Page 63

“They forgot about me,” Elliott said, the words trailed by a breathless, wild little laugh.

“After he was done with me, they threw me in what I believe was a utility closet for supplies and spare parts. It was in a derelict factory, and full of old machinery. It was pitch black in there, though. I managed to finally break the lock with a pipe wrench I’d found digging around in the dark on the top shelf.

It took me hours. It was a relatively simple, brute task, but I was nearly delirious from dehydration.

And weakened by injury. And. …And grief.

It’s funny how survival instinct carries on, even when there’s nothing left for you.

“When I eventually got out, everything was quiet and still. The weapons and drugs and supplies were all gone. The lights were out. No one else was there. No one. I later matched Taal’s schedule with that timeframe, and he must have gotten called back for an emergency address regarding the flood fatalities from the hypercane on Thoro.

“They’d killed everyone else. There had been at least six other people in there with us.

Victims, I mean. I don’t consider Uru Taal nor his ilk people.

They discarded the bodies somewhere. My theory is they dissolved them in hydrochloric acid.

They’d had large barrels in the back of the warehouse that were missing later.

Even her ring was gone. If they hadn’t forgotten me in a fucking closet, they'd have actually been impressively careful in covering their tracks.

“...Unfortunately for them, I’m a simple oversight that has since proven to be their downfall. How sloppy.”

Niko was breathless, his heart tightly constricting in his throat. He’d heard everything Elliott had said, but his mind had latched onto a single, chilling implication.

After he was done with me , Elliott had said. The words spread out and filled his brain, seeping into every thought like an oily poison. Done with me .

The very thought of it was too much, to think that they’d hurt him in that way on top of everything else. Maybe they’d only wanted to use him for their games with Cleo. Maybe—

He had to ask. He had to know. Niko swallowed, the words unable to dislodge themselves from his throat. When he finally spoke, his voice emerged thick and hoarse. “Did— When they were still there— Did they— Did he—?”

Elliott stared at him, his gaze hollow. “Rape me?” he asked, the words cutting through the air and plunging deep into both of them like a knife. “Yes.”

It was a grief Niko felt in every part of his body. He closed his eyes and couldn’t speak.

“It’s why Liam finally left,” Elliott said.

“What?” Niko whispered. He opened his eyes.

How could he? How could he? It was unfathomable.

“He—” Elliott took a steadying breath, before continuing.

“He was already spooked by everything I’d told him about.

Cleo, the crown prince of Thoro. I’d started researching and putting things together.

I learned more about Honeybliss. I tried to build a case against them, and he started getting scared over it.

Scared about what kind of backlash we’d face for it.

That he’d face. And I was hospitalized for over a month from where my mental health had gone.

But when I finally admitted to him what had been done to me…

that’s when he got really uncomfortable.

He… didn’t want to touch me after that. Like I was sullied. Or too much.”

“You're not sullied,” Niko said quietly. His heart was breaking. “You’re not too much.”

After a pause, Elliott added, “He was just. Different.” His gaze was distant, staring off into some memory inaccessible to Niko. Then he smiled, though it was all broken, all wrong. “I even started begging him. I just wanted to feel normal again. I was so pathetic, Niko—”

“ No ,” Niko said, taking his face in his hands. “No, you weren’t pathetic. You’re not pathetic. He’s—”

Niko couldn’t think of vocabulary strong enough to convey the mired trenches of disgust he felt for Liam Soren then. Not in Galactic Standard. Not in any language.

But Liam himself had found the words that would have to suffice.

“He’s a piece of shit,” Niko seethed.

“Maybe.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“...Ask whatever you want, Niko.” His voice emerged flat, lifeless. He looked tired.

“Since we first talked, you’ve been telling me about the things Honeybliss has done.

But all your focus was on everyone else they hurt.

And your sister. Even in your files. But they hurt you, too.

You were just as much a victim of them as any of those other people.

Why did you erase yourself from it all?”

“Because I’m not the one who matters. She mattered. They matter.”

“Why not you?”

“Niko, the only person I ever truly mattered to all my life is dead. And I’m the one who killed her.”

Niko looked him in the eyes. “You matter to me. You’ll always matter to me. I love you, Elliott. I would die for you in a heartbeat. Do you understand that?”

“I don’t want you to die for me. I don’t want anything like that.”

“I know you don’t, but it’s the truth. That’s how much you matter to me. I need you to know that.”

“I would die for you too,” Elliott said, his voice turning thin and quiet, his gaze lost now somewhere far unreachable to Niko.

He looked pleading, in pain. “I—I wish I had died there, instead of her. I wish they’d killed me, instead.

Or killed me after her, too. I don’t know why I was left behind.

I don’t know why such an extraordinary person had to suffer and die, and I just got left behind to be useless waste.

To be her murderer. I deserved everything they—”

No.

“No. No, no. Elliott. We’re not going there.

You’re not going there, okay? I don’t want to hear that from you.

Not ever. It’s not true. You’re not useless, and you’re not waste.

You’re far from it. You’ve never deserved anything that they did.

Not any part of it.” He paused. “Is that what this is? …Are you punishing yourself for what happened to your sister?”

Elliott choked. “I— Yes .”

“Babe. Baby, listen. Elliott. I need you to listen to me right now. You’re not responsible for what happened to her.”

“But I am .”

“No. You’re not. That was their cruel game.

That was their cancer on this galaxy. You only ever tried to protect your sister.

You were trying to free her, Elliott. You were trying to save her from that suffering.

It was clear as day. You were trying to give her a chance to get out of there.

Hell, you were trying to take her place, for fuck's sake.”

“But it doesn’t matter! She’s fucking dead. She’s dead. She’s dead! I killed her! I fucked it up—”

“ Elliott . No. They put you in a game you could never win. It had impossible odds. You didn’t even know how to handle or shoot a gun like that.

And they knew it. They knew it was an impossible shot.

There is nothing you ever could have done to have changed that.

You never deserved to be in that place. Cleo never deserved to be there.

Neither of you deserved the… things they did to you both.

You don’t deserve punishment. You deserve kindness, and compassion.

You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be believed.

And instead, they just kept gaslighting you year after year as you tried to appeal for help. Elliott, you’re a good person.”

Elliott shook his head.

“You are,” Niko insisted. “You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. You leave me in awe.”

“No. No. I’m a murderer. I’m a piece of shit. I’m fucking garbage .”

It stole Niko’s breath away. Elliott had paid attention.

He’d listened to and quietly collected every insult hurled his way.

Liam had called him shit. Niko had once called him garbage, before he’d understood.

He wondered where waste had come from—perhaps an archaeological relic unearthed from the years spent around his piece of shit parents.

Every name stuck with him, a deep and quiet pain.

He cared far more than Niko had ever thought he would.

“You’re trying to protect people, Elliott. You’re killing the ones who take, and take, and take, and will never see consequences. You said it yourself. They’ll never see justice. You’re doing this to make sure they don’t hurt anyone else like they did you and your family.

“And you know what? I’m right here with you.

I hear you. I see you, Elliott. I know everything now, the full truth of it.

And I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to.

What happened to you isn’t something you should be ashamed of, or feel guilty for.

I’m not Liam. I’m not your parents. I’m here with you.

And I’m going to see this through to the end with you.

We’re going to win this. We’re going to erase them from the galaxy.

“Look,” he added, “I don’t believe in superstition, or anything, but you said you don’t know why you were the one left alive.

I think you still have so much more left to your story.

But maybe part of that story is doing this.

So you could be the one to tell the stories of everyone they’ve silenced.

So you could be the one to finally put an end to what was never going to stop.

And maybe that night on Yhanwe-ha, I was meant to be called back into service, after years of accepting I’d never hunt again, so that I could meet you.

So I could help you see it through and help you finally get all those files out there.

Maybe we were meant to be here. You’re still alive.

So am I, after surviving a fall that should have killed me. Let’s make the best of it together.

“From the very beginning, I’ve been drawn to you, Elliott, and I couldn’t turn away. I think I was meant to love you.”

“Why do you love me, Niko? Why do you even like me?”