Page 214 of Indiscretion

Except, just one more time, I need to talk to Jordan, and look him in his sweet eyes, and apologize for dragging him into the middle of this dysfunctional emotional swamp Elliot and I inhabit.

My selfish indiscretion.

My sweet, innocent boy.

I also need to tell him my door is always open to him if he ever wants to come back to me.

Although, god help me if he asks to come back.

Because as much as I love Elliot, and as much as I know it’d tear my pet up inside…

I also know I couldn’t say no to Jordan if he asked to come back.

What kind of horrible person does it make me that, even knowing there could be dire consequences, I wouldn’t evenwantto say no to Jordan?

Actually…

If I’m being totally honest with myself, Ican’tsay no to Jordan. Master or not, my innocent boy’s shining light buoys me and carries me through the darkness. He fills my well and allows me the chance to recharge so I actually have something to give Elliot when he needs me.

I can’t say no to Jordan, no matter what he asks of me—unless he ever asked me to leave Elliot.

As I opt to walk through the DC night and head to my apartment, there’s part of mehatingthat I’m incisive and formulating a plan to manipulate Jordan into returning. That I have the psychology degree and years of training in the Secret Service to know exactly what to say and do, what soft emotional points to press to coax Jordan back and to get Elliot to agree to it all.

Hell, to make Jordan think it’s his idea, and to convince Elliot he suggested it.

My boy is as innocent and light as I am jaded and dark.

Maybe that’s why I need him so goddamned much. To balance me, to ground me.

To remind me why life’s worth living.

To recharge my soul every time Elliot drains me dead.

Did I call Jordan my indiscretion? That’s not quite right.

He’s myobsession.

No matter what I have to do, Ineedhim back in my arms.

Maybe Elliot does need me, but there’s just one problem with that.

I need Jordan.

It’s also very likely my soul will never know peace until that boy’s safely back in my arms.

By the time I reach my building, Iknow.

If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to get my boy back.

The End