Page 25 of Jase

“I guess.”

“You’re beautiful. He wouldn’t have missed that.”

I paused in sitting, narrowing my eyes at the camera before lowering.

“Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I’m plain. I’ve always been, and I always will be. I’m okay with that. Truly, I am.”

“Plain? Who fed you that load of shit? Worse, who the hell made you believe it?”

Leaning back in my chair, I curled into a ball, blowing on my tea. “You ask some very personal questions. It’s my turn. Do you have a name?”

“J.”

“J. J-A-Y? Or is J short for something?”

“J is fine.”

I smiled, wincing at the pain along my jaw. “Okay, J. You saw me on the news. I’m assuming that wasn’t mainstream. Are you local? You know where I am. Where exactly are you?”

“A few blocks away.”

The cup stopped midway to my mouth. “That close?”

“I’m not too far.”

“Have we met before?”

“No.”

Words wouldn’t come, but it was as though he could read my mind.

“You’re wondering if we will.”

“It may have entered my mind.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t.”

A tinge of something sparked. I wasn’t sure what it was. I definitely did not want to meet a murderer, yet…hadn’t I been doing nothing but talking to this man for days? He’d comforted me when I was so afraid. He saved me. Why was all that important when it was compared to causing death? Had David driven me crazy? Made me lose a piece of my mind? That had to be it. Right and wrong were skewed. They were twisted and gone from me now. Even as I sat staring blankly at the screen, I couldn’t ignore the small signs that nothing was okay. I slept with one of my wrists over my head as if I were still shackled to the wall.

Routine. I’d always been so stuck to schedules. Obsessively so. I didn’t want this to be integrated within me now, but there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t want to remember.

“Kody?”

“Yes, J?”

“What are you thinking? Your expression changed.”

My eyes landed on the post-it notes next to my computer. I frowned, tearing one off. “I’m going to bed now. Thank you. For everything. You appear to mean well, but I’m going to need some time.” There was hesitation as I reached forward with the post-it and covered the webcam. Why did I feel bad for cutting him out? I was so ass-backwards. So fucked up in my mind.

I stood, turning to my room.

“Kody.”

“Goodnight, J.”

He didn’t argue. He didn’t say another word at all as I grabbed my phone and went into my room. I put it on the stand on the end table to charge, gazing at the screen and the camera as I pulled the covers back and laid down. It was facing me, not feet away. If he could break into my computer, was he still watching from my phone?

I wouldn’t think about that. I didn’t want to know; I wanted to sleep.