Page 21 of In the Middle of No(ah)where (Rockport Ridge #2)

Noah

"N oNo!" Caleb blurts out when he answers the phone. I feel like it's been forever since I've hung out with him. I need to do better and schedule a playdate soon.

"Hey, buddy, how are you?" I ask, knowing he's in little space by the nickname he called me.

"Grrrrrreat," he tells me. "I play wit Teddy. We colorin’.” Teddy is the bear he got from Barrett on one of their dates, and he's little Caleb's new best friend. They do everything together, and it's the most adorable thing ever.

"Aw, that sounds like fun. We should schedule a playdate soon. I miss hanging out with you outside of work." I admit fondly, listening to the crayons scratch across his coloring book that I assume he's coloring–it's his favorite.

"I'd like dat."

"Can I talk to big Caleb for a second? I need a favor." I love how he is so fluid in his age regression and can slip out of it just enough that I can have my adult conversation without pulling him entirely out of the headspace.

"Okay, what's up?" He says, still coloring.

"I need a huge favor. Can you cover my shift on Sunday morning?

I have something important I need to do.

" I wish I could muster the courage to tell him what it is, but I'm still trying to accept it myself.

If too many people know, I may not go through with it, and then I'll feel like a failure even more.

"Of course. I had no plans yet, and the extra money would be nice to buy new crayons." He tells me, and I make a mental note to pick up a new pack since he's doing me a favor.

"Thanks. I owe you one. If you ever need me to cover a shift for you, let me know."

"Will do. Lunch soon?"

"Totally. My treat. Well, I'll let you get back to coloring. Give Teddy a big squeeze from me," I tell him and get a giggle in response.

"Bye, NoNo," he tells me as he slips back into little space.

"Bye, Buddy."

The morning of the campus open house, my stomach doesn't feel so good.

I've been a ball of nerves, and my brain has been going in a million directions.

I try playing video games and getting into my middle mindset, but the chaos is too much.

It's been a while since I've thought about adding any new scars to my arm, but I need something to calm the noise.

A knock on the door has me flinching. A look at my phone tells me it must be Marcus, and he's a bit early.

Opening the door, Marcus' smile fades when he sees me. "What's wrong?" he asks as I let him into the apartment. He cups my face in his hands, and I feel my eyes sting, and a tear slides down my cheek. Marcus places a kiss there to wipe it away.

"I can't get the chaos to stop? I tried talking to Purin, playing my video game, drawing…

nothing is working," I tell him in a frantic voice.

My fingers find their way under my sleeve, and my nails dig into the flesh of my scarred arm.

I don't even realize I'm doing it until Marcus places his hand over mine and pulls me into him–chest to chest. His arms come around me, and I already feel safe.

"You're going to be okay," he whispers.

"I need your help, Daddy." The word help is hard to admit, but it's the truth. I need him. I need him to help me calm the chaos.

"I think I have an idea that might help. Is Carlos around?" He asks while looking around the room.

I shake my head. "No, he's staying at Jasper's house all weekend."

"Good." He takes my hand and leads me over to the couch. "Since I'm early and we have time, let's talk first, and then I want to try something."

I nod my agreement.

"I know we talked a little about your cutting, but can you share with me more?"

My shoulders relax because I know I'm safe with Marcus.

"It started subtly," my voice barely a whisper, my gaze fixed on the swirling patterns of the modern rug beneath my feet.

"Small cuts, barely noticeable, almost like a secret language I was speaking only to myself.

A way to… to feel something other than the chaos.

It would quiet it." I pause; goosebumps speckle my arms at the sharp, visceral memories.

But Marcus' presence anchors me in the present.

"Chaos," Marcus echoes softly, his voice a gentle caress."That's what you said before." He doesn't elaborate. Doesn't need to. It's an unspoken understanding between us. The demons I battle.

I take a deep breath to steady myself. "It was a way to feel…in control," I continue."Or at least, that's what I told myself. The pain, the blood… it was a tangible manifestation of the turmoil inside. A way to externalize the chaos that was consuming me."

I recount the crushing weight of expectations and the relentless criticism that drove me to the brink. I describe the relentless cycle of self-doubt, the gnawing insecurity that fueled my self-destructive behavior.

It all left me feeling utterly alone.

Worthless.

"When my parents found out, they made me feel so shameful.

They treated me like an outcast. I felt so disgusted with myself.

I saw a therapist, and that's when I discovered video games as a way to escape.

" I pause to take a break. "I've always been afraid of letting anyone get too close.

See me for who I truly am. Then you came along," he squeezed my hand.

"You didn't even know me and stepped in when I was freaking out about slipping into middle space for the first time.

That day, you didn't know it, but you healed something inside me.

I didn't feel alone. The fear of rejection was still there, but also something else. Hope."

Marcus listens patiently, his gaze unwavering, his presence a silent testament to his support.

He doesn't offer empty platitudes or quick fixes; instead, he provides his presence, a safe space where I can unfurl this pain without judgment, without the fear of being condemned.

Marcus validates my emotions, unlike my parents.

"It wasn't a cry for attention," I clarify. "It was a way to…to cope. A way to silence the voices in my head, the voices that told me I was worthless, a failure."

"I hear you," Marcus says softly, his voice a balm to my raw emotions."And I believe you." He reaches over and places his hand on mine. Voice firm. "Noah. I want to try something with you that I think may help ground you. Do you trust me?"

I don't even have to think about it. Of course, I do. It's a strange feeling, but I've always felt calm around Marcus.

"Of course."

"And you remember your safeword?"

"Yes. The traffic lights." I confirm.

"Noah. Stand up." He demands, and I instantly follow his direction. "Have you ever been spanked?"

I feel my face get hot as I shake my head. "No. But I've been curious about it." I've even watched spanking porn and have dreamt of Marcus paddling my ass.

"When done correctly, a Dom can send their sub into a headspace called subspace. If you're open to it, I'd like to give it a try. It would be a great way to help the chaos and get you out of your head–a release.

I kneel in front of Marcus. I don't feel very submissive by nature. Still, I've seen enough videos that I want to play into Marcus' need for dominance. Sort of a role-play scenario. He's always helping me; maybe I can offer this to him in return. Who knows? Perhaps I'll unlock a new kink I like.

As I get comfortable on my knees, I bow my head slightly. Waiting.

"Daddy. Will you spank me?" I ask softly. He rubs his hand over my head and then across my jaw. He doesn't say anything. "Please…Sir."

I hear an audible growl come from his throat. His thumb and finger on my chin lift my head to look at him. When I see his eyes, his pupils have been blown full of lust. "You really want this Noah?" He asks.

"More than anything. I want you to claim me. Like in the books we read. Mark me." I all but beg. My breath came out heavier.

"Well, there are different types of spankings," he tells me. "As much as I would love to claim you , as you put it, this is more therapeutic."

"Isn't it all the same? You get to smack my ass." I grin.

"The headspace for both of us is different. Today, it's not about orgasms and getting off. It's not about heat and passion. Sexual. It's about clearing your head. We are doing this to offer you a headspace release, not a release down there." He motions to my crotch.

I nod in understanding.

"Stand up."

I comply with his demand.

Marcus leans back on the couch. Inspecting me up and down. "You truly are beautiful, Noah."

"Thank you, Daddy."

"Strip for me."

I walk over to the front door to make sure it's locked and secure the deadbolt just in case Carlos decides to come home from Jasper's house early. I then walk back over to the middle of the living room and strip.

Standing in front of Marcus naked, I feel vulnerable but safe, knowing he'll protect me. I also feel awkward because I'm not sure what to do with my hands or my half-erect cock.

"Come here, Puppy." Marcus holds out his hand to me, and I take it. "Lie across my lap." He moves one of the pillows so my head is resting on it, my cock between his thighs and ass in the air. "Color?" He asks, checking in.

"Green, Daddy."

Marcus softly rubs my bare ass cheeks with his hand, warming the skin, and my head already feels better with just his touch. And the anticipation of what we're about to do.

He lifts his hands, and I miss the contact. It's short-lived. Marcus' hand comes down against my right butt cheek in the short whips. I jerk at the contact. It wasn't hard, but noticeable enough. Automatically, I start to giggle. "Green."

"I'm giving you ten. That one was a warm-up." My heart hammers in my chest at his words.

The next contact is a bit more intense, and I feel my cock press into the couch cushion as it's now fully erect.

Daddy rubs my ass soothingly before the smack comes from the underside of my ass cheek.

The skin is a bit more sensitive, and I let out something between a moan and a whine.

It feels so good. His other hand is rubbing up and down my back and shoulders, never leaving contact with my body.

Three smacks are administered in rapid succession on different parts of my ass.

One. It stings with a heavier intensity.

Two. It comes down before I can catch my breath from the first one.

Three. The burn is real. I wonder if it's already turning red, like in the videos I watched. I can't ask because it's not about sexual pleasure. Daddy is trying to clear my head.

After a few more minutes, the contact is working. A harder smack across both cheeks with Daddy's hand has my mind floating, and I know I've entered subspace. Daddy rubs my ass before administering another two hits.

My body goes limp.

"That's right, baby boy. Just relax in my lap." Daddy tells me as he rubs his hand along my skin. His fingertips skimmed the surface in a caress.

I close my eyes and let the feeling consume me as his hand continues to make contact.

After a few minutes, Daddy moves me off his lap. "Lie here. I'll be right back."

Daddy walks down the hall to the bathroom, and I hear the cabinet doors open and close. Daddy comes back and kneels next to the couch. I hear a squelch noise, and when I look over, I see Daddy rubbing his hands together. Lotion.

His hands glide across the globes of my ass, and the lotion feels cool on contact.

It's soothing. I sit up on the couch, feel the burn on my skin, and let out a shiver.

Daddy grabs the crocheted blanket from the back of the sofa, drapes it over my shoulders, and pulls me into his side, where I snuggle softly.

"You doing okay, Puppy?" He asks sweetly.

"Yeah. More than Okay. I feel…drunk?"

"It's normal. You slipped into subspace. I could feel it when your body went limp. That's why I stopped."

Having Marcus so in tune with my body is nice. I knew I would be safe with him. If I ever felt nervous, I would have used a safeword, and he would have respected my boundaries, just as he had when I called yellow .

I lay my head on his shoulder with his arm tightly around me. Marcus doesn't force me to get up, and I'm grateful for that. I think he needs this time to regroup as well.

A car horn from the parking lot snaps me out of my dream state, and I begin to cry. Burying my face into Marcus, I apologize. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. It felt good." I tell him so he doesn't worry about me.

Marcus squeezes me tighter. "It's okay. This is a normal reaction. You're currently in sub-drop. You're coming out of your sub-space. I'm here for you and not going anywhere. Just tell me what you need."

"Just need you," I admit and cry a little more.

Feeling better about what had happened and remembering what had led us here, I informed Marcus that we needed to leave or we would be late for the open house.

"You sure you're okay?" He checks in again.

"Yeah. I'm okay. I slip my clothes back on and lean over to give Marcus a kiss before we head out. "Thank you, Daddy."