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I couldn’t do shit but laugh and shake my head.

That was my lil hitta right there. I didn’t care how much it cost me I would do everything in my power to make sure her name ain’t hit the blogs behind this shit.

I’m just grateful that she ain’t mad about it.

Tamia pressed the wrong one and had to catch them hands.

My ass just happy I wasn’t the one on the receiving end of that ass whooping.

Sitting at the mixing board I instructed my engineer to lower the snares in the background of the song. “I’on know what it is bruh. But it almost feels like I’m running from the beat or some shit.”

“Let me try something.” After adjusting the track, he clipped it and ran it back. “Tell me if this is better.”

Tapping my thumb on the table I rapped over the beat. The song Regret that I had recorded was about my relationship with Nariah. I was on my Rod Wave shit when I came up with this one.

I was young, I was blind, took your love for granted. Had a queen in my corner, now it's empty-handed. Used to argue 'bout nothin', pride ran the show. Now I scroll through your page like, "Damn, let me go." You held me down when I barely had a name. Now I’m iced out, but it don’t feel the same.

Every text I don’t send, every call I replay.

Got me prayin’ at night like, “Lord, bring her back one day.” I see your smile in my sleep, still hear your laugh.

But I broke what we built, can’t change the past. If you out there listening, just know that I’m tryin’.

Still got your heart on my chain, I ain't lyin’.

I let you go when you was all I ever needed.

Now I’m up, but my heart still feel defeated.

Countin' blessings, but it don't add up to you. Lord, if you hear me, bring her back like you do. Tears in my chain, pain in my voice, swear I’d take it all back if I had the choice.

She was real, I was lost in the fame, now it's late nights, just me and the blame.

When the verse ended me, and Pack looked at each other and slapped hands. “That’s fucking it boy.” I boasted. “That’s how you mix a song.”

“Fucking right nigga.” He bragged. “You gon’ fuck around and get yo girl back when this one drop.”

“Nawl nigga.” I chuckled. “Nari ain’t fucking with me like that no more.”

“Never know.” He shrugged. “I’mma give you a minute.” He added after the door to the studio was pushed opened.

It had been two weeks since Nariah’s arrest and surprisingly shit had gone back to normal. Nari was chilling, handling her business and shit while Tamia duck ass was crashing out on the Gram.

Instead of Nari playing into the shit she decided to take the high road, but not before her petty ass posted the roses I had sent to her crib.

I ain’t have no ulterior motive or no shit like that when I had them delivered to her but Tamia ain’t know that.

She hit me up this morning crying and shit all in her feelings talking about how I had lied and played with her.

I wasn’t beat for the back and forth, so I sent her my lo’ and told her to pull up. It was time for me to dead this shit once and for all.

Waving my hand at the couch I told her. “Have a seat.” She stared at me a few seconds before sitting down. “What’s good?” I asked and spun around in my chair to face her.”

“You tell me.” She sassed. “You’re the one that invited me here.”

“ After you hit me up talking shit. Seem like you got some things you wanna get off your chest so I’m giving you the floor.”

“I don’t have shit to say.” She lied.

Swiping my thumb across my nose I snorted. “Aight Tamia.”

“You not gone apologize for your baby mama?”

Apologize. I looked at Tamia ass like she had lost her fucking mind. “Apologize for what?”

“Seriously Juice.”

“Dead ass.”

“That girl attacked me in the club.” She yelled.

“ After you rolled up on her talking shit. Fuck was you on anyway? You act like Nariah did something to you. You was the one fucking around with her nigga, not the other way around. She the only muthafucka in this equation that’s entitled to feel slighted.”

“I wasn’t fucking with myself.” She hissed.

“You are absolutely right.” I nodded. “That’s on me. I fucked up and gotta live with the shit. You don’t.”

“So, I’m supposed to not have any feelings.”

“No, you not. You knew what it was when we started fucking off. You the one trying to make some shit seem like more than what it is. If your feelings hurt, it’s cause you got called out on the shit.

And you know what—I’m man enough to take the blame for that too.

I should’ve stopped fucking with you when you ran to the blogs being messy.

Ain’t nothing worse than a muthafucka that can’t keep they mouth closed.

I’mma take it a step further by saying this shouldn’t have even been a thing.

Had I passed you off to one of my niggas we wouldn’t be here right now.

But you got it Tamia. I’m to blame. I’ll eat that shit.

But hear me and hear me good. Stop fucking with Nariah ‘cause she ain’t did shit to you.

You want smoke with anybody have that shit with me.

I can handle it ‘cause I know the part I played in it.”

“You’re a fucked up individual Juice.”

“You right. I am.” I agreed, because I really was fucked up. I could sit back and say with conviction that I had fucked some shit up. Tamia wasn’t innocent either but if I had to take the blame for the shit then I would.

“I hate that I even let myself get caught up with you.” She sniveled.

“I think we can both agree on that. You a cool ass female Tamia. I ain’t gone sit here and try to make it seem like you a bird.

You might have bird ways but you a good girl.

That’s why I fucked with you as long as I did.

But the seat you tryna fill already occupied mama and I’m sorry if I made you feel like it was available. ”

Tamia stared at me with fury in her eyes. I could tell she really wanted to let my ass have it. Instead of speaking her peace she stood from the couch and wrapped her bag around her. “You’ll be back Juice. You always do.”

“Nawl.” I clicked my tongue. “Not this time baby girl.”

Tamia stared at me a few seconds before leaving the studio. She might’ve thought I was joking but I was dead ass muthafucking serious. Me continuing to fuck with her after Nariah found out ain’t do shit but have my girl feeling like I had feelings for somebody else.

Nobody won at the end of this shit, and it was now that I was realizing that nigga Tito had been right the whole time.

Me fucking with Tamia as heavily as I did had her feeling like she was on an even playing field with Nariah.

Nariah had always and would always be number one in my book.

Some people just couldn’t be replaced and that person for me was Nariah.

____

“Julius, what you want? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

“I’m outside your warehouse. Come chop it up with me.”

“Julius.” Nariah groaned.

“It’ll only take a minute.”

“Fine…” She drawled and ended the call.

After my talk with Tamia, I had some shit I needed to get off my chest. As soon as my session ended for the day I hopped in my whip and raced across town so I could pull up on Nariah.

The door to her warehouse pushed open and she strutted out. Hitting the locks on my truck I slid out and leaned against the door. “What’s up twin.”

“Boy what the fuck you want.” She laughed.

“I had some shit on my mind that I needed to get off real quick.”

Folding her arms across her chest she tilted her head to the side and rolled her eyes. “Here we go again.”

“Nawl.” I chuckled and pulled her arms down. “On the cool I wanted to apologize to you.”

“For what?” She quizzed.

“For fumbling you like I did. I been thinking ‘bout how shit ended up here and I realized I was a selfish muthafucka.”

Her face frowned up. “You just now realizing that.”

“Nawl I been knew.” I clarified. “Just ain’t realize the magnitude until now.”

“Umph. So, what you sorry for now Julius.”

“Man.” I groaned. “It’s like this here. Never in a million years did I ever think Juice and Nariah wouldn’t be a thing.

Never saw this shit playing out like this even though I knew I was fucking off.

I guess a part of me felt like you wouldn’t leave.

When I fucked up the first time and you forgave me, I felt like you would always stick around.

Real shit Nariah I got comfortable like a muthafucka and with comfortability comes sloppy moves.

I was out here on some slime bag shit, and I can admit that now ‘cause I know yo ass don’t want shit to do with me.

To be completely honest though even with me moving foul my love for you never went away.

It ain’t a muthafucka out here that ain’t know how I felt ‘bout you.

I never denied that. Like I told you the last time I knew the right thing to do but my ass just ran the other way.

I’m sorry for hurting you. Sorry for making another female feel like she meant something to me.

I know you prolly tired of hearing this shit, but I’ll never stop telling you how sorry I am for fucking up.

We will probably never be back how we were.

I accept that and I understand. I begged for a shot at your heart and ruined it.

I pray one day you’ll find it in your heart to truly forgive me.

And if we can’t be anything else I at least want us to be friends.

I know you prolly hate my ass but if you ever stopped, I do want us to be cool. ”

“Believe it or not I don’t hate you. I hate that your actions landed us in this position but it’s impossible to hate you when I’m still in love with you.

It might not happen today, hell might not even happen next month, but I do want us to work on being friends.

At one point you were my best friend. The one person that I could count on to have my back.

I hate that this is what we’ve become but I also believe everything happens for a reason.

I got so used to it being a us that I don’t know how to thrive as just me.

I thought me finishing school and doing all of this .

” She waved at the warehouse behind her.

“Was my way of maintaining my independence but the truth is anytime my name is mentioned it’s always Nariah girlfriend of rapper Juice.

I never wanted that to be my story. So maybe us being broken up is a way for me to remove that connotation from my name. ”

“Maybe so.” I surmised.

“Apology accepted.” She smiled.

“Good shit.” Things got quiet for a beat. The two of us were busying staring into each other’s eyes. The love we shared was still strong. I felt it and I knew Nariah did as well. “I ain’t gone hold you up though. I just came to get that off my chest.”

“Thank you, Julius.” Nariah breathed.

“Ain’t nothing.”

Nariah gave me a faint smile before turning to walk off.

My heart broke with every step she took. As much as I wanted to believe our fate was sealed my heart was still holding out hope that one day she would come back. If I ever got the chance to write my wrongs, please believe I wouldn’t fumble again.