Page 7 of Into the Dawn (The Devil’s Claw #3)

7

BEN

I grind my teeth, furious on her behalf, that she was born into such a shitty family, and feeling unbelievably idiotic for never even considering how us being apart as mates would impact her.

The irony of her situation hits me hard. Here she is, desperate for a child, while I've spent the last month clearing land near Evan's territory, planning to build the kind of family home I always dreamt of giving her.

Yet forgiving and forgetting isn’t quite that simple.

My beast fumes at the memory of watching her last summer when I got back, long before all this mess with John started. I'd tracked her scent near the edge of Sutton, and I followed it, telling myself I was going to give her a piece of my mind, but I think, in reality, my beast just needed to know she was okay. Or maybe, I’d hoped she was miserable. I really don’t know.

She'd been playing with a little girl—not hers but with similar features and probably one of her cousin's kids—showing her the best hiding spots where we used to hang out as teens.

The sound of her laughter had stopped me in my tracks. Even from a distance, I could see what an amazing mother she'd be. But seeing her carefree and happy was also like a knife to the heart.

I started looking into real estate after that and put down a deposit on some land not too far from my brother’s house. Watching Evan with his mate had also stirred something in me, making me realize I couldn't keep running forever. Things didn’t work out with Naomi, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t build a family with someone else. Someone who wouldn’t hurt me.

But that future feels impossible now.

Vanessa leaves me at the rickety table and disappears through a door at the back, leading to a room where her scent is the strongest. My emotions are all over the place as I try to process what she's telling me while fighting the urge to mark every inch of her home with my scent.

I'm a mess.

So, for all these years, she hasn't gone into heat. None of the men in town will go near her because they think she's defective, which frankly, my beast isn't that upset about, although I am. Because no matter how angry or hurt I am that she didn't want me, nobody deserves that. Especially not Vanessa, who used to light up around cubs, who always talked about having a big family.

I feel bad for her, longing to have a child, but the more I think about it, the faster that sympathy morphs into anger. My fingers curl into fists as I remember the plans we'd discussed late at night under the stars. We'd had it all figured out.

I would have been her new family. We could have had a child by now. That was all part of our plan. The land I bought has the perfect spot for a treehouse, backing into the forest where our cubs could run safely. Not that I can tell her about that now.

Before I know what I'm doing, I've followed her down the short, dark hallway and barged into her bedroom, a storm of emotions pushing me past the point of reason.

"All these years, Vanessa. You could have told me. You've chosen to remain childless, enduring their taunts, listening to their shit, and all of that is still better than being with me? Better than even talking to me and trying to figure this out? I get that you might have decided you didn't want to be with me, but what the hell did I do that was so wrong that you couldn't even stand to see me?"

My voice sounds unnaturally loud and aggressive in her pretty and very quiet bedroom. In the small space, I notice a stuffed beast on her bed, the one I won her at the fair when we were sixteen. My chest tightens at the sight.

Vanessa sighs, unruffled by my outburst. She finishes folding a towel and passes it to me, our fingers brushing once again sending a jolt of arousal straight to my groin. I blink hard, willing it to go away before she sees how affected I am by being this close to her.

"I tried to find you later, so I could write, but it was pointless when I still couldn’t leave. It wasn’t safe for either of us." She visibly shudders.

I was younger and smaller then. I wouldn't have stood a chance against her father. Not like now.

"And you hadn't told Evan or Kali about us being mates, or what we were planning, so I didn't say anything to anyone, either."

I'm waiting for the part where she explains why she stood me up.

"I wanted to go," she whispers. "More than anything, Ben. But Jed was following me around. He knew I was up to something, and he got in my head, telling me Dad would kill anyone who tried to take me away without his approval. And then when he turned up and threatened you…" She gives me a dark smile. "I think we can both agree that my family wouldn't have given you the nod, no matter how desperate they were to get rid of me."

Shaking my head, I stare at her, waiting for the big plot twist, the dramatic reason she couldn't come.

He locked her up. He threatened her safety. But there doesn't seem to be one. Just the same psychological warfare that's kept her trapped here all these years.

"You could have explained, at least, that you were worried you'd get caught. We could have pushed back the date. I would have understood. I would have fought for you, Vanessa, if I thought you wanted me to."

Her brown eyes glisten as she looks up at me, completely tortured, with the same eyes I'd imagined our children having one day. A little girl maybe, with her mother’s sass, that I could dote on and spoil.

"I knew you would have. You would have waited for me, or you would have tried to speak with my father. You would have done all the right things, but somehow, my family still would have gotten their claws into you and ruined your life. Or killed you. That's why it was better if you just hated me."

She shrugs, defeated and miserable, looking like a shadow of her former self. The vibrant girl who used to plan our future is gone, replaced by someone who's given up on her dreams.

Is it as simple as that? Her family got into her head, and she was convinced I was better off without her? My gut reaction is that it's just a cop out, but her father was always an ass. Mine wasn't great either, but at least he was absent most of the time, and we had John to fill the void.

She had nobody other than me telling her that his put downs and snide remarks were all lies. And she'd had a lifetime of being told she wasn't good enough. My beast growls, remembering how she used to flinch when anyone raised their voice, how she'd curl into herself whenever Jed was around.

"You should have come, Nessie," I say, not sure that I can ever forgive her now, even though my heart aches for everything she's lost. Everything we've both lost. "I would have found a way to make it work."

Looking sadder than anyone I've ever seen, she gives me a watery smile as I back out of the room. "I know that now."

I close the door behind me, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. Back in the kitchen, I pull out my phone and stare at the pictures of the land I bought, of the house plans I've been working on. A home built for a family that will never exist. I delete them all before shoving the phone back in my pocket.

Time to focus on what matters, and that’s getting John back safely.