Page 23 of Just Like You (Square Mile Rogues #2)

“Kieron is the most important person in my life. He stayed with me, then kept coming to find me wherever I went. I lived with my aunt for a bit, then moved on to another foster home, and then with some ridiculous man I thought was a boyfriend. I found an agent and started modelling, saved up enough for a boob job and got more jobs. Did some ridiculous stunts for social media and got myself noticed. Did some drugs. Those were not good for me.”

“I can imagine.”

“It took a few knocks for me to see that. Kieron stuck me in rehab and wasted his entire allowance on paying my way. It was fucked up to the max, but he did it. Then I got out and relapsed. That was the only time in our entire relationship when he almost lost it with me. Barked abuse at me square in the face, that’s how angry he was.

Because I didn’t care and because I was so hooked on trying to numb everything around me.

That’s what happens when you’re let loose at thirteen.

When you’re so neglected that you don’t understand how to look after yourself because other people never did.

But Kieron did. He taught me how to care if I lived or died.

He taught me how to love because he loved me, so fiercely that it was almost suffocating me at one point.

But I needed it. Trust me, Julian, I needed him.

And he got me sorted, in the end. I’m clean now, don’t even drink anymore.

When you see pictures in the press of me doing events?

The champagne in my hand is alcohol free.

Kieron sorts that. I only drink things he has put in my hand, and I only go to those things if he’s there to keep me sane.

It’s not fun. It’s not relaxing. It’s hell on wheels from start to finish, and nobody can do that on their own.

I know how to now, how to smile with nothing in my system.

How to breathe when it feels like I’m hanging from a rope.

And how to get away with the illusion of everything being a fairy tale when I still go home and wonder if I’ll manage to sleep. It’s just the way life is.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. What the hell else was I supposed to say?

“Don’t be. I have agents and managers and a whole team of support people who make me get up in the morning and stick to my schedule, but I’m going to get to the point of my story now.”

“Okay?”

“Kieron is a good guy. He may be totally misguided at times; he’s stubborn as hell and can be an absolute arsehole.

His temper can flare, and that fuse on him is short and violent.

But he’s never laid a finger on anyone. Not on my watch.

You just need to grab hold of him and tell him how loved he is.

How much he means to me and how much he means to you.

I think he means something to you because otherwise, you wouldn’t be sat here looking like you want to kill me with that watch on your wrist.”

“I don’t want to kill you.”

“I’m not his girlfriend. He’s not mine, he never has been. We’ve fucked, and at one point fucked so much that I thought I might need a hip replacement. We were young and stupid.”

“Gina.” I must have been making a face because she just laughed.

“Dude, you’re a grown-up. Get over yourself.

Kieron has been looking for someone all his life.

Someone who would see through the bullshit and love him for everything he is.

He keeps fucking these youngsters who just see the big muscle daddy with too much cash on his hands and who want what he can give them.

But they don’t give him anything back, and he needs so much more than that. ”

“I don’t know what I can give him,” I almost shrieked. Like we were actually having a conversation that I was part of and not just sat here watching The Gina show.

“You gave him validation. A belief that he’s lovable.

You love him, and don’t fucking look at me like that, because next you will say something about time and space and all that bloody bullshit.

It’s not always like in a romance novel.

Sometimes love just hits you. Sharp and bloody and savage to the max.

And when it does? Don’t fight it, Julian, because do you know how bloody lucky you are? ”

“And where do you fit into all this, Gina?” I wasn’t proud because I was shouting. This was all so bloody weird, and here I was sipping my tea and trying not to explode with… I couldn’t even explain how I was feeling.

“See? You love him.”

“Seriously?”

“You’re all defensive. Sat there with his watch, clasping it like it’s the most precious thing to you.”

“I…” She was right. I couldn’t even defend myself here.

“When we… When he was with me in the Maldives.”

“Jealous as anything of that little jolly.”

“But…” I shook my head.

“And?” she prompted. “Can I make another tea?”

“Feel right at home.” I threw my hands in the air. I had no control here. Well. What was new?

“Give him a chance,” she said softly, again flicking my kettle on and finding two new cups in my cupboard. Like this was normal when it was anything but.

“How can I?”

“Because you were in the wrong here. Kieron is not my boyfriend. He’s the guy whom I love and always will, but we were never a couple.

We were friends who relied on each other when we needed it the most. He taught me everything I know about sex.

Good sex. Sex that is not forced or taken in anger.

I taught him about how to be lost and learn to live with it.

We have always had each other’s backs, and I hope you will allow us to always have.

But I could never make Kieron happy, not as a couple.

And he could never make me happy. And trust me, Julian.

I am really happy. I’m on my own and finally feel comfortable with everything that I am.

And he is a huge part of that. Do you see what I mean? ”

“Not really,” I admitted. “I’m so confused now that I can’t even…”

“You’re fine. And now you’re going to go to work and get your job done, whatever it is you do on that plane, and then you’re going to spend whatever spare time you have there talking to Kieron.

Let it all out. And after that? Come home.

Let me take you out for lunch because I love a good stir of the pot.

Come out with me. Get papped and have a laugh about the ridiculous life of Gina DeSanto. Icon. Influencer. TV host.”

“Queer defender. Host of Eurovision,” I popped out, and she giggled softly.

“Indeed. I’m right on that flag with you. Ace. Aromantic. Asexual as fuck. Also not in my autobiography. Available in all formats from a retailer near you.”

“I want a signed copy.”

“Available to purchase from my official website. Or my TikTok Shop. My agent has every angle covered, darling. But for you? I’ll grab one from the office. I’ll bring it for our lunch.”

“Lunch.” I smirked.

“So what? I like food. Good food, like Tamino’s in Knightsbridge. Have you been? Steak, proper potatoes and garlic-infused broccoli.”

“Sounds nice. ”

“It is. I can actually cook, but why should I when I can just have it delivered to my table? Pure perfection. You should ask Kieron to make you his grilled chicken with pesto. He makes it from scratch, and it’s divine.”

“Food,” I said, still feeling like I was stuck on another planet.

“I’m always hungry. Fast metabolism and all that.”

“Me too.” I smiled. “I’m sorry, had I known you were coming, I would have got something in. As it is, I only have toast at home. Ran everything down since I’m going away.”

“I like toast.”

“You want beans with it?”

“You have cheese?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then after that, I’ll leave you in peace, but I need your number so I can text you. And I need you to promise me something.”

“What?” Here I was, standing in front of my fridge, grabbing butter and cheese like I was actually doing this. Making Gina DeSanto a snack in my kitchen. Like this was real, and I was, once again, going along with the madness that was my life.

“Give him a chance. Just try. Go with the flow of whatever this is you have because I’ve never seen Kieron like this before.

Not with anyone. He says your name, and his whole body goes soft.

He just wants to be able to see you. Show you that behind all that…

bulk and stern facade he has going on, is just a man who wants someone to love him, with everything that he is. ”

“I see,” I said.

I wondered if I actually did. But I made her toast and we sat in silence, one that was surprisingly exactly what I needed.

“Get yourself ready for work, and then I’ll drive you to the airport.”

“I have a car.”

“Yes, but I like driving. And I feel like you and I could do this friends thing. I’ll pick you up when you get back if you need to. Gives me something meaningful to do. Purpose. Plans. I need those.”

“You’re just like him.”

“Indeed, I am. We’re two idiots shaped from the same mould. And you? You need to go to work. You have someone waiting for you when you land, and I think that’s a good step forward.”

I nodded. Perhaps she was right. Or maybe she was just as deluded as I was, but when I was neatly tucked up in her giant black Mercedes? I wondered if this was actually it. The point when I finally grew up.

Sonny, you won’t believe where I am. I’m sat in a car with Gina DeSanto. She says hi.

You bastard, you’re lying.

Sadly not. Now tell me to my face that I haven’t got the best tea.

That’s it. You win. Hands down. NOW TELL ME EVERYTHING .

I didn’t. I left him to stew in it. Because…perhaps there was nothing to tell. Or maybe it was just the way it was. Either way, I smiled and put my phone away. Sat there like a passenger princess getting dropped off by the curb, as Gina DeSanto got out and opened the door for me.

Grown up or not? I got a hug and a peck on the cheek and promised I’d ring her.