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“You might know it on a surface level, Niko, but I don’t think you really feel it or agree with it.

There’s nothing inherently weak about submitting yourself to your partner during sex.

It doesn’t mean anything outside the two of you.

It doesn’t make you lesser in any way. You might know that, but I think it might also help you to hear it, too.

Many submissive men actually tend to be particularly powerful or influential outside of the bedroom.

It’s a release to be able to just let go, to be controlled and told what to do for a little while, instead of having all the weight on their shoulders and everyone looking to them for the answers. ”

Niko glanced up at him.

“Did you know that?” Elliott asked.

He shook his head.

“I think that might apply to you a little bit too. You’re someone who carries a lot of power in your line of work, and in what you’re capable of.

And you're someone who carries the burdens of any person in need around you. You try to be everything to everyone. You put so much pressure on yourself that you’re going to collapse, Niko.

Why not let me be an outlet for you? Why not let yourself forget about all of it for a while with me, sometimes?

You can give the weight to me. And let me take care of you in the bedroom. There’s no shame in that.

“In fact, I think it’s healthier to. It keeps you sane. It’s good for you, Niko. Think of giving yourself that indulgence as letting yourself recharge. It actually helps you continue to help the people who depend on you.”

“I—” Niko glanced at him again. “I hadn’t ever really thought of it that way, I guess.

” He’d always thought of letting himself go there as something shameful, something that had somehow meant he wasn’t actually strong enough to carry others.

But in truth, maybe it meant that he would be more capable than if he’d continued to deny himself what he really wanted. Who he really was.

Elliott nodded at him, his bloodied gaze searching Niko’s face for a moment. “I’m going to move on to something else now, too, and I think you’re going to struggle with it.”

Niko chuckled nervously. “Fuck. Okay.”

“I really think you don’t like yourself much, Niko.”

“How’d you know?” He couldn’t help the sarcasm.

“Honestly, we’re similar like that. I don’t like myself much either, for a lot of reasons. But it hurts me to see you feel that way about yourself and—”

“Well, I feel the same way about you,” Niko interjected. Elliott paused and got a ghost of a smile. Niko knew he was still hurting from what he’d said to him before.

“I know you do. But my point is—” He paused again, drawing in a deep, slow breath.

“This is what you’re not going to like hearing, Niko.

But the reality of your life is that you’re a man who has to learn to live with a disability.

That doesn’t just mean in a physical way.

You can clearly get around and take care of yourself just fine, whether it’s with your chair or suit.

But you just admitted that you’d push yourself until you broke or even died rather than…

what? Take a break? Appear weak, somehow? ”

“I—” Niko swallowed. “Yeah.”

“I imagine there’s more to adjusting your life to accommodate a change like that than just learning how to navigate the physical world again. It’s emotional, too. It’s mental. It’s here .” He reached out and gently touched Niko’s chest.

Niko stayed quiet.

“I can’t speak for you, Niko. I’m privileged in being able-bodied.

I can’t view the world the same way you do, or experience the same challenges you do—inside and out.

But I can only tell you what I see in front of me.

And that’s that you’re in denial of yourself, even now.

Even years after the event that changed your life forever.

You seem embarrassed or angry, any time it’s perceived or acknowledged.

You want to hide it away, somehow. I’ll say it plainly, Niko.

You still won’t accept that you have a disability. ”

It hurt. It stole the breath from Niko’s chest. It was a raw, stinging sort of pain, like having sea salt rubbed into an open wound.

It wasn’t where he'd expected this conversation to go when he'd started it.

But everything Elliott had said was true. Niko couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t even begin to.

“Niko. I wish you could see everything that you are, and stop focusing on what you’re not.

You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.

You saved my life… in more ways than one.

You helped save the lives of your father and Loolae.

That wasn’t just me. You saved the life of your friend, when he was falling behind and no one else was willing to try.

And you were the one who did what I couldn’t.

You made sure the Honeybliss files finally got out.

“You’re so resilient. You make up for so much of what I lack. I meant everything I’d said, back on Haneen. We’re a team. We’re equals. We make up for each other’s struggles, and lift each other up.

“You… are such a beautiful, extraordinary person. You are. You take my breath away. I love being around you. With you. I love talking to you. I love being your boyfriend, your lover. And I love sex with you. I love the way you look at me when you let me inside you. I love you . You’re compassionate.

You’re funny. You’re a great cook. You’re the whole package.

You’re my dream, Niko . You don’t need armor and tech to be that way.

Just you, as you are. You’re so beautiful.

And I just wish you could see what I see.

“I wish you could love yourself the way that I love you. And just allow yourself to be taken care of, sometimes. To be loved, and cherished. Just because you need help sometimes, or let yourself be a little soft with me hardly makes you helpless. Nor weak. I wish you would trust me enough to let yourself be vulnerable with me. I wish you would let me love you. Will you do that, Niko? I want to. I’ve been reaching out to you, and you’re only pushing me away. ”

That hurt, too. Niko glanced away, swallowing back a lump that was growing in his throat, blinking back something that stung in his eyes.

He’d had to be strong for so long, for everyone, in everything, that he hadn’t allowed himself the grace of simply being Niko Estrella.

A man who was sometimes scared, sometimes lonely, sometimes vulnerable. Someone who needed help sometimes, too.

Someone who, underneath the layers of bulletproof armor, really liked being taken care of and loved.

And now Elliott had said the plain truth—Niko was breaking what had begun to grow so beautifully, so perfectly between them.

He was made for Elliott in every way. Even down to their sexual compatibility—something that was incredibly rare.

He wanted to put himself in Elliott’s hands and give him control.

He wanted to let go with him in a way he wouldn’t with anyone else.

He was being given love. Selflessly, wholly, without reservation. And he was pushing it all away, because he couldn’t love nor accept himself.

He was pushing Elliott away.

Niko wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry.” His voice emerged tight and hoarse, laden with pain.

Elliott stood, then knelt before him. He looked up at Niko.

He took Niko’s hands and kissed the backs of them, slow and gentle, a deeply affectionate gesture.

Then, he reached up and took Niko’s face in his own hands, and wiped at the tears that had finally begun to fall.

Elliott didn’t mock him, didn’t tell him to toughen up.

Niko was falling apart and Elliott accepted him, even now.

Elliott, who was injured. Elliott, who was the one who probably needed comforting most. He gently brushed at Niko’s cheeks, looking up at him with nothing but a sweet, searching love.

Niko had never felt such profound connection and need for another person in all his life. Not like this.

Elliott left him humbled.

“Let me love you, Niko,” he said again.

Niko nodded. “Please. I love you. I love you so much, Elliott.”

“Then you need to love yourself too. You need to let me in. Will you let me take care of you, like you’ve taken care of me? Will you let me help you carry your burdens? Will you let me see what's underneath the armor?”

Niko brought a hand to his mouth. He was trembling now—from emotion, from overwhelm.

It was all he could do not to break down.

He’d never felt like this before. He nodded wordlessly.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Elliott. I’m so sorry.

I should never have accused you of that.

It’s not like that. You’re not like that.

You never were. It was me. I don’t want to be like that to you.

I don’t want to accuse you of something like that.

Everything you said was true. I’m sorry . ”

Elliott gave him another warm smile, something a little freer this time. “I know, lover. Take care of me, and I’ll take care of you.”

“I will. I’ll do anything.”

“Then, what more could I ever ask?”

Elliott stood and climbed into his lap. Niko wrapped around him, holding him tightly around the shoulders, mindful of his injuries.

He clung to Elliott as though he were something ephemeral, just on the precipice of slipping through his fingers at any moment.

After a long while, he finally, quietly said, “I don’t want to lose you. ”

“We’re okay, Niko.”

Niko combed his fingertips through Elliott's hair. “How are you feeling, babe? How's your side?”