Page 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

NICO

“It’s yellow.” The color of sunshine and sunflowers.

“What’s that smile for?” Babbo asked.

I wished it was possible to control a blush because I could feel the heat as it crept up my neck to stain my cheeks. “My Nonna lived out on the peninsula, and every summer, she’d get PopPop, my granddad, to plant rows of sunflowers. He used to tease her about it being a waste, but her answer was always that sunshine and happiness were never wasted.

“Do they still live out there?”

“No, PopPop passed a few years ago.” This wasn’t the direction I expected our conversation to take. Talking about them always made me feel a little melancholy.

“And your Nonna?”

“After PopPop passed, she couldn’t stay at home anymore with her memory decline, so she’s in an assisted living place here in town.”

She’d made my folks promise not to take on the burden of having her in the house. My parents agreed, but they also scoured the city to find an appropriately decent place for her and we all visited often to ensure it stayed nice. She repeated questions a lot, but she still knew who everyone was. The warm weight of Babbo’s hand covering mine startled me.

“It must be hard on your family to not be sure how far the decline will go.”

Usually, when someone offered me sympathy, I felt crowded and hemmed in, but with Babbo, it wasn’t confining. And that scared the shit out of me. The red lights flashed.

“It is,” I said with finality. “Back to our lists… Are you finished?”

Thankfully, Babbo let the subject drop and didn’t say anything more when he handed over his printout. We munched on our sandwiches and read quietly. “What’s up with little stuff being checked off?”

“It’s what I want to try and what I know I’m cool with.”

“But if you’ve never done it, how do you know?”

“Because I know me and what I like. What I missed the most with my ex not being interested in age play was the caretaking. My job is all about picking up the pieces of other people’s lives. When I’m a Daddy, I’m not making the best of a shitty situation. I’m helping someone feel safe, happy, and secure. Where else in my life do I get to offer that?”

“Nowhere?”

“Exactly, nowhere. And…” He paused dramatically and leaned forward. With his finger, he beckoned me forward to mimic his move. “I already know I like it because I did it yesterday with you.”

Details, details .

His last comment shut me up, and I went back to reviewing his list. As a Daddy and middle, we were pretty close, and the stuff he wasn’t into weren’t dealbreakers for me. The little stuff he was open to trying was a little more extensive than mine, like wetting. That hadn’t ever crossed my mind. So maybe not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Is wetting something you’re into?”

“I haven’t been, but I’m not opposed to it. I have some friends who really like it.” He glanced down at my list, “No-go for you?”

“I’ve never done it.”

“Hard or soft no?”

“Hard maybe.”

“I’m not asking for any kind of commitment, but I am asking that while we’re doing whatever it is we’re doing, we aren’t sleeping with other people.” Oh. Babbo was laying it out. I tried to keep my grin, but I was worried we’d veered into difficult territory. I needed to steer away, but I wasn’t sure the new direction would be any better.

“So you don’t want me to go out?”

“I don’t care about that, but I don’t want you to have sex with someone else while you’re there. It’s a safety issue for me.” I watched Babbo with masked eyes and his gaze was just as guarded. I had no idea—none, zilch, nada—what he was thinking.

“And if I want to?”

“Give me the courtesy of a heads-up.”

I sat back in my chair and looked at him with what I knew was a reserved expression. The doubt that I could do an undefined, casual but somewhat exclusive situationship was written all over his face. And I had the same reservations about him. Babbo was a man who believed in commitment.

“All right,” I answered, but then I looked everywhere but at him. In desperation, I shredded a paper towel I’d grabbed earlier, then stacked and restacked the pieces like minuscule blocks.

“What do you want this arrangement to look like? Beyond casual, I’m not entirely certain,” Levi asked.

My napkin ripping intensified, and the stacks became more precise and regimented. Clearly, I had thoughts, but I struggled to express them. I opened and closed my mouth several times before I took a deep breath, blew it out harshly, and answered, “Rules. I want rules.” That might’ve been the last thing he expected from me. “And spankings. Regular ones.” That one he probably saw coming.

I’d given this man an impossible task. Somehow, I wanted rules while simultaneously wanting to avoid feeling suffocated and trapped. Oh, and while he was at it, if he also kept it completely casual, that would be great.

Finally, he answered me with, “We can do that, but I want to think about it some before I offer them.”

“That’s fair, Babbo.”

“I want to do right by you, Sweet Boy.”

It had been too long since he’d touched me. When Babbo leaned forward, I matched his move, and we met in the middle. If this was a sign, no matter how small, I’d take it. His mouth settled over mine, and my lips parted with a sigh. His tongue swept into my mouth and claimed control. I followed his lead.

My nerve endings instantly went into overdrive as blood thrummed through my veins and pooled directly in my dick, which, inconveniently, chubbed up again. I’d spent more time jacking off in the shower since I’d met Babbo than I had in the previous ten years put together. Fuck, I felt like a teenager again when a sweet kiss hardened me.

It had been a long time since I’d had this reaction to anyone. I refused to acknowledge, even to myself, the mysterious dry spell that had magically started at the beginning of December with anyone except for him. When Babbo drew away, I had to physically grab the seat of my chair to avoid following him.

Holy hell with a hand job, I needed out of there before I did something so foolish I couldn’t even name it right now. My gut said this man would ruin me, but I couldn’t make myself run away.

* * *

Rory

I have concerns.

Owen

Is everything okay?

Anders

What’s wrong?

Nico

...

Rory

I don’t know if anything is wrong because Nico is not using the group chat. It’s been radio silence.

Nico

Haha, nothing to share.

Rory

Nothing at all?

Nico

Not really.

Owen

Not really means something. That something is either not actually a big deal or a *really* big deal, but you don’t want to say it’s a big deal.

Nico

What???? It’s nothing.

Rory

Ah, okay. It’s a big deal.

Owen

But what kind of big deal?

Anders

Guys, you’re really getting close to badgering territory.

Rory

I’m not trying to be pushy, BUT….

Anders

You’re going to do it anyway because you want Nico to feel included, and by included, you mean the target of your nosy questions.

Rory

Wow, bestie, that was mean.

Anders

But accurate…

Rory

That’s beside the point. Anywho, back to Nico…

Nico

We don’t have to get back to me.

Rory

No, we must.

Owen

Correct.

It’s about a boy, right?

Rory

When isn’t angst about a boy?

Anders

Writing romance instead of fantasy now?

Rory

Nah, I just like the word. Stop distracting me.

Rory

Nico….

Owen

Nico….

Anders

Boys…

Rory

We know it’s a big deal but what kind?

Nico

I don’t need more deal options.

Owen

The options are for us.

Nico

Oh, sorry.

Rory

Apology accepted

Anders

This is why I keep you muted.

Nico

Anders, you’re my favorite. Very insightful.

Anders

Thank you! I’m so glad someone in this chat listens to me. Those two never do.

Rory

Take that back! I listen to you all the time.

Anders

Name ’em.

Name ’em

Name ’em

Nico

Someone watches Housewives…

Anders

lol! It’s my guilty pleasure

Nico

No guilt needed, and I’m available for reunion marathons.

Anders

You’re my new favorite.

Rory

Excuse me?!?!?!?!?! I don’t like where this is headed. We are supposed to be badgering Nico.

Nico

Nico would like to point out that Nico doesn’t want to be badgered. Nico would also like to point out he has a job that requires his attention.

Owen

Would Nico also like to stop talking about Nico in the third person?

Nico

Nico would not.

Rory

Still waiting for an answer.

Nico

You’re like a dog with a bone.

Rory

Thank you! That’s so nice of you to say.

Nico

Um, not sure I meant that as a compliment.

Rory

Oh, that’s all right. I took it as one. But what’s your answer?

Nico

Big deal, but legit don’t know what kind.

Anders

Then the boys will let you figure it out, and we’re here to listen when you’re ready. Right, boys?

Nico

You sure you’re not a Daddy?

Anders

Ha! Definitely am not.

Rory

Grrr

Owen

Double grrr

Jakob

I miss so much in the lab.

* * *

“Nico, you’re a godsend,” Gabe announced when I walked into his office.

I plopped onto a chair by his desk, crossed an ankle over my other leg, and settled in. With the door shut, the whir and buzz of the office were muted. My head was killing me this morning, so when Gabe handed me my favorite coffee out of nowhere, I wanted to hug him. Well, not really, but I had warm thoughts about it.

“I appreciate the compliment and the coffee.” I raised the cup in a salute before taking a sip. Perfection. And with any luck, it would kill off my pounding headache that started last night and continued into this morning. “But I’m not sure exactly what I did.” I racked my brain, trying to remember anything out of the ordinary over the last few days. Completely blank.

“Do you remember that rehab call you sat in on?” Gabe looked at me as if I wouldn’t remember discussing the botanical garden job that involved preserving the existing structure and creating an add-on to look seamless. Gabe would have his hands full with that one.

“Yeah, and if that design can come in at budget, it’ll be a Christmas miracle.”

“It’s not Christmas though,” Gabe retorted.

I congratulated my ability to not roll my eyes at my legit awesome boss. Was it really his fault he never got my jokes? I knew they were always on point, so it must be some kind of glitch in the matrix.

Gabe continued, “I explained how Natalie left, and we’d be bringing in a new project manager. They were impressed with how you handled the initial proposal and want you assigned as the project manager.”

“But I’m your assistant.”

“Yes, I know. I’m the one who hired you,” Gabe said with a smirk. “There’s no reason you can’t run point though. You know the file. You know the specs. Clearly, they liked how you handled yourself when you interacted with them. In fact, they presumed you were the project manager until I mentioned Natalie.”

When Gabe announced this morning that we needed a sit-down meeting, I thought he would tell me he and Rory were going on another extended trip. He’d started a project in London last year, and they’d been over there several times. I wasn’t entirely convinced it couldn’t be handled by Zoom calls and emails, but I knew he liked to check the progress of that build personally. It didn’t hurt that Rory went with him now, and they’d turned the visits into research trips for Rory’s writing as well. They’d created a good life together.

And I wasn’t jealous. Not even a little bit. Not one teeny-tiny drop.

“Gabe, I’m a little surprised you’re open to this and went along with the suggestion.”

Gabe looked at me with a baffled expression. “I’m surprised that you’re surprised I’m open to this. You’re an encyclopedia of knowledge about our clients, their jobs, and the bidding process. You work with the contractors…”

“Yeah,” I interrupted, “but only for the clients who are already your friends. Not client clients.”

“If you do it for them, why can’t you do it for others?”

“Because I’m a personal assistant.”

Gabe sat back in his chair and watched me without saying a word. The intensity of his look had me squirming internally. On the outside, I was as calm as ever. Under normal circumstances, I’d make some kind of snappy joke, but this wasn’t the time for jokes. I white-knuckled the chair, but I’d never let him see it. If I failed and fucked this up, I would lose his trust to handle any kind of project. Plus, I risked my regular job if the screw-up was serious enough.

“If you break my chair because of that grip, I might consider taking it out of your paycheck.”

Shit.

“I think you’re imagining things, Gabe. Does Rory know about this issue of hallucination? He may want to have you checked out.”

“Because I’m your boss, I’m going to refrain from making the obvious joke here because that would be inappropriate. Someone might call HR.”

“We have an HR?”

“We could find one. Do you think Anders would do it?”

“I’m pretty sure Anders would be on the side of the little guy.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I would lose every complaint, which is why I will not be making the inappropriate joke. Look at us… We don’t even need an HR.”

“Pretty sure that’s not how it works.”

“How would you know? Are you HR?”

“If I report this harassment to Rory, HR won’t matter.” I sat back smugly in my chair. I had him over a barrel, and he knew it. Gabe’s rueful smile sealed his fate.

“Ha! Rory knows I’d never be foolish enough to try to pull some shit with you. I want to grow old with him.” Gabe rifled through a stack of papers on the edge of his desk until he found the one he wanted. “Before Natalie came on full-time, she was on a project-by-project consultant basis. I’ve updated that contract structure for this one since it’s on top of your regular duties.”

Had he not heard a word I said?

I was annoyed at myself for being speechless, but holy shit, I was. He was essentially giving me a shot to do what Natalie did, even if it was for only one project. Ma could never know about this because I’d never hear the end of it.

“I don’t understand why we need a separate contract.” I was genuinely confused. It seemed excessive for a one-off project.

“It’s not part of your regular job. Your regular duties are my personal assistant, this is a project management gig. I’m going to get paid for it, so you should too. I like to design buildings, but I have zero desire to project manage them to the necessary detail to make it happen. That’s the entire reason Natalie came on full-time, and why I was so disappointed to see her leave. I understand them wanting to move back to Colorado to be closer to their family now that she and Kate are having a baby, but it still leaves me needing someone to replace her.”

“You’ve had a couple of interviews with people. You didn’t like anyone for it?”

“They were all right but weren’t the fit I hoped for. It needs to be someone who will be a great fit for both of us.”

“I appreciate you thinking of me, but yeah, as long as they don’t mess with my desk, I think that’s as much as I need to worry about.”

Gabe looked at me with a perplexed expression. “We’ll get back to the supplemental contract in a second, but we have to address your place in the office.” Ugh, this felt like it was in serious danger of swerving left. “You are an integral part of this office. If I’ve got concerns they won’t gel with us—and us means you and me—it’s a no-go as far as I’m concerned.”

“I appreciate it, Gabe. I do.”

“Are you all right?”

“Why?” I asked defensively. “Don’t I seem all right?”

“If I can be honest…” Gabe paused and waited for me to wave my hand for him to continue. “You don’t. The last few weeks…since you moved into your new place, really…you’ve been a little…uhh…stressed.”

“What are you talking about?” My usual control felt like it was slipping. My front-facing to the world was sassy and snappy. No one needed to look behind the curtain.

“It’s not one thing, and it sure as shit isn’t anything to do with how you do your job. You just seem…sad.”

Before I could even begin to formulate an answer, a quick rap at the door sounded before an exuberant Rory burst in. “Daddy, you need to feed your Bunny.” Gabe’s face broke into a grin as he opened his arms, and Rory leaped into them.

“I do need to feed you, Bunny, but next time, I’m gonna need you to wait before opening the door, okay?” Rory whipped his head around and a look of horror covered his face as he realized he hadn’t even noticed me sitting in the chair.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, Nico.” Rory’s eyes were clouded with sadness. He’d come tearing through the door well into little space, but seeing me unexpectedly in the chair had knocked him for a loop. I knew what a jarring and disconnected feeling it created.

“No, no, no. It’s fine, Rory. It’s okay.” To soothe Rory, I found myself slipping into the place I fell into with Babbo over the weekend. This was exactly why I worried about being little anywhere near my boss.

It wasn’t professional. There was nothing cute about it. But unfortunately for me, the pull was strong, and now I was back to gripping the chair in a losing effort to keep myself centered in the proper space. On top of it, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Rory’s feelings because he was one of the sweetest guys ever. I was paralyzed.

“Nico?” Gabe asked hesitantly.

“I scared.” Rory and Gabe looked at each other, and my heart almost beat out of my chest with the looks they exchanged. Were they making fun of me? Babbo would know what to do. “Find Babbo. Please.”

“Is that a person?” Gabe asked. I managed to nod at the question.

“Okay, I’ll find them for you, but I’m gonna run an errand real fast first. Can I get you both to hang out in my office for a minute?”

Rory and I nodded.

Gabe led us both to the sofa near the windows of his office. From the side table, he pulled out a couple of boxes of crayons and a few coloring books. He placed everything on the coffee table in front of us. “Bunny, while I’m gone, will you color me a picture, please? I haven’t had a new one in a long, long time.” Rory agreed and quickly went to work. His tongue slipped out the corner of his mouth while he seemingly directed all his attention to the page. “Nico, would you mind keeping Rory company while I go and make a phone call?”

“Okay.” The part of my brain that was still working at adult capacity recognized that I was being ridiculously incompetent at the moment. Something about distress had sent me reeling straight into little space.

I didn’t know what it was about this particular distress that had sent me spiraling. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been around Rory when he was in little space. He, of course, had no idea about me finding my little self. Would Rory be okay with me being little and working with Gabe? And would it matter anyway because I wasn’t going to be little around Gabe at work—except that was exactly what was happening. The more that horrifying thought rolled around my head, the more agitated I became.

Rory tentatively touched my hand and offered me a crayon. “Big people color too. You don’t have to be little, but you could be if you wanted.”

I looked at the blue crayon he put in my hand and fiddled it between my fingers. My brain was still at war with itself, but both sides of me, big and little, wanted only one person to soothe me. Except we didn’t have the kind of relationship that let me call him in the middle of the day and ask him to stop by my office because I needed him.

After I’d hightailed it out of there on Sunday, I’d hibernated in my house for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Since then, I hadn’t brought myself to call him, even though he’d left silly text messages on my phone checking in with me. I’d responded with short answers but had refused to engage past that. Except now I wished I had because I desperately wanted Babbo to tell me everything was all right.

I needed him to tell me it was fine and it wasn’t my fault Rory was upset. If he could add that I wasn’t about to lose my job and Gabe would still respect me, that would be even better. He could reassure me that my life hadn’t changed, except now more people knew what was going on in my head, so I could be more open with everyone. Okay, that last one was a toss-up for a good or bad idea, but either way, I still wanted Babbo to say it to me.