brodie’s tone was one of disgust. ‘I feel I should apologise on behalf of every decent man on the planet.’

I laughed. ‘Yeah, well, now you know.’

‘And Immi knows nothing about this?’

‘Nothing. She’s never asked, and I’ve never brought it up. How would I tell her what a jerk her father was? She’s clearly not interested and that’s fine by me.’

‘But what if she does ask one day?’

‘Then,’ I said heavily, ‘I’ll tell her the truth. I’ll have no choice. I’m not going to lie to her. Can’t say I’m looking forward to that day, though.’

‘Has… has there been anyone else since?’

‘Boyfriends, you mean?’ I shook my head. ‘Nope. Just me and Immi. The thing is, I messed up so badly. Look at the man I chose to be her father! I don’t ever want to let her down again and while she’s so young, it’s hard to trust another man. I mean, how do you know?’

‘You can’t really,’ he said. ‘But you shouldn’t let that put you off trying. I get it, I really do. You want to protect Immi. But you’ve got to allow love into your life, Callie. Or at least the possibility of it.’

‘Have you ?’ I asked. ‘You must have had a few relationships in your time.’ He must have done. Looking like that, how could he not?

He shrugged. ‘Of course. Well, I’ve dated. I’m not sure I’ve had many actual relationships.’

‘Anything serious?’

‘Not on my part, which I realise makes me sound as bad as Immi’s father, but I don’t mean it that way. Most of the women I dated were as casual about it as I was and that was fine, but there was one… I never led her on or gave her any reason to believe we had a real future, but she got… obsessed with me. Started dropping heavy hints about a wedding, showing me engagement rings online, that kind of thing. I had to end it with her, and I tried to do it as gently as possible, but it took her a while to get over it.’

‘I see. Do you still see her? Is she local?’

He hesitated. ‘She works at the farm. It’s Rissa.’

‘The girl who was cosying up to you at the pub quiz?’ I remembered the jealousy I’d experienced as I’d watched them laughing together.

There was a faint tinge of pink on his cheeks. ‘There’s nothing between us now, I swear! We’re just friends, that’s all.’

‘Well,’ I said after a moment’s thought, ‘I’m glad to hear it.’

His eyes softened. ‘Are you?’

‘I suppose I am, yes. And I believe you. I know you’re nothing like Immi’s father.’

Brodie stroked my hair, and I suppressed a shiver as he murmured, ‘He must have been an idiot, using someone as lovely as you like that.’

Fighting to stay in control, I said flippantly, ‘Is that a cheesy chat-up line?’

‘My very best,’ he admitted. ‘Failed the test?’

‘I’m afraid so.’

‘Ouch. So, I guess that’s us done and dusted?’

‘I wasn’t aware there was an “us”,’ I told him. ‘And didn’t we just agree that it would be a bad idea, given you’ll be leaving soon?’

‘We did,’ he said heavily. ‘Which is a shame.’

‘Yeah, it is, but we have to be sensible.’

‘But,’ he said slowly, ‘it must have meant something, mustn’t it? That we almost kissed.’

‘The thing is, almost doesn’t really cut it,’ I said. ‘I almost got a job in a posh department store once, but then I didn’t. I don’t think I can put that on my CV, can I?’

‘So, what do you suggest?’

I couldn’t go there. I just couldn’t.

When I didn’t reply, he said, ‘Maybe we could finish what we started. Just to put a full stop after it.’ He leaned closer and put his arms around me and I stiffened.

‘Sorry,’ he said, letting go immediately. ‘I didn’t mean?—’

‘Oh, Brodie!’ I cried, exasperated.

‘What?’ He sounded confused and no wonder.

‘I just… Why do you have to be so polite and considerate all the time?’

‘Because it’s the decent thing to do, and it’s the way you deserve to be treated.’

I took his hand in mine, unable to resist any longer. ‘This is such a bad idea.’

‘Because it would be stupid to start something when we’re about to say goodbye, wouldn’t it?’

‘It really would,’ I agreed, trying not to shiver as his fingers gently caressed my face.

‘Callie? May I kiss you?’

There was no way I could make myself say no. I merely nodded, closed my eyes, and waited for the inevitable.

There was a moment that seemed to last forever when I wondered if he’d changed his mind, then his lips gently met mine, and a tingle shot through me as he cupped my face in his hands and the kiss slowly deepened and intensified. It was the very opposite of being near the ghosts. Instead of ice and death, Brodie’s kiss spread warmth through my body, as if he was bringing me back to life. The memory of every bad thing that had ever happened to me turned to dust in one shining, golden moment. If it had brought me to this point in time, with this man, it had been worth it.

And yet…

Even though I wanted him desperately, and even though part of me hoped he’d never let me go, the fear was breaking through again. Brodie was leaving. This could go nowhere, and if I let myself fall any deeper, the pain when he went would be unbearable. Maybe it was already too late, but I had to protect myself somehow.

I pulled away with a sob and jumped up. ‘I can’t,’ I said. ‘I can’t do this. I’m sorry.’

‘Callie?’ he asked anxiously.

There was hurt in his eyes, but I couldn’t help him. I had to look out for myself and for Immi. I’d let her down so badly before she was even born. I simply couldn’t allow that to happen again.