Page 81 of In Sheets of Rain

“Can I put a peephole in, too?”

“I’ll have to check. But if you do, the bill will be yours.”

* * *

“Just a couple of thousand,” I said to my mother over the phone. “As soon as the sale of our house goes through, I’ll pay you back.”

“Your father said we could do that.”

“It’s the bond, you see. And I’ll have to get the phone line put on. Because it’s a brand new house, the line only reaches the bottom of the drive. It’ll cost several hundred dollars to get it hooked up.”

“Of course.”

“And I don’t have suitable clothes,” I admitted. “You know, for work. They all wear suits, and I only own one. And, well…”

“I understand.”

She made a sound. I thought perhaps she was crying. My hand clutched the phone so tightly; I was sure my knuckles would crack.

“It’s your grandmother’s ninetieth,” she said. “On Saturday.”

“I’ll be there,” I said. “I get weekends off now.”

“Without Sean?”

“Well, yeah.”

“You can’t come without Sean.”

“Why not?”

She was definitely crying now.

“Because we love him and he’s part of the family.”

“Mum. I can’t bring Sean. We’re not together anymore. ButIcan be there.”

“But everyone will ask where Sean is.”

“So?”

A sob slipped down the line. A hitched breath followed. My knuckles began to ache.

“I haven’t told my sisters yet,” my mother wailed.

“Why not?” I whispered.

“Because I can’t face them! Because I’m so ashamed. What will they think of me? Of us? Raising a daughter who could do this? What will they say?”

I stared at the wall and said nothing.

What was there to say?