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Adonis "Drayko" Loving

"Are you going running again, Baby?"

I watched the woman who meant everything to me slowly rock her weight forward so that she could lift her body from the sofa.

I lightly jogged down the remaining three stairs and rushed in her direction to assist.

She slightly groaned once she was on her feet.

I looked down in her face and saw that my old lady was indeed getting just that — old. Her glowing brown skin possessed crow's feet, and wrinkles laid gently on her forehead.

"I gotta stay fit, you know that," I boasted as I flexed my arm, which made her smile.

"You be careful out there. The sun is not even up yet, and you're going outside."

"The sun is not even up yet, and you're up and headed in the kitchen," I countered as I followed behind her slow stroll.

"I just wanna make sure everybody got something in their bellies before they start the day."

"You're too nice to the niggas in this house, Joy."

"They're all babies to me." She sucked her teeth as she pulled a frying pan out of one of the oak cabinets. "And you're my biggest one."

I kissed her forehead before making my exit.

"Be careful!" she yelled out once again before I let the back door close behind me.

Something about the quiet stillness of the early morning always calmed my spirit.

The silence wasn't that agonizing noiselessness that I used to experience all the numerous times that I had spent in solitary confinement.

It was a peaceful one.

The aggressive engine of my Challenger cut through the quietness of the early morning.

I wasn't a big fan of Ohio, but at moments like this, when my vehicle was the only thing moving in the city, there were times when I appreciated the small town that I had resided in for the past ten years.

On my drive to the reservoir, my mind flooded with so much bullshit that I had experienced in life.

I couldn't wait for my feet to hit the grassy ground surrounding the open body of water that stretched for miles.

I parked my car over the gravel-filled lot and then cut the engine.

Joy crossed my mind.

She worried about me, and it had been that way since I was a little boy.

She used to say that I was the most problematic child that she had decided to adopt.

I never could understand how our biological parents could sign over their rights, and when I couldn't understand shit, I became destructive.

Being troubled growing up is why she loved me most.

"Bad seeds always need the best loving," was what she used to always say through my terror teens.

Being the second oldest out of her three adoptive kids, I would be a liar if I said that I set the golden example for my younger brother.

If you ask me, I wasn't shit.

I've been in and out of jail more times than I could count, and when I think of it, this was the longest I had gone without hitting the rack.

Although the two-and-a-half-year stretch was rewarding, it's sad to say that two years straight was the longest that I had gone without hearing a cell close behind me.

With my thirtieth birthday approaching, my anxiety started to surface because the reality of my life was that I didn't know if I was coming or going.

The only thing I knew was how to get a bag.

If I wasn't slinging dope or weed, then I was robbing muthafuckers blind.

What I touched was took, and over the years, I had touched a lot of fucking pockets.

In a world that seemed so foreign to me, I familiarized myself with getting to the money.

Joy's crib was full.

So recently, moving back there wasn't something I necessarily wanted to do, but it had to be done.

I was coming down from my get-rich-quick schemes, and my funds were running low.

So, instead of putting my last bit into an apartment of my own until I hit my next lick, I decided to help her.

She would never admit it, but she needed assistance with bills, so with the end of my long-term relationship, Joy welcomed me back to my old room with doting arms and a warm plate.

After my recent breakup, I had decided to put that love shit on the back burner.

When the eight years had ended, I found myself homeless.

All because of false cheating accusations, might I add.

The older I grew, the less patience I had to give reassurance to someone with insecurities.

In the end, I had gotten put out of some shit that was mine, and that was beyond me.

Every loss that came was indeed a lesson for sure, though.

That entire experience taught me that if my name ain't on some shit, then it ain't mine for real, and it didn't matter how much monetary value I had put into the situation.

Leases, deeds, car notes, whatever needed Adonis Loving on it before I went claiming it as mine.

I had sat in the car longer than I intended because I hadn't noticed how much had changed in two years before today.

I sat quietly at a point in my life where I was emotionally spent.

The emotional side to me was gone, and honestly, I welcomed it.

To me, it was obvious that the relationship piece of me no longer existed.

So, when my sexual needs would rise, I would blow down a bitch around the way just to get the nut off.

After my ex, Lola, I couldn't take any of the women in Lima seriously, anyway.

I would attract some of the coldest females, but they were all muthafucking crazy.

And if they weren't crazy, then they were insecure when it came to her.

So, to keep my inner peace, I remained single with no attachments to none of these females.

Who would have thought that after being tied down for almost a decade, this bachelor shit would come with ease?

I took a deep breath before grabbing my Chrome .45 from the armrest.

I made sure that one was in the head before I tossed the weapon into the pocket of my hoodie.

Although Lima was a small town, the crime rate was high as hell, and I'll be damned if I let a nigga put me on a shirt.

After exiting the car, I looked back at my vehicle, proud because I had worked hard as hell over the last six months to get myself back into my preferred vehicle.

Once I reached the top of the hill, I placed my AirPods in my ears.

"We're talking away

I don't know what I'm to say

I'll say it anyway

Today is another day to find you

Shyin' away

Oh, I'll be comin' for your love, okay

Take on me…"

This song spoke to me because it was one of the slightest memories that I remembered of my mother.

She would blast this song and do a little bop as she cleaned around the house.

That sentimental memory was the reason that this song made the cut on my workout playlist when I was in jail.

I picked up my pace when I felt the light trickle of sweat slide down my forehead.

I could hear my heavy breathing over the bass in my AirPods.

A clear head was all I desperately wanted, and I was given that with my run.

I had no intention of running the entire circumference of the lake because who knew how long that would take.

I just wanted to run enough to be at ease.

As the sun began to rise, I welcomed the rays that hit my face.

It was so many days I missed out on having that feeling.

When I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest, I turned my sprint into a light jog and then into a slow stroll.

I elevated both arms toward the sky and then placed my hands on the top of my head.

I breathed deeply as I walked back toward my car.

The oxygen getting into my lungs felt great.

I checked the time on my Apple watch and told myself it was time to go.

I liked the reservoir when I was the only one to enjoy the scenery.

I knew at any moment, the fishers would be out, and I didn't enjoy being around people for real.

Walking down the hill and back to my car, I felt good about myself.

I opened the passenger side rear door so I could toss my soiled sweater into the back seat once I had taken it off.

"Aye, man, that is a nice car you got there."

I turned around, standing at the door, and I observed who was talking to me.

"It's decent."

The muthafucka standing before me had to be drunk or high off some shit. His robust stature was swaying as he walked in my direction.

"You can keep ya ass over there too," I said, warning him.

I was just giving myself the change ya life around talk, and here, someone was trying to push my recently mentally changed ways to the limit. What I found more ironic was that this piece of shit was giving the impression that he had the intention of taking something from me. Now I know I rob niggas for a living, but I'll be damned if anyone was about to take anything from me.

"I'm just tryna get a closer look, boy."

I involuntarily clenched my jaw together with the ground of my teeth. That boy shit pissed me off so muthafucking bad. I'm sure it was from the deep roots of my hometown, Clarksdale, Mississippi, embedded in my blood. That boy shit was for the slaves, and every time I heard it, I wanted to put a body down for my ancestors.

"Stay the fuck back, hoe ass nigga." I put my arm out to create some distance between him and me.

"You seem to be the only nig—"

He couldn't even get the word out. My body wouldn't allow him to. With a solid right hook, we got to fighting. Although his white ass was built like a bear, I was dogging him.

"Weak ass boy."

He hissed as I felt a blow to my jaw that rocked the teeth in my mouth. I wasn't the wrestling type, but I body-slammed his hoe ass. I'll be damned if I let a racist get the best of me.

Once we both hit the hard gravel, I quickly tried to gain my stance so that I could stomp his ass out. I broke a nigga's throat in jail for that boy shit, and I was about to do it again. When my foot lifted off the ground frantically, I saw him reaching into the pocket of his army-green cargo pants. When I saw his hand wrap around a black handle, I pulled my gun from my hoodie and then let off two shots that hit his chest. Still out of breath, I hovered over him with the smoking gun in my hand. It was like the birds above my head had stopped flying, and I could have sworn that gray clouds started to creep in.

"Fuck," I mumbled under my breath in panic once I realized what I had done.

I looked around, and when I saw we were the only two occupying the outside space, I moved quickly. The bottom of my Nike Tech sweats had blood splatter on them.

"Fuck," I groaned again once I started to pull his weight uphill.

The reservoir was deep as hell, so I knew tossing his ass in there would give me some time to get away. My footing was uneasy as my feet wobbled at the edge of the hill. He was so heavy that I had to crouch down and put his body up against mine to toss him over. Hastily, I looked around as his body started to sink.

"Shit," I sniffled.

My mind was all over the place. I hadn't thought any of this shit through. I got rid of him for now, but I knew in a couple of days, his decaying body would rise to the surface. I lightly jogged back to my car, and when I saw his pickup truck still running, I got in that muthafucka and took off.

Thinking quickly, I headed toward Elida. I knew I would be able to dump his car in that part of town, and in no time, somebody would have either scrapped it or stolen it. I didn't think of how to get back to my car yet, but I knew I had to think of something quickly. I looked at the time and hoped like hell that my ex was awake. The FaceTime call didn't ring for long before Lola answered. The silk bonnet on her head and band around her edges let me know she must have recently got her wig laid.

"Yeah?" she answered in a confused tone.

After our breakup, we tried the doubling back thing on and off, but it just didn't work, so I kept the conversation to a bare minimum for good reasoning. However, right now, I needed her ass. My little brother didn't have the means to make it to my vehicle, and there was no way I was about to call my older sister to handle anything when she had kids to take care of.

"I need a favor, bub," I quickly stated.

"What?"

"My car is parked at the reservoir. Can you get a ride there and drop it to me?"

She sat quietly for a while, and I was expecting her to hit me with twenty-one questions on why I needed such a favor this early in the morning.

"Where's the keys?"

I tapped the pocket of my sweats and realized that I had the shits on me.

"Fuck… do you still have your spare?"

"Yeah, hold on."

I could hear her moving around and then whispering.

"Babe, wake up. Take me somewhere really quick."

I'd be a liar if I said that the shit didn't make my stomach feel a little funny. It had been almost a year since our breakup, and she had already moved on. I was around the city doing my thing, but I preferred it if she wasn't. I needed her ass still slow sliding down her shower wall in tears over me, but nah, she was laid up with the next nigga.

"Send me your location," she instructed me when she got back to the phone.

"Yup," I replied before hanging up.

I parked the car, doors unlocked with the keys still inside, before walking half a mile down the road. Then, I sent her my location and just patiently waited.

"I could point the sound of my vehicle out in a lot full of Challengers, so when my car slowly started cruising down the road, I knew Lola had made it to me. I looked behind her to see if I would see the Charger she had taken from me riding behind her, but I didn't.

"Get in," she stated once she stopped in front of me.

I sat on the passenger side of my own shit, and for a moment, it made me cringe. Before getting my license back, we had spent years just like this.

"What the fuck happened to you?" she asked as she drove down the road and observed my appearance.

"Some shit. Where's your ride?"

I kept it short because I didn't need her pillow-talking about what could put me under the jail.

"I sent him back home, so I'm driving to drop me, and then you can go where you were going."

I sat quietly for a moment as she maneuvered around town toward the apartment we once shared that she had put me out of. I could only assume that she didn't want her new dude and me to cross paths because of the extra precaution she took to come and scoop me by her lonesome.

For a brief moment, I wondered if I knew nigga. I quickly shook my overthinking thoughts because she wasn't mine anymore. Still, I hoped she had enough respect for me to not slide with a nigga from the city, and if not, then niggas better have enough fear in their hearts when it came to me not to slide on her. Hand under, hand over, I thought to myself when I watched how she fixed her hands on the steering wheel when turning into the complex where we both once lived. I had taught her how to properly handle the wheel and how to drive. Shit, I had taught this woman a lot.

She pulled up next to my old car, and I looked at it and missed riding that baby around. It was shiny gray and the first vehicle that I had outright purchased with my own funds. I went wrong when I let her put the shit in her name.

"Later, Drayko."

She called me by my street name before hopping out of the car. She knew I hated that shit. That isn't how we operated.

"Sunset, wait," I called out the window before I hopped out of the passenger side.

We stood in front of my car, just staring at each other for a moment. I called her Sunset because she had this orange glow to her butterscotch skin tone. The shit was so beautiful to me, beautiful like the orange parts of the sky when the sun is setting. I looked into her pie-shaped face, and the corners of my mouth involuntarily turned upward. There was a lot of shit I wanted to say but being that I had cut her off after we ended, and she now was moved on, I decided not to.

"Take care," I stated before kissing her forehead.

When I got into the driver's side and closed the door behind me, I saw a nigga standing outside of the apartment door waiting on her. I squinted hard as hell to see if I could make his face out, but I couldn't. I pulled out of Lola's complex and made my way back to Joy's house. With every cop car that drove past me, my heart beat a little faster in my chest. I had blood on my clothes, and I'm sure I looked clammy in the face from moving around so fast after everything had occurred.

Once I pulled into the driveway, I turned my car off and rushed inside.

"Are you alright?"

Joy's voice stopped me in my tracks when I was trying to rush past the living room.

"No," my voice sounded like it belonged to a small child.

"Come here, Baby."

I had never seen Joy get up so quickly from her chair. I rushed to her open arms like I was a boy. She hugged me tight as hell as I laid my head on top of hers.

"Now, you don't have to tell me what you did, but I know you're sorry. God knows your heart, and he knows you're sorry, too."

"Joy, I don't think God messes with a nigga no more."

My tears hit the top of her forehead, and I know she must have felt it because she hugged me tighter.

"Don't let anybody take you back to a place you prayed yourself out of, baby."

Joy always had a way with words that would make a nigga rethink their entire life.

"Y'all niggas down here having a gay ass moment."

I heard Javier, my little brother's voice behind me. I never turned around. I just kept hugging Joy, and she kept hugging me.

"What happened?" he asked.

I could see him in my peripheral, but I just kept on looking straight at the blinds to the window.

"Javier, turn that TV up!"

Joy had an urgency in her voice that made me stop hugging her and turn around toward the television.

"Weren't you just there?"

I didn't even give Joy a response because my eyes were glued to the screen. Police and a shitload of people were at the reservoir. They look like they had the divers out as well. Fuck! Somebody had to have seen me. Shit! My mind was running a mile a minute.

"Baby, weren't you just there?"

Joy called me Baby, although I was the oldest boy. I was her baby, and her muthafucking baby was breaking her heart. I heard it in her tone. Her voice cracked, and I stood frozen when she asked me for the second time. One thing I wasn't about to do was go back to jail. Joy and I both knew that shit.

"Baby, pack your shit. I'ma make a call. We gone be alright."

Joy never cursed, but I knew she was panicking like me.

"Man, bruh, what's going on?"

I ignored Javier. I had to.

"Baby move!"

Joy's frail arm pushed me, and when it did, it gave me the strength I needed to carry my body upstairs and into my room. I didn't have much shit to pack because I had lent out a lot of my shit to help out the gang in between my ex keeping a lot of my shit since we wore the same size. I looked out for my homeboys a lot, although most of the time, the shit wasn't reciprocated.

∞∞∞

It took me less than an hour to get my things packed up. When I made it back downstairs, my siblings were scattered about. My older sister was over with my niece and two nephews. Their asses were bad. They were the reason I had held off on having my own. Little kids who don't listen scare me, and my niece and nephew terrified me to death.

"Baby, what happened?" Adira, my older sister, asked me. She rushed over to hug me, and I held onto her. "I told you 'bout this temper, Baby," she added.

I just knew Joy must have filled her in while I was packing.

"I know…" I lowly voiced as I let her cry on my chest.

"Alright now, enough of this."

Joy pushed in between us. She always had to when we were kids. Adira and I were the only kids Joy adopted from the same family. We were a year apart, so everybody called us twins. It was so bad that I remember when we were kids, Joy put us in separate timeouts, and we ended up holding onto the same post outside. Man, Joy was running around chasing us in the yard, trying to separate us like how Mister was in The Color Purple with Ceilie and Nettie. I lightly chuckled at the distant memory.

"Here, Baby, go here. It's almost ten hours away, but you'll be safe there."

Joy's voice brought me back from memory lane. Man, I would kill to go back to that remembrance right now. It's so much shit I would do differently in life.

"Joy, I don't know these people," I said as I took the piece of paper with her handwriting on it and looked at the address.

"They are family, and they know you."

She grabbed my face and then kissed my cheek. My brother helped me pack my car up before we all said our goodbyes. Before I knew it, I was riding on the highway heading south.