Page 21 of Just Like You (Square Mile Rogues #2)

Kieron

“ J ulian,” I said softly, trying not to drop the phone from my shaking hands.

I was in a meeting and quietly excused myself as he repeatedly shouted vitriol into my ear.

I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t the first time I’d caused people to lose their patience with me or the first time I had misread a situation and caused exactly this. Tears and pain and hurt .

Mine. And his.

“Hey,” I tried. “Look, Julian. I’m in New York, but if I wasn’t, I would come straight to you. Are you at home?”

“I don’t ever want to see you again,” he shouted.

“Why?” I sounded like a child. Like someone who didn’t understand the universe. I did. I got it. Because I felt it too. Why did you leave me? Why are you not here, with me?

“Because you lied! What else did you lie about Kieron? Is that even your real name? Your face is plastered in every newspaper in the UK, and you expect me to believe that…that…”

“What, Julian? What is it you believe? What exactly am I supposed to defend here?”

I wasn’t even sure myself, pacing up and down a deserted office corridor somewhere in lower Manhattan. And there was this massive surge flowing through me. Like I knew what I needed to do. Where I needed to be, and it surely wasn’t here.

He just breathed, loud wheezing noises travelling through the airwaves.

“Julian. Where do you live?”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters. Because I am getting on a plane tonight, and I am coming to you.”

“I’m working tonight. S?o Paolo. Five-day trip.” He snorted. At least he was still here, and the funny thing was? I was calm. I was so fucking calm .

“Then I’ll come to you. I don’t care what it costs. Where am I going?”

“You can’t do that.”

“I can do whatever I need to do. And I need you.”

“You’ve got a fucking girlfriend!” he howled.

Okay. Julian had a temper. Good. I liked that.

“Gina.” I sighed. “Gina De Santo. I’ve known her since we were thirteen and ended up in the same temporary foster home. This was before I was sent to Ralphie’s. Gina went to her Auntie in Twickenham. We kept in touch because when you have no family, you make your own.”

“So now you are trying to get me to believe that you’re just friends and never fucked. She wrote a bloody autobiography, Kieron. Sonny read it and quoted me selected parts.”

“Who is Sonny?”

“Someone I trust.”

“I see.”

“And I don’t trust you. Not anymore.”

“You should.”

“Shut the fuck up!” he screamed.

Okay. I was right here. And he wasn’t slamming the phone down.

“Where do you live, Julian? Can you give me an address? ”

“No.” I could almost picture him pouting.

“I’m not having this. You’re really upset, and I doubt anything I say now will help. So give me an address.”

I knew how to get my way, and even with him? I had to make this work. Needed to, because this week had been awful, and now I had him within reach. Whatever that meant.

“Drop me a pin. Right now. No games. I need to know you’re safe.”

“I’m a grown-up. I’m at home, on my own. Why the hell wouldn’t I be safe?”

“Because you’re angry and hurting. And I’m not there to make things better.”

“You can’t make things better. This? Whatever it was is over.”

“Drop the pin, Julian.”

Silence. I held my breath. Because this was it. Make or break. He either slammed the phone down and I would stand here in this godforsaken corridor and lose my shit. Or he…

My phone pinged. Thank fucking God for that.

“Thank you,” I breathed out.

“Don’t ever lie to me. Ever, Kieron.”

“I need to go back to my meeting now, but I will ring you back. When are you leaving for work? ”

Efficiency and speed were key here. And my beating heart. The way I was clutching the phone.

“I need to leave at six-ish.” He sounded calmer. Like he was finally understanding that I wasn’t about to go anywhere. Well. I was, but I was not letting this happen again.

“Stay at home. For me. And I will ring you as soon as I have convinced this bunch of asshats that I know what’s best for them.”

Silence.

“Julian?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t jump to conclusions. Because sometimes the truth is right there in your face.”

“You have a girlfriend, and I’m your fucking bit on the side.”

I wasn’t going to argue. I wasn’t giving him anything because I understood, far too well. Anything I said right now would be dismissed as another lie. So I had to do the only thing I could. I would have to give him everything I had.

Every fucking bit.

“I need you to listen, and then when you have? Then we will talk.”

“Listen to what?” he barked out.

Calm. Calm, darling.

“Sit tight. I’m sending someone round. And when you’ve listened? Then I will ring you back. ”

“You’re making no sense.”

I knew that. But I also knew something else. A lot of things else.

“It will be fine,” I said.

Then I hung up. Because it would be. I was absolutely sure of that. Mostly because I didn’t want to believe the alternative.

I did what I had to do, made a few swift phone calls, sent a rambling text to Maura and then? Then I barged back into my meeting and kicked arse.

I didn’t dare to breathe or acknowledge it to myself, but I felt light as a balloon. Like I was finally turning a corner, doing something right.

The only thing I could do. Because perhaps Juliet had been right. Perhaps deep down? I was someone who could mean something.

The thoughts were blowing around in my head, scrambling everything in front of me. I was walking in a straight line, then turned around and walked straight back as I took a phone call from Juliet and could barely get a word out.

“Kieron, are you alright?” She laughed as I once again mumbled out something incoherent.

“I’m wondering if I should fly to S?o Paulo and knock some sense into Julian,” I admitted as her laughter died out.

“You talked to him? ”

“He just rang. He’s fuming. Thinks I have lied to him; I think about Gina. I can only assume, but I, I…I managed to stay calm. It felt, like I got… Do you think I did the right thing?”

“Hey, back up, I have no idea what you’re on about. So he ghosted you because you lied?”

“No!” I shrieked. “He thinks I’m with Gina. I think. It wasn’t very clear.”

“Kieron, the whole fucking world thinks you’re with Gina. Did you not talk to him about that?”

“We spent four days fucking, Jules! It wasn’t like…well. I… Shit. I should have mentioned that, shouldn’t I? Didn’t think it was… Like. I wasn’t even… I was having a good time, not sat around worrying about Gina.”

“She has, like, half a zillion followers. People are aware of her, and if they pay attention? You tend to pop up in conversation.”

“It’s not like that.”

“You know that. The world doesn’t. Julian probably didn’t. Not everyone follows celebrities with giant boobs. Especially perhaps gay men who have no interest in such things.”

“Gay men like boobs. It’s not… Fuck. I have fucked up, haven’t I?”

“Yes. You probably have. But you know what, Kieron?”

“Juliet,” I whined. I did that a lot. What the hell had I become?

“For once, you are aware that you’re being a dick. And that, my darling, is progress. Proud mama here. ”

I grinned. She did that to me.

“You know, I appreciate you,” I said awkwardly.

“You can tell me you love me, you know. I know you do. We’re just that kind of people, aren’t we? Easy friendships.”

“Is it?”

“Well, it should be awkward. But. You know. Remember when I caught you fucking that intern in the photocopy room?”

“Awkward. There are unwritten rules about things like that. Rules like, Juliet, we don’t mention it again , remember?”

“We do. Because I needed help back then, and there you were with your cock up an arse. I didn’t have much experience with men’s backsides, and you were more than willing to purchase my silence. For a few little titbits of information.”

“I knew absolutely nothing about pegging.” I smiled as I said it.

“But you did. You and I had such a fun evening, and you showed me all the sites and all the different kinds of equipment I could use. It was very enlightening.”

“I was just scared you were going to turn the conversation around and stick stuff up my arse, right there.”

“Would I?” She snorted.

“It was very inappropriate, Jules.”

“Of course it was. It still is. It’s you and me.”

“You’re my boss,” I teased. “You should know better. ”

“You’re Kieron Andrieu. And I can still terminate your contract. Any minute now.”

“You wouldn’t, because you love me.” I had to laugh. She was right. We had this easy, uncomplicated friendship, where she made sure I was alright and…literally spanked my arse when I fell out of line.

“Of course I do. And you’re a damn good aggregation manager and an all-round useful guy to have around.”

“You only want me in meetings to scare people.”

“Of course I do. Bash can only do so much. Looks angelic but rattles people. Then I bring you in to finish the deal. We make a good team.”

“He thinks I’m a dick.”

“He does. And you think he’s a complete waste of space.”

“Yup.”

“Which is why I am incredibly grateful to have you both on board. This company wouldn’t be the same without my favourite wankers.

So get over yourself, Kieron. Now what were you saying about going to S?o Paolo?

Are you going to go retrieve that Patek watch, or are you actually, for once, going to go fix what you broke? ”

“I didn’t break anything.”

“You did. And now? I think you need to come home and grovel.”

“He’s going to Brazil tonight. I’m still in fucking New York.”

“God. How complicated. And you still have your heart set on this relationship? Have you any idea what you are letting yourself into? In his line of work, he will be gone all the time. Travelling around the world, meeting men willing to have a little fling. No strings attached, and you’d never know.

Could you cope with that, or would it drive you insane?

Just warning you now, because, you know.

I dated a pilot once. Felt like punching him in the face every time he came home and talked about all the birds on his crew.

Young totty with aspirations of snagging a captain.

Everyone was being unfaithful; the girls were trying to break up marriages, getting themselves pregnant and setting themselves up for a life full of regrets.

It was painful to listen to. Could you deal with that? ”

“He’s…different.”

“Exactly what all those girls said. Thinking all the men would leave their wives and set up house with them. No thoughts for the children whose lives were about to become upended, the wives who were blissfully unaware of their husbands straying and the promises that were made and broken.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because your Julian is right there in that kind of environment. Thinking he’s found someone who then completely shatters the illusion. He’s a smart guy. He walked away, and now you have to make a choice. Do you go for it and reel him back in? Or do you do the right thing here?”

“I’m not giving up. ”

“If you do this? You can’t back out when things get tough. You’ll have to stick it out. For him, but mostly for yourself. Do you really know what you’re getting yourself into?”

“No,” I admitted. “And I know this is far too early, and far too weird. But I’m forty-one, Jules. I want this. I want to go home at night and have him there. I want to go travelling with him. I want to hear him laugh, and I want him to hug me in the evenings. Let me crawl into his arms.”

“Ehhr. Too much information. Who knew you were such a romantic? You’re making me feel bad now. All I want is a nice guy who will let me peg him. I like that, and I want to do it again. With a guy who wants it and gets off on it. If he lets me spank him? Even better.”

“You terrify me, Juliet.”

“Good.”

“Bash…” I started, but she interrupted me.

“Bash and I were a bad combo from the start. But I wanted it, and I was so in love with him, and then? I couldn’t walk away.

Which is why I am warning you now, because when we finally called it a day, we were both so broken and damaged that there was no going back.

If you go all in, you have to be prepared for the good.

But also the bad. And the bad can destroy you. ”

“I know.” I did. I’d seen it first-hand. Knew the consequences and the damage it could do.

“Sorry. I just wanted to tell you that. All the I-told-you-so things. You know. ”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “But, Jules?”

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t ring me to talk about heartbreak.”

“No.” She snorted. “I rang you to tell you that Hendersons signed this morning and that Paul Bishop needs to see you on Monday. You need to be back for that. That work for you?”

“Yup. And Jules?”

“Yeah?”

“One day, there will be someone who will end up in your bed, and whoever it is, they won’t know what hit them. But what I know is this.” I stopped for effect. Smiled to myself. “They won’t see it coming, but I think they will adore you. Every little bitchy bit of you.”

“I’m not a bitch.” I could almost hear her roll her eyes. “But thank you. Shame you don’t fancy me because I would love to spank you.”

“Jules!”

“Get off it. You know you could do with someone taking you down. You need to let loose and let someone else take control once in a while. It’s all good and fun being on top, but we all need to flip the coin sometime. Just let go.”

“You make no sense, sometimes.”

“Neither do you. Enjoy S?o Paulo.”

“Never been. ”

“And be back for Monday.”

“Yes, boss.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

She hung up.

And for the first time in what seemed like ages? I smiled. Properly.