Page 12

Joy

I looked around at the empty tables that surrounded us. He made sure to shut the entire establishment down for this meeting. Sitting across from the man who had started all of this was troublesome. Murray still put butterflies in the pit of my stomach, and I hated it. I taught both Jolene and Adira to run when a man gives you that feeling. That feeling right there would have the smartest of smart women moving like a damn buffoon.

The tints on the shades he wore were a tan with a hit of auburn that matched the auburn-colored suit he was wearing perfectly. I had never seen Murray out of place, even back in the day when heroin had him. Still, that man was always dapper. His natural curly hair was slicked all the way back behind his ears. Murray had always been a slim-built man. He was tall and lean, just how I loved them. I watched as his frail chocolate hand swiped at his nose as he sniffled. I raised my eyebrow because I knew people with addiction always substituted for another addiction. I had weaned him off the heroin ages ago, but who knows if that powder had its claws in him?

Five decades had passed since the last time I had laid eyes on Murray. Still, his scent and mannerisms were the same. He played with the chain on his neck, the same chain I and all the other Supremes of The Heart Mirage had before he parted his thin lips to speak to me.

"Queen of Hearts, why did you call this meeting?"

Murray was all about business, and he damn sure always stood on it. I looked at the small red heart tattoo that now lay across the wrinkles on my wrist. I looked at his wrist and saw the same matching tattoo. So many memories flashed through my mind as the story of us played rapidly.

"This is family business," I asserted as I shook all emotions off.

I had to remember who it was that I was sitting across from.

This was the same man who had taught me how to turn my emotions off and yet the same man who once used to control them.

He took off his shades, folded them closed, and then sat them on the table before offering me a response.

That was one thing about Murray. He always moved on his own time.

"Family?" he questioned with a raise of his thick eyebrow.

"I need you to contact your daughter and tell her to lay off your grandson's girlfriend."

Those light brown eyes stared at me emotionlessly. He had given those colored eyes to Jolene, who had passed them down to Adonis and Adira.

"Murray…" I didn't mind pleading when it came to my family.

I hadn't seen this man in damn near fifty years because, to him, having a child was no want or need in our profession.

I, on the other hand, was elated when I found out I was pregnant with Jolene.

I had helped this man build his billion-dollar black market business, and in return, the only thing I was given was a deadbeat father.

I was leaving this table with all of my requests made, or I had already decided on putting his ass in the dirt.

I hadn't killed anyone since Adonis was five years old, but I promised myself I would knock the dust off of my rusty ways and step back into the lion's den if this man did not agree to my terms.

He tilted his head to the side as he eyed me.

"My Joyous Love."

I didn't want to, but I smiled.

I didn't get how, after all these years, this man could still have that effect on me.

I was supposed to hate him.

He had left me to be a single mother to run a business that we had started together, and still even old in age he had never come back for me.

"I need this handled, Murray…"

He tilted his head to the side and then looked at me.

"I've been scouting for my replacement," he announced.

I raised my eyebrow because I never thought he would hang his chain up.

"Your replacement?" I questioned.

Murray quickly pulled the handkerchief out of his suit pocket to cough in it. He flipped it in my direction, and I saw that he had coughed blood into it.

"I'm dying," he lowly disclosed.

My heart fell into my stomach because the man seated across from me used to be Superman in my eyes. In our prime, we were unstoppable.

"Fix your face, my love. Everyone gets their time," he said to me with a slight smile.

"How?" was all that I could muster out.

"Colon cancer, stage four."

Cancer had run in his family, so there was no surprise in that.

The stage of his illness was what got to me.

Murray never frequented the doctor.

I was the responsibility in his life, and when I left, I knew he had not been keeping up with his body. Although my heart went out to him, my priority in this meeting was to keep my family together.

"Jolene needs to be next in line. She's the next Supreme that's up." He and I both knew it.

"She's a hothead," he coldly stated.

"She's just like you…"

He sat there for a while before he let those lips part.

"There's still so much she will have to learn before filling my shoes, and I just don't have the time."

"You don't need the time. I know everything you do. I will show her."

He sat there, running his tongue across the upper row of his teeth.

"Okay…"

I blew out a sharp breath in relief.

"And as for the bounty on Nyoka?"

"That'll be up to Onyx."

Jolene didn't even know that The Heart Mirage was going to her. Being that I didn't know of the relationship between her and Nyoka, I was going to put my own spin on things before relaying messages.

"I'll let her know," I simply said before standing from the table. "Thank you, King of Hearts."

I started to walk to make my exit, but Murray caught my hand while passing. I turned to the right to look in his direction. In those light brown pupils, I saw he was tired. He looked so tired, and I felt bad for him.

"I miss my wife," he said as he stared me deeply in the eyes.

"I miss her too."

When Murray decided he didn't want to be a family, it broke me in ways I would never allow myself to feel again.

That heartbreak also repaired my vision.

It made me the best mother I could be to Jolene and an even better grandmother to Adira and Adonis.

"Joyous Love, I need you."

This was the closest that Murray was going to get to begging. He lifted his unoccupied hand, and when he did, a beat started to lowly play through the speakers on the walls.

Although Murray was an absent father, he would send cards for Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Jolene's birthday every year.

It was the fall of 1972 and Jolene's second birthday when I heard this song play for the first time.

Murray had sent a delivery boy to my house with this record and a written note that I still had to this day.

He wanted his wife and family back. I looked into his dying eyes as the music played.

"Ever since you went away

I ain't been doing nothing but

(Thinking, thinking)

(Thinking, thinking)"

My momma said that I was a damn fool to take that man back, but I was in love. So much that I gave a man who didn't even deserve the first shot with me a second one.

"I miss my wife," he repeated.

I never filed for divorce because deep down, I had gotten married with the intent to only do it once, and I was standing firmly on that.

I knew Murray was only having this realization of missing his wife because he was dying.

A big part of me felt like I owed him.

My momma and I didn't always have the best relationship.

So when Murray found me on a Mississippi street, I was kicked out once again at eighteen years old with nowhere to go.

He was ten years my senior so when he started to take care of me, I naturally took to him.

He had raised me when my own mother had checked out.

Call me crazy, but I felt the need to see him in his dying days because he had raised me in my worst ones.

"I need a few days, so handle whatever business you need to and then come home." I knew it wouldn't be hard for him to find me.

Murray flipped over my hand that was in his and then kissed the back of it.

I just offered him a slight smile.

We were nowhere near what we were and probably never would be, but it was a step in the right direction.

When he let go of my hand, I took that moment to make my exit.

"I swear I miss you

You done heard it ten times or more but

I swear I done changed

I swear I done changed…"

I listened as I exited to the song that made me reconsider being a family with this man for a third time. Before I pushed the door to the restaurant open to leave, I looked back and saw that Murray was staring at me.

I strolled out of Miano Café with a smile on my face.

Jolene was given what she had always wanted.

I had protected Baby and Nyoka, and Murray was coming home.

I knew I had to sit down with both Jolene and Nyoka.

I also had to come clean to these kids about who had raised them.

I walked proudly to my truck, knowing that the last seventy years of my life had substance.

With Murray's coming to an end I figured that his wanting to come back to me was him trying to right his wrongs and create some of his own substance before leaving this earth.

He had raised me and skipped out on raising Jolene, Adonis, and Adira, but he could at least right a little bit of wrong by being there for Adira's kids if she allowed it.

I prayed for my daughter and hoped she would find substance in her life with this new role that she was about to be handed.

Jolene "Onyx" Loving

Seeing Nyoka all grown up put the same pit in my stomach as when my eyes lay on Adira and Adonis.

Although she was not my child, I had done something for her that I hadn't even done for my own children — raise them.

I was busy chasing the money and settled for being the financial provider for my family instead of being the loving parent who was by their side, teaching and coaching them through life lessons, which I now regret.

The path I had chosen for myself is the reason Nyoka had ever come into my life.

I couldn't forget those sly eyes even if I wanted to.

The very first time I had laid eyes on her, those slanted slits were puffy from her crying.

She was no more than thirteen years old when she was outside on a corner in New York, getting her ass beat senseless.

I had just finished fulfilling a contract, and while I was gracefully making my escape after slitting a man's throat in a Brooklyn alley, I came across the mayhem.

Nyoka's caramel-colored face was blushed red from the whooping that I only assumed to be her mother was putting on her.

Her little facial expression looked more angry than anything else.

More than the anger that was harbored in her eyes, I could see the embarrassment.

"And how dare your ugly little ass steal from that store?"

The last thing Nyoka was, was ugly.

She was actually a gorgeous little girl.

I looked at the damp concrete beside them and saw that a pack of menstrual pads was on the floor.

This damn woman was beating on this little girl shitless out in the rain for stealing menstrual pads.

"Sorry," I quickly said as I bumped into the woman who had her foot lifted off the ground, about to stomp the little girl in front of me. She turned around and mean-mugged me before she collected herself.

"Get ya ass up! Another whooping is coming your way when we get inside!"

I was pissed at how everyone around was just letting the shit happen.

When the girl slowly picked her body up from the ground, I saw she had a crimson-colored stain on the back of her white pants.

I let the woman and girl walk right past me as I opened the wallet I had just lifted off her.

I went straight toward the window slot and pulled the driver's license out before tossing the wallet in a nearby garbage.

Right then and there, I had made it up in my mind that I was going to take the woman's life and that the little girl would be coming with me.

One thing I hated was an unfit parent.

At the time, I didn't know if that was Nyoka's mother or not, but the woman responsible for her was a guardian from hell, and Nyoka didn't deserve that.

Seeing shit like that made me appreciate the hell out of my mother.

Growing up, she took me everywhere with her.

I remember being a young girl, around the same age as Nyoka at the time, and being put up in a motel room while my mother handled business.

I never knew who my dad was, and with the amount of love that Joy showered me with, it never mattered.

If you ask me, that little girl that I saw being abused was better off with Joy raising her.

She had to have been the same age as my Adira at the time, so I was sure that Joy wouldn't mind having another little girl in the house.

Instead of catching my flight to Los Angeles, where my next mark would be, I was waiting until dark to pay the small one-family home in East New York a visit.

The moon was at its highest when I exited my rental and made my way toward the backyard of the address on the woman's driver's license.

I always thought of New York as a city that never slept, but an eerie silence outside had my heart racing a bit.

I didn't mind killing anyone, but what had my nerves going was the decision I had made to take the child with me.

I could already tell that by how the woman was beating the little girl shitless outside that there was probably no other family that loved the girl.

Once I killed the woman, I'm sure the local police would either think that the little girl ran away or that whoever was responsible for the murder had taken her as well.

Out of habit, before entering the house, I had picked the necklace I wore up from my neck and kissed the crescent moon and sun pendant on it.

As I entered the house, I told myself the little girl would have a better life with Joy raising her alongside my children to keep myself going with my original plan.

The radio was playing lightly somewhere in the house.

"All this commotion, emotions run deep as oceans, explodin'

Tempers flarin' from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin'…"

When I made it to the living room, I saw the little girl seated in the corner of the room. Her knees were up to her chest, and her arms were wrapped around her lean legs. The Tweety Bird nightgown she had on was dingy. What drew my attention was the blood splatter she had on the cloth of her nightgown and on her hands. As I took a step closer, the hardwood flooring beneath me creaked, which caused her to look up frantically.

I quickly took the mask off my face so that she wouldn't be scared of me.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," I whispered.

She was literally shaking in the corner. The blood on her infuriated me. Her left eye was almost swollen damn shut.

"Is the lady that did that to you your mom?" I asked as I used my lips to point to her face. She shook her head up and down, which broke my damn heart. "Where is she?" I asked.

I had all intention of killing the woman nice and slow. She raised her hand and pointed toward a dining room. I pulled the mask back down over my face as I walked in the direction that she had pointed. I rounded the wall, and when I ended up inside the dining room, I found it empty, and a weird feeling formed in my stomach. I wondered if the woman had heard me whispering to the little girl. I quickly shook that thought off because Eminem playing on the radio could have silenced my voice just moments before.

When I made it to the entryway to the kitchen, I took my mask off so I could breathe a little. The same woman that I was there to kill was lying lifeless on the white tiled floor. A kitchen knife was lunged into her chest. I could see over twenty stab wounds to her midsection.

"I killed her… finally."

I jumped at the sound of the small voice behind me. I turned around quickly and looked at the young girl. Her eyes were cold as she stared at the lifeless body that was now behind me. Then, I knew there was no way that I could send her to live with Joy and my children.

Without a doubt, she wouldn't have been a problem for my mother, but my kids weren't raised the way she was, and there was no way that I was going to expose them to her. I stood there in silence as I surveyed her for a while. I was looking for some sign of remorse for what she had done. I was something that I didn't ever think that I could be in life — speechless. The sound of Eminem filled the space between us as my mind was turning rapidly on what I should do with her.

"I'm sorry, Mama I never meant to hurt you I never meant to make you cry. But tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet."

"What's your name?" I finally mustered up to ask.

"Nyoka," she mumbled as she looked at me with slanted eyes.

Snake Eyes, I thought to myself as I stared at her. Joy couldn't raise her, but I knew with her killer instincts, I could.

"Come with me," I urged as I held my hand out for her.

Her small hand filled my palm as she willingly followed me out of that house and into my rental.

I knew Nyoka would make a great addition to The Heart Mirage the very moment I met her…

I mentally came back from my trip down memory lane as I sat in an empty lot, contemplating on if I should take that hit on her or not.

I had more money than I could count, so it wasn't about the money like Joy assumed.

She had no idea about the relationship I had with Nyoka.

If anything, me picking up that contract and ending her would have been out of anger.

From the ages of thirteen to eighteen, I raised her and trained her, and as soon as the crescent moon and sun necklace was placed on her neck on her legal birthday, she left and never looked back.

Just as I had abandoned my kids and left to follow my dreams, she had done the same to me.

I told myself that I would take Joy's advice and not pick up the contract.

I only had myself to blame for Nyoka going missing because, unlike how my mother had raised me, I didn't raise her with love.

I raised her to have an icy heart because I knew how hard my transition was when I first got initiated into The Heart Mirage.

I struggled because of how I was raised in the beginning months of my training.

I had a hard time separating from my feelings. With a last name like Loving, how could I not love love?

Wanting Nyoka to have a smooth transition, I didn't coddle nor baby her.

She spent five years under me with her emotions detached and in killer mode.

It should have been a surprise when she left the day after her graduation.

I had raised that little monster.

What bothered me was I had no knowledge of her intention with my son.

I just prayed that her intentions were pure when it came to my baby because if not, then I would end her.