Page 84 of In Sheets of Rain

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Untouched And Not Touching

My heart beat erratically, matching the knock on my front door. I dusted my hands down my jeans and stared around my small lounge, making sure everything was in its place. I fluffed the pillows on the couch while the person knocked again. Harder.

Counting my breaths, I straightened up and took the steps necessary to greet them.

My sister stood on the welcome mat, her hair immaculate, her makeup perfect, her smile brittle.

“Hey, you!” she cried, wrapping me up in a big hug. “This place is so close to the mall.”

I looked behind her, searching for her vehicle.

“Where’s Mum?” I asked, pulling back when I noticed the empty car.

“Um, she didn’t feel right.”

“Right?”

“Well.” Sharon looked at me, warily. “She stayed home,” she said, waiting for something to happen.

I blinked at the expectant look on her face, unable to decide how my mother’s absence made me feel. Maybe it was a manic phase.

“Come in,” I finally offered, stepping to the side in the narrow hallway and letting my sister pass.

“I like it,” she said, nodding her head at the brightly coloured tiles in the bathroom. “It’s cosy, but cute, you know?”

“It’s all right,” I said.

Sharon sat down on the couch.

I stood in the centre of the room. Untouched and not touching.

“Coffee?” she asked.

I nodded and stepped into the small, open-plan kitchen, flicking the kettle on and pulling down two mugs from the cupboard.

“Can you have pets here?” Sharon asked.

“No.” I’d left my cat with Sean. We'd had two. His had died in a hit and run. Mine was lost to me because my landlord didn’t allow pets.

I tried not to think about how much I missed him.

I placed the coffee down on the side table next to my sister and returned to the kitchen for the plate of biscuits. Perching on the edge of the couch beside my sibling, I sipped from my mug and thought about raindrops like sparkling diamonds, yellow cat’s eyes catching the light and dashed hopes.

“So,” Sharon said.

“Hmmm?” I offered.

“Are you sure about this?”

I stared into my coffee and tried to count my breaths.

“It’s not too late, you know,” she whispered. “He loves you. He’d forgive you in a heartbeat.”

My chest ached. My breaths came too quickly.

“Doug and I have had our moments, too. Did you know that?”