Page 15 of In the Middle of No(ah)where (Rockport Ridge #2)

Noah

S queezing the elephant Marcus gave me sends warmth through my body.

He may not be standing next to me, but this small item feels huge.

And when we touched. Holy hell. It was everything my soul had been seeking.

He's my person. Standing on my own two feet for the past couple of years has made me become more of my own person.

I was able to navigate what I wanted in life.

There are still some struggles with the chaos in my head, but that will always be there.

Coping strategies have helped.

I would love to leave and walk around so I can keep this feeling going, but I promised Caleb I would be here for him today, and I won't break my promise. Ever.

Needing a change of thought, "What are you thinking so hard about?" I ask Caleb.

He sniffles as if trying not to cry. "It's just—"

"I know, buddy." He doesn't even have to finish.

Barrett giving him the stuffed animal was everything.

Caleb grew up in foster homes. He was bounced around a lot, and some of those experiences weren't good.

He doesn't open up about them often, but he has let me in on some of the things he dealt with; kids stealing from each other, being hungry some nights, and sharing a room with two or three other kids.

I can't even imagine. I had my own issues, but nothing like that.

I offer him a little squeeze as a few silent tears fall down his cheeks.

Looking around us, the crowd has doubled in size in the last fifteen minutes. It must be from the announcement of Kavi's delivery. It's been a half hour since Barrett and Marcus left. Only four and a half to go before I can see Marcus.

Standing here longer, my mind starts to wander. All the bad 'what ifs' start to seep in.

What if he's dating someone?

What if he just wants to be friends?

What if he's not interested in me?

What if he thinks I'm just some annoying kid who needs to grow up, and he hates that we reconnected?

What if…what if my heart breaks all over again?

"Here they come!" A child's voice calls out, interrupting my downward spiral.

When I snap out of my thoughts, I see a small group of people all wearing zoo uniforms being led by Barrett, who gives Caleb a little wink. I can't say I'm a bit disappointed that Marcus isn't with him.

"Good afternoon, everyone. From the Rockport Ridge Zoo family to yours, we want to thank each of you for coming out to show your love and support to Kavi.

" Barrett continues to address the applauding crowd, talking a bit about Asian elephants and the impact this birth has on the species as a whole.

"It is with great honor to introduce our newest zoo resident, Kavi's daughter… Lali."

The sound of metal shifts my attention to the large gate of the closed-off area.

My chest flutters when I see Marcus leading Kavi slowly into the primary habitat.

Soon, they make their way close to the crowd, and I get to see Lali for the first time.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I take some pictures.

The first is an excellent picture of Marcus.

The second is a picture of Kavi and Lali.

Several other elephants are in the habitat as well but are staying back a ways.

"She's so cute," Caleb whispers.

"Yes, she is. Thank you, Caleb, for getting me out of my apartment today. This is way more fun than playing video games all day," I tease.

After snapping a few more pictures, I suggest grabbing a hot dog for lunch before Caleb argues that it's his treat.

"Now, what kind of big brother would I be if I let you pay?"

“The bestestest kind.”

The word makes me smile, as I remember when we first met, sending text messages back and forth.

Since we have a few hours to kill before we meet back up with Barrett and Marcus, I suggest we tour the zoo and check out other exhibits—I really want to see the lions.

After walking through a few gift shops and seeing the giraffes and zebras, I notice Caleb sinking further into little space.

I have slipped, too. Just not as far. Any time Caleb slips into little space, I try to hover in my headspace so I can be sure to take care of him. He so needs a daddy .

"NoNo, look! Lines. It's da lines."

"It is the lion's habitat. Let's go see them."

"Rawr," he growls. "They sca-wy."

"They can be. But these lions look sweet. See how they're just lounging around enjoying the sunshine?"

He nods his agreement, but his facial expression tells me he doesn't believe a word of it.

We take in the majestic creatures before perusing the gift shop attached to the exhibit.

Walking through, I find a coloring book with lions.

I take it to the counter and purchase it before handing it to Caleb.

"For me? He asks. My eyes already tearing up. My friend is in a particularly emotional state today.

"Just a small thank-you gift for inviting me today."

Caleb reaches out and gives me a hug. "Thank you. I love it."

Caleb and I decided to sit on an empty bench, staring off into the lion's den.

The next series of events happens so fast that I don't have time to process them.

First, I see Marcus, and before I can say anything, Barrett has his hands on Caleb's shoulder, screaming "roar," just like Caleb did about thirty minutes ago while imitating the lions.

The problem is that Barrett doesn't know that Caleb has slipped into little space and is now scared.

Caleb jumps at Barrett's voice—pushing out his bottom lip while holding back the tears.

He's got a death grip on my bicep before burring his head into my shoulder.

I wrap my arm around him while giving Barrett a consoling smile.

I try to soothe Caleb a bit by whispering, "It's okay, Caleb. I gotcha."

"I not like bein' scared," he whispers back in his little voice.

Barrett comes around to kneel in front of us, placing his hands on Caleb's knees and apologizing.

I just want to hang out with Marcus, but I also need to make sure Caleb is okay. Marcus is standing in front of me, watching this exchange. I wonder what he's thinking. As if reading my thoughts, he clears his throat, "Hey, Noah, can I steal you away for a second?"

I look over at Caleb to make sure he'll be alright, and he offers me a little nod. "I be okay, NoNo."

I give Caleb a side hug before standing up. When Barrett takes my place next to Caleb, I know he's in good hands, even if Barrett's not a daddy. Who am I kidding? He's totally a daddy.

"We'll meet up with you guys later in the barn," Marcus tells Barrett, and we head out.

As we make our way through the zoo, we're silent for a bit. I don't want to word vomit all my thoughts, so it's best if I remain quiet for the foreseeable future. My brain starts to overthink, and before I can do something stupid like reach out and hold Marcus' hand, I stick my hands in my pockets.

"How have you been?" Marcus asks, finally breaking the silence.

I glance over to see him smiling at me, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. He's being cautious.

Daydreaming about you daily. Wondering what your hands on my body would feel like. Would you be gentle or rough?

"Noah?" Marcus quirks a brow but softens his tone.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I got caught up in my head. I've been good." I tell him.

"First off, you've been well." He corrects my grammar. "Second, watch your language." He tells me with a smirk.

Oh, so that's how we're going to play this.

"You can't tell me what to do. You're not my daddy." I tease, bumping my shoulder with his. I notice a blush creep up his neck.

"How is that going?" he asks quietly. "Still exploring?" He means age play.

I nod. "I've been doing lots of research and finding things I'm curious about." Things I'd like to explore with you.

"That's good."

Marcus slows his steps. "So…is there anyone special in your life?"

I know what he's referring to, but I need to tease a bit. "Of course. All this hotness isn't going to go unnoticed."

"That's great." He tells me. But the great doesn't come out as such.

"I've got Carlos, my roommate. He has become a close friend and is special to me. Helped me understand a lot about age play. Then there is Caleb, my best friend, who is like a little brother to me, so he's definitely special; then there—"

Marcus shoves my shoulder with a laugh. "You brat. You know what I meant."

My laugh joins his. I know what he meant. "If you're asking if I'm single, then the answer is yes."

Marcus doesn't look happy about that. He looks…sad. Would he prefer if I were in a relationship? Would the decision not to pursue something with me be easier if I were?

I clear my throat. "How about you?" I ask, looking into the zebra habitat. Two of them are strolling side by side like us.

"I've been searching for someone for a while. We met a couple years ago and hit it off. The timing was all wrong for both of us, but since I live here now, I was hoping he was still around somewhere. I wasn't sure if he went off to college or moved away."

"Oh?" my voice came out barely a whisper with a tinge of hope.

"Hell, I'm not even sure if he's even interested in me, to be honest." Marcus looks out into the same zebra habitat.

I remove my hand from my pocket, reach out, and brush the back of my hand against his. He glances over at me with a smile before interlocking our fingers together.

"He's interested," I tell him.

"Noah."

"Marcus?"

"Can I give you a hug?" He asks so bashfully that it's endearing.

I know teasing him would break the gentle moment, but I can't help it. "I don't know… can you?"

"You really are a brat," he laughs. Before he can correct his grammar mistake, I wrap my arms around his torso and pull him in next to me.

The warmth of his body against mine calms the chaos in my brain and eases the tension I've been carrying.

If this was one of Caleb's Disney movies, I'm sure the animals would gather around and start singing.

I don't care about the zoo, the tour, or anything else.

I only care that the universe brought Marcus back to me.