Page 15

Chapter Fourteen

Ronnie

J ax had been quiet since he’d gotten back.

I was now hiding behind Max like a coward, running a hand through her soft mane as I took my time brushing out each knot that had managed to build up in the months she hadn’t let me groom her. With the current length, her soft, coppery colors had begun to show beneath the rays of sunlight that caught it, and the dark roots looked thicker and healthier than it had been in a long time.

I ran my fingers through it again and Max leaned a little into my side, pushing me a step back. “Oof, you fat oaf!” I grumbled, scuffing my hand through Max’s mane and mussing up my own hard work. “You almost pushed me over!”

In response, Max just leaned into me again, bashing me a little bit harder.

“ Max! ” I growled, desperate to push her back, but even as I leaned all my weight against her, nothing happened.

I stood back with a huff, my hands on my hips as Max did everything she could to look innocent as she chewed on the basket of grass we’d installed on the side of the pasture.

“Bi—” I began to grumble before Max’s huge huff interrupted me.

I fixed her with a glare before she moved her backside, and I spotted Jax watching us with an amused smile from his perch on top of the faraway fence. The way his figure cut through the midday sun made his silhouette look like that of a raven spying down on us. Their commonality didn’t end there, however. With the way his eyes had stalked me ever since he turned up an hour earlier than Max’s training and fiddled around in the barn before coming to silently watch me go about my new routine with Max (petting, grooming, feeding) I got the same intelligent chill that ravens also gave me.

Never can tell what either of them are thinking….

I had woken up with vigor this morning, ready to clear up that the other day was a mistake, and it wouldn’t happen again, and blah blah blah, but when he’d been so quiet, I found myself at odds on how to approach him.

Come on, Ronnie Marsh. You’re not coward.

The old words my dad used to use to get me to do anything I didn’t want to didn’t seem to have the same effect as they once had. Probably because back then I was the type to face my problems head on until I came crashing out the other side, bruises and all.

Now I ran from my problems. Ran all the way into the arms of someone I shouldn’t.

“RONNIE!” Jax’s voice boomed across the pasture, startling me seconds before I felt the hard, forceful blow punch into my side, sending me flying to the ground.

I struggled to catch my breath as I heard the huge rumble of thunder above, and then my heart began to race. My body throbbed and burned all down my left side. I writhed on the floor as I tried to drag myself away, seeing Max thrashing harder into the side of the fence and then bolt past me. “Ronnie!” Jax snapped just as all the light disappeared. Jax’s pale face floated above mine, and I felt the sharp prodding pains down my side.

“Stop!” I shrieked as Jax pressed down on one side, but, Christ, he might as well have taken a sledgehammer to my ribs.

“Crap,” Jax hissed. “I think you’ve broken a rib.”

No shit.

“Come on, let’s get you—”

Thunder crashed louder above us, and the sunlight was swallowed by freak clouds, dark with rain. It started as a light pitter, but soon I could feel the hard pellets of water beating down on my skin, drenching me in seconds and irritating the pain rushing down my side.

Flashes burst after the rolls of thunder as Jax helped me to my feet, and my already racing heartbeat thudded against my chest, sending painful waves down my sides as it beat out its panicked melody on the inside of my ribs. “Shit,” I huffed, struggling to catch my breath between the waves of nearly incapacitating pain.

“Come on,” Jax urged, lifting my arm and stretching my muscles, causing a disembodied shriek to push through my gritted teeth. “Shit, sorry, Ronnie,” Jax apologized as I felt his body dip and his arm slide underneath my wet thighs.

“Wait, what about Max?” I yelled through the rush of the rain water.

I could hear her wailing and through the thick downpour of rain, I could barely keep my eyes open to spot her. Not knowing where she was, but hearing her panic only made my anxiety worsen. I gripped tightly onto Jax’s shoulder, my muscles tensing and causing the pain to rise. The adrenaline coursing through my veins seemed to only be inviting more pain into my consciousness rather than blacking out. As we got further away, it was as if Max’s distress only got louder.

“Jax!” I cried. “We need to go back for Max!”

He didn’t listen, his body continuing to jog through the rain.

“JAX!” I called his name over and over, but with each pound of the ground, my pain only grew worse and time seemed to drag on, never ending before the downpour of rain went from drowning to an echoing crashing.

I looked up, water pouring from my face, and the tinned roof that stretched high above me let me know exactly where we were

“The barn?” I grumbled, feeling disorientated and dizzy.

“It’s closer than the house,” Jax whispered, his face distorted and darkened in the unlit barn.

For a moment, he leaned forward and I felt gravity pulling me back. The sensation of near falling jolted my body upright and I hissed in pain.

“Don’t jerk like that,” Jax chastised. “I’m going to lay you down now, okay?”

I forced myself to relax and couldn’t help the groan as I felt the bed of hay numbly prodding and poking into my sides. Whoever thought hay was a suitable bed was an idiot.

“…Max?” I heaved in a heavy, gasping breath.

“I’m going to get her now, stay there.”

“Trust me,” I huffed, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jax shook his head. “Smartass.”

My head began to loll. I was aware I was dancing on the edge of consciousness, the pain wanting to push me down underneath the surface, but my mind fought to stay awake.

I can’t fall asleep.

I need to help Max.

I need….

I ne….

* * *

“C ome on, Max.” I laughed, pressing my heels into her side. Encouragement wasn’t needed, however, as Max took off from her slow canter into her powerful gallop. The evening breeze brushed through my hair, the cool mountains sending a whipping wind across my skin. I clung with my chilled fingers to Max’s warm mane, my hips moving in rhythm with the roll of her body.

The reins that jingled by Max’s side, and the stirrups that held my feet at her waist and the casual saddle were all we had between us, and it felt as thin as tissue paper in moments like this.

The sense of freedom that surged through me had my heartbeat racing but not in fear or anxiety.

I leaned forward, feeling the soft whip of her mane against my skin and took in the deep breath of wet iron mud.

Wait. What?

I looked up to the pouring sky, dark, beaded raindrops falling from the black clouds, darker than any storm I’d seen before.

What the hell is happening?

A wailing shriek burst through the air.

“MAX!” I screamed.

I ran a hand through my hair, the thick mess clinging to my face as I spun around, looking through the dark. I couldn’t see her. The dark was too thick.

Her panic cries and pained whinnies had my heart racing in my chest, my body feeling so heavy as if it was sinking into the mud beneath me. “Max! MAX!” I cried. “MAX!”

Growl.

I froze.

My mind, my body, the world around me… it all drowned into silence. All except for that sound. Soft breaths coming closer, the faint slash of it passing through the puddled rain… the deep iconic growl.

I heard it coming closer behind me. As I began to turn, time slowed down.

Don’t look.

Don’t look.

I saw them. Two yellow eyes stared back at me through the darkness. Its pointed teeth and sharp claws wielded.

It lunged.

* * *

“R onnie!”

“RONNIE! WAKE UP!”

Pounding threw me up from the depths of my unconsciousness. A dry throat, burning eyes, and pain all along my left side assaulted me all at once, and the urge to throw up soon followed. “Shit,” I groaned, rolling onto one side before something pricked my stomach and I realized that it was a mistake. “Ow…,” I whined.

“Thank God,” Jax huffed, dropping back and away from me in the bleakness of the room, a hand dragging through the mussed damp hair. As he pushed it back, it remained where it was, and the combed-back look was rather intriguing on him.

Well, it would have been if I had been dosed up with a painkiller or two.

“What the hell happened?” I groaned. “Where are we?”

“In the barn,” Jax grumbled. “Max kicked your side. I’m pretty sure your ribs aren’t broken, but it’s going to leave a pretty bad bruise.” My gaze followed his large hand as it moved above my chest and down to the patch of pink and red skin, crisscrossed with long white marks that were bare to his view.

My scars!

“No!” I shrieked, shoving my body up and away, causing a wave of black to cross my vision as the pain shocked my body.

“Shit, Ronnie!” Jax snapped, his familiar hands clasping around my shoulders, covering the broad length with ease. “Don’t move.”

“Don’t look at them!” I hissed, pushing away one of his hands while trying to cover the aching, mutilated skin with my other arm.

Shit. Where is my shirt?

“Ron—”

“No!” I fought against him as his hands tried to catch my flailing ones, eyes going everywhere but his face as I looked for my goddamn shirt. My breath was getting heavy, and my side wasn’t letting up, but he wasn’t supposed to see them. He shouldn’t see them.

Nobody should.

“Listen to me!” Jax growled with frustration. I didn’t care.

The faint flash of red caught my eyes, and just over one of the empty stalls hung my damp shirt. My free hand grasped at the nearest steady object, which just happened to be Jax’s shoulder. I surprised him as I used him as leverage to shove my body up, holding my breath as I forced my side to stretch, reaching forward for my shirt.

I need to cover them up.

No matter what, he can’t see them.

He can’t kno—

I was flat on my back, spikes of hay protruding into my bare back and side, and a dark looming, damp shadow was over me.

“I know, Ronnie.” Jax’s voice was stern. His body even more stern as it pinned me in place, holding me down with his overwhelming body weight, but it wasn’t the thing that stopped me fighting. It wasn’t even his words.

It was his eyes. The faint crack of moonlight broke through a gap in the barn wall, and by chance or fate, they crested over his golden pupils, casting an eerily pale shine over the deep brown eyes I was used to. They were like frosted amber, but the feelings pouring out of them was anything but cold.

It was gentle. It was warm. It was honest.

“I know it was you, Ronnie,” he breathed, the warmth rolling over my skin. “I know you were the rider.”

“I wasn’t….” The taste of dry oats and wet fur pressed against my tongue as his hand muffled my words.

“You don’t need to lie to me anymore, Ronnie,” Jax whispered, his body relaxing against my uninjured side. He pulled his hand away from my lips, flipping over his palm and his calloused skin brushed down the side of my cheek, his eyes wandering across my face.

Silently traveling softly over my jaw, down the edge of my throat, and trailing the valley of my breasts, leaving a trail of goose bumps in his wake. My focus was on my quickening heartbeat and caught breaths as he moved lower down across my navel. He paid no attention to my ugly skin, moving down to where his fingers met the hem of my jeans.

“I’ve noticed everything about you for as long as I’ve known you, Ronnie,” Jax confessed, voice sounding miles away. His eyes followed his own movements while my own watched his calm, relaxed face. “I noticed the way you used to tie your ponytail lopsided on purpose, so your mother would fix it for you. I noticed the way you used to duck under the fence, not because you couldn’t jump off it, but because you always got muddy if you did before coming to see me.” His hand traveled over the wet denim, and I became aware of how warm my skin was growing under his touch. His back arched and face pulled away and his body moved down mine. The hay shifted and bristled as he edged his torso next to my hips. His hot, clouded breaths burned into the skin of my thigh. Both hands now wrapped around each side of my knees, then trailed up. “I noticed the way you limp slightly when you’ve been working,” he whispered, pressing a soft, gentle kiss against my ankle causing my breath to hitch.

“Jax….” My voice quivered, but Jax didn’t listen.

“I noticed the way you were reluctant to go near the saddles and stirrups in the barn.” He raised himself higher, his lips now pressing softly against the hem of my jeans, my stomach flinching. A faint hiss escaped my lips. Jax ignored it, moving higher until he hovered over my thick, ropey scars. All three that were spaced equally apart, starting off thin before going thicker in the middle and then back to thin. “I noticed the way you’d pace because of the storms. The way you drifted into a world of your own and how you cry out at night. The way you jump at the sounds of the night animals.” His kiss weighed less than a feather against my bruised, gross skin, pressing on each of the scars. He worked his way farther and farther up past the claw marks, traveling up my sternum, my collarbone, and jaw until his face was hovering, only millimeters above mine.

His cool, honest eyes looked down into mine.

“I’ve known it all this time. Known everything.”

The first tear, the second that fell after, and every other one that followed, poured over my quivering skin. Without missing one, Jax pressed a kiss to them softly, and not a single drop reached the hay behind my head.

I didn’t bawl. I didn’t break down. But I cried. It felt as if it was the first time since the attack that I had cried despite having shed a thousand tears before. But unlike before, with every drop that fell, some of the burden weighing on my chest, the guilt for Max’s injury, the trauma of being helpless, and the fear that I had come close to death, it didn’t hurt as much.

When the last of my tears dried up, and I was staring up at the dark roof, it felt as if a lifetime of pain had washed out of me. I listened to the sounds of Max’s breathing further in the barn, feeling Jax’s gentle hand running up and down my side, his eyes watching me quietly.

“Thank you,” Jax whispered, drawing me from my mind.

I shifted my head, the movement of hay loud in our moment. “For what?” My voice was hoarse and sore, the slight gruffness of it not feminine in the slightest. For once, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“For not dying,” he whispered. “If you had, I wouldn’t have had this chance to make everything up to you. I didn’t admit it but after I left, I regretted the way I treated you. I shouldn’t have blamed you for not coming with me. You stayed for the horses. You were braver than I was.”

His face fell away from mine, eyes looking down. It could have been interpreted as ogling my breasts, but I knew better. The pain and guilt on his face made my hand move without thought, running through the long dark curls on the top of his head, their soft, heavy sensation almost hypnotizing.

The longer my fingers danced across his scalp, the more I felt his chin rise, away from the place that he buried himself in. His eyes searched for mine, but my gaze stayed on his hair until he’d moved so close I couldn’t look away. My hand stopped, my lips parted, and only a small breath escaped as he leaned and gently melded my lips with his.

Savoring the smooth feel of his lips over mine, his rough hands kept me still beneath him, taking his time to taste me. The kiss lasted a millennium. All the while, a slow burn grew, and my back arched. His hands slid up my spine, their heat rubbing away the goose bumps he left on my skin and moved to the weak clasp on my bra.

He kept my mind occupied as he dipped his tongue underneath my lips, running it across the front of my teeth, first the top row, then the bottom, flicking the roof of my mouth.

Soft groans tugged from the depth of my chest as Jax took his time letting his hands roam up and across my arms. His fingers dipped under the white cotton straps and he pulled them down my arms an inch at a time. He leaned over just enough to let his own chest pin my loosened bra to my breasts, as not to release them too soon.

I wanted to call his name, wanted to urge him to move faster, to take me quicker, but something about him kept me passive, kept me waiting on the verge of excitement. The timelessness he created kept me balanced on an edge that allowed him to pull me along at his pace.

It was completely different from the last time he had taken me, without hesitation, without asking for permission. To such a beast, I had handed myself over in one bite. Now it was as if Jax didn’t want me whole. He wanted to take a little piece at a time, learn every detail, nook and crevice that he could taste on his lips. The smooth pair tasting, nipping, sucking, following the line of my jaw, tongue running along the edge of the bone and up to the lobe of my ear. He sucked lightly, a breath catching along my lips.

As he moved down my neck, his nose brushed my throat as I swallowed the taste of him in my mouth and into the depths of my body. It caused my breath to hitch with each stroke of his tongue like a tiny tingle of electricity being sent down to my core, the power building stronger at a steady pace.

A tiny kiss was pressed on my collarbone, and I felt my nipples pebble, alert and longing to be touched. Jax paid them no attention. His fingers released my arm straps and moved just to brush under the metal wire where my globes touched my rib cage.

He was teasing me. I was sure of it.

Jax traced every place he was touching. That extreme amount of concentration channeled into each little part of me that he caressed had my own mind overwhelmed. I felt like a painting and Jax my artist as he sculpted me from clay, so keen to make me as real as possible.

It was such a surreal but unnerving thought that it kept me pinned in place by his hands and his gaze. Hot breaths rolled like soft waves over my knees as a hand tucked underneath each one. With a kiss in exchange, his hands traveled up to the waist of my jeans. He pulled at the softened material. They weren’t skinny jeans, but they still required a dance or two to get off.

Not for Jax.

He slid them off like they were silk stockings, and his eyes followed the skin revealed under the dim light of the barn. My scars, the horrible deformed skin and the lumpy edges—he didn’t blink once.

I became aware of the rattling of rain against the side of the barn, the breeze chilling the exposed skin, the warmth of Jax’s sweat-glazed body as his hands reached up for the thin, cotton material of my panties.

He curled his fingers under the elastic and my hips jerked upward in response. Like a precious present, he leaned in close and pulled his fingers down. Short, unkempt curls unfurled from their cotton boundaries, and I wanted to cover it up, wanted to squirm away. Any movement I knew would break the spell cast around us, and even if it was just for today, just for this moment, I wanted to be looked at like Jax was looking at me, touched like he was touching me, understood like he understood me. I couldn’t bear to break our bubble.

I stilled, my heart in my throat as he leaned his face down close, nose brushing along the rough curls. He trailed it down over my mound until he poised above my moist, hot folds.

I worried my scent would dissuade him, but when he pressed a feathered kiss onto my clitoris and I felt my body lurch in response, I knew that wasn’t the case.

I took a deep, long breath and watched with avid fascination as he savored each touch of his lips against mine, switching between fleeting flicks of his tongue, soft slow pecks, and the occasional cool blow of air.

The peace that smothered me began to burn too hot, and I was left pleading for more, my moaning unable to be controlled. My stomach twisted, and my hips pushed up from the bed of hay before Jax’s hand guided them back down again.

“Jax,” I cried.

He ignored my quiet plea, going at his own pace as if I said nothing. He ran his tongue along the seam of my entrance. “J—”

My whimper was cut off by my startled scream as his tongue pressed into my opening. He began nipping and swiping all around the edges and the flesh around it. His fingers dug into my hips, arms under my thighs lifting me until I curled my knees around the side of his head, the acceleration of intensity ridiculous as I struggled with the G-force of his sudden change in pace.

His fingers began thrusting into my hole, starting with two and pushing unrelenting in and out. His mouth moved back to my throbbing clit and began placing sharp little nips out of time with his fingers, causing me to rise higher and higher. Each burst of pleasure was followed by a spike of pain.

It wasn’t long before I could feel myself being thrown off the edge and my gasping breaths grew wilder than the storm outside. My thighs clamped around Jax’s head and with one last, hard thrust deep into me, I went over. I threw back my shoulders and let out the loudest cry I had ever given.

It took every ounce of energy I had, and once it was over, the most amazing wave of pleasure was left rippling throughout my entire being. My muscles slumped and my legs weakened around Jax’s shoulders. My bare ass slid down before his hands caught it and helped lower me back onto the hay.

I was aware of the pain in my side, but for now the endorphins that were swimming in my veins put that pain and whatever extra damage I had just on the bottom of my caring list.

I stared up at the ceiling, the metal tin roof shaking with the vibrations of the rain. I was aware of my lips moving, but I was unsure what I had said exactly until I saw the smile pinch at the corners of Jax’s cheeks, his eyes wrinkling in amusement.

“You’re welcome.” He smirked, before turning to lift his shirt off his head and throw it into a corner somewhere.

He dropped down in the hay next to me, and I was aware I should be thinking about whether he needed some release, but I couldn’t find the strength to lift my head and look down. As a few more moments passed, and Jax didn’t say anything I let go of the concern.

If he wanted it, Jax wasn’t afraid to ask it from me. Or anyone, for that apparent matter.

The thought felt like a sour sting in my peace, and I felt my face screw up. That was the one thing I didn’t need to be thinking about right now. After just giving me the most amazing orgasm, it would be a pity not to savor the moment. But still… it got me thinking.

“About last night—”

Jax pressed his finger to my lips with a swiftness I could never match. I looked down at it in puzzlement.

“We’re not going to talk about that. Not right now. It’s not the time.”

“But—”

“When I say we’ll talk about it, both last night and just now, I meant it. I just… need a little more time, okay?”

I stared at him. What would he need more time for? To find an excuse for whatever he felt obliged to give me just because we had sex once and then a bit of play just now? Or did it mean something more?

“Stop thinking about it.” Jax shook his head at me and pulled his finger away from my mouth. The faint scent of me lingered on my lips.

I tried to curb my thoughts. It lasted a moment, maybe, but the silence between us heightened my anxiety.

“I always wondered where you’d end up…,” I said aloud, my mind beginning to wander back to those days when I would come across a saddle Jackson used to use, or the fence that he always perched on, or the smell of the lavender plants that bloomed in the meadows where he would nap in the middle of the afternoon, a piece of grass twiddled between his teeth and tongue. “You always seemed as if you’d be carried away by the wind one day. As if you were just waiting to catch flight and run free....” The rustle of the hay crackled in my ears as I turned to look at the man beside me. My damp hair, clinging to the sweat on my skin, stayed glued to my face, as I studied the side of his still features. The cut edge of his jaw and nose, the slight crook that was never there before, the roughness and sharpened cheekbones that hadn’t been as prominent back when he was Jackson.

His dark lashes fluttered as his eyes roamed across the ceiling above, seemingly thoughtful with my words.

“I’d always thought that you wouldn’t be able to give up the horses…,” I whispered, watching the tick of his jaw in the hollow of his cheek. My hand moved without consent as it reached up and pressed against his warm skin. He flinched, stilling under my touch. But he didn’t stop me. Not as my fingers felt the pulse of the muscle beneath the rough skin, sprouts of facial hair beginning to prick the tips of my fingers. “They were your passion. Your drive. Even as much as you wanted to deny it… I always thought you’d return to them someday….”

I let my hand fall back down to the bed of hay, and Jax’s head turned to follow it before looking up and meeting my gaze. He was frowning at me. Whether hurt or just sad, I couldn’t tell what my words meant to him.

“I was surprised when I found out you were part of a biker gang,” I continued, and for a moment, I saw Jax’s expression flinch.

“ Club ,” he corrected, eyes stern. “Not gang.”

“Right.” I nodded. I forgot how much he didn’t like that.

“How did you find me anyway?” Jax returned, eyes now curious and lighter than they once had been. I wondered what he was thinking; his expression betrayed nothing. He was as elusive as he always was since we had been kids. Glad to know the annoying things hadn’t changed.

His question, however, brought back a heavy reminder. My mind traveled back to why I came here in the first place. How on my journey, I had been given a horrible reality check into how Jackson had become Jax.

“You were on the news last year,” I whispered, my confidence slipping and gaze falling too, unable to look him in the eyes. “You tried to kill a girl… poisoned her during a shootout with a rival—”

A rough, calloused finger stopped my lips, harsh and terse against my skin. My eyes looked up to meet him, a deep frown overshadowing his eyes before he propped himself onto an elbow to look down over me.

“That’s a misunderstanding,” he replied. “We went there to save that girl. She was caught in the crossfire and the police showed up. She had been poisoned by the other side, not ours. Since my club were the last ones there, it was either I get arrested or her old man. If he got arrested there would’ve been nobody at her side when she woke up at the hospital. It was an easy decision.”

A wave of relief flooded me like a geyser had broken open inside of my chest as I expelled a deep, sharp breath. I hadn’t realized how much I had become entangled with that information, unsure what to think and only believing the worst. I felt a pang of guilt for not having faith, but it was outweighed by the joy I felt in finding out the truth. Although the whole story about the shootout with the rival club being confirmed by him did pluck a nerve, I chose to ignore it. For now.

“Was she all right in the end? The girl I mean?”

“Married my best friend. Her old man is Hunter. Had baby number two a few months ago. Little sweet girl called Freya. Looks just like her momma.” Jax gave a beaming smile, the natural, beautiful way he used to, not forced or faked… but genuine. They were rare when he was younger, and the sight of it now had me sighing on the inside, a smile mirroring my own lips.

“Sounds like she’s already got you wrapped around her little finger,” I chuckled, unable to help seeing anything past the beaming uncle face of his. He always had a soft spot for kids and I could understand the allure of their innocence.

“Yeah, and every other brother in the club. Girl’s spoiled.”

I didn’t doubt he was the one spoiling her the most.

“Poor girl won’t dare get a boyfriend,” I teased and watched as in a matter of seconds, his face went from proud to downright deadly.

“That’s not going to happen.”

I burst out laughing at his reaction, the throbbing pain in my side beginning to make its reappearance at the jerking of my chest muscles. “That poor girl,” I wheezed between breaths. “I would love to meet her one day.”

I said it with a light heart, but it was just as the words slipped from my mouth Jax’s expression shut down. His deadly aura or his joyful one was present… there was nothing except a look of caution on his face at my words. A look of… defensiveness?

He didn’t want to let me in.

He didn’t want me there.

“What about you?” Jax replied with sudden normality. Did that moment really happen?

“What about me?”

“I always thought you’d be settled down now. Married, kids of your own. You’ve always been a family person.” He shrugged, the causal gesture distracting his gaze away for a moment, allowing me just enough time to hide my reaction. It struck an iron core deep inside and it took everything not to reveal it.

“I suppose I’m still enjoying my youth,” I answered, wafting my hand and turning to look back over to where Max staring at the two of us through the bars of her stall. Her look was piercing, and the guilt churned in my stomach. She knew, and I knew. Only us. That was the way it should stay.

I looked away from her quickly and heard a snort before she ambled over to her hay basket and picked at the strands at the bottom of the bag like she had a habit of doing. Her ears were flat against her head and every so often when the rain crashed on a weak section of the roof, creating a large rattle, she’d jerk her head up in its direction but wouldn’t startle like before.

Maybe she was getting her confidence back at long last.

“What about…?”

I turned back at the sound of Jax’s voice, seeing his eyes burn down into the hay, as his mouth began the mumbled question. Like a psychic connection, I heard his true question loud and clear in my head.

What about the farm?

The farm was the name Jax and I had called it, but it wasn’t. The farm was a training facility for thoroughbred race horses of the highest quality. It was one of the most prestigious names in the horse racing world and was worth every penny.

A name so heavy, no normal man could hold it without a little cheating here and there. And cheating they did. They cut corners, made backroom deals, and buried their dirty secrets six feet under. Although horse racing was never a pure business, it never had to be so dirty.

My eyes softened on his features. I wasn’t sure how to answer. Be honest? Lie? Or perhaps bend the truth? I supposed there was no right answer. So, I gave no answer at all.

I wasn’t sure what telling Jax would do. I wasn’t foolish enough to think he’d come back, not after all this time. He had left it behind a long time ago, and from the looks of things, hadn’t even thought once about going back. If he couldn’t even ask the question, would he be able to hear the answer?

I didn’t think so.

The longer I looked at Jax, the concealed trouble underneath his tight lips and ticking jaw, the conflict beneath the deep brown of his eyes told me everything I needed to know, and everything I didn’t want to—except the one thing I was too afraid to ask. Until now.

It was the impulse that pushed my mouth open, and in the chaos of my mind, the question that had been on the tip of my tongue ever since Jax left me fled from my mouth before I could stop it.

“Do you regret leaving?” I blurted it out. My hand slapped over my lips to seal them shut, but the question was already out there. It was too late.

Jax looked shocked for a second, the whites ringing his eyes and eyebrows perked up high on his forehead as he looked down on me. But the second the shock faded, and his sharp eyes were glowering down, the expression became neither harsh nor kind but stern and honest.

“No.”

My heart broke. Somehow the little pieces that had been keeping me together since he left had been like little Band-Aids that promised he would regret leaving. Would regret saying goodbye to me and the farm. I had fooled myself. How stupid could I get?

He’d never looked back. Not even once. Not even for a second.

“I see…,” I whispered. My eyes turned down and away into the bed of the hay, as if the raw material was the only thing stopping me from sinking deep into the ground under the heaviness weighing on my shoulders.

“But, Ronnie—” Jax’s mouth opened, and something different about the tone had me listening.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

I didn’t get to hear what he had to say. For once, I was relieved by the intrusion, reveling in the loud, familiar voices and the thrashing bangs against the barn door.

“JAX!” the voice bellowed through the rushing storm and in a second, Jax pushed himself up from the hay, leaving me in the cold of the barn.

The rustling stopped for a moment after he shoved his shirt on. A pile of clothes landed on my lap.

A sharp hiss snapped from my lips, and while my body had been in its dull state after Jax’s specialty painkiller—that I didn’t want to recall—I remembered the reason why I was curled on one side of my body all this time. I peeked down to see the bruises along my ribs were growing darker in the small amount of time since I’d been gifted them.

“Put them on,” Jax grumbled, tightening the belt around his waist as his eyes scanned my body. “They’re wet, but it’s better than my brothers seeing you naked.”

I watched his expression frown, and that comfortable feeling of being naked in front of him was replaced by shame, embarrassment, and an unhealthy dose of self-consciousness.

I struggled to put on my wet clothes from my seat on the floor, agreeing that I didn’t want his brothers to see me naked. While trying to ignore the throbbing down my side, I forwent the bra and panties—not that I was certain where my panties where—and awkwardly tugged on my shirt then jeans.

The pain in my side slowly climbed and, my breathing caused Jax to hesitate a moment, one last confirming check over me before heading to the door.

With a loud creak, the ring of chains, and annoyed growls, a huddle of men, soaked head to toe, came rushing in through the door.

With only three of them, including Jax, the space in the once vast barn was now gone, and along with it, my safe feelings as I stared up at them meekly from the pile of hay on the floor.

They were even taller from way down here.

As they tore off their hooded coats, I recognized one of the two as the youngster I’d met from the day when Jax’s boss had come, and who had kept me company while doing homework. What was his name?

Beauty? Handsome? Gorgeo-

“Pretty,” Jax sighed in relief, running a hand through his shaggy damp hair.

“Got yourself in a bit of a pickle?” Pretty chuckled as his eyes scanned over the barn and spotted me clinging to my bra, belt, and panties in the hopes they wouldn’t see them, all while trying not to strain my muscles. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“I’m—” I paused to clear my throat. “—good.”

“Nah, she’s not,” Jax growled, sending me a sharp glare that came out of nowhere. I shot one back, not knowing why his brother’s sudden presence would give him permission to be rude to me. He didn’t have the right to be an asshole two minutes after breaking my heart. In fact, that should be my stance.

Jax’s frown deepened at my response, but he didn’t argue. Instead he turned to the other brother, a guy similar to Jax’s age but who looked a little more worn. If I had to guess, I’d say he’d had military service if the way he stood gave any indication. His back against the secure wall, and his eyes scanning over me, not in a creepy way but in an uncomfortable assessment.

My gaze drifted away from him, breaking the contact, and I looked toward Max who was quiet and cautious as she stood by the farthest wall, one ear flat besides her head, the other perked toward them. She was closer to outside wall of the barn than she had been since we’d come in here, but for her, the sounds of the raging storm seemed preferable compared to the club members.

I could relate.

“Did you call me here to take a look at her?” The military-esque one nodded at Jax without taking his eyes off me.

“Yeah, she’s…”

“Who’s she? I have a name, you know.” I grumbled, shifting my clothes in my arms. The words came out sharper and poutier than I wanted, and when I felt the testing atmosphere of Jax’s pause, letting me know he’d heard me loud and clear, I kept my eyes down and chin tucked.

Grumpy ass. I was the one who got kicked by a horse. Not him.

Pretty gave a light chuckle before he tapped Jax on the shoulder. “Why don’t you head to the house and check the damage? We’ll take a look and then bring her over. I think your power’s out in the main house; all the lights are off.”

“No, I’ll stay here. I’ll carry her.” Jax folded his arms over his chest, not looking at me but leaving no room for argument.

“Fine. You can carry her, you bastard. Just go check your house.” Pretty’s voice was still light, a chirpy smile on his tired face, but the way his hand was tight on Jax’s shoulder didn’t leave me with a reassuring feeling.

Nor did Jax’s response.

All his muscles tightened, and instead his stubbornness disappeared in an instant. “I got it.” Jax nodded, before turning to military-man. “You good, Mint?”

Mint? Is that his name? What is with these boys and their names?

“Yeah, I’m good, brother.” He nodded. “Take Pretty with you.”

Jax glanced at Pretty before giving him a nod and began heading toward the door.

Mint slipped off his coat and caught Jax before leaving. “Take this,” he offered, watching as a small smirk slipped on Jax’s face. “It’s so you can bring the girl back some dry clothes. She’s freezing.”

Jax’s eyes skipped back over to me, and the second his eyes met mine, I felt mine fall to the floor. I had never been a coward by any measure, but the moment I saw the concern flicker into his harsh eyes, I couldn’t face it.

If he doesn’t regret leaving me… why does he care?

“All right,” Jax nodded, pulling the coat into his arms, not wearing it, before heading to the barn doors. He paused before closing them behind him, then popped his head back in with a final warning to Mint. “Mind her. She bites.”

The door slammed shut.

Mint looked down at me and I felt my sinking glare return. “He meant the horse,” I hissed.

A quirk of a smile appeared on the man’s stoic face. “I’m sure he did.”

After that, I managed to conceal my clothes behind me as I pulled up my shirt enough for Mint to take a look. He was careful not to make me uncomfortable but also unyielding to let my awkwardness get in the way of his assessment, making me pull my shirt up all the way until the bottoms of my boobs were shoved right in his face. Well, they weren’t that big, so they weren’t suffocating the man, but still…. At least, he stopped my shirt before my nipples poked him in the eye.

It also wasn’t as uncomfortable as I had expected as his eyes went over my scars. He didn’t say anything about them. He didn’t give them a second glance. It was as if there was barely anything more than a scratch in front of him, not the forever scars to prove that I had been mauled.

He confirmed what I had suspected about the bones and about him. He had the training of a military medic; he told me the bones were not broken but bruised and there was no need to go to the hospital.

It was a short examination, but Mint went through a list of warnings and was polite enough to give me his leather club jacket when I began to shake. He seemed hesitant at first, but when the shivering made me cough and jerk at my side, he reluctantly gave it up.

Just when I was sure I was beginning to get hypothermia despite the jacket and suggest that Mint carry me back to the house, since I was sure I couldn’t walk on my own, the two boys returned.

Jax and Pretty barreled in out of the rain, both squealing like little pups about how cold it was and how soaking wet they were. Jax’s eyes went over to me, eyes scanning from my face down until stopping dead at the sight of the jacket around my shoulders.

For a moment the cold I had been fighting off pierced right through me as I couldn’t read the look in his eyes. It jumped to Mint, who shrugged but took a respectful step back out, and although I had no idea what happened, that was all it took for Jax to relax. He took a deep breath and nodded at his brother, sending what seemed like a subtle relief through the otherwise stoic man.

“Um,” I interrupted, catching his attention. “Did you get the power back on?”

“Huh?” Jax frowned at my question, as If I had asked him what the ass of a badger tasted like before he got a hard nudge from beside him.

“Sure did,” Pretty answered, slapping his hands on Jax’s shoulder’s and giving them that squeeze that connected their telepathic communication wavelength. It must have been their weird way of sending unspoken thoughts to each other.

Jax jerked, understanding the question before he nodded back at me. “Yeah. The storm cut the power, but it’s fine. It’s back on now.”

“Oh.” I nodded. “Did you find the fuse box okay?”

“Yeah.” Jax turned and began talking to Mint, not even a heartbeat after my question and I felt myself bristle. Ass.

They spoke in softer voices, but from what I got, it was about Mint’s assessment of me, although I couldn’t understand why I apparently wasn’t allowed to hear. At some point Pretty tapped Jax’s shoulders before wagging a finger and gesturing over his shoulder at me and then at Mint.

Taking notice of me at last, Jax shrugged off his rain coat and pulled a pile of clothes from underneath its cover. He handed them to Pretty and the young man crouched down beside me. He offered out the pile of clothes, a leather jacket sat on top of it.

“You’re gonna have to swap the jacket, sweetheart,” Pretty explained, his expression friendly. “Mint’s gonna need it to ride back, so you’re just going to have to settle with that grumpy ass’s.”

“Ah, of course.” I chuckled, enjoying the little bit of sunshine this youngster was offering me. “You’re so much nicer than your brothers.”

“I wouldn’t say that just yet.” Pretty offered me a wicked grin, the boyishness of his face lost in the angles of his face. It seemed he was more handsome than pretty. “I may peek while you’re changing.”

The suddenness of the comment made me burst out laughing, causing a rippling hiss down my side and the attention of the other two in the barn. Even Max had her head peering over the side as Pretty gave me a smile and placed the clothes next to my lap.

Pretty shrugged and closed the stall gate behind him, giving me some semblance of privacy as I struggled to change my clothes. There was a pair of panties in my pile, and realizing it was no doubt Jax going through my panties drawer made me glare down at the frilly pink ones he had chosen. He had also pulled out the bra that matched the panties, but they were a nice pair that I avoided because they were a little tight in a way that made my boobs look a little more pronounced and my ass a bit rounded.

I forewent them this time as well, not wanting to put them on over my bruises. I swapped my jeans and shirt for dry ones and tucked the unwanted garments into the pocket of Jax’s leather jacket. It was warm. Much warmer than Mint’s had been. I figured it was because of Jax’s high body temperature. It came with that leather musk, stained with patches of oil with wrinkles and creases from years of wear. The labels, Road Captain and the stripes, name badge, and territory label were all hand sewn.

In my drifting mind, I didn’t realize that the door had been opened and Jax stood leaning against the opening to the stall. His eyes were watching me with his hawk-like vision. He was quiet… observing.

It made me hesitant to break the silence.

“Are we ready to go?” I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck as I tried to look at anything but him.

Jax nodded, pushing from the post. He pulled the heavy pile of wet clothes off my lap, and I let him take them. He took Mint’s Jacket from the pile and tossed it over the stall.

“Thank you!” I called after I saw it fly over the side. A moment and a rustle later, Mint’s head popped up over the side and gave me a returning nod.

Jax carried on as if it didn’t happen, moving the clothes out of the way before crouching down at my side. “Cross your arms over your chest.”

“Not around your neck?” I frowned at the strong but slender man. I wasn’t sure I had enough faith for him to keep me in his arms by his strength alone.

“It’ll hurt you if you do that.” He gestured down to my side. “Don’t worry, Ronnie,” he murmured, “I got you.”

The softness in his voice threw me, and I wondered what count of the personality flip we were now on. In the last hour alone, he had changed too many times and my own emotions were suffering from whiplash. That and exhaustion had me giving up on analyzing anything else to do with this mysterious man today as I placed my arms across my chest, each hand over the opposite shoulder.

One arm went around my waist, making sure to have my injured side close to him as his hand wrapped around my good side, and the other hand went underneath my knees. For a moment, as he shifted his gravity back and began to lift me, I jerked at the fear of falling to one side. His muscles squeezed me closer as he stood and centered himself, forcing my body to curl into his chest, safe and sound.

“I told you,” Jax murmured, “I got you.”

I nodded against him, too aware of the soft feel of his shirt beneath my cheek, and even more so, the warmth radiating from beneath it. “We’re gonna get a little wet, but you’ll have to bear with it.”

Clutching to him as he began to move without my consent, I fisted his cotton shirt across the back of his neck.

I didn’t have time to complain. My opening mouth was filled with a startled gasp at the rain dousing over my skin. It was bitter and cold, and the parts not protected by the leather were being pelted with hard hail. The rain drops sinking beneath my collar and traveling down over my spine felt like frozen blades cutting through my warm skin deep to the bone.

My head was tucked deep into Jax’s chin, the brush of his Adam’s apple against my forehead, and the steady, fast beating of his heart beneath my fingers. I was cocooned by his body, not one-hundred percent shielded from the rain but enough that I wasn’t soaked through when the glow of the porch light washed over us.

I heard the hollow thumps and the familiar creak of the porch step before we crossed the threshold.

“We’re here,” Jax grumbled, forcing me to pull my face out of the humid crevice I had created. I turned ever so slightly to look at the house.

Is it perfectly fine?

With the way he and his brother had been speaking earlier, I had thought that something had happened to the house, but the couch was still crookedly in the corner, my rope still draped over the arm chair, the rug that I hadn’t been bothered to straighten was still slightly off center with the grooves of the wooden floor. Everything was as it had been.

Kicking the door shut with his boot, Jax whisked me into the sitting room and jostled me in his arms until he was able to lay me down on the couch. My eyes ran over everything again, but I still didn’t see anything wrong. Even so, I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something Jax wasn’t telling me.

Then again, there was still little Jax would tell me. If being dismissed like I had been only an hour earlier was any indication, I shouldn’t pry for more details. Jax wasn’t the type to tell a white lie, even to spare a poor girl’s heart.

I looked up to see dark brown eyes staring back down at me. A frown was worn into the grooves of his face. It took me a moment, but I realized he wasn’t looking at me. Instead, he was boring holes into the leather jacket around my shoulders.

“You’ll be wanting this back, right?” I held my breath and pushed myself up, ignoring the twinges down my side as I began to slip one shoulder off.

“ No .” Jax’s sharp command had me jerking to a stop. A painful one.

He shook his head, a little spray of water flicking through the air. “Keep it on for now,” he grumbled before stomping off to the kitchen.

Okay then.

The heavy resounding of his boots returned. He pulled a little collapsible table from under the couch that I hadn’t known was there and set it out in front of me. A moment later, he placed a glass of water on a coaster, and next to it, a handful of painkillers. I didn’t remember having those in the house? Where did he get them?

“Mint brought them. They’re strong stuff, so they should knock you out.”

They were sedatives? Pain medication was something I was used to, and although I wasn’t unfamiliar with sedative medication… it hadn’t been the best of experiences. Not when I had them shoved down my throat for weeks after the attack.

I gave them a wary eye. “I think I’ll pass.”

“Ronnie,” Jax sighed, as his towering figure dropping beside me. I turned to face him, and his defeated expression felt ten times worse than the unreadable frown. “I’m guessing you were prescribed the strong stuff after the accident. But even if it brings bad memories, can you take them for me? Please ?”

I wasn’t sure what made me more uncomfortable, the pills or Jax’s saying please.

I groaned, looking down to the capsules on the table. The churning feeling in my stomach didn’t subside at his plea. But my heart, as stubborn as it was, couldn’t bare his pitiful expression.

Might as well get this over with.

With a deep breath, I tossed back my head, and with a mouthful of water, the little pill went down the hatch.

Satisfied, Jax began to turn away and without thinking, my hand lunged to catch him. The sleeve of his plaid shirt and waterproof jacket rustled at my grip and Jax stopped before the material could tug. “You’re staying, aren’t you?”

That undecipherable expression came rushing back. Not the one from in the barn, but the one from when I told him about the accident those months before. The one where a look of silence felt more intimidating than any rage could have.

It made my fingers slip from his coat and tuck back over my chest. My eyes bore down to my feet at the edge of the couch.

Jax didn’t say anything. He stood there for what felt like the longest moment in history, before I heard the rustle of his coat in the corner of the room.

Sneaking a peek, he had moved without a sound yet again. Now, his figure stood by the window, eyes cast out into the storm.

He stayed like that. Not a word spoken between us.

I watched him for as long as I could, wondering for the longest time what he was thinking about.

At some point, the sedatives lapped over my mind, and at long last, I slipped under.

I never did figure him out.

I doubted I ever could.