Page 4 of In the Middle of No(ah)where (Rockport Ridge #2)

Noah

"N oah! Hey!" Kai greets me with a tote bag draped over one shoulder as I pace back and forth on the sidewalk.

"Hey, Kai." I return the greeting and feel my cheeks warm.

"Fancy running into you here. Are you going in?" His tone is hopeful as he motions to the LGBTQ+ center's door with his chin.

I look up and stare at Kai. If I say yes, I potentially out myself as someone interested in age play.

The truth is, I have no idea if I'm interested.

Right now, I'm curious. The only sure things in my life right now are that I have a new self-proclaimed best friend named Caleb, who is still in high school; my parents have been fighting non-stop all week; and I avoid everyone by hanging out on Purin Island while listening to music through my oversized headphones.

"I'm not sure. I saw the flier on the bulletin board at work and thought I would check it out. You know, expand my horizons a bit. I'm not really sure if it's my thing." I tell him honestly.

"Well, there is no judgment in there, and everyone is great.

I've been participating in several youth programs over the past year and have met some wonderful people.

" He glances around, but we're alone on the sidewalk.

"I'm fairly new to age play. I discovered it online about six months ago, and it resonated with me.

It's a way for me to escape life right now and the stress of my family.

They have put a great deal of pressure on me.

I want to attend law school, not medical school, to emulate them.

I want to carve my own path. Did you know my mom actually clutched her pearls when I told her I was deferring my acceptance to Berkeley and taking some classes at the community college?

Clutched. Her. Pearls." He says dramatically, laughing as he clutches the collar of his T-shirt.

"No, she didn't." I laugh along with him.

"She totally did." He continues to laugh, and it's a nice sound.

Before I know it, I'm following him into the building.

"How did…you know…you were into this?" I motion around the building as if my question is self-explanatory.

"How did I know I was into age play?"

I nod.

"Well, last year, I started stressing about graduation and all the exams we took for college entrance.

It became too much. One day, I was playing on my phone.

I don't even know what I was searching to come across the videos.

But there he was, some guy was sitting on his floor playing blocks while another man sat next to him talking to the camera about being a daddy to his little boy," he says with air quotes.

"I was fascinated by what I was watching.

After that, I went through video after video, website after website, learning all I could.

In our sociology class junior year, we learned about sub-communities.

I was fascinated by this sub-community of the LGBTQ+ community.

My biggest takeaway was that no two people regress in the same way, and there is no right or wrong way to engage in age play.

It's whatever feels right and consensual. "

"Safewords," I tell him quietly.

"Exactly. I think the traffic light system is the easiest." He tells me.

I've heard that mentioned a lot online: green for go, indicating someone feels comfortable about what's happening; yellow to slow down and check in with your partner, as they may be uncomfortable; and red for stop, because something doesn't feel right.

"Anyway, I've always had to keep up a certain image and never really got to explore things that were of interest to me.

" I know that all too well and nod because I understand.

"When I discovered age play, I realized I could explore things that I like.

I also like the idea of someone taking care of me while I relax and play while escaping the daily stress of figuring out my soon-to-be adult life. "

He just reaffirmed everything I've been feeling.

"How do you…?" I tap my temple with my finger. Why are words escaping me?

"How do I get into little space?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"For me, and it's different for everyone, I think of a childhood experience I want to have or a memory of a time I enjoyed.

I bring that image to the forefront of my thoughts and pretend I'm there.

I slowly feel myself slip into a mindset of that age and let what feels natural for me to come out.

" He tells me with a fond expression. "I don't have high hopes of finding a daddy, but a caregiver to make sure I'm safe while in that little mindset would be nice so I can fully let go.

I've never discovered little-little space before because I'm usually in my bedroom at home while regressing.

And since my parents don't know, I try to keep my little self just under the surface. "

"Is finding a daddy something you want?" I ask out of curiosity. Is it something I want?

Reflecting on how my parents have been treating me over the past couple of weeks has left a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to any sort of parental figure. If there was a nice Daddy, I'd consider it. Maybe. One that made me feel safe and not so lost.

I let out a deep sigh.

"Someday, it would be nice, but it's all new to me. I think playing with other littles will be fun for now. I'm hoping to make some friends while here today." Kai gives me a reassuring smile, accompanied by his usual air of confidence.

Friends. While I'm here, maybe I could make some new friends, too. Even if I'm not into age play, I could be a big brother or something like that. Is that a thing? I'm sure that's a thing I read in my research.

When we arrive at the room, a woman who resembles our old school's librarian is present. She is probably in her mid-twenties, with hair pulled up in a brown bun, wisps framing her face, and stylish cat-eye glasses. She smiles and greets us as Kai and I walk up.

"How are you fabulous creatures doing? Here for the playdate?" She asks.

"Yes," Kai says enthusiastically. "I'm Kai, I use he/him pronouns, and this is Noah."

"Hi…um, same pronouns?" I tell her, and Kai chuckles next to me.

"I only say my pronouns because sometimes I get stereotyped because of the glitter and nail polish," Kai says, and the woman looks at him fondly. I glance down and see that his nails are painted in a pastel rainbow––each nail a different color.

"Well, I'm Sharon, one of the moderators of the event. It's a pleasure to meet you both. Once you're signed in, I can give you a tour. I assume this is your first time at a playdate since I haven't met either of you." She hands over a clipboard with a few forms for us to fill out and smiles gently.

"Y-yes, ma'am. The first time," I tell my clipboard instead of Sharon.

"No need to be nervous, sweetie. We're all new at one point, and you'll make some nice friends today. We draw a pretty nice crowd of littles and middles. Usually around ten to fifteen," she says.

Middles. What is a middle? There are so many terms that I need to start a spreadsheet because they're starting to get jumbled in my head. We turn in our clipboards and secure our phones away for privacy.

During our tour, Sharon points out various zones, including coloring, blocks, LEGO sets of different sizes, cars, dolls, dollhouses, dress-ups, books, and snacks.

It's easy to navigate. Some comfortable couches are along one wall for the moms and dads to hang out.

While taking it all in, nothing resonates with me.

I could sit and color for a while to see how that feels.

I can also keep Kai company. Sharon points to the restrooms that have been designated as the changing rooms, and Kai excuses himself to go change since we have finished the tour of the play space designated for the littles.

When I turn the corner to see what else is going on, I stop dead in my tracks.

"What's going on over there?" I point to a couple of guys and a girl sitting on bean bags, racing each other in Mario Kart on a large screen while a few more people are engaged in a board game of some sort.

Now, this feels more like my kind of hang-out, but I wouldn't want to intrude.

"Oh, those would be our middles. They are such a good group of kids.

" She says fondly. Kids? I look closer at the group; there are people of all ages.

Several seem to be close to my age, while others are older.

"The girl playing the board game with red hair is my sunshine, Emily.

I just adore her. The middles have a special place in my heart. " She tells me.

Middles. There's that word again.

"I'm sorry, but this is all new to me. I started researching age play after seeing the flyer at Steamed last week. Can you explain what a middle is? I know what a little is because that's what most of the videos I've seen refer to." I ask, feeling a bit embarrassed about my lack of knowledge.

"To put it simply, it is still age regression, but they don't slip so young into a little mindset.

The regression age is typically older, and individuals at this stage are more independent and just need a little guidance.

In contrast, littles are more dependent on their caregiver.

It really depends on the person. Everyone is on their own journey.

And please, don't ever feel embarrassed about needing guidance.

Any caregiver here will be more than happy to assist you.

We get just as much out of these playdates as those who regress.

We have a natural caregiver instinct." She tells me.

"Thank you," I tell Sharon while looking over at the group playing games.

"I think I want to hang out with the middles if that's okay.

It feels more like me." Is it weird that I'm interested in being a middle when I'm only eighteen?

Technically… I'm a teen, and it's not that far of a leap from reality.