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Chapter Twenty-Six

LILY

I should have known better. How could I possibly think Payton and I could actually work out? As much as his third degree—and that’s what it felt like—hurt me, I’m thankful for it because it helped me see the truth. I could never fit into his world.

Be a wife? That I could probably figure out. But a mother? I hardly remember my own, and I certainly didn’t have any good role models growing up.

That stupid burn hits the back of my eyes as I fight a giant knot in the laces on my skate.

I should just go home and forget about Payton.

Forget about how his kiss made me dream about the possibility of a future with him.

Forget about the way he’s brought my heart to life in a way I never thought possible. Forget that I’m in love with him.

“Need some help?” Sophie’s voice stills my hands.

When I look up, she studies my face with that concerned expression she gets when she knows someone is struggling. It’s like her superpower, an empathy radar. And it’s two bars strong, right between her eyebrows.

I drop my eyes, unwilling to share the pain I’m feeling. “I’m sure I can figure it out. ”

Which I will. I always do. Maybe that’s my superpower, that I figure things out on the fly, right at the moment, whatever’s needed. Anytime I wound up in a position that didn’t work, I simply pivoted. Changed direction. Found a new opportunity.

But long term?

Nope. Haven’t a clue. I’ve never stayed in one place long enough.

Even as a bodyguard, I never know where my next assignment might take me or for how long.

So when you know you won’t be a permanent fixture, you don’t make plans.

You don’t put down roots, either. And you certainly don’t get involved with anyone. Not romantically, anyway.

In one impressive movement, Sophie lifts my foot onto her lap as she settles on the bench and starts working at the knot I somehow made twice its original size. “Everything okay with you and Payton?”

The expected response lingers right on the tip of my tongue—what I’m supposed to say as Payton’s fake wife.

We’re fine. Just a little disagreement. No big deal.

But I can’t bring myself to utter those words because all these feelings I have for him have muddled my brain. Plus, I’m finding it nearly impossible to lie to this woman who’s rapidly becoming a good friend—something I don’t have many of.

However, there’s an upside to this moment—an opportunity. Might as well use it to set up my exit. I brush back a tendril of hair falling in my face. “I’m not sure things are working out, to be honest. We may have rushed into this too fast.”

Blinking, she nods thoughtfully. “You know, hockey players can be a real pain in the butt sometimes.”

I don’t know where she’s going with this, or even why, but I can’t help but agree. “Yes, they can.”

“They’re either at practice or a game. They wind up on the road half the time. Then there’s the constant beating their bodies take, not to mention the injuries they endure.” She gestures at some nonexistent entity in front of her when she’s not fiddling with the knot in my laces.

I can’t help but wonder if she’s talking to me or herself. Maybe both?

“They’re driven. Sometimes reckless even. All for a chance at a trophy they hope to win at least once before they’re forced to retire because their bodies can’t keep up anymore.” Her magic fingers finally work the knot loose.

“Thanks.” I lower my leg from her lap and tug the skate off.

“But they’re like a big, messy family at the holidays. Lots of tension, but lots of love.”

“And your point?” I untie my other laces without her help and place it with the other skate. I’ve known Sophie long enough to know she always has one. She’s like a little pink bottle filled with a potion of wisdom and kindness.

“You and Payton are really great together.”

A snort accompanies my head shake. “I’m not so sure about that.”

She slides closer to me. “I do. I see it. And yeah, maybe you guys rushed things, but that just means it’s a bit messier in the beginning. Doesn’t mean the love isn’t there, and that’s worth fighting for.”

I hear what she’s saying, and if Payton and I had met under different circumstances, I might take her words to heart. But our relationship was never intended to be anything more than professional—a farce for his sake. Falling for each other wasn’t part of the plan.

Resting my arms on my knees, I stare at the rink where Payton’s teaching a young girl how to hold a miniature hockey stick.

My heart clenches at the sight. He deserves to have that life—a wife, a kid or two.

Or three, judging by how much he seems to enjoy the two other kids who skated over, asking for help, as well.

A few feet away, Luke helps a little boy—without grunting, I might add—keep his balance while swinging his stick at a puck.

“You and Luke seem to have figured things out.”

Her turn to snort. “Wasn’t easy, let me tell you. He tried to push me away several times.”

“Seriously?” I frown at her, thinking I might have been done after the first one, and definitely would have walked after the second.

That’s the difference between Sophie and me.

She sees the potential goodness in everyone she meets.

Me? I assess everyone I encounter based on what kind of threat they might pose—a skill I learned growing up and one I fine-tuned for my profession.

Size a person up before they get close enough to do any harm.

“Yeah, but I knew it wasn’t about me.” Her voice softens, revealing that giant heart she seems to carry around with ease.

“Still, that had to hurt, right?”

“It did, but like I said, love is worth fighting for. Even when it’s messy.”

Her words bring a spark of hope back to that place in my heart where Payton lives, but feeding it fuel feels so risky. “What about when it seems impossible?”

She squeezes my hand. “That’s when you fight harder.”

I scan the ice again for Payton, mentally taking in any potential threats near him even though I know he’s not in danger anymore. He never really was.

Our gazes connect. He waves at me, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. Instead, they seem sad—like I feel. Maybe he’s having second thoughts about us. About me.

That could be a good thing, though. Doesn’t change the fact that I know what he told Del, but you can’t feel rejected when the person hasn’t even told you how they feel about you, right?