Page 41 of Ink and Ashes

Colson

D inner with my parents was a nice distraction from everything that’s happened today, but the minute Holland and I get back into my truck at the end of the night, it all comes rushing back.

I’ve been trying to force myself to believe Holland when she says we’ll find this guy, but I’m questioning more and more whether we ever will.

There’s a reason he’s gotten away with it for so long, and I’m not convinced that knowing he exists will be enough to catch him.

Especially not now that one of our own has died because of it.

The last thing I want is for more of my team to get hurt, and I worry that if we continue hunting this guy, he’ll target us even more.

But I also can’t in good conscience ignore this.

Because we know now that it is someone on our team, and if I give up now, I’ll spend every single day questioning all of them.

Firefighting is dangerous enough as it is. Firefighting with a team of people who don’t trust each other is an accident waiting to happen.

Which means I need to suck it up so we can get this done. I just have to be extra cautious on our calls until we do.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” I tell Holland once we return to the inn. It’s been a day from hell, and all I want to do right now is wash off the memory of Brian Finnegan’s burned body.

“Okay,” she says. I turn toward the door to my room, but before I can open it, Holland adds, “Colson, wait.”

I turn back to face her at the same time her arms wrap around me. I exhale as she squeezes, then hug her back. She breathes deeply, and I bend down to press a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

“I’ll be right across the hall if you need anything tonight, okay?” she says, tilting her head back to look up at me.

I fix my gaze on her lips, imagining how easy it would be to kiss her. I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, and in my current vulnerable state, I’m not sure I have the will to stop myself.

That is, until her voice pulls my attention back to her eyes. “Okay, Colson?”

I swallow roughly. “Okay.”

With that, she pulls away and disappears behind her door, then I do the same with mine.

Thirty minutes and two extra-strength Tylenols later, I climb into bed. I toss and turn for what feels like an hour, but when I roll over to check the time, only ten minutes have passed.

I can’t stop thinking of Holland, her words from earlier flashing through my mind. I’ll be right across the hall if you need anything , she said, as if she were trying to torture me with the reminder of her proximity. But Holland isn’t cruel like that. I know she was saying it because she cares.

Which is exactly why I decide to take her up on it. Her presence calms me, and I need a bit of that peace now more than ever.

I pull myself out of bed and make my way over to the door, not giving myself a chance to second-guess what I’m doing. The moment I swing my door open, Holland does the same with hers.

Her brows pull together when she sees me. “I couldn’t sleep, so I was just going to come check on you. You okay?”

“Yeah,” I rasp. Now’s my chance. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I clear the space between us in a rush, and the moment I reach her, I cup her face in my hands and crash my lips to hers.

It takes her a minute, but eventually, she relaxes into me. A soft whimper falls from her as she tilts her head back further, her lips parting for me. I take that as an opportunity to wedge my tongue inside, sweeping it across hers.

My grip tightens on her waist as her arms around my neck do the same, and when my hardened cock brushes against her core, I can’t help the groan that falls from my lips.

Which is all it takes for us to come crashing back to reality.

“Colson,” Holland whines, pulling her mouth from mine. She drops from her tiptoes, pressing her forehead against my chest. “We should stop.”

I use my pointer finger to tilt her head back up to look at me. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, Hol. Don’t tell me you haven’t.”

She huffs a laugh, shaking her head as she tears her gaze from mine. “I have, but not like…this. It’s been a long day, and your emotions are heightened. You’re vulnerable and not thinking clearly right now.”

“Holland,” I say, drawing her attention back to me. “I’m thinking clearer tonight than I have in weeks.”

She rolls her eyes with a smile. “You’re using the wrong head to do it.”

That elicits a chuckle from me, and damn does it feel good to laugh. But she isn’t wrong.

Her smile fades as she locks her gaze on mine again and leans into my hand still cupping her face. “This isn’t what you do, Colson. Nothing can come from this. I’m still leaving once this is done.”

Those words sober me right up. In the heat of everything, the fact that this thing between us won’t last slipped my mind.

My shoulders fall. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t apologize. I just don’t want to be the reason you get hurt again.”

My jaw flexes. I want to argue, say that us getting together won’t hurt me. But I already know her departure is going to leave a Holland-sized hole in my heart, and if we go where we both want to, that hole will be even bigger.

“Do you want to stay in here tonight?” she asks, her chocolate irises searching mine. “Nothing will happen. But I don’t really want to be alone, and I don’t think you do either.”

She’s right about that too.

She’s always fucking right.

“Yeah. Okay.”

She takes my hand in hers and drags me inside, the door clicking shut behind us. She climbs back into her spot in bed, and gestures for me to take the spot beside her.

“I’ll just…sleep on the floor,” I force out.

“Like hell you will.” She scoffs. “Get your ass over here, Lieutenant.”

I don’t need much convincing. I climb onto the bed next to her, staying on top of the covers. She huffs a laugh but doesn’t protest further. She leans over me, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek, and says, “Goodnight, Lieutenant.”

I swallow. “Goodnight, Rhodes.”

She clicks the lamp off and the darkness surrounds us.

I wake the next morning alone in bed. Rolling over, I check my phone to see that it’s quarter after seven. Despite everything that happened yesterday, I slept better than I have in weeks, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Holland is to thank for that.

I shift to a seated position, running a hand over my face. Holland returns to the room a moment later, her hair wet from her shower, and my mouth goes dry.

“Good morning, Lieutenant,” she teases.

I scan her body, appreciating the way her clothes hug her curves in all the right places. Flashes of last night come rushing to the front of my mind. The warmth of her body pressed against mine. The noises she made as I swiped my tongue along hers.

I don’t know how I’m going to continue being around her without kissing her again.

But she was right to stop it. I wasn’t in the right mental space to be making any rash decisions. And if I give into the urges I feel for her, nothing good will come of it.

I need to stay strong. Put my head down and solve this case. Keep my walls high so when she inevitably walks away, it doesn’t hurt.

Though something tells me it’s still going to.

“Morning.”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” I say with a nod. “You?”

She smiles. “Also good. Thanks for staying last night.” I jerk my head, then she adds, “You don’t have to come, but I’m going to check out the church today.”

I swallow roughly. I don’t want to go back there, but I know we need to search the scene, and I’d rather not send her out there alone.

“I’ll come.”

“You sure?”

No .

“Yeah.” I stand from the bed and move toward the door. “Just let me get ready, then we can go.”

I leave without another word and head across the hall to my room. After showering and getting dressed, we get into my truck and head in the direction of the church.

When we pull up in front of it a little while later, my mind immediately flashes with memories from yesterday. Nausea builds in my stomach remembering that not even twenty-four hours have passed since Finn died here.

But we need to do this now. The longer we wait to investigate, the more time the arsonist has to clean up after themselves. I refuse to let that happen.

Holland must notice the tension in my shoulders as I stare at the burnt building, because she places her hand over mine and asks, “You okay?”

I shift my gaze to her. “No,” I rasp. “Let’s just get this over with.”

With that, we both exit the vehicle and make our way to the front door. Thankfully, the fire didn’t take too long to put out once we got water on it, so most of the building is still standing. It’s burnt to a crisp, but structurally it’s stable enough for us to be here.

We enter the church through what’s left of the front doors, my breath catching at the sight in front of me. Light shines in through the holes in the roof, creating a spotlight on the exact spot where the beam that killed Finn lies.

Holland moves deeper into the church, leaving me to wrestle with my emotions alone. She heads toward the front, searching for any clue about what started it. We both know it was a candle, and I just hope we can find something to prove it.

Once I’ve had a chance to catch my breath, I make my way over to the pew that I found the dummy under. I kneel down to tug what’s left of it out from under the bench, and tears start welling in my eyes as I stare down at it.

If not for this stupid piece of heavy plastic, I never would’ve separated from Ollie and Finn. I wouldn’t have let them continue on their own, and we would’ve finished venting faster. We would’ve gotten out before the beam fell, and Ollie wouldn’t be in the hospital right now.

Finn would still be alive.

Guilt eats away at me as I glance up at the ceiling, then at the fallen beam a foot away from me. My brows furrow as I look back down at the dummy, and I realize then that it was specifically placed under this pew in hopes the beam would fall on the person who came to rescue it.

Which was me .

“ Fuck ,” I breathe as the weight of that realization settles over me. At the same time, my fist connects with the wooden floor, and the first tear since Finn’s death escapes. A sob racks my body, and the next thing I know, Holland’s arms are wrapped tight around my neck.

I hadn’t heard her come over to me, but the moment I feel her, I release all control. She leans back against the pew, and I fall against her, finally letting myself cry.

Cry for Ollie. Cry for Finn. Cry for me .

“Shh, Colson,” Holland mutters, my head resting against her chest. Her nails scrape against my scalp as she keeps her arms wrapped tight around my neck, holding me up while I fall down. Giving me strength so I can feel weak.

She’s a beacon of light, shining through the walls I’ve put up. She gives me a safe space to fall apart, letting me know without words that I’m not alone.

I’ve never been more grateful for her than I am right now.

“You’re okay,” she whispers, placing a soft kiss on the crown of my head. “You’re safe. You’re okay.”

I focus on her words as she repeats them over and over until they start to sink in. I’m far from okay, but being here with her, I feel better than I did before.

I take a few deep breaths, and on the last exhale, I brave a glance up at her. Her eyes shine with unshed tears and a sad smile dusts her lips. She rests her hand on my cheek as she holds my gaze, and I take advantage of the kind gesture and lean into it.

I open my mouth to speak, but before I can get a word out, she says, “Don’t you dare apologize.”

The firm demand is a shift from the gentle tone she was using a moment ago, and I can’t help but crack a smile over it.

“Okay,” I say simply, feeling like a bit of a weight has been lifted. I’m not usually one for crying, but this is all hitting me really fucking hard. “What are we going to do, Rhodes? How are we going to catch this guy?”

Her thumb grazes just below my eye as she holds my gaze a moment longer, then she stands and holds a hand out to me.

“First, we’re going to find that candle evidence,” she starts as I take her hand, and she pulls me to my feet.

“Then, I’m going to go to every place in town where candles can be bought while you go visit Ollie.

At the very least we know he’s using pillar candles, because the only remnants that have been left are the tabs. That will help narrow the search some.”

I release a sigh and begin to walk away to search again, but Holland stops me. With her hand on my arm, she looks me in the eyes and adds, “It’s not going to be easy, but we will catch this guy, Colson. I promise you.”

I swallow roughly. “Okay,” I say easily, because trusting her has become like second nature to me. With her intelligence and determination, I’m sure she’s right. I’m sure we will catch him.

I just hope no one else gets caught in the crossfire while we do.