Page 21

Chapter Twenty

Ronnie

“T his feels like a dream,” I mumbled aloud by mistake, my hands running through his soft, wet hair.

Jax huffed, looking up with a raised eyebrow. The dim light from the candles highlighted the softer parts of his face and they drew my eyes. “Is this really a time to be daydreaming?”

“Hmm,” I mumbled, pretending to think about it. “Maybe not.”

Jax gave me that little quirk of a smile that I now knew was his baffled but enamored smile. According to him, I was like a little mystery in a pretty, wrapped-up box. Which was corny but sweet for Jax. I had expected something more like , “You’re the best pussy I’ve ever laid my tongue on,” which coincidenta—

A moan jumped from my throat. “Jax.” I tightened my grip on his hair.

“Don’t think about other things while my head is between your legs, got it?”

“You can’t stop me.” I stuck my tongue out at him, squeezing his shoulders a little with my thighs.

I hadn’t fully come to terms with looking at the horrible mess down the side of my leg, but when Jax didn’t care, I seemed to forget all about it—so long as there were no mirrors around. The road to accepting my body, scars and all, was a long road, one I was beginning to walk with Jax.

“Is that a challenge?” Jax purred, crawling up the length of my body, his cold belt buckle brushing against my clit and making me gasp. My hips jerked up against his denim crotch and he stopped.

And growled.

Not like a little one, or a purr. It was deep in his throat and his eyes fixed on the small gap between his belt and my clit with too much concentration.

“Jax?” I whimpered, lifting my hips once more to brush against the cold metal. It made my stomach flinch with the shock, but the tingle it left felt good.

I went back once more. Just a quick touch. But I couldn’t lift my hips from the bed.

“Jax?” I questioned, looking down at the hand pressed flat against my stomach. He wasn’t pushing hard, but there was firmness that left no room for wiggling as he kept me still. “Jax, what’s up?” I urged.

My voice must have held a hint of worry in it, because Jax snapped out of whatever trance he had fallen into. His eyes jumped to my face, and like a bucket of cold water, he jumped up from the bed.

“I’m off for a shower.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of my lips, ignoring my stunned expression and walked across the creaking floor into the en suite bathroom.

“Fuck,” I hissed, getting up from the bed.

What…the fuck just happened?

The regret churned inside my stomach as I looked down at my naked body, feeling more vulnerable than I had in a long while. I had a feeling we wouldn’t be going any further tonight.

I got up, dressed in a set of comfortable cotton pajamas—the long trouser kind, not the little booty shorts Jax had bought for me—and climbed under the sheet, turning the light off.

He ran away from me. As fast as he could.

Sure, I knew what the hell I was doing by tempting him, pushing against his belt. I wasn’t dumb. I was frustrated.

I knew what Jax’s kink was. Whether it had been the townspeople who overshared, the girls in the club who loved to gossip, or just the way his eyes darkened at the touch of a rope and a glance in my direction.

He liked to tie people up. Bondage or something along those lines.

Everybody said he wasn’t shy about it. In fact, he boasted about the leather collection he kept at the club, and the women I’d met weren’t afraid to tell me every detail about what he did to them.

That pissed me off.

Not at Jax but at the women. Did they have no shame? Or was it just confidence? Either way I didn’t like the way they flashed their experience around like a trophy.

But no matter how pissed off at those girls I was, I was more pissed off at myself.

Because I wanted one too.

Not a trophy to wave around with bravado. But I wanted to be let into that part of Jax’s world. I wanted to show him that I was willing to try and accept that side of him. Couldn’t guarantee I would like it. I knew I didn’t when he tied me to a tree on our birthday when we were kids. But even I wasn’t na?ve enough to believe that was all it was.

All I needed to know was that it meant something to him.

And that I wanted to give him that.

I wanted to try.

But how could I try when Jax wouldn’t even give me a chance? I didn’t even have an opportunity to wedge my shoe in the door because even at the subtle hint of it, he didn’t just shut me down, he shut me out.

He didn’t want to think about it in my presence.

What did that mean for us?

If he was going to abandon me in bed at the slightest chance, then we wouldn’t be going much further. Even after coming this far.

I knew couples could live with a normal sex life. But to deny a part of a person you’re supposed to love without trying would just be… selfish and painful.

The door to the bathroom creaked open, and Jax’s footsteps stopped in the doorway. “Ronnie?” Jax called out into the dark room. “You asleep?”

No.

I didn’t reply.

A heavy sigh was released into the air as Jax’s feet wavered in the doorway, the wood creaking with every rock of his foot. “Shit,” he grunted, careless footsteps carrying him over to the wooden set of drawers, before he made a racket shuffling through them and slamming them closed.

He walked back over to the bed, pausing before climbing in.

I was facing the wall, but I could feel Jax’s eyes bearing into the back of my head.

I was sure Jax fell asleep after a while, and I turned over to face him. His dark hair fell in front of his eyes, his face a picture of peace as it pressed into the soft pillows. He breathed soundly, the tattooed ink seeming to dance acrossthe tanned tone of his skin.

They look like a shield, I observed. The patterns and designs covering every vulnerable spot, and everything in between, was like a line drawn between himself and everybody else.

The tattoo of the club on his back told me that his brothers were standing on the other side of that line. Stood on the side with him on it.

The side I had once stood on as well.

Before the line had been drawn.

Before I made him draw it.

After all this time, the way I had refused to leave with him was still etched into his skin and soul. It was a decision I could never take back. One I still wouldn’t change. But maybe…I should have done it a different way and then maybe… maybe avoid all the pain that had sat between us. But I couldn’t turn back time, and the things I had done were just that. Done. No take backs.

I felt my eyes begin to burn with the silence.

Will our feelings be enough to fix that? Can we really write our future over such a painful past? Will we be able to fix our relationship?

The more tears that fell, the more questions came to my head. All questions and no answers. I wondered if I would ever find them with time.

I hoped for it. But most of all….

I doubted-

“Fuck this shit,” Jax’s voice snapped, making me leap out of my skin.

“Jesus Christ, Jax,” I yelped, flipping back to the sheets to face the man launching himself out of bed. He threw the covers without care and with enough force to slap me in the face. “I thought you were asleep!”

“How the fuck can I go to sleep when I know you’re crying?” Jax growled, prowling around to my side of the bed. The energy he had burst from the bed with seemed to have dwindled into a soft simmer as he dropped to one knee next to me. His hands grasped my thighs and pulled my ass to face him. My knees pressed against his naked chest, the warmth of his skin making me realize how cold my own skin had become.

He shoved his hair out of his face with a rough hand, and half of it fell back forward. He didn’t seem to give a fuck. His deep brown eyes were alluring in the shadows of the room. The faint glow of moonlight slipping through the thin curtains glinted over their smooth surface with a transparency I felt was looking deep into my soul.

“Talk to me,” Jax pleaded, his hands squeezing around my knees.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I huffed, not able to look at his face. I reached up to rub the damp patches on my cheeks. If only I could fool myself and him that they didn’t exist.

“Is this about the fact I won’t tie you up?”

“What?” I flinched. He’d hit the nail on the head.

“I know how big the old ladies’ mouths are. And their noses even more so. I’d be the biggest dumbass to think that they hadn’t tried to gossip about my sex life with you,” Jax explained on a heavy sigh. He didn’t look pissed, but the deep frown over his brows told me he was more frustrated than anything resembling anger or upset. “I never hid it from them, and I didn’t intend to hide it from you.”

“Then why….” I couldn’t even bring myself to ask the question. I felt pathetic asking. It was needy, and it was so unlike me that I wanted to pull my legs back from him and escape. At the slightest tug of my limbs, his grip tightened underneath my knees, cupping them toward him.

“Why haven’t I tried to tie you up?”

I nodded.

Jax sighed.

I knew it. It was pathetic. He thought I was being needy and knowing all the loose women Jax had slept with, I knew he didn’t like that in a woman. But what reference did I have for girls like me? He never would have turned his eyes to a girl like me had we not had the past that we did.

“I knew it,” I sobbed, the sound uncontrollable. “You don’t want to do that with me.”

“Ronnie,” Jax growled, rising to his feet.

I took the opportunity to pull my legs back, skirting as far back on the bed as I could. His eyes narrowed at the movement, but I didn’t care. The tears were falling again, and I was desperate to hide them, my arms rubbing at my face so hard I thought I would tear off my skin before the ugly display went away.

“I get that I’m boyish. I’m not experienced or sexy or have the big boobs that you like. I’m not blonde or have soft skin, or long nails.” I sobbed.

“Ron—”

“I just didn’t think that I was such a big turn off for you until now.” I grabbed a fistful of the sheets and brought them up to my face, wiping snot and whatever disgusting liquid was streaming from my face into it.

“Ronnie, just list—”

“I don’t even know why I thought this would work. We’re not compatible. You probably don’t even really like m—”

I screamed.

My legs were torn out from underneath me, jerked so hard and fast down the bed that I couldn’t compute how I made it from the top of the bed to half hanging off the side. I gasped for the breath I lost as my head had hit the mattress, but I lost it as I saw the expression painted on Jax’s face.

His arms were braced around my knees, the culprit of my recent rollercoaster. The ink on his skin blended into the darkness around him like a vibrating, black mass hanging above me. Neither the vice-grip he had on my body nor the way his muscles were rippling with quaking strength were the reason I froze.

His expression was one I had rarely seen on him. It was oppressing. Unfriendly. Unfamiliar. It was… scary.

“J-Jax…,” I whispered, not wanting to move in the fear I could cause a reaction in him.

“Never,” Jax growled, the voice deep and rumbling and making me feel as small as a mouse. “Never assume what I’m thinking. Because you don’t know. Nobody knows what I’m thinking except me, okay?”

“Jax, I—”

“No, Ronnie.” Jax cut me off. “You’re not my parents. You’re not my friends. And you’re certainly not me.”

I felt my bottom lip quiver as the shock that had dried my eyes welled up again. “But—”

“So,” His thumb pressed against my lip, soft, gentle, and smooth across the quivering mess, “don’t assume how I feel about you.”

I reached up to rub my eyes clear, the wobbly vision disappearing as I looked up and saw that the expression of anger over his face had dispersed and a gentle, soft, and apologetic smile curved the corners of his lips.

“You can call me a dick, or an ass, or a man-whore,” he continued, shaking his head at me. “Because I am them. I’ll admit it. But one thing I’m not is a liar. And when I said I like you and I want this to work, I meant it.”

“You do?” I whispered, my head trying to break free of all the emotions swimming inside of my mind.

Jax leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to both of my wet cheeks before leaning up again to look down at me, this time without the smile. He was serious. “I do.”

“I’m sorry.” I took a deep, shaky breath and let it out in a slow sigh, my hands coming up to cover my face that I could feel was hot with embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to doubt you, or anything like that. I just… I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay,” Jax chuckled, his grip unwinding from around my knees and dropping down to one side. “I’m actually relieved.”

“Relieved?” I choked, surprised. I propped myself up onto one side to look at the man flopped on the bed next to me. “Why?”

“I thought you weren’t jealous about me whatsoeve r.” He smirked. “But now I see that’s not true.”

I couldn’t help it.

I smacked him.

“Ouch,” Jax whined. “What was that for?”

“You’re making fun of my fragile ego, you ass,” I growled, sitting up. “Besides, what else am I supposed to think when you go from model-hot blonde chicks with big ass tits to, well, this.” I gestured down to myself in my oversized cotton pajamas, and wild brown hair scattered around my shoulders like a rat’s nest. “I’m not exactly Miss America, you know?”

I jumped up from the bed at my confession, determined to let the remark pass, because even I knew how self-deprecating and weak it sounded. I wanted to wash my face and go to sleep for real this time. I was exhausted after that emotional rollercoaster.

I didn’t make it far though.

For the third time today, I felt hands come around my side, and it was barely a second before my head smacked against the back of the mattress, knocking the wind out of my chest. “Fuck,” I gasped. “Stop that!”

“You’ve run away from me once, Ronnie Marsh,” Jax purred. “I’m not letting you run away again.”

“Funny,” I quipped. “I distinctly remember you being the one that ran away from me, remember?”

“Your memory must be fuzzy.” Jax stood tall and towering above my prone form on the bed, his hands going down to the floor to pick something up.

I watched like a transfixed fly at those electric lights as his hands rose back above the bed and belt in hand.

“W-what are you doing?” I stuttered, my eyes unable to decide if they wanted look at his face or his hands.

“You wanted to know why I didn’t tie you up, right?”

I gulped. “Yes?”

He held the belt at the buckle, the metal swinging off his finger as he lifted it high into the air. The other end of the leather just grazed the bed sheets between my thighs as he dangled it above me.

My mouth felt dry in anticipation or nervousness, I didn’t know. I jerked at the soft graze of it against my thigh and felt my breath jump from my lips.

Jax smiled.

I held my breath as it slid just above the cotton pajamas, the thin material not protecting me in the slightest from its tingling touch. It traveled across my hip, and even though it barely touched me, I felt pinned to the bed, a heavy, overwhelming weight holding me against the sheets.

When it reached the valley of my breasts, I became all too aware of the exposed skin of my collarbone and breastbone. My breath quickened as it brushed the edge of the material, the anticipation of its feeling on my skin killing me slowly.

“Jax,” I whimpered, unsure whether I wanted him to stop or keep going.

It didn’t matter in the end.

The buckle clattered next to my face, jerking me from my hold on the bed.

“What?” I grumbled, turning my head to see the leather pile curled on the bed sheets. “Ja—”

My stomach jerked at the soft sensation brushed across it. I gasped, my hips jerking upward.

Jax’s hand splayed across my stomach, pinning me down. I lifted my head to see his dark hair drifting down around my waist where my shirt stopped and my pants began. His nose pressed against the line above my pants, and his fingers curled underneath their hem.

“Jax,” I whispered, the need to lift my hips overwhelming and frustrating as I writhed under his delicate touches.

His hands fisted the cloth, and he pressed a lingering kiss against my waist.

A short raspy gasp jerked from my chest.

My pants were gone in one sharp pull. Torn and thrown into the corner of the room in such a smooth singular motion that I couldn’t compute what had just happened to me. Only a cool breeze against my folds had my awareness piecing things together.

“Here,” Jax murmured, drawing my attention back to his lithe body leaning over the edge of the bed where my feet dangled. He took one knee, the action so slow and soft that it didn’t make a sound as he cupped his hand under the ball of my foot and pulled it up. He pressed his lips to it in a reverent act of affection. His tongue slid over the soft skin, and I understood why the royalty loved getting their feet kissed, as it tingled the nerves under the skin.

I jerked when Jax’s tongue brushed over the sensitive skin, and my eyes flashed to him. He didn’t look up, but he pulled away. His eyes looked at the small shiny scar marking the edge of my ankle. It was one of my more faded ones, but it held a painful memory like the rest.

“This,” Jax murmured, soothing a rough finger around the edges. I felt Jax drift away from me. Somewhere deep, somewhere personal… somewhere inside of me. “Your foot caught in the stirrup when you fell,” he explained, dragging me into the past with him. The rain thundered in the back of my head, the phantom rain hammering down on my skin as I had looked at my ankle, knowing it felt and looked wrong. Ankles didn’t bend at that angle. “A clean break,” Jax explained. “Metal pins to fix it in place.”

He leaned forward, and where I had expected a kiss, he did the complete opposite.

I hissed at the sharp pain shoot up my leg. “I told you not to bite me!” I shoved my hand against his forehead to push him back.

He reacted quick. My wrist was enclosed in a vice-like grip and instead of pushing him away, I was dragged to him. “This,” he growled, pulling my wrist to his face. He moved his fingers until the outside of my wrist was exposed to his lips. “Your hand was tangled in the reins when you fell, suspending you between the saddle and the floor. You were dragged until it popped out of its socket, leaving you with carpel tunnel.”

He leaned in.

“You better not….”

He didn’t heed my warning and the sharp pain jerked down my arm. I hissed at the burn, the impression on his teeth throbbing on both of my extremities. The heat settled in my chest, the weight heavy and burning as my half-naked body rocked with anticipation.

Fuck, what is this feeling?

“This.” Jax’s voice snapped me to attention. My stomach quivered as he leaned down to my shoulder, not releasing my hand. Instead he pinned it back above my head, holding me still as his free hand reached to the buttons of my shirt. One by one, he popped them open all the way to the bottom, the material falling to the side, exposing my breasts. He paid them no attention as he pushed the collar aside, adjusting my arms until my shoulder was bare. Not a scar this time, but Jax leaned down to it and I knew he knew.

“Dislocated shoulder from where you were dragged across the ground, unable to free yourself. Unable to let go.” He breathed. It felt like time slowed this time, and I knew what was coming. My breathing hitched at the feeling of his teeth indenting into my skin.

“Jax,” I whined, my body unable to take the waiting.

Like the delirious bite of a vampire, his teeth sunk into my skin, hard and sharp, and I almost cried out in pleasure.

What is he doing to me?

My core wiggled against the cotton sheets, pushed to the edge but not enough to tip over. The little nips of pain mixed with the emotional seeking sent my mind in circles and my body spiraling higher.

“Ropes broke you, Ronnie,” Jax said, earning my attention once more. “I was hesitant because I didn’t want to bring those memories back for you. It was hell. I can see the scars, the injuries. But what I can’t see is what’s going on in here,” he whispered, leaning forward to press a soft kiss against my forehead before pulling back and looking down on me with the sweetest, gentlest, and most vulnerable gaze I’d ever seen on him.

Even through the lust-filled haze clouding my mind, I had enough clarity to focus on him. Like the center of the storm, he stood out like a beacon of calm. My body deflated like a balloon full of hot air as I sunk into the sheets.

“You were worried for me,” I whispered, waiting for his slow nod of confirmation. His thumb brushed against the scars of my wrist one last time before he released his hold and sat back, pulling me up along with him.

My hair fell around my shoulders as I looked down into the floral sheets between us. “It wasn’t because you weren’t interested.”

“Babe,” Jax purred, “there’s no way I wouldn’t be interested.”

I looked up to find him scanning the sight of me before him, the cotton shirt being the only thing covering my arms while I sat naked and exposed in front of him. Hard nipples and damp thighs and all.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re a pig.”

Jax smiled, pleased with my insult. Weirdo.

“But I get it.” I nodded, watching his face sober up into the serious Jax that had just confessed all his concerns to me. He was honest with me. Here I was being all stupid and frustrated on my own, and Jax had been worried about me all this time. I had been selfish.

“I’m sorry for pushing you.”

I reached for the buttons of my shirt, beginning to pull them back together.

“I don’t think you are,” a deep, vibrational growl had goosebumps prickling over my skin.

“What?” I mumbled, looking up to see the eyes of an animal. The eyes of a predator.

“I don’t think you’re sorry enough,” Jax growled, the muscles under his skin rippling as he rose onto his all fours and leaned in close, arm moving past me. The faint stench of his sweat and scent was closing in on my face, my eyes unable to look away from his lips as he drew closer.

The sharp marks he left made me all too aware of the slight heat they still radiated. I clung to that faint pain and my breath quickened.

Did he mean…?

Jax leaned back with something in his hands. Something I hadn’t noticed he was reaching for.

The belt.

“Um, Jax…?” I fumbled, my brain going haywire with the heat rising from the tips of my toes all the way up to the roots of my hair.

“Hands forward,” he snapped, and, fuck, it made me jump so hard the bed almost sprang me back up. Was he being serious?

I looked to his face, and whatever soft and gentle Jax had once been there was long gone. This one had the eyes of a crow. Dark and calculating. And intimidating.

“Hands,” he demanded.

My hands were out in front of me without a second thought, the sternness of his voice leaving no room for refusal. Jax didn’t give me any approval as he looked down at my extended hands. Instead, he took the belt, and with rough, precise movements, wound the leather around my wrists. My eyes traced the movements as I became aware of the leather on my skin tightening with every gesture until he threaded it through the buckle and pulled it tight.

I gasped. The leather dug into my skin and made me grit my teeth against the pinch. It bordered on chafing, but it wasn’t enough for me to want to stop.

He held me by the hands and pulled them high up above my head. I pushed up onto my knees to adjust from the discomfort, my eyes unable to look away from his. He followed his own hand and the second I wobbled in his grasp, he shoved his hands forward, pushing me backward.

I hit the bed hard, my hips and tits bouncing back up from the springy mattress as the huge man straddled on top of me.

Wood pressed into the edges of wrists, and I realized he had slipped the belt and my hands around the bedpost. I was tied.

“Now,” Jax growled, looking down at my exposed, stretched body, vulnerable and ready for the taking. “How about a real apology?”

“I’m so—” I squealed at the sharp pinch of my nipple, my chest bucking from the bed, rubbing my hips into his crotch. He seated his hips lower until the thin material of his boxers pressed down on top of my mound. Not enough weight to feel heavy but enough to keep me firm against the bed.

“Again,” Jax demanded.

“I’m sor—” He pinched again, and this time, the sharp pain went straight down to my crotch, causing all my muscles to clench and a desperate, shocked gasp to burst from my lips.

Jax’s expression didn’t change.

Tears welled in my eyes, but that didn’t stop him from demanding another apology. He was unrelenting and despite every sorry I gave, I was punished with a sharp pinch to my nipples.

“What a pretty color,” Jax murmured, his finger soothing over the swollen, throbbing nipples. I jerked at his touch, wondering how I became this stimulated despite the pain. He leaned down, sucking one into his mouth.

I whimpered, earning a flick of a tongue before Jax popped the nub out of his mouth. He made his way over to the other one and I wiggled beneath him.

“You had enough yet?”

I opened my mouth, the “yes” so desperate to come out and free myself from this torture. “No…,” I whined. My throbbing pussy took over my body, the hot wet mess trying to rub against the bottom of his underwear in desperation. Something to collapse the building of need that had grown inside of me with every pinch. I had never thought of myself as a masochist, but with each nip and sharp pain, I had thrown away my unease for pleasure. How could something so painful feel so good?

“Good answer.” Jax grinned. “But bad girls don’t get what they want.”

Jax rose to his knees, pulling away from my hips. The warmth of his body was replaced by a cold breeze and even that was almost enough to make me come right there and then. He had just played with my nipples, and a mild breeze almost had me tipping over the edge.

“Nuh-uh-uh,” Jax teased, his hands pushing apart my thighs until both were curled around his hips.

I tried to pull him closer, the buckle of the belt rattling against the wood. “Jax…,” I whined, wishing I could escape from this damn thing and take what I needed.

With a small push down on the waistband of his boxers, his cock sprung free from the elastic. It was angry and red, and the black revolver tattoo covered its shaft.

I wonder what he was thinking when he decided to get that one.

Jax shuffled forward until he was so close that my legs had slid up and over his shoulders due to my inflexibility. One hand held one of my thighs, the other wrapped tight around his shaft, giving it one hard tug before dipping it between my folds.

“Apologize. For real this time,” Jax growled, his cock poised at my entrance.

The anticipation was so overwhelming that I could barely get the words out and tears rolled down my cheeks at the fear I wouldn’t be able to say it. That I wouldn’t be able to get my release. But just as I thought it wouldn’t arrive, the soft, small words escaped. “I’m sorry!” I whined. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m—”

Jax’s cock slammed home.

I screamed.

With all the passion from our first time, I hadn’t had time to adjust to the huge size of him, and I wasn’t given that luxury this time either. He bottomed out and slammed back in all the way to the hilt. His pubic hairs brushed against my shorter ones and the rough rub of them against each other had my insides clenching around him.

“Fuck, Ronnie,” Jax grunted with each slap. I’m sure he tried to repeat it, but it dissolved into just hard, frustrated growls of pleasure, pushing me past my limits and higher than I ever thought I could go.

If I thought Jax had been teasing me with my nipples earlier, I was so wrong as he brushed against my G-spot again and again without hitting it. I was rising and rising with no sign of coming down. I was suffocating in pleasure, muscles crying out in pain and eyes streaming with tears.

Jax shoved his body forward, my hips almost slamming into my nose, and with a loud, echoing snap, the leather from my hands dropped to the bed and I was released.

“Hold onto me,” Jax snapped, dropping back on his haunches, hands going to my hips.

My hands cried out in pain as I tore them from the fisted sheets and lurched around his neck and back. My nails dug into his skin and Jax’s head pressed into the nape of my neck as his heavy blows to my vagina quickened into a thundering, racing beat.

“Jax!” I cried, digging my nails in harder into his skin until I felt the small trickle of blood.

“Come!” Jax snapped, and on command, I flew over the edge.

I cried out with such force no noise came out, my vagina feeling like it had exploded into a thousand little pieces, my body rippling with the overwhelming, electric pleasure that turned me to stone before I melted into molten liquid.

My hands slipped from his neck, dropping into the soft sheets. My limbs shook like a broken-in horse, my energy drained and my head whirling with such a heavy delirium I wouldn’t have even been able to say my name.

“Fuck,” Jax coughed, dropping down to the side of me. His chest galloped a million miles per hour as he spread out, defeated and worn.

“Yeah…,” I mumbled.

Jax gave a tired chuckle.

After a few more minutes of panting breaths and radiating heat filling the room, Jax somehow managed to have the energy to turn onto his side and face me.

“Am I forgiven then? For not tying you up?” Jax reached up to brush a sticky piece of hair that had caught in my mouth. I was as soggy as a tree after a storm, but Jax didn’t care, his body coated in the same sheen of sweat.

“Only if I’m forgiven for being a wimpy girl about it.”

His dark eyes crinkled in amusement.

“Babe, if I’ve learned anything over my twenty-nine years of life, it’s that there’s no such thing as a wimpy girl. You lot are strong as stone.”

“Stone can be broken,” I whispered, catching his softened gaze. His mellowed aura bled into me, and even at the weakness in my voice, he didn’t give me a single look of pity or rejection.

“Fine.” Jax huffed. “The strongest metal. Or the strongest gem stone. A diamond. You girls like diamonds, right?”

“Ha,” I laughed, the action causing a hot ache to flood across my body. Exercise was tough. “Now you’re treading into sexist territory.”

Jax mocked a gasp, throwing his dark hand to his chest. “I would never.”

I mustered up my shallow reserve of energy to give him a little push with my hand. Of course, he didn’t pretend to be a little off balance at my pathetic shove.

Instead, he caught my wrist, the touch making me hiss at the light sting shooting down my arm. Jax gave the red marks a look of contempt.

“What’s wrong?”

Jax’s finger traced the mark with careful strokes as not to provoke the soreness of my skin. “I don’t like leaving marks; it’s poor craftmanship.”

“Craftsmanship?” I scoffed. “Don’t these kinds of things just come with the kink?”

“No,” Jax shook his head. “Amateurs leave marks. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I thought BDSM was all about leaving marks on your possessions?”

Jax’s expression flattened. “Please don’t tell me you were reading that Fifty Shades of Crap book?” His lips pulled tight and he fixed me with such a glare I almost felt uneasy. Not quite. But close.

I shrugged. “No. But Mallory was telling me about it and—”

“Don’t listen to Mallory,” Jax scolded, the pout of his face getting cuter the longer I looked at it. “One, no girl is a possession. Sure, they can belong to someone, but that’s only if they want to. Our old ladies belong to us, but they can do whatever they like. They’re not an object someone can pick up and throw away as they please.”

That had my respect flying high up the charts for the men in the club. When I’d heard about the old ladies being “owned” by the men by wearing their name on their backs, it had unsettled me for sure. Being owned by a man was the last thing I wanted… something I’d been too familiar with. I wanted an equal relationship with my partner. Someone who I could depend on to have my back, even if I had nothing to offer. Someone who I’d offer the same courtesy too. I wasn’t a trophy wife, and I wasn’t meant to be a display for man’s ego.

But now hearing that explanation and meeting the women who were as happy as could be with their respective partners made me think I had misjudged the Black Angels and what they stood for. Maybe their culture wasn’t such a dirty thing after all?

“And two, a real master can leave marks deeper than on the skin,” Jax whispered, his voice dropping low with that husky growl as one finger ran up the line of my stomach. “The ones only the M can see.” He stopped just beneath my breast, but my breath had already quickened, and my aching clit throbbed at his light touch.

Jax watched the reaction with those dark, sinful eyes before he broke away and it turned into a satisfied smile.

“See?”

I tutted. “All right, asshole.” I flicked his hand away, and with energy I didn’t have, I pushed myself up to stand.

“Where are you running off to?” Jax grumbled, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

“A shower. You left a little present for me to clean up.” I pointed down to the wetness I felt dripping down the inside of my leg.

Jax gave it a look of pure satisfaction. But it only lasted a second, before his face fell like a white sheet.

“Shit.” He jerked from the bed, causing me to jump back in surprise. “You’re on birth control, right?”

A sharp sting knotted deep in my chest, my brows furrowing at his reaction.

“No!” Jax snapped, running to my side, hands capturing my arms in a gentle but firm grasp. He lowered his head until the small difference in height was gone and looked me in the eyes. “Don’t be upset. I mean, I want kids eventually . But we just started, you know, being us and I’m not ready to be changing diapers, and the crying, and the lack of sex and—” Jax’s panicked expression quickly turned into one of frustration. “Why are you laughing at me?”

“Fuck,” I wheezed, the silent gasp for air like a glass of cold water in the desert as I could barely contain myself. “I just got a little offended and then that comes out your mouth… It’s too funny.”

I reached up to wipe tears from my eyes as Jax scowled, his sweat-coated hair falling in front of his eyes at the reappearance of that little pout. Jax, not being the type to do nothing when being ridiculed, struck back. Literally.

I squealed at the harsh, throbbing hand mark burning into my ass. “Jax!” I yelped, my laughter having been shocked out of me.

“Go get your shower before I change my mind about having kids right now.”

I wanted to turn around and bite his head off for the mark on my ass. A master doesn’t leave marks— Yeah, right, asshole. But I knew when my luck was pushed and from the flinch across his bemused expression, I could see Jax’s alter ego enjoyed my little reaction.

My body throbbed.

Knowing I couldn’t take a second wonderful punishment from his demanding hands, I scuttled into the bathroom before Jax really did change his mind.

“Ronnie?” Jax called after me just as I was about to shut the door.

“Yeah?”

“You are on birth control, right?” Jax’s worried expression returned. “If not, I can pick something up for you or…?”

“Don’t worry, Jax.” I gave him a reassuring smile. “You’re safe.”

With that Jax gave me a solemn nod and I closed the door behind me.

I looked down at the warmth trickling down the inside of my knee, my hand pressing against the depth of my stomach. “Safe, huh?”

With that I turned on the spray of the shower and stepped underneath, its warmth working on cleaning my body and mindas I pretended I would never have to have that conversation anytime soon.

Hopefully never.

If only I was that lucky….