Page 19

Chapter Eighteen

Ronnie

“K ILL IT!” I screeched, racing after the small blonde. Anna ducked around the table, the thing between us as we battled. She feinted left, and I jerked, but when she ducked right, I made a quick turn and ran. It was chaos. Both inside my mind and out in the room. But I didn’t care at that moment. I was out for blood!

“Want some sugar?” Bell sighed, pushing the tray of sugar cubes over to Mallory. The redhead gave the tray a curious look.

“Who even uses sugar cubes anymore?” she chided, taking two.

“Aren’t you offended?” Anna huffed, beginning to look out of breath.

“I would be, if I hadn’t been raised on them.” I chuckled, the sound coming out more menacing as I saw Anna slowing down. “‘If it’s good for the horses, it’s good for the kids,’ to quote my mom.”

I skipped around Mallory’s chair, making her long ponytail swish at the movement.

Anna gasped and ducked behind Bell, the girl rolling her eyes as Anna almost jerked the chair out from underneath her. “Jeez!” Bell snapped. “It’s just a video, V. It’s not even that bad!”

“I’m basically naked, giving body shots to men!” I screeched, the heat flushed across my cheeks as bright as a smacked ass. I would honestly want the spanking more than this.

“I’m so embarrassed,” I whined, dropping into the seat on the other side of Mallory, my head hitting the wood-chipped table, white flecks spraying into the air at the sudden force.

“I feel like I’ve been in a similar situation before,” Mallory pondered. I tilted my head just enough to see her eyes drifting deep into her coffee. “Mine was way worse, though.”

“Why? What happened?”

Before Mallory could answer, Anna chipped in, her voice like a hiss, as a smile I could only describe as evil took over her face. “She got arrested at the airport.”

“Arrested?” I jerked up, shooting the ginger a look. She turned and gave Anna a bitter glare.

“I still haven’t forgiven you.”

“You don’t have to.” Anna shrugged, tossing the short white strands of her hair. “I don’t feel the need to be forgiven.”

“This is the reason we’ve been banned from seeing each other all week,” Mallory hissed. “You always get us into trouble.”

“Very true. I got grounded.” Bell huffed. “At twenty.”

“Twenty might as well be two for a club princess.” Anna gave her a gentle shove as she took the chair up next to Bell after making sure I wasn’t going to jump up after her again. I honestly didn’t have the emotional energy to commit to that kind of chase for the second time. I had a feeling Anna had dirty tricks up her sleeves. Tricks I did not want to encounter.

Not to mention, the bruise from her fight at the club hadn’t yet faded, and after witnessing the hell she brought forth, I was convinced I didn’t want to end up her enemy.

“So… any clue as to why we’re not on probation anymore?” I pondered allowed, looking to the girls for insight.

“A run is coming up soon, I’m assuming. Boys like us girls kept tight together when they’re not all around.” Bell shrugged. “Men assume us women can’t handle ourselves.”

“You’re not a woman yet, baby girl,” Anna chipped, earning a glare from the flustered brunette that I couldn’t seem to read.

“Either way, the men are right,” Mallory conceded, a distant look seeming to glaze over her eyes as she exchanged glances with Anna. “We’re not strong enough by ourselves. Not if there are more enemies out there. Especially enemies of the club.”

“Who’s to say we have any?” Anna shrugged, rolling her eyes away from the redhead. “There ain’t been a threat since the boys cleared out the Black Jacks, anyway. I mean, nothing more than the usual at least.”

I glanced at Anna, frowning at her lie. She looked up, catching my expression before giving a small but obvious shake of her head.

There were things the women were better off not knowing.

I wasn’t okay with hiding the threat, but Anna seemed to be queen bee around here and being new to the club life, I didn’t feel as if I the right to interfere with her decision. Even if it didn’t sit well with me. I’d have to ask about it later…

“They may have gotten the Black Jacks, but who’s to say there aren’t anymore? I can’t repeat last time. Not again.” Mallory’s hands tightened around the cup, the faint squeak of her sweaty palm sliding against the exterior porcelain like the sharp whistle of a violin.

I looked up to Anna, to see her blonde hair falling a little in front of her eyes, casting a shadow over her baby blues that seemed too dark for me to touch.

I reached out, letting my hand wrap around Mallory’s wrist. She jumped at first, almost making me recoil my hand, but before I could, she recovered. Her smaller hand fitted over mine, soft and gentle as she returned my squeeze.

Nobody said anything. And after a moment, I let go.

I didn’t know how to comfort somebody I didn’t know all that well about something I had absolutely no clue about, but I couldn’t fight the stirring feeling of not wanting to leave her alone. I just hoped my small gesture helped comfort her somewhat.

“Well, I think I’m done with coffee.” I shoved my chair back, the aged thing creaking against the weak wood floor. “Anybody up for an adventure?”

“An adventure?” Bell scoffed. “I keep forgetting you’re from the boonies.”

“Not the boonies. Just the South.” I shrugged, unphased by the jibe. I didn’t deny it. There was no need to. As much as I didn’t much care for my history with the place, Texas was my home and there would never be anywhere else quite like it. “Care to join?”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure your definition of an adventure is a lot safer than hers.” Mallory gave Anna a pointed look, who didn’t have a single ounce of shame to show in return.

She didn’t regret it one single bit.

“I’m always up for a bit of trouble.” Anna winked, joining me in standing.

And my little knights, one by one fell in line behind me until we were all bouncing to get out the door. “An adventure it is!” I announced, waving a hand in the air like a classic film general.

“An adventure, huh?” The voice was deep and guttural in a way that made all us freeze at the sound of it.

“ Wolf ,” Anna raised a brow, arms crossed over her large chest.

With a quick flicker down to her tits, his eyes then held her blue ones. “ Anna. ”

The moment felt tense but not hostile as the two stared each other down.

I do not get their relationship whatsoever. Is it war? Is it love?

It would make a badass movie, though, I’m sure of it.

“Veronica.” Wolf turned to me, jerking me from my daydream. I was so shocked to hear my name out of his mouth that it stunned me. I had never heard myself be referred to as… well, anything when he was around. Not even a polite “you” or “Jax’s friend”—if I could even call us that at this point.

“Y- yes?” I stuttered, the eminence of his presence causing my tongue to stumble over itself.

“Come with me.” Without even waiting for my brain to catch up to his demand, he turned, ducked, and silently moved his way down the hall.

My eyes sought out an escape, or at least a sense of relief, but even the girls gave me a look of helpless caution.

Time to dig my grave.

With steady feet I forced myself over the kitchen threshold and followed him through the hallway and out of the open doorway. He was waiting for me at the bottom of the steps and upon my arrival, he slowed his stride to match mine until we were walking side by side.

We headed over to the barn in silence where I saw some of the other members of the club gathered. I recognized Mallory’s husband, the huge dark-haired man looming over the others. I saw Mint and Pretty both giving me a weary look as I was escorted by the giant man to what I assumed would be my end. Or something of a traumatizing nature.

The only person I didn’t see, however, was Jax.

“Um, where’s Jax?” I pulled the courage to ask.

At first, he didn’t react, and I thought he didn’t hear me.

“He’s waiting for you.”

Oh.

The walk felt like a lifetime and a single second both at the same time.

I jumped at the hand at my back, Wolf’s huge paw covering most of my shoulder blades and then some as he pushed me away from the ground and toward the huge door, not letting me stop in the group of boys that felt more like an oasis with every step he took me away from them.

My heart began to race as he led me into the barn. Max was out in the pasture, mowing on the shreds of grass growing around the edge of the fence. The only few bunches the glutton had yet to eat. She lifted her head for a moment, and I gave her a look of hope.

Save me!

I’d like to say that Max gave me a glance of concern, but she didn’t. She put her head back down and went back to rubbing her snout into the roots near the posts, not even giving me a passing thought. After everything I had done, I would have hoped to be more of a priority for that horse than her damn food.

Fat pig.

I heard a loud huff from the pasture.

I tutted, but the moment of annoyance was too little to break my nervousness as we stepped into the barn’s shade. My eyes adjusted from the bright sun to the dim barn, and I saw his silhouette over near the saddles.

“Jax,” Wolf barked, causing the six-foot man to jump out of his skin. He whipped around to face his president, eyes flickering from the man’s face to mine, confusion radiating from him.

“Get it done.” With that, Wolf gave me a shove, my feet stumbling forward, catching myself just before I hit the floor.

He then turned and walked out the door without looking back.

“What the hell?” I grumbled, watching his empty face.

This is not the adventure I signed up for….

I looked back to Jax, hoping he had some answers for me, even though I expected to see him just as confused as I was. Whatever Wolf had said when he left must have carried some meaning because Jax’s expression had changed .

He, too, was looking at the space Wolf had abandoned, the doorway filled with bright Oregon daylight, but unlike me, his face was one of resolution… of understanding.

“Jax…?” I muttered, taking a cautious, timid step toward him.

His gaze turned to me in a smooth sweep, hair flicking around his eyes causing his arm to brush it out of the way. He was wearing a white flannel shirt, the sleeves rolled all the way up to his elbows exposing the collective mandala of tattoos. These were Polynesian, Jax had told me before. They were symbolic and although he had told me what they meant, I couldn’t recall the words. It didn’t take from their steady beauty, however, and my eyes were caught by them at every one of his movements.

So much so, I didn’t notice how close they grew until the warm smell of crisp fall grass, and the slight stench of sweat caught my attention. He must have been doing something in the barn, unaware of his brothers’ gathering, as I noticed the worn rag tucked through one of the belt loops of his jeans.

“Ronnie,” Jax coaxed my eyes upwards. His hair, pushed back across the top of his head, was rebelling, falling forward as it swayed in front of my vision and his. Deep brown eyes looked past it, as if it wasn’t even there, wasn’t even a distraction, and he looked at my face.

“What?” I whispered, not sure why I did but unable to bring my voice any louder.

“That talk I promised you,” he said, his rough hand coming around my wrist. “We’re about to have it.”

“We are?”

That isn’t what I was expecting.

It had been almost four weeks now since Jax demanded we would talk about that night after the storm. It had been almost a month since then that Jax had rebutted my request for a talk. After two failed attempts, it wasn’t unsurprising that I had just accepted that the talk was never coming. Out of all the conversations Wolf could have instigated between me and Jax, this was not the one I would have guessed. Maybe something more on the lines of “Go home” or “You’re no longer welcome here.”

“Come back to me, Ronnie.” Jax chuckled, earning my attention.

“What?”

“You drifted off a bit there.”

Jax looked more amused at my daydreaming than I was as I looked down to see us sitting on a bench made solely of hay bales.

“All right then.” I sat up straight, giving my body a jiggle, the very faint tightness over my chest nothing more than a mild nuisance nowadays as I settled myself in. “Let’s talk.”

“Right.” Jax took in a deep breath, brushing his hair back over his head for the third time since I walked in. Was he nervous? I wasn’t sure whether I found that endearing or unsettling. “Where do I even start?”

“Well, there’s the sex. The foreplay in the barn. The kiss before you went on that “run” as you call it. Not to mention when you woke up in bed with me after that night of drinking. Half-naked, I might add.”

“You’ve compiled quite a list there.” Jax chuckled, but it didn’t feel honest. “And looking at it now, it seems I’ve done everything in the wrong order.”

“Are you saying I should have gotten smashed and woken up half-naked with you first?”

“Well, it is a step down from the sex, that’s for sure.”

“You were never a conventional man,” I quipped, earning a small, sympathetic smirk.

“That’s true….” His voice drifted off, more of a mumble to himself than to me, and his head sunk forward a little.

I waited in the silence, just watching him as his frown deepened and lips twitched. He was organizing his thoughts, his face unable to stay still or placid as his mind ran in circles. It seemed to be a trait we both shared. Looked like we both weren’t thinking people.

“Okay,” Jax breathed, back straightening with a slap of his thighs. “I’m ready.”

“All right, Superman, hit me.”

Jax’s tongue peaked from his mouth as he licked his dry lips. My eyes were drawn to the movement and I didn’t notice he had moved his hands to mine until I felt the roughness of his fingers. With a gentle move, he slid his fingers under my palms and pulled my hands until he could wrap around them, the tips of his hands reaching all the way down to my wrist. “When I said I wanted to be friends with you, Ronnie, I meant it. I wanted to repair the relationship we had.”

“Oh my God,” I gasped, feeling the words hit me hard in the chest. “Are you friend-zoning me?”

“No!” Jax snapped. “I’m not friend-zoning you, Ronnie.”

“You totally are!” I gasped, trying to jerk my hands back, but he grasped them tight. “You regret everything about our night together! That’s why you didn’t have sex with me again! That’s why we deescalated. You wanted to let me off easy. You wanted to—”

The taste of dry dirt and hay hit my tongue and my voice was smothered. I tried to scream and bite, and even resorted to licking the palm pressed against my lips in an attempt to get free, but Jax didn’t retreat. He held tight to my face, not letting another word escape.

“Goddammit, Ronnie, will you let me speak for once?” His impatience came through, and my body stilled. Frustration rolled off him in waves, and he gave me a hard glare, making my fight relent against him. Not all the way but just enough for him to give him chance to speak again. “I’m not friend-zoning you. I’m trying to tell you the exact opposite if you’d let me get a word in.”

The opposite of friend-zoning… that meant…

Oh.

Jax must have read some clarity in my eyes, because his hand softened against my face, giving me one last hard look. “I’m going to let you go, okay?” Jax warned. “But you’re not to say a word until I’m done. Understand?”

Waiting until I gave a nod, he let me go, the smothering scent of his hands replaced by the refreshing, humid breath of air. I opened my mouth, and Jax fixed me with a sharp glare.

I shut my mouth.

“When I said I wanted to be friends with you, I meant that my request was genuine. I did want to fix my relationship with you. But as much as I pretended that it was just friends I wanted, that it was just to have the same relationship with you that I had in the past, I couldn’t ignore the truth. I didn’t just want friendship from you, Ronnie. I wanted more.” Jax paused, reaching once more for the hands on my lap as he brought them into his own. His finger rubbed over the back of my hands, the motion repetitive and soothing. “I was a dick about it, I know. I wanted to believe it was only physical from you. Even after that night I got shot. But I wasn’t ready to accept that. But I was even less ready to tell you that and hurt you. That’s why I couldn’t talk to you. I wasn’t ready to accept whatever it was between us. I could see it in your eyes. See it in mine when I looked in the mirror. But I didn’t want to give you false hope. I didn’t want to hurt you if it wasn’t real.”

“That’s why you kept putting off our talk….”

Jax nodded.

“And in the barn, I couldn’t stand you being in pain. I couldn’t stand that you were hurt in the past. That I was so cruel to you despite how fragile you had become. I was mean and a dick, and I wish I could go back and punch myself in the face for how I acted, but I can’t. And I knew that night what I was feeling for you wasn’t just friendship. I accepted it then. But you were hurt and then you wore Mint’s jacket and I was jealous and—”

“Just a jacket made you jealous?” I scoffed, unable to help myself. “It’s just a piece of material.”

“Wearing a guy’s name on your back is not a little thing, Ronnie,” Jax growled, causing my heart to stop. He fixed me with such an intense glare that it was like being transported straight back to that night when he had seen Mint’s jacket on my back, and Mint had immediately taken a step back from him and offered an apology. Looks like that jacket did mean a lot more to him that I understood.

“But you made me wear your jacket…,” I whispered, remember feeling the weight of the leather that night and in the morning. It’s warmth and creases and scent of oil and beer marked me with his scent so well that he might as well have peed on my leg. From what he just told me, it looked like it was the same thing.

“Because you’re my girl, Ronnie.” Jax released my hand as he reached up to touch my face. The length of his palm cupping my cheek, sending tingling warmth across my face and down to my chest where my heart had upgraded from a nervousness to a heavy ba-dum . The movie kind of heart throbbing that made my free hand clutch to his, unsure whether to push it away to get rid of that feeling or hold it closer and cling to the moment.

“You’re kidding.”

Jax shook his head. “You asked me if I ever regretted leaving?”

I asked him that the night of the barn, but…

” You said you didn’t.”

“And I still don’t.”

“But—”

“But.” Jax cut me off, eyes darting across my face, reading me like an open book, which was currently being scribbled all over in black marker. I couldn’t make sense of where he was leading me, and I was sure he could see that.

“There is one thing I regret.” Jax gave me a sad shrug, tilting his head to one side, a breath paused on his lips. He took a moment, eyes looking into mine, not looking away, not letting me go. and then he spoke. “I don’t regret leaving,” he whispered. “But I regret leaving you behind.”

My heart stopped. Tears welled in my eyes. The world began spinning.

I just stared at him shaking my head.

“You’re lying,” I breathed, my voice wobbling to my surprise. The longer he looked into my eyes, head shaking at my question the more I felt that deep hope, the hope I had buried a long time ago.

It couldn’t happen. He couldn’t regret leaving me. He couldn’t feel that way. Not now. Not after all this time.

This was a moment I had only dreamed of since I had set my eyes on him. My love for him from child to adult had only grown, even when apart. Hearing him tell me this kind of thing….

“I’m not lying.”

“Then I’m dreaming,” I persisted, feeling the resilience I had held onto all this time, knowing, being certain, that Jax had been hurt when I didn’t go with him but didn’t regret leaving me behind.

“Crying,” Jax whispered, a contained smile breaking out on his face as his thumb brushed away a wet tear I hadn’t even known fell. “But not dreaming.”

The throb that choked out of my closed throat had my chest aching with that long-forgotten bruise as I threatened to collapse on top of him. “You really want to be with me?”

“I do.”

“Really? Truly?”

Jax smiled, leaning in close to my face. “Really truly.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his other hand pulling mine up close to his face and pressing the softest, gentlest kiss to my fingers.

“If you’ll forgive me for being such a dick, all this time,” Jax whispered, the slight tremor in his own voice slipping through. “Then I want you to be with me. I want you to give me a try.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Jax mimicked, the word haven come out of my mouth so quickly that not even I realized I had said it. But it didn’t change my answer. In fact, it only solidified it as all the resistance, the fight to accept that this was reality, that this was really happening came out in that one single, gushing answer.

I want to be with him.

“Okay!” I yelled, jumping with a surge of energy into his chest, arms going around his neck. My force sent both of us flying backward and off the edge of the bales. The floor met us hard on the other side, and the wind was knocked out of both our chests.

For a moment, we laid there gasping, my head buried on his chest, his arm tight around my back.

“Jesus, Ronnie,” Jax groaned.

I pushed myself up from his chest, my hair falling like a curtain around us as I looked down at him.

“I want to be your girl,” I whispered. “I love you, Jax.”

Jax. Not Jackson.

Jax smiled. A full, boyish, glowing smile breaking across his face and the sight of it made my heart swell.

“Then let’s get started.” Jax grinned, his body shoving up at a moment’s notice, hand coming around my back and flipping me. I was on my back and he was on top of me.

Then he kissed me.

He kissed me softly and gently and full of a passion that melted me under his touch, taking all of him in, and hoping that I could give him even a fraction of that passion as I held onto him and returned the favor.

After years of hoping, dreaming, and pain, I had gotten what I had always wanted.

The man I loved.