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“You sure as fuck wasn’t. Byron said Juju was standing in the hallway watching everything unfold.”

“Fuck!” I yelled and punched the seat in front of me. “Bruh, can you take me to get my son?”

“Absolutely not! He’s with Nariah and until I can get this bullshit ass domestic violence charge squared away, you’re not going anywhere near her.”

“I need to see my son, Tito.” I insisted. Right now, my ass was facing some serious ass charges and the only thing that could make this ache in my heart go away was Juju. “Please man. Call Nariah for me and tell her we gone come get him. I’ll stay in here and let you grab him.”

“Juice.” Tito shook his head.

“Tito man please.” I begged. “That’s all I want.” I violated and Nariah had every reason to feel that way she felt. I owed her an apology but right now my focus was on Juju. If what Byron said was true, then I needed to see my son and apologize to him for putting my hands on his mama.

I never in my life wanted to taint the image of me that Juju had. Ain’t never wanna give him a reason to look at me as anything other than his hero. Seeing my son was a must. “Tito.” I said again, stressing just how serious I was.

“Aight man.” Grabbing his phone up he dialed Nariah.

The truck was silent while we waited for her to pick up. “Hello.” She sniffled.

“Nari, listen I’m with Juice.”

Cutting him off she cried. “I don’t want to talk to him.”

Her whimpering was breaking the shit out of my heart, and I couldn’t stop myself from speaking up. “Nariah baby. I fucked up.”

“I hate you.” She sobbed.

Taking the phone from Tito I took it off speaker and held it up to my ear. “Baby I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking and I know that don’t make the shit right, but I am sorry.”

“I’m so mad at you Julius.”

“I know you are. Hell, I’m mad at me too.”

“Why couldn’t you just be faithful. You ruined everything that we worked for.”

“I know baby and I don’t know why Nariah. I can’t tell you why I did it ‘cause I legit don’t know. But baby I fucked up.” The line went quiet; the only thing I could hear was muffled cries. “Baby I know you might not wanna hear this, but I don’t love that girl. I never did.”

“It doesn’t matter now Julius. Nothing you say will change the way I feel.” She fretted.

“And baby I’m not tryna change anything. I’m letting you know the only person I love is you.”

“But you didn’t love me enough to be faithful.” She sobbed.

Nariah had my ass there. I didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t say shit.

“Like I thought.” She finally said after a minute of us sitting on the phone listening to each other breath. “Goodbye Julius.”

“Wait. Before you hang up Nariah, can I come get Juju.”

“Your mother has him.” She clarified before ending the call.

“Take me by Ma Dukes crib.”

I spent the rest of the commute to my mama crib in silence.

Tito and my lawyer were discussing ways to make this go away while I was trying to figure out how I could get my girl back.

I know Nariah said she was done but my heart wouldn’t just let me up and walk away from her like that.

I really wanted to pull up to her crib, kidnap her ass, and make her be with me but I knew it was no use.

I lost Nariah when I got in bed with another bitch.

Muthafuckas had been preaching ‘bout me keeping my nose clean and here I was thinking I was moving like I ain’t have everything to lose.

Done fucked my life up for a bitch that ain’t hold a candle to my girl.

I didn’t know how I was going to go about getting Nari back but eventually I was gone make the shit happen.

What I did know was when the dust settled, I was gone get some of my homegirls from around the way to bank Tamia’s ass.

Bitch had to know that fucking with my family was a death sentence.

If I knew I could get away with the shit I’d handle her myself, but I was in enough trouble with the label as is.

When we pulled up to Ma Dukes crib her and Juju was hopping out of her car. He was still in the same pajamas he had on last night, so she must’ve just picked him up. Before the truck could even stop, I was hopping out. “Juju.” I yelled, gaining his attention and mine.

Normally when Juju saw me his face would light up and he would run to me. This time I wasn’t so lucky. Instead, he latched on to my mama and looked at me with his face balled up. Ambling over to where they stood, I reached for him. “Buddy.”

“No!” he yelled.

“Julius.” Ma Dukes keened.

Getting down on my knees I focused my attention on Juju. Staring in directly into his eyes I said. “When a man messes up what is he supposed to do?”

Juju hesitated a bit before saying. “Apologize.”

“Right.” I nodded. “Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them.” I said, referencing this quote I found on an affirmation app one time. And what did I teach you about forgiveness?”

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” He mumbled.

“Good job buddy.” I praised lowly. “You remembered. Juju I’m sorry for hurting your mama. I won’t try to explain why I did it because there is no justifiable reason. Just know that I will never raise my hand to strike her ever again in life.”

“You promise?” He asked with a face full of sorrow that I’m sure matched mine.

“All I have is my word.” I held my hand up.

Juju looked up at my mama who nodded her head in approval before wrapping his arms around my neck. Rubbing my hands up and down his back I fought back tears. I got out of character last night and broke my number one rule. The way my son stared at me brought all of this shit to the surface.

In all of my years I had never witnessed a man strike my mama ‘cause had I, my ass would be in solitary confinement. Hell, I’d never even thought about hitting Nariah.

I just lost my cool and did some fucked up shit.

That put my son in a bad situation. Going forward I would walk the fuck away before I lost my top like I did last night.