Page 44 of I’ll Be Home for Christmas

“You have actual trees in here?” she asked, looking at the rows of fir trees lining the snowy pathway leading away from the cabin.

“Yeah, they’re in giant pots that, as you can see, we cover with scenery painted to look like snowy verges.

We move them in each year from the plot of land behind the barn, and then replant them in January.

It takes, like, a week to do it—but it’s worth it, to see the kids’ faces when they step through the door. ”

“It is so worth it,” she said, smiling. “And the ceiling! Oh my god!”

Ryan followed her gaze upward to where the barn ceiling had been painted to look like the night sky, complete with the Northern Lights.

“Oh, wait, that’s not the best bit, stay there a minute.

” He dashed off, out of view, and a moment later the lights went out and the sky was illuminated with hundreds of twinkling stars and a projection of meteor showers trailing across the cosmos.

“Oh wow! Ryan, it’s magical,” she said, when she felt him return to stand beside her.

“I’m glad you like it.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. As she stood with her face upturned, taking it all in, she reached her hand out to the side and found his, and he automatically interlaced his fingers with hers.

“I realize this is probably a weird time to ask, and you can say no—that would be fine and understandable, given the evening you’ve just had—but would you like to go on a date with me? Like not a mate date but a date date?” he asked.

Fred turned her face to look at him and found him watching her. Her heart began to race again, but this time in a good way. “I would.”

He beamed, and she knew her own face was a mirror image.

“Want to take the woodland walk?” he asked.

And then added, “This isn’t the date. Also, it won’t take long, as we are only in a barn and not in an actual woodland, but the advantage is there won’t be any dog crap hiding beneath the fallen leaves. ”

She laughed. “Barn woods sound like my kind of thing.”

“Okay, give me one minute; if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it with the full shebang.”

He let go of her hand and disappeared into the trees.

She flexed her fingers, feeling the cold breeze in the barn without his warmth.

With a dull click the trees along the path became gently uplit from beneath the scenery, in shades of color that faded in and out, now purple, now gold, now orange, now blue.

From somewhere above “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” began playing through invisible speakers, and just ahead of her an animatronic stag dipped its head out from the trees, making her squeal in surprise.

Ryan hopped over the fake snowbank and joined her back on the path. “Ready?” he asked, holding out his elbow for her to link her arm with his.

“Ready.”

The tree-lined path had been set out in a deep zigzag, rather than a straight line to the door, so that it felt like you really were meandering through an admittedly small forest, but a forest nonetheless, especially if you were a little kid.

All along the path there were things to see between the trees.

There were more moving reindeer and a family of waving polar bears.

Long-legged Christmas gonks peeped out between the low branches while others sat higher in the trees, legs dangling.

An old Victorian streetlamp bathed Mr. Tumnus, who stood beneath it in warm light and, further along the next bend, a mannequin of the White Witch sat in a sleigh, draped in furs, a box of Turkish delight open on her lap.

The path itself was thickly spread with orange and brown leaves, and cotton-wool snow drifts were banked up at the edges to blend in with the painted scenery boards. The leaves swished as they wandered slowly through them.

“Boy, this place really has evolved, huh?” said Fred, remembering the somewhat smaller grotto from when she was a kid.

“Everything is big, these days; consumers expect to be wowed, and everyone’s a keyboard-critic. We have to keep up or risk falling behind.”

“It’s kind of sad when you put it like that.”

“Not really. You know my dad; he loves tinkering with all this stuff. We add a little bit to it each year—the skating penguins were this year’s acquisition—and we all chip in with the maintenance.

We don’t take it down after Christmas like we used to—well, apart from the trees, they go back outside—but other than that, this is now a permanent feature.

We built Dad a new workshop for his sixtieth birthday so he didn’t fill the house with all the crap he used to store in here. ”

“Ha, yeah, I can imagine your mum would not take kindly to that.”

They’d reached the end of the path at the barn door.

“If you want to wait here, I’ll just run round and turn everything off, and then I’ll drive you home,” Ryan said, dropping his arm from hers.

“Sure.”

—

Ryan’s Land Rover was an unholy mess. The back seat was filled with boxes and discarded paper cups, and strewn with paper and envelopes.

Ryan saw her looking. “Ah, yes, sorry about the mess. I promise you, this is not indicative of how I live; my flat is very tidy, and my sheets are always clean…and I don’t know why I told you that.”

She smiled. “It’s fine, I like to have all the intel…” She paused. “I probably should have gathered a bit more intel on Warren.”

Ryan shrugged. “You have to take chances on people, or you become just another cynic. By the law of averages some of them will disappoint you, but hopefully the ones that don’t will have made it worth the risk.

” He started the engine, and they drove slowly along the high street, avoiding the revelers spilling out of the pubs and into the road.

“I had no idea you were so wise.”

He looked sheepish. “Your Aunt Cam said it to me after my last breakup.”

Fred laughed. “Of course. Did she also tell you the color of your aura?”

“Mostly orange; apparently, I’m motivated and good at expressing my feelings.”

“I’d say that’s true.”

“How about you?” Ryan asked.

“When she last brought it up, I was all the darker greens, which I think meant I was seeking love but apprehensive about letting people in; basically, needy and scared.” She pulled an “eeek!” face at him, and he laughed.

“Good job I like a challenge. Maybe our auras are the perfect combination. What colors do green and orange make?”

“Brown. We make mud,” she said, glibly.

“Oh, well, that’s brilliant! Brown is my favorite color; it’s the color of coffee, and the earth the coffee plants grow in, and tree trunks, the most sturdy and reliable plants on the planet. Oh, and mushrooms, I love mushrooms.”

“Wow, you really are one of Father Christmas’s elves.”

He grinned, keeping his eyes on the road ahead as they drove out of the town and onto the winding road leading uphill to Hallow House. The quiet that followed was easy as each of them contemplated what had passed that evening.

They parked outside the gates to the house, and Ryan allowed the engine to idle. She could sense that he was building up to saying something, so she waited for him to speak.

He took a breath. “I think it’s time for you to be done apologizing for yourself.”

She hadn’t expected that. “What do you mean?”

He took a moment, measuring his words, before speaking.

“I think you’ve spent a lot of time trying to be what you think people want you to be, and tamping down the elements that you think they won’t want, and I don’t think it’s healthy to bypass parts of yourself like that…

” He hesitated. “I don’t think it can make you happy. ”

“You think I’m unhappy?” Fred replied.

“With yourself…I think maybe you have been. Tell me I’m wrong.”

She felt exposed and tried to joke it away. “Where is all this coming from? Have you been at the aunts’ special cookies?”

He smiled at her attempt to deflect with humor.

“I know you don’t like talking about this stuff, but I’m going to say it anyway.

You don’t need to be a curated version of yourself, not for anyone, and especially not for me.

You are a multifaceted person and I…I like all your facets, even the ones you don’t. I hope one day you’ll like them too.”

His words struck a chord inside her, the vibrations singing out around her ribs and rattling the chains on the parts of herself she’d kept locked away, scared of being thought too odd, too unconventional, too much.

She reached across and took his hand, meeting his eyes. “Thank you,” she said quietly, smiling self-consciously.

“You’re welcome.” His returning smile was warm.

They sat quietly for a while, with only the sound of the engine ticking over and the wind whistling through the trees outside.

Finally, Fred said, “I’d better go in.”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you, for tonight. And for liking all my facets.”

He laughed softly. “Anytime.”

A moment passed and then Fred opened the door and stepped out into the cold. She leaned back in; Ryan’s handsome face was illuminated by the interior light. “I’ll see you soon?”

He nodded, smiling at her. “You will.”

Fred pushed the door shut and tapped in the code for the gates. She nipped through as soon as the gap was wide enough, and pressed the button to close them again.

Ryan waited until she was safely locked in, before giving her a final wave and driving away, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

He likes all the parts of me . She smiled to herself and held his words close like treasure.