Page 35

TWENTY-SIX

WESLEY

Panic swells in my chest, seeping into my peaceful slumber. I can’t figure out why, and I try to bat it away so I can enjoy getting a full night’s sleep for once.

Then I feel it. The hard ridge of a cock pressed against me. Against my ass.

“No!” I shout, and I push myself off the bed, scrambling into a corner to hide myself. To conceal the most vulnerable part of me.

I glare up at Perry as he blinks sleepy eyes at me. He looks so confused. Why would he be confused? He came in here to hurt me, to take me against my will in a way that makes me unable to fucking breathe .

I tremble all over, my teeth chattering as I stare at him in the mostly dark room. Bile threatens to spew from my throat, and it takes effort to push the urge down.

I’m bigger now, stronger. I hurt him before, and I can do it again. But the thought of him trying to…trying to…

“Wesley?” Perry says, only it doesn’t sound like him. It’s not the harsh tone from years of smoking and drinking—it’s sweet and soft, full of worry .

“What happened?” the voice asks.

I blink once. Then again, the past clearing from my vision to bring Jaxon into view.

He climbs off the bed slowly, walking over and kneeling in front of me but not moving any closer.

“Baby? Look at me. Meet my gaze, baby, come on.” I do, and I’m steadied by the warmth in their gray depths.

Perry had angry green eyes that were always bloodshot.

These aren’t Perry’s. They belong to the love of my life.

“Jax?” My voice sounds small and unsure, my past still threatening to drag me back.

He smiles, and it grounds me. “Yeah, baby. It’s me.

Keep looking at me, okay? Breathe with me.

In and out. In and out. In and out.” I follow his breathing pattern, inhaling and exhaling, remembering the yoga teachings we learned in rehab.

Breathe in the good intentions and breathe out the negative emotions.

It takes a while, but my frantically beating heart finally calms down, and I’m ready for Jaxon to comfort me.

In a rush, I scramble over to him, crawl onto his lap, and wrap my arms so tightly around him that I almost press him into my skin.

“Oh, baby,” he murmurs, rubbing my back in those soothing circles that I love. “I’m so sorry. You’re okay. I got you. I got you.”

“I didn’t…I couldn’t…”

“Shhh,” he says, petting my hair in such a calming way that the tears I tried to keep at bay come tumbling out.

My sobs make my entire body quake, the force of them scaring me.

But it’s so cleansing. All the hurt and pain I felt and kept bottled up comes rushing out.

Jaxon holds me tight, talking to me and murmuring reassuring words.

He doesn’t try to get me to stop or tell me to suck it up.

He lets me weep so I can finally fucking heal.

I’ve cried over my circumstances before and had moments where I thought I could let it go, but the terrible shit always comes rushing back.

With Jaxon’s arms around me, I can finally sift through everything and how it fucked me up.

How my own mother failed to protect me and how she started me down the path of getting high so I didn’t have to think.

Because of her and her boyfriend, I’m fucking broken.

But here, in Jaxon’s arms, wrapped so securely, I feel like that’s okay. I can be shattered, and he will always be there to put me back together.

When my sobs turn to soft whines, Jaxon pulls back so he can look into my eyes. “You okay, baby?” I start to nod, but I’ve always been honest with Jaxon, even when it hurts. So, I shake my head no. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“Perry,” I croak, then close my eyes, sighing heavily. “He used to…he’d only rape me from behind. Sometimes, he’d come into my room and press against me like…like you were. It woke me from my sleep. My mind was stuck there.”

Jaxon’s eyes turn stormy, and that lights up a part of me that I didn’t think ever existed before him.

“If I could, I’d fucking kill him for what he did to you.

I’m fucking…so fucking sorry I took so long to tell anyone.

” I rub his back, trying to soothe him. He barks a humorless laugh.

“Here I am, complaining when you’re the one that woke up screaming.

You don’t need to comfort me, baby. It’s you I’m worried about. ”

Something bubbles inside me, so strong I can’t ignore it.

It’s overwhelming, but I need it. With snot dripping down my nose and tears still leaking from my eyes, I slide closer to him, kissing him deeply.

Jaxon sighs into my mouth, but he doesn’t break the kiss.

He holds me tighter, his arms like a vice, no room for me to move or get away from him.

Or fall apart.

“Please,” I whisper against his lips. “Perry was the only one that...his touch is…it’s all I think about. But I don’t want it anymore. I want you. Please, make me forget him. Make me…make love to me.”

The surprise etched on his face almost has me taking it back, but I can’t.

It’s a terrible position to put him in and I can acknowledge my selfishness, but I need him.

I need him to erase all the bad memories so I can finally let go.

For the first time, I want to know what it feels like to be loved and wanted by someone I want and love too.

To have my decisions honored and my body respected.

Jaxon would do that. He would be good to me.

He inhales sharply when my trembling hand rests on his face. “Are you sure?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been about anything.”

He wipes my face clean of my tears and snot before he hauls me to my feet and leads me to the bed. “You have to be in control here. Do you understand why?”

I nod. “Yeah. So, I don’t feel overwhelmed.”

“Yes. Why else?”

I swallow roughly and say, “So I can stop if I want.”

He smiles sadly. “Yes baby. You get yourself ready, and you’ll ride me. You’ll be in control every step of the way. And if you want me to stop at any time, just say the word.”

“Okay,” I whisper.

He goes to my nightstand, pulls out the bottle of lube, and hands it to me. “Go slow. If you don’t like anything, we can stop.”

I’m choked up as I take the lube from him and coat my fingers. Only someone like Jaxon could make me feel so safe and secure when I’m at my most vulnerable.

I don’t know what I’m doing, but I think back to what he did when I watched him when we were in Canada.

A gasp leaves my lips when I touch myself there. A crawling feeling races over my skin, but I push it away as I watch Jaxon watch me. My touch doesn’t feel bad, nothing like the hands that used to pry me open, so I’m able to separate my past from my present.

Once I get used to one finger, I slide in another one, stroking over that magic button that Jaxon told me was there. A faint moan leaves my lips when I curl my digits and brush against my walls.

“Can I touch you?” Jaxon asks, his hands tight at his side. His eyes are molten as he stares at me, but they’re also guarded, as if he can beat back his arousal if I want to stop this. Which makes me want to have him even more.

I nod. “Please.”

His hands are soft and gentle on my thighs as he rubs up and down. Goose bumps erupt across my skin as I shudder under him. My fingers press into my hole deeper before I add a third. I’m stretched to my max and coming undone when Jaxon leans over me and sucks my shaft into his mouth.

A strangled groan leaves my throat as I push up into him. His gaze lifts to mine, and he searches my face. When I nod, he sighs around me and sucks me in deeper as I work myself open.

God, this is what I always wanted, isn’t it? To love and be loved, to have my boundaries respected, to feel so high off my partner that I can hardly contain my arousal.

Jaxon takes me in to the hilt, humming in appreciation around me. I moan raggedly, these sensations too much for me to gauge at once. His hands still rubbing my thighs, the warmth of his mouth around my dick, the timbre of his humming. It’s putting me too close to the edge.

In a strangled voice, I whisper, “I’m ready.”

He pulls off my shaft and grabs the lube, slicking up his cock. Then he lies beside me and grabs me by the hip, maneuvering me on top of him. “If you want to stop?—”

“I’ll tell you,” I whisper.

“Do you want my help?” I nod. “Spread yourself apart, and I’ll line my cock up. Sink down and take me in at your own pace.”

I blow out a shaky breath, and do what he says, pulling my ass cheeks apart so my hole is exposed. Jaxon keeps his eyes on me as he stands his cock up. Slowly, I lower myself and feel the head of his dick breach my opening.

Against my will, I freeze up, removing my hands from my cheeks and placing them against his chest. I squeeze him hard enough to cause marks, but Jaxon doesn’t even flinch. He just maintains eye contact, those gray orbs keeping me grounded.

When I have myself under control, I start to sink down onto him, his dick sliding past the bundle of muscle I felt inside Jaxon. It’s easier for me to lower myself after that, and the pain all but vanishes.

I’ve experienced this full feeling before, but it’s never been like this. Never been because I wanted it or because I asked for it.

Being with Jaxon though, I can’t think of anyone but him. For now, my past is blotted out, and Jaxon is all I see, smell, taste, and feel.

“You okay?” he asks in a tight voice .

I roll my hips experimentally, and we both gasp. “Oh fuck. Yes. I’m good.”

I ride Jaxon slowly, taking his hands and placing them on my hips while I fuck myself on him.

It’s better than I could have imagined. Moan after moan spills from my lips, tears leaking down my cheeks.

“Can I kiss you?” Jaxon asks, and I cry harder, my consent necessary before he does anything.

“Yes, please,” I sob, and he sits up, cupping my face as he presses his lips to mine. The feel of his mouth while he’s inside me makes my dick go rigid, and I moan against him.

He holds on to me while I move up and down. Jaxon doesn’t control my movements or make me go faster. He lets me set the pace, and I’m so fucking grateful for that.

Pulling my mouth away, I then press my forehead to his and whimper. “Jaxon. I’m going to come. I’m…thank you,” I moan just before I erupt, my back bowing with the force of my release.

When I sag against him with a sob, Jaxon holds me and kisses my forehead, praising me for how good I did. I try to keep my feelings at bay, but I’m so fucking happy that I can’t stop the tears.

This is the first time I’ve felt so taken care of. All because of the man holding me.

“You didn’t come,” I whisper against his throat through my tears.

He chuckles and kisses me on the cheek. “That’s okay. This was for you. I’m okay.”

I’m too wrung out to fight him on it. Jaxon pulls me from on top of him and lays me beside him. He starts climb out of bed, probably to clean us off, but I don’t want him to move. “Don’t go,” I whisper. “Hold me please.”

“Always, baby. I’ll never let you go.”

Feeling as content as I ever have in my life, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. The only thing on my mind is Jaxon.