Page 14 of Keeping Her Under (Deranged Highway, #1)

Fourteen

My body is humming with anticipation as I walk into the hospital in the morning for my shift. I only got four hours of sleep after getting back from Ryan’s, but I’m so damn awake, there’s almost a fucking skip in my step.

In less than twenty-four hours, I’m going to fuck my girl so thoroughly, she’ll know she’s mine even in her coma.

Her soul will sing for me.

My cock twitches as I near the elevators.

There’s a group of people standing outside of them, waiting for it to ding, so I skirt left and take my way up the stairs.

I jog up them, trying to distract myself from thinking of how good it’s going to feel when I bury my throbbing cock into her beautiful, teasing pussy.

Fuck, I need to find a bathroom...

But I don’t want to spoil the specialness of the day. I do not want to give some scrunched-up toilet paper the gift she deserves.

Breathing deeply, I force myself to calm.

When that doesn’t work, I mentally go over the case files of my first patient of the day.

It’s a VIP, so they’ve given her a false name.

Twenty-four. Caucasian. 5’8”. 110 pounds.

Coming in for hip surgery due to brittle bones caused by chronic anorexia nervosa –

I nearly stumble as my heart flutters.

AN has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness – being six times higher than other eating disorders.

Anyone with it needs to be held for more monitoring in the ICU.

If she’s been starving herself to keep her slim figure, then a sudden increase of nutrients could cause issues with her heart, lungs, blood, organs, and/or nervous system, potentially proving fatal.

Which means I’ll have an excuse to visit the ICU.

Maybe even see Summer before tonight.

My cock thickens, and now all I can think about is sneaking into her room during the day.

Of being smart enough not to get caught.

Of being dumb enough to risk it.

I practically have a guaranteed way of being able to see her tonight with how badly we scared Ryan, but fuck, I want to join with her now.

I want to show her she’ll never be alone again.

Reaching the door leading onto the third floor, I stop in front of it. My cock is pulsing in my pants. I can’t walk out there with it so hard and tenting. I’m nearly consumed by the urge to jerk one out right here, to play with that risk of being caught by some random passerby coming up the stairs.

I groan.

My blood rushes hot.

I skim my palm across my cock, that little brush sending shivers of pleasure through me.

But I won’t be that selfish to Summer.

I won’t put my needs above her own – not like Mother did with me every single time.

“Give me a bump, and he’s down the hall.”

That’s all I was worth to her. One fucking line of coke.

My cock jerks with more arousal, remembering how much they would touch me. Disgust hits me like the edge of a knife, slicing along my skin and making me bleed. But not as deep as a stab wound, not yet – that’ll come later when I orgasm to the memories.

I move my hand away from my cock. Anger mixes with the shame and excitement. I wish I’d taken all their names. Wish Asher and I could hunt them down one by one and make them pay for what they did to me.

What they changed in me.

What they broke and didn’t put back.

Leaving me to seek it in the dark parts of the world. In the dark parts of me.

I found it in self-harm.

In self-disgust.

In breaking other things around me.

Of drugging women and doing to them what was done to me.

And when that wasn’t enough, I’d target a man even though I’m solidly straight. Because it wasn’t him that got me hard. It was them. My abusers. So, full of self-loathing, I’d leave him bleeding out of his ass while he laid in his own cum.

It never made it better.

Not even temporarily.

But there was an allure to that darkness. A desire to fill the hole that those men carved out of me with something that wasn’t so... empty.

Or perhaps I didn’t want to feel the helplessness they forced on me. After all, who is more powerful than the ones that made you weak?

A door opens somewhere below me, and the sound of voices rises up. I glance down at my cock to see how obvious it is. As much as I hate what was done to me, for some fucking reason, it’s bled into what gets me off.

A part of them lingering on me.

Inside me.

Forever.

Unable to get clean.

I want to scream.

I want to cut off my hard, throbbing cock.

Instead, I open the door to the third floor slowly. Seeing no one, I hurry into the bathroom only a few steps away.

I don’t lock the door.

I need to believe that it isn’t just the memories getting me off – that, in truth, it’s the thrill of being caught.

So I wrap my hand around my cock and face the door. Cupping my balls with my other hand, I jerk myself off. With each tug, I wonder why…

Why the fuck being raped made me come.

Then.

And now.

The disgust eating at me almost makes me throw up my breakfast. My cum is splattered all over the tiled floor. My pants are still down. My cock’s still in my hand. I want to punish myself for what I’ve done, today of all days.

Summer’s day.

Fuck!

Releasing my cock, I turn towards the sink and start washing my hands. I clean the cum dried into the hairs at the base of my dick and on my balls.

Anger rushes through me as my thoughts churn. I haven’t given into those urges for over a year, and the fact that I did today…

Is it an omen?

Am I being told not to see her?

No.

I shake my head as I dry my hands.

No, we’re meant to be together.

I use the paper towel on my cock. Then push my dick back into my boxers and pull up my pants. Eying the semen left on the floor, I grab a fresh paper towel and walk over to clean it up.

I start to crumble the paper towel in my hand, but then I stop. The cum isn’t mine to throw away. It’s Summer’s, and it belongs between her thighs or on the soft skin of her breasts or in the wet heat of her mouth.

Folding it carefully, I place the paper towel in my pocket. I don’t know why I slipped today of all days.

But what I do know is that I’ll never rape her like they did me.

I’ll never leave her bleeding.

I’ll never just think about my own release like I have with every other person I have drugged and fucked.

I’ll treasure her. Worship her.

Play with her until she creams.

Then I’ll slide my cock into her sopping wet pussy and fill it with my seed.