Page 25 of I’ll Be Home for Christmas

“That’s a great idea!” Fred was instantly enthused. “And we can check their reception on the feedback forms—”

“We have feedback forms?” Bella asked.

“We do now,” said Fred. “It’s one of the things I’ve been working on as part of the marketing strategy for the business, going forward.

I’m thinking we do maybe a bimonthly newsletter to our online customer base; you know, waxing lyrical about life and the seasons and talking about the design processes, offering sneak peaks, that sort of thing.

And in the newsletter at the end of January, we include a feedback form; it’s a great way to make sure we’re keeping up with expectations and see if there’s a gap in our product line that our customers would like us to fill. ”

Seeing her daughter inspired and brimming with ideas was so uplifting, Bella wondered if her feet were still on the floor. She saw Liam smiling at her and knew he was feeling it too.

“It’s nice to see you haven’t let the grass grow under your feet,” said Martha. “That reminds me, I was thinking the other day about that time capsule the two of you buried and how interesting it would be, now that you’re both back, to see if any of your predictions for the future came true.”

“Oh, yes!” said Bella. “I’d forgotten about that. Where did you bury it again?”

“Can’t remember,” Ryan and Fred said in unison, and laughed.

Martha nodded. “That’s right, you made a pact never to tell anyone.”

“We didn’t want to take the chance that Benj or Rab would dig it up,” said Fred.

“Oh, they’d have dug it up for sure. I was a big brother and that’s exactly what I would’ve done,” said Liam, chuckling, and Martha agreed with him.

“Surely you can tell us now?” Bella pressed.

“We pinkie swore,” said Fred.

“How old were you?” asked Warren.

“Twelve?” Ryan looked at Fred, who nodded confirmation.

Bella watched Warren looking between them; he was smiling, but it was awkward.

“You two were inseparable,” said Martha. “Always sneaking off to god knows where and getting up to god knows what,” she mused.

“Anyway,” Ryan said, exaggeratedly. “Back to coffee in crackers…”

Bella laughed. “Yes. Tell me about your Christmas blend.”

“I’ve experimented with a few combinations of beans and different roasts to get a chocolatey raisin flavor, and then infused the ground coffee with cinnamon sticks and cloves.”

The idea made Bella crave a cup; she imagined it served with a cream liqueur. “Could you maybe have half a cinnamon stick and some cloves in each individual coffee bag?”

“Absolutely,” said Ryan. “Or a little muslin bag of mixed spice, like a mini Christmas bouquet garni. I’m playing around with some gingerbread flavors as well, so you’d have a couple of choices for the crackers.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful,” Bella agreed.

“Is coffee still considered a luxury item, these days?” asked Warren. “Is it the sort of thing one might expect to find as a gift in a bespoke cracker, I mean? Fred was just showing me some of the handmade gifts you use; they’re upmarket items.”

“It would be a special roast,” said Martha. She was smiling but her voice held a trace of how fucking dare you . “Exclusive to Hallow-Hart Crackers.”

“All the big stores have a Christmas blend,” Liam agreed. “Harrods and Fortnum’s…”

“Is it ready?” Fred asked. “Can I try it?”

Bella wondered if Fred, too, was trying to cover Warren’s not-so-subtle put-down. She’d certainly had enough practice with Tim.

Ryan’s laugh was easy, as though he was the only one of them who hadn’t picked up on it.

“Sure,” he said. “Drop by tomorrow and I’ll make you a cup.”

Diggory wandered in from the hall, wiping his hands on a cloth that he then threw over his shoulder.

“How did you get on?” Martha asked.

“In technical terms, that radiator’s buggered,” Diggory replied.

“Your thermostatic valve is stuck. I’ve loosened it off as best I can, but I dare not tinker too much as those pipes are so old they can’t take much pressure; they really need replacing.

You’ve got some heat coming through in there, but it ain’t going to be balmy in the bathroom any time soon. ”

Bella felt herself grimace. “Thanks for doing that. Could you recommend anyone that might be able to sort it for us?”

“I’ll make a couple of calls and get back to you.”

“Thanks, Digg, I appreciate it.”

“No problem. Right, we’d best be off, oh wife of mine, I need my beauty sleep.”

Martha kissed his cheek and said, “Come on then, old man, let’s get you to bed.”

“As designated driver, that’s my cue to leave,” Ryan said.

“Bella, I’ll get a couple of bags of the Hallow-Hart blends I’ve been working on over to you, so that you can try them.

I can adjust the strength and roast to your specifications, and we can play around with the flavors.

Thanks for a great night, all. Warren, it was good to see you again. And I’ll see you tomorrow, Fred?”

“Absolutely,” said Fred.

Warren excused himself too. Fred went with him to the door to see him out, and then called out her good nights. Bella heard her footsteps going upstairs, and then it was only Liam left.

“Will I see you at the market tomorrow?” he asked, when they were alone by the open front door.

She was finding it hard to swallow; her throat was clogged with the things she wanted to say but dared not.

Not yet. She needed to pace herself, move slowly.

To hit him all at once with her thirty years of pent-up love would be overwhelming.

“Yes, I’ll be doing the morning shift,” she replied.

Her emotions were a jack-in-the-box that was one turn of the handle away from bursting out.

“Then I’ll make sure I get us a cranberry cruffin each for breakfast.”

“I look forward to it.” She smiled up at him, hoping to convey that it was the man behind the cruffin that she looked forward to seeing the most. He met her gaze, and she saw his eyes scrunch slightly, deepening the creases at the corners as he considered something and then dismissed it, looking away. “Thank you for dinner.”

Bella’s heart rate was at the mercy of his every expression. “You’re welcome. You’re always welcome here. You don’t even have to ask, just show up, I always make too much food anyway.” Did she sound needy? Too desperate?

“Well, given how strongly I feel about food waste, I’d better make myself available to help you out,” he said, with a grin.

“You’d be doing me a favor.” Her laugh came easily; after all these years, she was an expert at masking her inner restlessness.

He smiled and held his arms out, and she sank into him.

The smell of wood shavings and beeswax lingered on his clothes, and she breathed him in, her face buried in his neck, his chin brushing against her hair.

They held on to each other a little longer than was customary, and Bella had to force herself to let him go.

He smiled at her as they pulled apart, bringing his hand up to her face and brushing her cheek with his thumb.

She so badly wanted the look in his eyes to mean that he wanted her as much as she still wanted him.

“Good night, Bells,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Her sigh when he left her was a long exhale of all her hopes following his footsteps down the path. It tugged loose from her soul and spilled out after him in vaporous tendrils of yearning, reaching for him as the gates clanked open, and snapping back as they closed behind him.

Had they shared a moment? Had he felt her unspoken longing?

“I fancied a chamomile tea, so I made you one too,” said Fred, coming back into the hall with two steaming mugs and making Bella jump; she hadn’t heard her come back down the stairs.

“What are you looking at?” Fred asked, handing one to her mum and shivering as she peered out of the still-open door.

“Nothing,” Bella replied. “Thought I saw a fox on the lawn. Feels like snow, doesn’t it?”

“I hope so, it hardly ever snows in London.” Fred pushed the door closed and locked it. “Right, I’m off to Bedfordshire,” she said, starting to climb the stairs.

“Warren seems nice,” said Bella.

Fred turned and smiled. “Yeah.”

“A little big-headed maybe,” Bella ventured.

“I think a lot of it is front.”

“Uh-huh. Did you kiss him yet?”

“Mum!”

“What? I saw the two of you sneaking off into the woods, don’t tell me you were just showing him the flora and fauna…in the dark.”

Her daughter’s cheeks colored, and she laughed. “Actually, I was telling him the history of the land. But he did kiss me on the cheek.”

“Goodness! How bold,” Bella teased, and Fred laughed.

“Not every date has to end with underwear bursting into flames, Mother.”

“But it’s better when it does.” Bella waggled her eyebrows.

Fred rolled her eyes. “Night, Mum.”

“Good night, darling.”

Bella waited until Fred was in her bedroom before going back into the kitchen and sitting on the chair where Liam had sat, splaying her hands out on the table where his fingers would have touched the grain, as though some echo of him might have been absorbed into the wood.

She closed her eyes. Sometimes her longing was such dull, persistent agony, she marveled that she wasn’t being eroded like the weather-beaten cliffs outside.

Please , she silently begged the universe.

If we aren’t meant to be together, please make this feeling stop.