Page 36 of Keeping Her Under (Deranged Highway, #1)

Thirty-Six

I jerk back, her fear a physical blow to my chest. She starts to tumble out of the car, the coma having taken all of her strength. Diving forward onto my knees, I catch her and push her back upright. Spit and cum dribble down her chin. Tears streak down her cheeks.

She cries harder as she stares at me. My heart screams inside my skull. Panic eats me up inside.

“What’s wrong?” I ask desperately. “Where does it hurt?” I look at her neck and run my hands down her body. “Can you feel me touching you?”

“Get... off me,” she whines, and my soul plunges into the icy lake of death.

My hands still. My heart lies frozen in its cage. My brain runs in circles as it’s certain I must have misheard. “What?” The word tumbles out of my lips.

She’s scared of me?

No… She can’t be.

“You… raped… me.”

I jerk away from her a second time. I fall on my ass, hitting the potholed, weed-filled carpark. The sky opens up with thunderous rain.

But I barely feel it lashing at my skin. Barely see the sky lighting up in a blazing glory. All I can focus on is the horror in my angel’s eyes.

“No…” I cry. “You let me. You said I could make love to you.”

“I don’t even know you!” she sobs. If she had the strength, I know she’d run from me, and that truth breaks my fucking heart.

“You love me,” I rasp.

“I don’t know you!” Snot joins the saliva-mixed cum on her chin. “Please… please let me go.”

“Summer –”

She flinches. And I do too, seeing her fear of me.

“I…” I stammer as I peer up at her through the rain. Lightning cracks and thunder roars. My mind spins in utter agony. I can’t breathe. Can’t think. “I…”

“Get away from me.”

“Baby – please!” Desperately, I climb to my feet. “I’m the monster who protects you, remember?” I pull up my pants, disgusted with that part of me. If I had something to cut it off right now, I would. “I’ve killed for you.”

“You’re a monster!”

I shake my head. “No. No, don’t say that. We’re soulmates. You love me.”

“I don’t know you!”

“You do!” I reach forward and grab her hand. Dropping to my knees in the pouring rain, I place her palm over my heart. “You know me in here.”

She trembles as she stares at me.

For a moment, she softens, and I know she can feel me.

But then she shakes her head. “I woke up… to you… raping me.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. You told me I could.”

“I wouldn’t… Lance –” She chokes on a sob. Pure fear lights her eyes. “He hurt me.”

“I know, baby. I know. That’s why I killed him for you.”

Her eyes widen. “What?”

“I know he found you the morning of your crash, so I fed him to his dogs.”

Her mouth goldfishes.

“His bitch is dead too.”

She flinches. “I hated her.”

“She was a bitch.”

Her chin wobbles as her eyes search mine. “Why did you do that for me?”

“Because they hurt you.”

“But I don’t know you.” Her words are stressed with so much confusion and fear.

“You do.” I push her hand harder against me. “I am the monster you need.”

Tears fall down her cheeks. Lightning cracks and thunder booms overhead. Her words ever so soft, she asks, “Are you going to hurt me?”

“No…” My eyes softening, I reach out and cup her cheek. “I’m going to take care of you. I’ve paid off all your back rent. I’m in the process of moving your stuff into my house. I have the fridge stocked with every food you can imagine. I’m building you a library that can hold hundreds of books.”

The fear in her eyes stumbles a bit. “Hundreds?”

I smile as I stroke my fingers across the back of her hand. “Hundreds. Thousands. I’ll buy as many as you want.”

“You’re a billionaire?”

A small laugh escapes me. “Not quite. But I can buy as much as you can read.”

She wrinkles her nose – an unconscious gesture that speaks of something other than fear. “You must not be a reader. You don’t just buy books to read.”

“You don’t?”

“Well, I do. Did. But not now if you’re buying.”

I bring her hand to my lips, my eyes dancing with delight. I was worried she’d be reluctant to spend my money. A lot of poor people have a dumb amount of pride. As if the rich don’t ever borrow or take advantage of every financial opportunity that is offered to them.

She chews on her lip. “What if I don’t want to… put out?”

My heart drops to my feet; I lower her hand as it falls. I hate how much I’ve made her fear me. “My love for you is unconditional, Summer,” I murmur as I press her palm back over my heart. “I will give you the world for nothing in return.”

She shakes her head. “Why?”

“Because you deserve it.”

“No, I don’t. I’m unlovable.” Tears burn her eyes. “That’s why Lance hurt me –”

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true! I always make the wrong choices. He never hit me unless I deserved it.”

“No,” I snarl. “He hurt you because he was bad, not you.”

She searches my eyes. Swallows hard. Shakes her head.

“I can prove it to you,” I say. “I will give you a choice.”

“What kind of choice?”

“The only one that matters.” My heart pounding, I squeeze her hand, drawing strength from her touch even as I fear its absence. “You have three options. You can choose to kill me.”

“What?”

“I’ve already made my cousin promise to do the dirty work for you.”

“Your cousin!”

I nod. “You can choose to have him kill me. He can make it as fast or as slow as you want. You are already in my will. You will inherit everything but my house; that’ll go to him.”

“I’m in your will?”

“Yes. You will be taken care of for the rest of your life.”

She stares at me, gobsmacked.

“The second option is to leave me. I will add your name to my investments so that you can live off the interest for the rest of your life. You will never have to work again. I will give you all the evidence of my crimes so you will never have to live in fear of me, even though I would never come after you.”

“What’s the catch?”

“You be happy.”

Her jaw drops in disbelief. “And the third…?”

Lifting her hand to my cheek, I cup it against me.

“You decide to stay with me. Let me take care of you. I’ll take you around the world.

I’ll protect you. Cherish you. I’ll be the monster who follows your every wish.

No one will ever hurt you again.” I kiss her hand before giving it a squeeze.

“The choice is yours. Whatever you wish.”

She swallows as she stares at me. “I… I…” She shakes her head. “I always make the wrong choice.”

“Never with me,” I say. “Whatever choice you make, I will love you to the end of my days.”

“You won’t though,” she stresses. “I’m broken. There’s something wrong with me. Mother –”

“Fuck your mother.”

Her eyes widen. “Is she still alive?”

“For now.”

“But she’s my mom!”

My jaw tightens. “I called her to tell her you were in a coma.”

She flinches. She tries to jerk her hand away from me, but I tighten my grip. “What did she say?” she rasps.

There’s so much hope in her words but not in her eyes. Deep down she already knows.

“Nothing but lies,” I say softly.

Despite my attempt to curb the worst of it, she still looks like I slapped her. Turning away from me, she closes her eyes. Tears roll down her cheeks.

“I had a horrible mother too,” I say. “She… sold me day after day in exchange for drugs.”

Her eyes pop open; she stares at me in horror. I try to tell myself, there’s no judgement there. No desire for me to shut up and hide my truth.

“So I know the pain you’re going through. Let me bear the weight of it. Let me show you what it’s like to be loved.”

She chews on her lip. The thunder rolls. The rain doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. As I stay down on my knees before my god, I wait for her decision.

Smite me.

Or accept me.

Toss me into Hell.

Or pull me into Heaven.

My life is hers.

My dreams.

My fate.

She is my fate.

Swallowing, Summer looks away from me. Her breaths are still ragged. But her tears have stopped.

“I have severe depression,” she says. “No one can ever love me. Everyone grows to hate me.”

“Not me,” I promise. “Never me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know that in here.” I cover her hand on my chest with both of mine. “In my soul, we are already married. In sickness and in health. ‘Til death.”

Her lips wobble. She hesitates. Then she says... “I want to know what it’s like to be loved.”