Page 18 of Hunted (Love and Revenge #5)

Ruya

I made my way down the hall on shaky legs. My breath came in uneven gasps, and every heartbeat felt too loud, too strong, as everything in me demanded that I go back to my alpha and beg her to claim me.

I wanted—no, needed— to be cherished, protected... owned.

My heat cycles were still a little bit unpredictable—the others said it was because I was only just maturing as an Omega, and that it would even out over time.

But I didn’t think that was what this was.

.. it felt similar to the mindless drive of a heat, but.

.. not. I could think through this. I had some very clear thoughts just now.

It was simply that they weren’t thoughts any logical person should be thinking.

Robin had always said she didn’t want the true mate bond between us.

Even once we finally became lovers, she was clear that wasn’t what she was aiming for.

She didn’t want the complication of bonding to and caring for an omega.

She saw it as a distraction from her goals.

And, I privately thought, it also had to do with her traumatic past and the carefully controlled way she had lived her life for so long.

Our bond would introduce a level of change—chaos and a loss of control that she probably found frightening, not that she would ever admit to that.

I knew all of this, and yet... if I was being honest, I was always waiting for her to change her mind.

Some part of me was convinced she was just being stubborn and eventually she’d admit that she really wanted the bond and would sweep me off my feet and care for me for the rest of my life like some pampered princess or treasured pet. The shiniest jewel in her hoard.

But as much as I wanted that, some small part of me still feared it.

Even though I knew it was simply part of who I was, part of the omega needs that were ingrained in my being.

Even though I knew that despite what Robin thought, she could be trusted with my life.

That small part of me reminded me that I had escaped the control and influence of The Mother and the Order of the Triple Moon only to be here now, salivating at the idea of giving so much control to someone else—someone so much more powerful than I was.

Someone able to do far more damage to my heart and soul than The Mother ever could.

“She knows that,” I muttered to myself through gritted teeth.

Robin knew. She knew that if she bound me, she would be taking away some measure of my freedom, of my free will, even if she didn’t do it on purpose.

If I was magically bonded to an Alpha as a true mate, the part of my being that wanted to please them and garner their favor would be so much stronger.

It would color everything I did, every decision I made.

Robin had realized that long before I had, and she had wasted no time in telling me. Her greatest gift to me was now, and had always been, my choice and my free will. Something I had never been granted before I came to live with the rebel court.

I turned the corner, stopped in the middle of the hallway, and pressed the heels of my palms into my eye sockets, trying to relieve the pressure there. Logically, it made no sense to tie myself to an arrogant, overpowered alpha. I knew that.

But... when had cold, hard logic ever been my strong suit? Hadn’t The Mother always told me I was too emotional for my own good?

A little squeak startled me out of my frozen state, and I looked down to see a darker blur moving against the grays and shadows of the stone floor. “Cheese Crackers?” I said, a little humor creeping into my voice at the impatient tone of his squeaks.

“ My witch? Are you sad? Want a cracker? I have many nice crackers. The cold pixie give. I fetch?”

I shook my head. “No, buddy. I don’t need a cracker. But thank you for offering.”

My animal friends weren’t any less intelligent than people.

But they did approach things with a refreshing sense of simplicity.

Sad? Have a snack and maybe a nap in your nest. Though.

.. maybe it wasn’t such a simple notion, after all.

Maybe some food and some rest was what I needed? It certainly couldn’t hurt.

Their love and loyalty warmed my heart. It was so much easier to navigate relationships with animals than with humans.

Which gave me an idea. My animal friends had been paying more and more attention to my people friends lately.

I thought maybe they could sense that the people around me were important to me, and that they were all struggling with a lot of heavy emotions.

They liked feeling useful. They wanted to help. ..

“Cheese Crackers?” I asked, squatting down near where I thought the rat was standing. “Would you mind doing me a favor?”

The rat put his little paws on my knee and gave an affirmative chitter.

“Would you mind checking on Robin for me?” I whispered. “She isn’t feeling so good right now.”

“ Yes, yes,” he replied instantly. “Cheesy is brave and clever. Brave enough and clever enough to tend to your dragon. Will carry your feel-betters there to her.”

I huffed a laugh and reached out, feeling for his little head and stroking it with one finger, letting my healing magic flow through his little body, ensuring he was well. “Be careful. She wouldn’t want to hurt you, but... she’s not herself right now.”

A disdainful chitter told me the rat thought I was silly to worry about someone as brave and clever as him.

“ Have survived in places much more dangerous than this, witch person, ” he reminded me.

Then he patted my leg with his little paw and scurried away, off to play peacemaker to a distraught shifter who snap him up and swallow him whole.

To carry my “feel betters” to her. If only that was something he could do. Though... I had a suspicion that my animal friends did carry something of me with them. So maybe he wasn’t so far off the mark.

Hopefully I wasn’t putting him at risk.

I sighed and stood. Robin might like to bluster on about how she hated having “vermin” all over her theater.

But I knew that’s all it was. Bluster. She liked animals.

She was part animal, after all. And her dragon might be fierce and scary, but it also saw itself as a protector of weaker creatures. Cheese Crackers would be fine.

And maybe Robin would let her guard down enough for an insignificant animal comfort her, something she wouldn’t allow with a person.

I started down the hallway again, feeling slightly better about leaving Robin to struggle alone. But the neediness inside me was still clamoring for attention. Robin’s rejection hurt. I could try to logic it away all I wanted, but the truth was, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being unwanted.

Maybe I was every bit as unlovable as The Mother said I was.

Maybe I wasn’t good enough—a blind, defective omega who hadn’t even known what I was until a few months ago.

I was naive, and optimistic, and not nearly clever enough to fit in with this court.

Who was I to attract the attention and devotion of a noble, powerful, important alpha dragon?

Of course Robin didn’t want me! Who would?

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I collided with a solid wall.

The wall in question was warmer than walls usually were, and just a bit more padded.

Strong hands wrapped around my upper arms to steady me, and my aura surged with delayed recognition.

Sanka. I should have sensed him. But I had been so lost in my longing and angst, so overwhelmed with the gnawing need , that I was in my own little world.

“Ruya?” he said, his deep voice quickly moving from amusement to concern. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? What the hell happened?”

I must look miserable. And... oh. I was wearing Robin’s sweater, which was too tight across the chest and kept pulling up in the front to compensate. “It’s okay. I’m fine.” I said evenly.

Then, I burst into tears.

Thank the Goddess for creating betas. Sanka didn’t ask me anything else. He just scooped me up in his strong arms and held me against his broad chest while I sobbed uncontrollably and clung to him like a distraught child.

He murmured low and calm, words I didn’t catch, but that were somehow comforting all the same.

I let him take me wherever he was taking me, trusting completely in my beta mate.

His strong, warm aura wasn’t what I needed.

He wasn’t an alpha. But it would help. Sanka would take care of me.

He would try to make it better. Even though I knew he couldn’t ever completely fill the aching hole in my heart and soul.

Only my true mate could do that. And she didn’t want me.

“Was it Robin?” It was the only question he asked, and I was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“My fault,” I managed between uncontrollable sobs. “I know she doesn’t want me. But I... I... couldn’t help...”

“Shh,” he said, pressing me closer to his chest. “It’s okay, Ru. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve got ya.”

I knew I was being overly dramatic, but for some reason, I couldn’t stop myself. Now that I’d started crying, the tears just kept coming. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.

The swaying motion of Sanka’s strides stopped, and he shifted his weight to bang on something.

I only dimly registered that he was kicking a door with his boot to demand entrance.

I was too focused, suddenly, on the overpowering alpha aura that filled my senses, calling to me, soothing the ache in my chest, in my being , to pay attention to anything else .

An angry hiss filled my ears, and Sanka sighed. “I know, I know. Why do you think I’m here? Let us in, will ya.”