Page 20

Chapter Nineteen

Jax

“I can’t do it,” Ronnie whispered. My heart throbbed.

“You can,” I tried to encourage her, but the crestfallen expression on her face had already taken hold. Her self-confidence had plummeted, and I knew that the past had yet to be completely rewritten, but to write it off so quick would be an act of suicide.

One I couldn’t let happen.

“I don’t want to push.” Ronnie shook her head, green eyes dark and muted as she looked up at the huge figure in front of her. “I’m not ready.”

“You’ve been ready for a long time, Ronnie.” I pressed my hand to her lower back, my eyes steady. “We’ll do it after three. Ready?”

“Jax, I—”

“One…,” I called, watching her hands grip tighter, eyes looking to me for reassurance. “Two...”

“Jax…,” she whined.

“ Three !” I yelled, giving her a push as she jumped from the ground, her other leg swinging in a high arc through the air until her body came down on the leather saddle with a cushioned thump.

Max stiffened at the weight thrust down upon her. Her breathing hitched on her chest, and she stared down hard at the grass. She took in a deep breath, Ronnie and I staring at her with such intense stares as we waited for reaction.

Maybe it’s too early? Did I push her too quick? Did I—

Max gave a loud huff in annoyance but allowed the rider to settle on the smooth ridge of her back.

Looks like I worried for nothing.

“I did it,” she breathed. “She let me on her back!”

Ronnie’s squealing voice startled Max just a little, but it was enough to still the big mare. Ronnie noted it too and with a small, shy gasp, she said, “Baby steps,” reaching out a hand for support.

She found my shoulder under her palm and my hands went around the soft flesh of her waist. She swung her hips toward me, and in a single, smooth motion she slid down the side of the horse onto the ground.

“Good girl.” I smirked, her brown hair flopping loose from her pony tail.

“I’m not a dog.” She scowled, her hands going for the loose skin of my bicep.

I caught her before she could do damage and watched her glossed lips puff into a pout on her face. Her eyes didn’t look at me but at the hand around her arm. She didn’t tug it loose. She just stared at it. As if waiting… I wondered what for?

Just kidding.

I tugged her forward until her chest crashed into mine. My face dipped as hers looked up to mine in surprise, exposing what I desired. I caught her gasp as I took her lips and fulfilled her need in a quick, swift gesture.

When our mouths parted, tasting the faint strawberry balm she put on earlier, I licked my lips to secure the sweet taste.

“What was that for?” she whispered, her own hand going to her moist lips like a sweet virgin having her first taste of a man. It was the expression I saw any time I kissed her sweetly. My gentle side seemed to bring out her innocent side, and her tomboy facade faded from the girl who lacked experience.

While I didn’t know her past, I knew she wasn’t a virgin, but when it came to a real man, I had been with enough women to know she was ignorant in the face of one.

“I wanted to.” I shrugged. “If I can do it, why shouldn’t I?”

“You’re so full of yourself.” Ronnie rolled her eyes, huffing her hair away from her face. She tugged loose and I let her go. There was no need to fight a woman who had no intention of escaping me.

This one was mine. Not borrowed. Not temporary. She was permanent. And most importantly, she belonged to me alone.

“Stop it,” Ronnie grumbled, pulling me out of my wandering thoughts. I was staring at her, and it wasn’t a surprised she noticed my intense glare.

“Why should I?”

“Jeez, were you always this obnoxious to the girls you’ve dated?” she tutted, busying herself with untacking Max’s reins. The beast was nibbling on the side of her hair as Ronnie ducked under her neck to fiddle with the straps around her chest.

“I’ve never dated any girl.”

“ Never? ” Ronnie gasped, her head popping out from Max’s shoulder like a mutated growth. Even Max, at the sound of Ronnie’s voice, whipped her head to stare at me. Both of their eyes stared me down with surprise and an unjustified amount of disbelief.

“Why is that so surprising to you?” I grumbled, feeling offended.

“Well, I just… I mean.” Ronnie fumbled, eyes going everywhere but my face.

“That I’m a man-whore?”

Sure, I’d had one-night stands, long weekend sex parties, and the occasional fuck buddy, I wouldn’t deny it. But the truth was that there hadn’t been a girl to keep my attention long enough for me to become attached. Girls had been like water slipping through my fingers. I hadn’t cared to hold onto them and never felt bad when they left. Girls came and went like the tide. That was just the way it was for me.

Until Ronnie. She was like a dog pawing at my feet for years, begging to belong to me. To wear my tag around her neck and be at my side at every moment.

I bet Ronnie would look nice with a collar on.

Or even a leash.

I tugged at the rope around my shoulder, fingers running along the coarse knots, my mind calming with the motion.

“So, you’ve never even been on a date?” Ronnie shook her head, my words still rebounding off that rock-solid head of hers. “What about those girls in high school?”

“They were in it for the sex. Nothing like a ride on the hottest cowboy to make you feel more mature.”

“Ew. Gross.” Ronnie shook her head, tucking herself back around Max’s front as the leather straps came loose. She went around to her other side to unbuckle her saddle and pull up her stirrups.

“You’re not mad at me for it, are you?” I frowned, picking up my feet and going around the front of Max until I was around her side, watching her unfasten the belts with concentration.

“Mad at you?” Ronnie glanced up at me. “No, I’m not mad. I’ve known you’ve been a huge flirt since you walked out the womb, Jax. I figured that’d be the one thing that wouldn’t change with you.” A smirk pricked at the corners of her lips, and yet I felt like I was standing on shaky ground.

I’d seen so many brothers meet the wrath of their old ladies for their past with women. Especially the club whores. Many civilian girls couldn’t handle that kind of club life, and the men would end up punished because of it. I never understood it.

But, fuck, I could understand why they would get on their knees and apologize for that shit. I felt the unease creeping up my chest, waiting for her to lash out at me for it, and I was ready to drop to my knees and surrender just to appease her. But lying about my history with women wouldn’t sit well with me either. It was the way it was. I didn’t feel guilty about it whatsoever. I just didn’t want Ronnie to be mad at me for it. I didn’t want her to be hurt by it like I knew the other women had been.

“Ronnie, baby, about the—”

“If you’re about to apologize, don’t bother, Jax.” Ronnie turned, her hands propping up on her hips, fixing me with a glare.

“Ro—”

“ Jax, ” Ronnie growled, taking a step into my space.

That dirt was sure looking nice about now. Maybe I should just get it over with and get down there. Maybe if I—

It was so quick that I almost missed the soft, swift kiss against my lips. I stared at the green eyes looking up into mine.

“That’s what you get for trying to apologize.” Ronnie smirked, shaking her head at me. Her hands gripped the lapels of my shirt, anchoring me tight against her chest. “I know exactly who you are, Jax. You don’t have to apologize for being you. Whether it’s the violence or the sex or whatever hell else you do. I won’t pretend it doesn’t exist. I won’t turn a blind eye. And I certainly won’t live in a fantasy world where you’re a perfect man. You’re just Jax, and sex with lots of people was a part of your past. That’s just how it is. And I’m okay with accepting that.”

“Holy shit…,” I breathed. Was this woman for real?

“What?” Ronnie frowned, tilting her small, oval face in confusion.

“Just thinking how lucky I am.”

“You’re so soppy.” Ronnie cringed, sticking her tongue out at me.

I didn’t pass up the offer as I descended on her lips. Tasting the sweet flesh between my teeth, I delved deeper into her mouth. That sweet strawberry taste burst across my tongue, and if I were a cat, I would have fucking purred. Instead, my hand buried into the wild, nest of hair attached to her head. I tugged on the mess, demanding more access until her quiet moan tugged at my concentration. I broke apart for a moment, looking into her glazed eyes focused solely on mine. “I’m only this way for you,” I confessed.

I had never said anything sweet to any girl before. Except for the club women who were more like an annoying band of sisters, I never paid this much attention to any one woman alone.

Ronnie didn’t smile or blink. She did one better.

Her hands pulled tighter on my shirt and my head jerked toward hers. “Kiss me,” she breathed, her breath rolling over my damp lips.

Don’t have to ask me twice.

I dived back down for her, and she pushed her hips into mine, her crotch grinding against my own hardening area. I growled, tugging her hair harder, wanting, demanding more.

But not getting it.

Max’s fat ass swung into my side hard enough to send me stumbling, dragging Ronnie along with me.

I’d like to say I had the grace to catch myself or at least stop Ronnie’s fall. But I could do neither.

I hit the ground hard seconds before Ronnie fell beside me with a yelp that matched mine.

Our groans were synchronized as the dust around us finally settled, leaving just our bodies laid prone on the dirt. I was met with Max’s smug huff in my direction before she walked on past me.

Bitch.

“You sure you don’t want to put that thing down?” I moaned, shifting my body to check for damages.

A thump landed lightly against my side. “Don’t even kid about that,” Ronnie chided, lifting herself up to sit next to me.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t make jokes like that,” I apologized, sitting once I knew nothing was damaged. Except for the bruised muscles down my back. In my elbow. In my hand.

Good thing I wasn’t joking.

Damn beast.

We both managed to drag ourselves up to our feet and dust ourselves off as best we could.

“Now,” I huffed. “Where were we?”

My hands went to her waist, and she didn’t resist as I pulled her in closer. But as I went for the kiss, Ronnie’s head jerked backward.

I tensed.

“What’s up?”

“I’ve got a better idea.” Ronnie smirked, and I knew that little glint in her eye.

“What are you up to, Little Miss Ronnie Marsh?” I purred, the no-good telltales across her face, alongside a soft, cute blush rolling onto the tops of her cheeks.

“How about a date?”

“A date?” I looked up to the sky in pondering, tugging her into my chest. “Why?”

“You had one of my firsts, so how about I take one of yours?”

“A first kiss is hardly worthy of a first date,” I teased, watching her eyes turn into an angry little glower. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t help pissing her off.

It wasn’t like Wolf and Anna, who got their rocks off on starting a fight with each other. This kind tasted sweet on the tip of my tongue, seeing those little angry eyes looking just at me and me alone. I couldn’t resist it.

“Don’t get full of yourself, asshat,” Ronnie grunted, giving me a sharp pinch, shoving away from me. “If you don’t want to graduate from your date-virginity, then you can stay a cherry-boy forever.”

I laughed.

“Fine, fine.” I lunged back for her, arms coming around hers as I stopped her escape. She had barely gotten two feet anyway—she hadn’t even tried to fight me.

Good girl.

“A date it is,” I whispered into her ear, pressing a soft kiss against the side of her cheek and tasting the bitter dirt stuck to her skin.

Goddamn horse.

“But you gotta make it good. I want my first time to be memorable.”

“Don’t worry, princess.” Ronnie smirked. “It will be.”

“Will there be food?” My teeth nipped against the top of her ear.

“Yes,” she gasped.

“Will there be music?” My hand slipped under the rim of her shirt, her stomach flinching at my touch, hips backing into my front.

“Yes.”

“Will there be sex?” I purred, making sure my teeth blew into the hollow of her ear. She shivered.

“Maybe.” Her hand went for my jeans, clutching them tight as her weight tipped back into mine, legs weakening beneath my touch.

“Just maybe…?” I growled, my hand sliding higher toward her bra.

“If you’re good.”

“Baby,” I tutted, my hand slipping down the cup of her bra. “I’m never good.”

Her breath shuddered, her head lolling back to my shoulder. Anticipation built as my finger ringed around her areola.

“Fine,” she gasped on a caving breath.

“Good,” I chirped, pulling my hand out from under her T-shirt as she jerked to reality. My hand gave a sweet, light slap against her ass and I trotted off on my way.

“Hey!” she snapped, behind me.

I turned back and flashed her a bright smile.

“Pick me up at six!”

This is gonna be fun.

* * *

“T his is what you call a date?”

“Shut up,” Ronnie growled. “It’s just a little farther.”

“Hmm,” I grumbled, brushing the touch of a fir’s arm out of my face. I looked up, seeing the bright sky had begun to pale with evening purples and blues. “Are we going to get there before it gets dark?”

“Gosh!” Ronnie whipped around to face me, twigs and brushes snapping and hissing at the movement. “Why are you being so impatient?”

I looked to her little shorts, the tank top, and light tartan shirt slung over her shoulders. I could see the bottom of her scar peeking out her side. When we’d started this walk, she’d been pulling on her shirt, so it would cover the scar, but the more frustrated she’d become during our… hike?... she’d given up on the action, not caring. But the point was that my girl was comfortable enough to wear shorts in front of me. And if I was being conceited—which I always was—I’d say she even wore them to tempt me.

“Don’t lick your lips.” Ronnie’s voice cut into my staring. My eyes jumped up from her legs, hand going to my mouth to feel my damp lips.

I hadn’t even realized I’d done it.

I stepped over a small blush to get closer to her. “I can’t help it; I’m hungry.”

“You can eat in a minute, we’re—”

“If you say we’re almost there, I’m going to bite you,” I grumbled, hand reaching out to her shoulder. She jerked at the movement but otherwise leaned into the support of my hand as it inched up closer to her neck. Her long hair swept over the back of my hand and I appreciated its soft touch.

“Can’t I have a snack now?” I purred, reaching up to brush the hair back. My other palm pressed against the inside of her neck, causing her head to tilt into it. The side of her nape was exposed, and I could see the faint thrum of her heartbeat underneath the surface of her skin.

“You can eat in a minute. It’s— OUCH!” Ronnie squealed, jumping out of my grasp. Her hand flew to her neck. “You bit me!”

“You were about to say we’re almost there. Which let’s face it, we’re not.” I sighed, propping my hand up on my hip like I’d seen the women in the club do so much it was comical. “I was promised a romantic date with food and sex. Lots of sex. And yet, we’ve been walking through the back of the woods for almost an hour.”

“I want to shove a tampon in your mouth to stop that girly shit coming out,” Ronnie huffed. Her green eyes narrowed with annoyance, and I had to fight the quirk of my lip.

“Don’t be so crass.” I gasped, my hand going to my chest. “You’re supposed to be wooing me.”

“Woo you?” she scoffed. “All I’d have to do to woo you is throw my panties in your face.”

“Is that an offer?” I purred, dropping my facade. I was done waiting for my date. If I couldn’t go to the date, I was going to bring it to me.

Ronnie’s annoyance changed to caution. Her eyes widened, and her body retreated a step.

“Let’s skip the food part of our date and get to the bit we’ve both been waiting for, Ronnie?” I reached for the hem of my black shirt and pulled it up over my head.

Ronnie watched it fly over my shoulder with wide eyes. “B-but we’re in the middle of the woods.”

“You scared the squirrels will see your naked ass?”

“No!” she snapped, her lips pouting.

“Then what’s your problem?” I reached my hands out to grab the tree branch hanging just above her head, holding on it with both hands caging her in. I didn’t touch her, but her smell was all around me as I leaned in close. I could feel her stuttered breaths began to touch my skin.

“Th-the picnic… we can’t just leave it,” Ronnie whispered.

“Hm?” I purred. “You don’t sound all that bothered to me.”

Still hanging onto the branch above, I leaned down close until her cheek was a hair’s breadth from my nose, the heat from her red face radiating to me.

Those beautiful green eyes couldn’t decide whether to look into my eyes or at my lips. Her own tongue poked out her mouth, ready to lick her own lips, and not realizing how close we were, they instead touched mine.

She gasped in surprise, eyes jumping to mine.

So goddamn cute.

My arm was shaking with impatience, the urge to grab her and take her right there and then was overwhelming. But that wasn’t my goal. It had been my turn for far too long. This time it was hers.

“Kiss me, Ronnie,” I growled.

I didn’t have to ask twice.

The small gap between us disappeared and her soft lips pressed against mine. They were sweet, gentle, and timid. Different from every time I’d initiated the kiss.

“Hmmm,” Ronnie murmured, leaning back just enough to look me in the eyes. Her tongue poked out her mouth for a second time, and in a long, slow gesture, it glazed over her lips. “You taste like a tree.”

Then she smiled. She fucking smiled.

My restraint snapped.

I jerked forward, grasping her lips between my teeth, wanting to bite them until they bled just to have that shy hiss once more. I wanted to take her ass with my hands and her tits in my palms. I wanted to make her gasp and cry with every tool I had at my disposal.

But I held back, sucking them hard into my mouth until she took in a sharp breath. Her hands grasped my hair and I felt a sharp sting at her pull, but it only turned me on more.

“Ron—”

It snapped.

Not my restraint or hers. Not my patience.

The branch.

“Shit!” I yelled as I went stumbling forward, crashing into Ronnie’s small body and taking her into the brush with me.

We were slapped with leaves, stabbed with twigs, and hit with the hard ground as we slammed into the grass-covered ground. My back felt all of it as Ronnie’s weight pressed down on my wheezing chest, my hands gripped like a vice around her back. Her brown hair was in my face and I felt her chin digging into my collarbone.

“How many times are we going to do this,” I groaned, my chest throbbing with the pain the small girl was inflicting on top of me. “Fuck, Ronnie, you hurt.”

“Not as much as you, you bastard.” Ronnie groaned, lifting her head from my chest. She huffed, flicking her hair out of her face as much as she could to look down at me.

“Touché,” I breathed.

At least I caught her this time. I suppose that was one good thing.

“I’m gonna get up now,” Ronnie warned, beginning to jostle on my chest.

Fuck, that hurt.

“No, no, no.” I grabbed her hips tight in my palms, pressing her down against me.

“Sorry, did that hurt?”

Yes, it fucking did.

“No,” I lied. “I just prefer you like this.”

“Aren’t I heavy?” Ronnie worried, nibbling on her bottom lip.

I released a bruised hand and brushed my thumb against it. “A little.” I smirked. “But I like the feeling of your tits on my chest a little too much.”

Ronnie deadpanned.

“OUCH!” I squealed like a little girl as Ronnie jerked up to her feet with a knee in the ribs and an elbow in the shoulder.

“You’re such a—” I whimpered, writhing on the floor.

“Finish that, I dare you,” Ronnie grumbled, dusting herself off from where she stood next to me. I wrapped a hand around my ribs, taking slow breaths.

My girl is savage.

My self-pity didn’t last long, however, as I heard Ronnie’s sharp gasp. I jerked from the ground, careless to my injuries and flipped onto all fours. “What is i—”

“Ha!” Ronnie’s loud, obnoxious laugh had me stiffening to a stop. “I told you so!”

I followed her gaze and felt her smugness like a suffocating pillow on my face. “Damn,” I grumbled, looking at the blanket laid out next to a large body of water and a pebbled coast. It was about the size of a small lake, but the way the deep orange sun beat down on the surface of the water, casting a warm glow across the bed of stones underneath the surface, I was amazed at the beauty of it.

“How did you find this place?” I asked in awe, bringing myself to my feet to get a better look. “I didn’t even know this existed.”

“Chased a rabbit that was trying to steal a bundle of hay. Was wondering where it was hiding, and I ended up out here.” Ronnie shrugged, pulling her fingers through her hair as she looked between me and the small lake. “It’s safe to say I got distracted and the rabbit got away.”

“You chased a rabbit this far into the woods?”

“There’s a shorter way here, I swear to God,” Ronnie grumbled, still upset about our… detour.

“That’s one out of three, checked.”

“What?”

“The date’s memorable already.” I smiled, and Ronnie met me with an even more beautiful one, with teeth and the wrinkles in the corners of her eyes that I didn’t get to see very often.

“Well.” Ronnie puffed out her chest, a leaf falling from the top of her bra. “Now let’s check off the last two.”

“Can we start with the sex?” I nudged her side.

“No.” Ronnie looked down at the basket parked next to the basket. “I have to woo you first.” she smirked.

“You’re right.” I laughed, taking my seat on the grassy bank where the blanket was bathing in the evening light peeking through the tree tops. “I don’t put out that easily after all.”

Ronnie scoffed.

“Unless you still want to throw your panties in my face… I’d put out for t— Ow!” I groaned, the ache in my side.

“Go find your shirt before I confiscate your food.”

My stomach grumbled. I looked to the flattened bushes where we made our spectacular landing.

Can I even find it?

“Fine.” I pouted getting up from the blanket. “But don’t start without me.”

“Don’t worry,” Ronnie chuckled over her shoulder. “I’ve waited this long for a date with you. I can wait a little longer.”

I paused, looking at the back of her. I recalled the look of the fragile girl that had arrived on the compound that day. For so long, I had been trying to look through the ghost of the person who stood before me, for a glimpse of the young girl I had once known. But now, looking at that straight back, long hair, and confidence that had bloomed while she had been here, I knew I didn’t have to look any longer.

She is all I need.