Page 51 of Jase

Me.

Not anymore.

Even as I eased through the slats of the white, wooden fence, I felt afraid. There’d never been fear associated with my past. Yet here it was, warping my memories as I brought them to life. I held the book tighter, my body growing even heavier as I glanced up at the limbs branching overhead. It was darker under the trees. One after one, I kept going, further towards my favorite space. There was a bench made for Constance, but she didn’t go out here anymore.

Someone did.

I scanned the large footprints embedded in the dirt, wondering if I should turn back. It could have been her father, Fred, from earlier.

Another step.

Another tree.

Was I close? I kept walking, following the tracks. Everything looked the same. The trees were evenly spaced. Some were larger than others. The dream began to fade into a void, reappearing and changing with the sound of my name.

“Kody?”

Fred. At the sight of my neighbor, fear retreated, and I started to run. He was at the tree, but not an almond tree. This was a different orchard. One I’d never been in before. He was pushing Constance from a swing that hadn’t been in the original grove.

“Do you want a turn? I can push you. Do you like to swing?”

“Yes. That would be fun.”

Happiness. Growing up without a father, it felt good to be included. Fred was nice enough, but he was usually busy. In truth, I barely knew him. It didn’t mean I didn’t want to. Maybe that had been my problem in my younger years. Hadn’t I clung to men in my past? Even ones I shouldn’t have?

Before I got to him, I felt myself slow. I searched his face, taking in the flannel of his shirt as he reached out towards me. The colors of the material had me coming to a stop. Constance was suddenly gone. I spun, the trees closing in as I turned to face Fred. But it wasn’t Fred. David smiled, standing not feet away, wearing the same flannel shirt he’d worn the night he took me into the woods. Wetness dripped onto my cheek, streaming down towards my jaw. I lifted my hand, rubbing my fingers over the spot and drawing my hand back to see red. I tilted my head back, seeing the peel of apples melting down on me.

Drip.

Drip.

“Come swing with me, Kody. We like to swing.”

He grabbed my wrist, trying to pull me closer to the tree. It was raining blood now. Wetness had me slipping through his tight grasp, but just as I thought I was able to get away, he had me again, jerking me closer. Striking me across the face just as I was getting away.

“Come swing, Kody. It’ll be fun.”

“Fred? Jase? Stop. Stop!”

“Go swing, Kody.”Another voice behind me. A deep voice I knew all too well. One that made me feel safe.“Tell him you want to go. Let him take you.”

“But I don’t want to.”

Hands. They were pushing as I was pulling. I was getting it from every direction and all I could do was scream and fight them off.

“Shhh. Stop fighting, Kody. I’ll protect you. Go swing.”

I gasped, my eyes flying open as I tried to catch my breath. Jase was propped on his elbow, silently watching and stroking my hair. I grabbed the strap of the cuff, trying to calm myself.

“Who’s Fred?”

“What?”

“You said Fred before you called out to me.”

Blinking, I scoured through the dream, feeling it already beginning to fade.

“My neighbor, growing up. They had an almond orchard. He was trying to get me to swing. He turned into David.” I glanced over. “He kept pulling me, and you were telling me to go. I didn’t want to. I guess it rattled me. I’m sorry if I woke you.”