Page 85 of How to Stake a Vampire

“It can be any species,” Barney grunted.

Bo huffed indignantly when he became the focus of our wary stares. “I’ve had some lady friends!”

I narrowed my eyes. “Oh yeah? Who?”

The Husky carefully avoided my gaze.

Samuel sighed heavily and indicated the wooden stakes on the table. “So these are for practice?”

“Yes,” Barney said. “The key is not to aim for the heart. That won’t kill us, but it will make us extremely angry. Instead, you want to target the joints.”

“The joints?” I echoed.

“Shoulders, hips, knees,” Barney demonstrated on himself. “A properly placed stake will pin the limb and prevent movement. It’s painful and debilitating, but not fatal.”

“That’s horrible,” Gavin said, looking queasy.

“Better horrible than having your veins sucked dry,” Barney snapped. “And given that Ludvik has absorbed a wraith’s abilities, traditional vampire combat techniques won’t work on him. This may not be much help, but it might be your only option to slow him down.”

Didi picked up one of the stakes and examined it critically. “They look like they’ve been modified.”

“Iron cores wrapped in wood,” Barney confirmed. “The iron prevents vampire healing, the wood provides grip. The iron also reduces the chance of the stake shattering on impact.”

“Smart,” Detective Johnson said approvingly.

“I have my moments,” Barney said coolly. “Now, help me bring out the dummies.”

Five minutes later, we were facing a collection of training dummies arranged along the far wall. They were humanoid in shape and clearly built to withstand supernatural abuse judging by the scorch marks and claw gouges decorating their surfaces.

Someone had put googly eyes on their faces.

“Melvina needed cheering up,” Barney said defensively at our leaden stares.

“Right,” I murmured. “About the coffin.”

“It’s for demonstration purposes.”

“That’s both reassuring and deeply weird,” Detective Johnson observed while I swallowed a sigh of relief.

Barney sniffed. “Let’s begin with basic stance and grip.”

The vampire went on to demonstrate proper staking technique on the practice coffin. The gravity of the situation was slightly ruined by Didi asking questions and taking notes, while Bo added a running commentary that featured lines like “Shouldn’t you yell something when you do that?” and “In your face, bloodsucker!” None of this was helped by Gavin’s tendency to accidentally singe things when he got excited.

“How about we move on to the dummies?” Samuel suggested hastily when Barney’s eyes began glowing crimson.

“I think that’s a great idea,” the vampire ground out.

I was soon lining up for my first practice throw.

“Remember,” Barney instructed. “You’re not trying to pin a butterfly to a board. You need force and precision.”

I hefted the stake, aimed for the dummy’s shoulder joint, and let it fly.

It bounced off the dummy’s chest and clattered to the floor.

Bo sat down and scratched his ear. “Well, that was embarrassing.”

I narrowed my eyes at the Husky. “That’s gold coming from someone without opposable thumbs.”