Page 29
Story: Killjoy (Starhawk #2)
“That’s not alone. I told you I needed that for myself. I told you that,” Niko asserted, willing his volume to quiet to something marginally less aggressive now.
“Niko, I’m…” Niko thought he was about to apologize, but instead, he plowed right on.
“I’m not sorry, if that’s what you’re expecting.
The risk to you going out and doing that alone was just too much.
What if he had been bait from Galapol to get to you?
What if there had been agents there lying in wait?
What if it had been something else entirely?
Everything either one of us does now comes with an immense risk.
I wasn’t about to let you throw your life away by walking into what had a high probability of being a trap. ”
Niko was stunned. It was hard to breathe—somehow, the nausea had crept up into his chest, his lungs.
“It doesn’t matter, Elliott. When I ask you to let me do something for myself or by myself, I mean that I need that space.
What the hell would you have done, anyway, if it had been a trap?
Would you have just taken the headshot on my brother?
Like he was one of your Honeybliss hit jobs?
” He was getting too worked up now, his voice rising again.
Elliott flinched. “No. Never .” He looked ill. “No, I was just going to make sure you made it back home to me.”
Niko winced. Home. Back home to me. He hated this, hated that they were embroiled in conflict. But he was too far gone to stop it now.
“It's— This was deceitful, Elliott.”
“You haven’t been entirely truthful yourself, Niko, if we want to go there.
You intentionally withheld context about your situation with Lady Death, because you knew I’d never accept reaching out to her if I knew the full, real story and the fact that you’d disappeared for years on poor terms with a lethally dangerous and influential bounty hunter.
“What you told me before that was hours’ worth of feel-good stories about the Revolutionary of Sala taking you under her wing.
What we both actually walked into was a situation you didn’t even know was going to turn out even marginally alright.
But I chose to trust you regardless, even after what was really going on came to light. ”
“Fuck,” Niko murmured. Of course Elliott would never get caught in a fight unarmed.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, willing himself to calm down.
He was trembling, not from anger, but rather nerves now.
He didn’t want to fight Elliott, didn’t want this to turn into something volatile and resentful.
And he’d had a point. Niko had lied to him too.
“You’re right. I fucked up. I did lie to you, because we needed this so badly and I was scared. I knew you wouldn’t take the chance if you knew the real risk. It was stupid of me, and it was wrong. And it could have gotten both of us really fucking hurt. So, I’m sorry, Elliott.”
“I followed you to Celelast because I was scared too. I needed to know you were going to survive. I can’t bear the thought, Niko.”
In the end, Elliott had only been trying to protect him by keeping watch on Celelast—even if he’d done it in the most infuriating, insulting, and dickbag sort of way.
It was all they’d ever done for each other, since they’d started working together instead of against one another.
They watched out for and protected each other.
But regardless, it had still encroached on the privacy Niko had requested.
He had boundaries and needed to reaffirm them.
“I appreciate that you want to protect me, Elliott. I do. It means so much to me. And I want to do the same for you. But it’s like we said before, we have to trust each other, or this is all going to fall apart.
“On our first mission working together, when you went out to set those EMP charges and I had to wait around hoping you made it back, all I wanted to do was go make sure you were okay, or go do it myself instead, or… I don’t know.
Take all the risk on by myself. But I get it.
I wanted to interfere, but I didn’t let myself.
I had to trust you to work on your own and know what you were doing, because you’d told me to let you do that.
I just want you to do the same for me when I request that you hold back, alright?
I need you to let me have things for myself sometimes, even if it comes at a risk. ”
Elliott tilted his chin up, brows slanting down into a regal scowl.
Niko knew he had to be working through the same internal struggle that he himself often did.
Finally, he relented, the porcelain veneer cracking.
He looked depressed. “You’re right. I’m…
I’m sorry that I was present when you'd asked me not to be. That I heard what you hadn’t wanted me to.
I disrespected you. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, and so I did the wrong thing.”
Niko let out a slow breath. “Thanks—”
“But that still doesn’t mean we should trust Zann being in this place. We can find a better solution. I have a lot of evidence as to why he’s still likely Galapol’s plant. It wasn’t you they’d wanted—”
“Elliott—”
“—It was me . Or both of us, rather. But I’m the primary target; I’ve killed more. I’m the one who started this. So, they’re probably using you to get to me and—”
“El—”
He wouldn’t let Niko get a word in.
“Why do you think your father was taken when Galapol was said to have been surveilling them? How do you think it’s possible that could happen and nobody knows anything about it?
And that he was the one communicating to them about keeping an eye on him?
Do we even know Honeybliss has them? What if it’s actually a setup by Galapol to draw us out?
Niko, this is all part of a complex plan and Zann's involved—”
“ Elliott .” He kept his voice from rising this time, but pushed the name firmly.
Elliott finally fell quiet. Niko hated how his last points had merit and weight—after all, he had found himself wondering, too, how Galapol had conveniently missed the physical therapist and Oliver’s abductions.
“It’s not going to be like that. He’s just going to stay here with us. ”
Until this all blows over , he wanted to say.
But there was no blowing over. This was the rest of their lives now.
Even if he and Elliott never spoke to nor saw each other again, they had imbued each other’s fates and futures permanently, like two blazing stars colliding, their plasma spilling into one another.
Once they’d crossed paths, it was impossible to ever separate again.
He was forever bound by Elliott Kestrel’s gravity. And so was, unfortunately, everyone else Niko still loved in this life now too.
“Niko, I—I’m sorry. It’s too much of a risk. He’s too close to Galapol. Once he’s in this place we can never undo it. We could be handing the keycard to our front door to the entire galaxy. We have to think of our survival first.”
Niko hated how much he could see where he was coming from—the paranoia, cleverness, caution, and fear had all kept Elliott alive this incredibly far into his mission. He couldn’t blame him.
But the cold rejection hurt, regardless. It hurt like a bitch. And it was a pain he felt in his chest, constricting the beat of his heart.
“He’s my brother,” Niko said quietly, any fight and energy draining from him as the migraine and its nausea surged even stronger. He was so weak, so flimsy. He could hear the exhaustion and surrender in his own voice.
He was failing. Again.
“I’m sorry, Niko. I’ll figure something out,” Elliott said.
“I promise you.” Niko didn’t want to see the guilt on his fine features.
He wanted to look anywhere but at Elliott.
He turned and wheeled back out of the room, back to the bedroom-turned-cave, where he buried himself in blankets again, and lost himself to the lonely dark and blinding pain.
“Mh?” Niko woke to a sound. Dim light poured into the room through the hallway outside.
Elliott sat on the edge of the bed, his body twisted so he could look at Niko.
In the dark like this, he was all shadow and shapes, ephemeral form.
Niko glanced at the clock, which read 7:09 p.m. It was useless to him anyway; he couldn’t remember when he’d fallen asleep.
It felt like he’d been down for a while.
His headache still lurked, but it was a whimper instead of the raging roar from before.
“Niko,” Elliott murmured. He reached out to touch the back of Niko’s hand, but stopped himself, his fingertips hovering unfelt an inch above.
Then he pulled his hand away. He scooted across the bed until he was sitting back against its plain, gray headboard now.
“I’m so sorry. You were right. I was just afraid. ”
“I get it,” Niko mumbled.
“This is your home too, now. Your brother can stay here. He deserves shelter too. And you deserve to keep your family safe. If you trust him, I’ll trust him.”
Niko hummed, turning over onto his back and stretching.
He reached his hand out to Elliott, who, after a moment of hesitation, took it.
His skin was cool to the touch. Elliott rubbed tiredly at his eyes with his free hand.
Niko wondered how long he’d sat, scowling at countless holograms, trying to find the answers that would save Niko’s family, all while warring with himself over whether to let a dangerous stranger into what was his last line of defense.
“Thank you,” Niko said. He hesitated. “Listen, Elliott. I’m sorry he hurt you before.
And that’s something I should have acknowledged too.
You have a pretty damn good reason for not wanting someone who shot you here.
So… if—” It was hard to say the words, but he forced himself to.
“—you don’t want him here, we’ll find another way. Okay?”
Elliott shook his head. “It’s fine, Niko.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 29 (Reading here)
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