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CHAPTER FIFTEEN

NICO

The properly named Cuddle Crew and Anders said they were bringing all the food and utensils for tonight’s get-together, but I felt weird not having anything. On the way home from work, I stopped for some chips and salsa. It seemed like the least I could do. My circle of acquaintances from the club had all faded away. They only texted when they needed a drinking partner or needed to get off, but now they weren’t even doing that. I hadn’t missed them.

Once home, I raced through my house getting it presentable for company. It would work out well since I needed to do it anyway for when my parents came over later this week. The sink was empty, the counters were clear, and nothing was on the floor. Good enough.

I heard a knock at the door, and Rory burst through it before I could cross the small room to open the door. He looked adorable in a raccoon onesie with a paci clipped to the front. His hands were full of stacked pizza boxes.

“The rest of the boys are here too.” True to his word, they trooped in directly behind him with their promised contributions, but Jakob also brought boxed wine. I looked dubiously at it, but I tried to hide it.

“Before you all say anything about the boxed part, this stuff is delicious.”

I tried to hide my smile that this announcement came from a man wearing a flowered onesie with an opening on the ass. It was such an incongruous look that I truly didn’t know if I had it in me to hide it.

Jakob swung around, looked me directly in the eye, and asked, “Are you laughing at the wine or my outfit?”

Shit . I wasn’t sure how to answer that.

“My guy, you’re wearing a lavender onesie with a flap for your butt and carrying around boxed wine . What do you think someone’s reaction is gonna be?” Rory said with a laugh.

“The both of you are ridiculous. Please don’t scare Nico because I like him very much,” Owen said from the far chair in the living room. He wore slacks and a sweater.

It was honestly a little bit overwhelming how they came in and made themselves at home. Rory had dropped onto the floor after grabbing a throw pillow to sit on and Anders lounged on the couch.

“Rory, shouldn’t you ask before you throw people’s cushions on the floor?” Anders asked gently. Rory looked a little horrified and looked down.

“Oh my god, I didn’t even realize I grabbed it. I’m used to doing it at home. Nico, I’m so sorry.” Once again, Rory was apologizing for something that was absolutely not a big deal.

“No, it’s fine. I sit on it all the time. Don’t even worry about it.”

The last thing I wanted to do was run them off. I kinda sorta loved how they all jumped in and just assumed they were part of fixing whatever my problem was. They hadn’t even asked what the issue was or to meet at a bar or club or someplace like that. They came to the house because I asked for help and swooped in to fix things. Warm fuzzies threatened to overtake me.

“What are we doing first? Eat, fix problems, or watch Housewives ?” Anders asked the room. The boys turned and looked at me expectantly.

“How about we talk while we eat, and then we can enjoy Housewives ?” Decision made, chatter exploded around the room. The boys handed out napkins and plates. Plastic cups were produced from somewhere, and Jakob attached the spout to his box of wine.

“Gentlemen, don’t let the box fool you. Full body, good aroma…” Jakob began to say but was interrupted by Rory.

“Can you really tell?” Rory asked before taking a swig of his drink and then adding, “I can’t tell the difference between any of them. They all taste the same to me.”

“What?” Jakob stumbled back to the couch with astonishment. “I don’t even know what to say to that.” His pretend shock didn’t last beyond a few seconds before he collapsed with laughter. “Yeah, I can’t either. I just really like the taste of it, and Papa doesn’t fuss at me at how much it costs.”

“Winner, winner, chicken dinner!” Rory crowed.

We got everything set for dinner and settled around the coffee table in the living room of my little house. It struck me that this was the first time people I hoped would be my friends came to my house. For all the nights I’d spent partying at the club, no one had ever invited me over either. Our quick hookups in the restroom weren’t exactly the stuff of friendships.

“All right, gentlemen, we have come together to fix Nico’s problem,” Owen said primly after dabbing the corners of his mouth. He was such an elegant, reserved man that he’d always intimidated me. But he was also incredibly kind and self-deprecating, so he wouldn’t believe me even if I told him. “Nico, what is going on?”

All of their faces turned to me with undisguised curiosity. Everything about them exuded that they only wanted to help me figure out this mess I’d made. I decided to take the plunge and hope for the best.

“Rory, do you remember your engagement party Owen invited Levi to?”

Rory’s face instantly transformed to dreamy, with stars and flowers dancing around his head. “As a matter of fact, yes, I do remember one of the best nights of my life. Daddy made everything perfect.”

“Are you kidding me right now? You were about ready to murder him. And don’t tell me I’m wrong because I was there and listened to you losing your mind, and rightly so, because he would not get his shit together.” Anders added with a laugh.

“Details,” Rory answered with an airy wave of his hand. He promptly shoved the paci attached to his outfit into his mouth.

“Anyway”—Anders indicated to Rory and me with a pointed look—“what happened at the engagement party?”

All eyes stared at me, and I felt my face heating, which annoyed me to no end. I wasn’t ashamed, but he was Owen’s friend, and certainly, the other two at least knew of him.

“We left together.” And then I just sat in silence while the choruses of “Oh my god” and “How could you not tell us” surrounded me.

“Uh, how did you keep a straight face when I asked if you wanted to rent this place?” Owen asked incredulously. He was literally falling off the edge of his chair. “Did I ask if you knew him?”

“Yeah, so I didn’t give him my name, and we’d been hooking up at hotel rooms because I couldn’t host and hotels are fun. So when you offered me the chance to maybe rent this place, I didn’t even realize Levi was the landlord. And I don’t remember you asking me.”

“I’m gonna need to know what happened when he figured out it was you,” Jakob said, using the spout on the box to put wine in his sippy cup.

“Oh my god, did you put wine in your sippy cup?”

Jakob shrugged and took another swig. He looked me straight in the eye and mouthed Answer the question. It was intense.

“Yeah, so when he got back into town, he came over to introduce himself. That’s when it got weird.”

The boys and Anders looked at each other in confusion. Finally, Jakob asked what I knew was coming, “Did you keep hooking up?”

“This is the part where it gets more complicated.”

Rory rubbed his hands together like a cartoon villain and said, “Oh, this must be the good part.”

“Yeah, I got drunk, got obnoxious, and ended up at his house after I ruined his flowers.” I let them soak that in before I added the next part, “You know how I said in the group chat that I’m a middle?” They all nodded in agreement. “Yeah, about that, it turns out I’m much more of a little.”

My tidbit of information was enough to create pandemonium in my living room. Rory jumped to his feet, grabbed Jakob, then Owen, and did a little dance around the living room. Jakob began shaking his butt like he was a man possessed. Unfortunately, one of the snaps that held the back flat came loose, and we got an eye full of his diapered bottom. Anders was more helpful than the rest of us. We laughed, but he fixed it.

They were so at ease with each other and so comfortable and it made me so jealous that I didn’t feel that way with anyone. Except, right this minute, I really felt like I was a member of their silly Cuddle Crew, and I desperately wanted to stay one. Never before had I found a core group of friends for myself. Instead, I was always on the other side of the windows with my nose pressed against the pane, looking inside, wondering what it was about me that made it so nobody wanted to get close to me. Tonight, I was a full-fledged member of the group chat.

“Nico, I’m gonna be honest. I don’t think I understand what the problem is. Since you discovered that you were little, is Levi not interested?” Owen asked with an edge of anger in his voice. “Because if that’s the case, he and I will have some words.”

“What are you gonna do to him?” Jakob asked in anticipation. He seemed a little bloodthirsty.

“I don’t want you to think I’m tetched, but I think Elizabeth might be… I don’t know how to explain it… I think she might be special.”

“She’s a lovely cat,” Jakob said solemnly, and Rory nodded in agreement. Anders was still on the couch, looking puzzled, but he didn’t interject.

“Yeah, I’d ask her to not like him and then who knows what will happen.”

Jakob and Rory leaned in like they were attached to the same string. “Do you think she’s magic?”

“I dunno, but she knows things,” Owen answered conspiratorially. “And she can do things.”

“Boys, we are getting off-topic. Yes, Elizabeth is spooky sometimes, but that’s not going to help us help Nico with his problem. A problem I still don’t fully understand,” Anders said.

“Owen, don’t sic Elizabeth on Levi. He’s been great,” I added hastily. I didn’t want to accidentally trigger the wrath of the cat.

“Wait, wait, wait…we can’t discuss the problem until we’re properly cuddled,” Rory interrupted with a shout. “I’ve got blankets for everyone.” Rory looked like Santa handing out blankets to all of us and watching carefully to ensure we were properly cocooned. “And, Nico, do you have a stuffie? Do you need a stuffie?”

“Um, yeah, I’ve got one.” I scrambled out of the chair I’d settled in and grabbed my potted sunflower off my bed where she lived before returning to rewrap myself.

“Awww, she’s cute,” Jakob cooed. “What’s her name?”

“It’s Saffy,” I answered. “Because…um…because of the color.” It was silly, but I felt a flush creep up my neck and bloom across my cheeks. I didn’t understand why I felt so insecure anymore. Ugh, I wanted bombastic me back.

“Oh, that’s clever. I’m not sure my stuffies like their names, but they haven’t complained yet,” Jakob responded.

“I’m sure they love their names,” Anders interjected before ruffling Jakob’s white-blond curls. He ducked away and shoved off Ander’s hand, but I saw the grin he tried to hide behind his not-so-fierce growls. “Boys, we came here to help Nico, and I’m not sure we’ve done much for him.”

The boys fell into line with Anders’s instructions. He seemed very much like an indulgent older brother and not a little at all. Maybe he was a boy? It was difficult to tell. He was so confident and self-assured but also soft-spoken and kind. His long hair was in a loose bun with braids on the side and his dark-blue eyes were ringed by lighter blue. I’d never seen eyes that looked like his on anyone. He looked like what I’d imagine a real-life Viking would look like if they came back to life, including being tall and broad.

Once we were all properly wrapped in blankets, all eyes turned to me. I clutched Saffy to my chest while I worked out the words I needed to say. “Did Rory tell you what happened at work the other day?”

Jakob, Owen, and Anders exchanged confused looks while Rory shook his head vehemently. “No, I would never do that to you. The only thing I said to Anders was you didn’t feel well.”

“Oh my god, Nico, are you okay? Did you get hurt? Did something happen?” Jakob asked in a rush.

“I don’t know. I guess the easiest way to explain it would be that I kind of had a panic attack, then regressed at the office to being little. I asked for Babbo, which is what I call Levi, and somehow, Gabe figured out he should call Levi. He came and brought me home.”

“First, that’s the cutest name ever. Second, is he a good Daddy to you?”

“Oh my gosh, he’s the best. I hadn’t really articulated being little and not middle like we both thought I was. The other weekend, when I ruined his flowers coming home drunk, I felt myself regressing then, but I didn’t say anything to him, and he didn’t say anything to me. He still took care of me, though, so I think he kind of already knew. It was pretty obvious. But…”

“But what?” Rory asked. “Do you think there’s something wrong with being a little?”

“No, that’s not it at all. I just… I just… I don’t know how to do this with him. I’ve never dated anyone because it was all hookups or whatever, so I’ve never had a relationship with anyone. I’ve always wanted to be independent and never wanted to settle down, except now I’m thinking I do want to settle down, except I already told him I don’t want that, so I can’t go back on it because then I don’t even know if he wants to settle down with me and it’s just a big flippin’ mess and now he’ll think I’m a flake.” The words whooshed out of me in one long word vomit of an info dump. I threw myself back against the chair and waited for their verdict on the mess I had managed to get myself into within a week.

“Holy stream of consciousness, Batman,” Jakob said with awe.

“Owen, you’ve known Levi the longest. What do you think of all this?” Anders asked him. I held my breath while I waited for him to speak. His brow wrinkled while he thought about my brain dump.

“I think you’re underestimating him.”

“Why do you think that?” asked Rory.

Owen stared intensely at me as if trying to convey a message I wasn’t getting. “Because Levi’s always been the levelheaded one who wanted to settle down but never did. He could have married that guy he dated for years but didn’t. He could’ve gotten with someone right away after the breakup, but he didn’t. Maybe Levi is more open to a different life than people give him credit for.”

“I want independence, and I’ve been clear from the start that if it’s not casual, it’s not for me. But then he floods my brain with pheromones or serotonin or something, and I want him to stay my Babbo too. Honestly, it’s rude of him,” I said.

“You think it’s rude of him to make you happy?” Jakob hooted.

Rory joined in and then they were both falling over each other like a bunch of baboons.

“Are you two drunk?” I asked.

“It’s gonna take a lot more than a sippy cup of boxed wine to get me drunk,” Jakob said haughtily.

“You’re so tough. Did you stay up ’til nine o’clock last night?” Rory teased.

“I stayed up until nine-thirty, thank you. Papa said I had to go to bed because I had an early meeting and get grumpy when I don’t get enough sleep, but whatever, it still wasn’t nine.”

Jakob’s indignation made it hard to keep a straight face, and we all dissolved into giggles and laughter while Jakob sniffed the air and pretended we weren’t laughing at his expense. Even the always-reserved Owen was laughing.

“Boys,” Anders, the voice of reason, interjected, “how are we going to solve Nico’s problem?”

“I don’t understand why you can’t have both? I think you need to give him a chance to show that he can give you what you want and still be mindful of what he wants too. It’s not an either-or proposition. Let him help you navigate this change of circumstances so you’re both happy with where it goes.”

“Owen, that was insightful,” Rory said without a hint of sarcasm. He was genuinely delighted. These boys were adorable with each other.

“Thank you, Rory. I’m more than just fantastic taste.”

“Speaking of fantastic taste, I think you have it, and I don’t. Do you think you could help me make this place look better?”

Owen’s face broke out into a delighted smile. “Oh my gosh, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me. It has taken everything in me not to volunteer, but Bear said you might take it the wrong way.”

“Why on earth would I take it the wrong way? Has he seen what you can do?”

“Of course, he’s seen it.” Rory laughed. “He decorated Barrett’s house before the guy even knew he was in love with him.”

“A boy can dream, and mine was to live there with him, so I decorated it accordingly.”

“I’d really appreciate it. I don’t know what you charge for your private jobs, but I’m hoping I can afford a few hours of your time.”

“For you, my new friend, my time is on the house.”

“Are you sure?”

“Consider it a housewarming gift.”

“So I understand the plan: Nico, you’re inviting Levi into your life, yes?” Anders clarified.

“Yes, but we need to figure out what Nico is inviting him to. Nico, what do you like to do?” Jakob added.

“I like to go dancing.”

“Fantastic. Invite him to go out with you,” Jakob instructed

“You mean like on a date?”

“Yes, on a date. If you want him to see that you want him in your life, you have to give him a chance to be in your life. Ask that man out on a date.”

“It’ll be my first date. When I said I limited myself to hookups, I wasn’t joking. My last one ended up consoling me in the restroom while I cried about Babbo. Not the ideal outcome.”

“That might be the saddest thing I have ever heard,” Jakob said solemnly. “It requires cake.”

That suggestion was all it took. We unwrapped ourselves and piled into my tiny kitchen to divvy the cake. Once split, we all returned to the living room to finish our evening of yelling advice at Housewives . Surrounded by the guys, I almost didn’t recognize my life. They treated me like we’d known each other forever and acted like it was a foregone conclusion that I would join them on their outings. It was new and more than a little overwhelming, but I liked it.

I hoped they kept me.