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Chapter Thirty

LILY

“Lily, wait!” Payton’s steps slap against the wet asphalt behind me.

What do I say to him? I want to tell him how I feel, but something’s holding me back. Maybe it’s because the plan was always to return to England and resume my life as part of Dame Maxwell’s security team—a job I don’t think I want anymore.

Or maybe I’m just afraid this is all too good to be true. That Payton will inevitably realize I’m not what he wants, and that will confirm what I’ve suspected all along—I don’t belong anywhere. That ‘home’ is something others get to enjoy.

But not me.

I make it to the door of his apartment and stop, realizing I left the keys in the car. “Crap.”

“Lily, please look at me.”

With slow steps, I turn around to face him, even though I’d much rather be inside, hiding in my room.

I could make a dash for the car, grab the keys, and run away again.

But somehow, I think Payton and all his glorious muscles and quick moves would stop me before I could get through the front door .

Water drips from his hair, running rivulets down his face as he stands in the pouring rain, staring at me with that smile…the one that has officially tilted my world onto a new axis.

“Don’t go back to England.” He takes a step closer, bringing his soggy self almost close enough to touch.

I fist my hands at my sides to keep myself from reaching out to him. Because as much as I want the fantasy to be real, it all feels too risky. And staying was never part of the plan. “Why?”

He holds his arms out at his sides. “Isn’t it obvious?”

I brush a wet strand of hair out of my eyes, wanting nothing more than to throw caution to the wind and jump into those arms. To take a literal leap and not worry about all the details like what I would do, and who I would be here.

But I can’t do that, can I? “I don’t know how to do this.”

In lightning speed, he closes the distance between us, holding me with one hand on my lower back and, with his other, tips my chin up with his finger, forcing me to look at him. His eyes drill into me, demanding to know the truth. “Don’t know or just afraid?”

Such an odd mix, to laugh and cry at the same time. Perhaps some relief as well, to let go of all pretenses and just be honest. “Both?”

My thought as his lips touch mine is how easily I could knock him off his feet to the ground right now.

That’s my normal MO in almost any threatening situation.

And this is definitely one of them. My heart’s never been in danger like this.

Defending myself makes sense. Instead, I cling to him as if my life depends upon it.

And maybe it does. A new life, a new place, a new beginning that includes love this time.

Could I do that? Could this be the final pivot I’ve been so hungry for?

Rain streams between our lips as we kiss, droplets clinging to our skin. Payton lingers for a breath, his lips brushing mine as he whispers, “I love you, Lily.”

Those adorable dimples on each side of his mouth make an appearance with his tentative smile. My fingers slide over the damp rough stubble there, exploring, claiming. “I think I love you, too.”

He pulls his head back. “You think?”

Heavy drops of rain and tears drop from my lashes as I blink. “I’ve never been in love before, so I’m not entirely sure how it feels.”

“Can you see yourself building a life here?”

I glance around us as if the answer might hang from one of the nearby palm trees, swaying in the wind. “What would I do?”

“Anything you want.” He says this as if he’s pleading. As if his very existence depends upon my reply. “If that won’t work, then I’ll figure out a way to be with you in England.”

“You would do that for me?” I’ve never felt that important to anyone before.

Wanted .

His eyes map my face as if he has to memorize every detail. “In a heartbeat.”

Payton crushes me against him in a kiss that obliterates all the thoughts, concerns, and worries I’ve had since I arrived here. Rain pours over us as our embrace shifts from frantic to a slower exploration of each other.

He backs me up against the door and out of the downpour while his lips continue to tease mine with languid brushes and nips. A loud clap of thunder makes us both jump.

“We’d better get inside.” He says this with a growl as if he’s angry at the weather.

“I left the keys in the car.”

He digs into his pocket and pulls them out.

I gasp. “You could have let us in any time.”

“True, but kissing you in the rain is unforgettable.” He lands a light kiss on my wet nose before unlocking the door.

We barrel in and shake off the moisture slicking our skin and clothes like two wet dogs. Payton dashes to the linen closet by my bathroom and grabs two towels, handing me one when he returns.

As I towel myself dry, I dart glances at him, unsure what to say or do next. There are no more secrets between us, just the truth. No more games or ruses. I’ve never been in love before and haven’t a clue what to do, say, or even think, let alone expect.

The cool air in the apartment raises goose bumps on my skin, so I wrap the towel around me, warding off the chill and my doubts.

Payton notices. “Get changed and then meet me back out here, yeah?”

Nodding, I turn and head toward my door. Payton doesn’t walk me to mine this time but watches from his doorway, waiting for me to go into my room. Promises fill his eyes, making me want to dash back into his arms to claim them…believe them.

Once in my bedroom, I strip off my wet clothes in record speed, opting for a soft pair of stretchy lounger pants and a T-shirt I knot at my waist. My hair’s still damp, so I wrap it into a loose bun on the top of my head.

When I walk out of my bedroom, Payton’s already sitting on the couch, waiting for me.

“Much better.” He pats the spot next to him as I approach.

He’s swapped his soggy game-day suit for joggers and a T-shirt. His damp tousled hair makes him look roguish. He wraps his arm around me as I snuggle into him, his spicy scent teasing my senses.

For the first time, I feel awkward with Payton. I don’t know what to say or do .

He lifts my chin as he leans in to kiss me. Soft at first, but then something ignites between us as if now that we’ve declared our feelings for each other, there’s nothing holding us back.

Longing and desire propel us closer. As I push up to straddle his lap, he grabs my hips and helps me settle there, all without breaking our kiss. His hands roam over my back as I push my fingers into his damp hair. His kiss turns greedy, devouring and exploring, nipping and tugging.

A lingering chill causes me to press into him, into his warmth and the safety of his arms offer. His groan rumbles against my lips, demolishing any resistance I have left.

I want this. I want a life with Payton. And I want to build it here.

These thoughts push me back from him enough to rest my forehead against his, allowing us both to catch our breath. “I thought you wanted to talk.”

“We will. I’m just warming you up first.” Payton presses light kisses down my neck to my collarbone while his hands press against the bare skin of my lower back, sending delicious shivers through me.

My eyes flutter shut, lost in the touch of his lips and the feel of his hands on my skin. Something tugs at the bun in my hair, loosening and setting it free.

Then everything stops.

I open my eyes and find him staring at me. Desire and wonder fill the blue depths of his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” He pushes my hair back with both hands, then tenderly cups my face.

“Then why are you staring at me like that?” I search his face for some sign of threat or danger. Is he having doubts?

He continues to devour me with his gaze. “Because you are the loveliest creature I’ve ever seen.”

I smile, then nuzzle my nose against his. “You’re not so bad yourself, big guy.”

His laugh tickles against my mouth. “I still need a nickname for you.”

“You’ll think of something.” I nip at his lips, coaxing him to kiss me again.

His hands move to my forearms, pushing me back gently. “I meant what I said, Lily. If being with you means returning to England, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”

First one side, then the other, I run my fingers over the groove-like dimples bracketing his mouth. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of doing that. “I could never ask you to leave your life here.”

“You’re not. I’m offering.”

Observation #10: Payton really loves me!

I rest my hand against his chest, over his heart, feeling the rapid rhythm that matches mine. Everything I’ve done has been an attempt to find a place where I belong. A home that’s mine and my choosing. But what if home isn’t a place but a person?

And then it hits me. Payton is the home I’ve longed for.

My eyes burn with the tears of that realization. Like so many times before, I recognize this moment for what it is—a time to pivot from where I was to where I want to be. And it’s my choice.

“What if I said I’d rather be here? With you?

” I almost can’t believe I said it out loud.

The idea still scares me to some degree, but when I’m in his arms like this, nothing feels threatening.

Quite the opposite, actually. I’ve only ever relied on myself for that sense of safety, but Payton does it for me in spades.

He breaks into a smile. “Really?”

I nod. “Really.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.” I laugh, feeling lighter than I think I ever have in my life .

“Darling, you just made me the happiest man on the planet.”

His endearment settles into me, making me feel special, cherished, and chosen. “Darling…I like that.”

“Then we’ll give it a go.” He drags his lips over mine in a lazy kiss.

I know he means the nickname, but it feels like more. Like a declaration that our relationship is now official—real and out in the open for everyone to see. No more pretending or games. Although, I enjoyed our little competition very much. And it brought us together.

After one more mind-blowing kiss, I slide off his lap and stand up. “It’s late. We should probably go to bed.”

He’s still holding my hand as if he can’t bear to let me go. Disappointment drapes his face, though he makes an effort to hide it. “Right. I’ll walk you to your door.”

I stop in the middle of the living room, halfway between our rooms. “Payton?”

“Yes, darling?” His eyes sparkle with his words, letting me know he intends to make good use of his endearment for me.

A fresh wave of love and gratitude for this man overwhelms me. “I think I’d rather you walked me to your door.”

Payton almost gawks at first, then pulls me close and kisses my forehead like he did all the other times he walked me to my door. So patient and caring…I still can’t believe he’s real.

That’s he’s mine.

As he searches my face, I see desire flare in his eyes, but there’s love there, too. So much love. “Are you certain?”

Biting my lower lip, I nod.

“I’d love nothing more.” He raises my hand to his lips, watching me as his kiss sends my pulse back into chaos.

Maybe our little game isn’t over after all… “Are you sure about that?”

He tugs me toward his door. “Yes, very. Why do you ask?”

“I was thinking about wearing your jersey. You know, like a nightshirt.”

This stops him in his tracks, and the smoldering look he gives me melts me to the floor. “You are a little minx, aren’t you?”

I tease his lips with mine. “If you say so, big guy.”