Page 79 of How to Stake a Vampire

The door opened before any of us could comment on this blatant anomaly. Barney appeared in a pair of perfectly pressedslacks, a crisp white shirt, and armed with his usual aloof expression. He froze at the sight of the googly eyes.

The vampire muttered something under his breath, peeled them off, and stuck the offending items in his pocket.

“Victoria, Samuel, Abigail.” He nodded politely, the look he gave us indicating we were never to speak of what just happened. The vampire lowered his gaze to Bo and Pearl. “I see you brought the usual suspects.”

“Hello, Barnabas,” Victoria said pleasantly. “Thank you for hosting us.”

Bo wagged his tail. “I smell cookies.”

“My housekeeper just baked a fresh batch,” Barney admitted. “Please, come in.” He stepped aside.

The interior of the vampire’s home was not what I thought it would be. The dark wood, expensive rugs, and furniture that was probably older than my grandparents I kinda expected. What I didn’t anticipate was how lived-in it would feel.

“Nice place,” I said, meaning it.

“Thank you. I’ve been here for a hundred and fifty years.”

Bo gulped. “That’s like, really old in dog years.”

A vampire in a butler’s uniform appeared from what I presumed was the direction of the kitchen. He was plump, pale, and carrying a silver tray laden with tea service.

“Ah.” He smiled affably at our sight. “I see the rest of your guests have arrived, Master.”

Barney made the introductions. “This is Harold, my butler.”

An unholy cry rent the air somewhere at the back of the house before we could greet the butler. I let out a gargled sound. Pearl hissed and arched her back. Bo yelped and jumped behind me. Samuel and Victoria flinched.

Bar pursing their mouths, Barney and Harold looked otherwise unfazed.

A head popped out of a room down an impressive hallway to the left.

It was Ellie.

“What the heck was that?!” Her face brightened at the sight of me. “Hey, Abby!” She bounced down the corridor and engulfed me in a bear hug that almost broke my ribs.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” My best friend grimaced at my wheeze. “Virgil warned me about the superstrength thing, but I’m still getting used to it. Hi, Victoria.”

“Ellie,” Victoria greeted cautiously while I tried to get my breath back. “You look very…healthy.”

Ellie beamed. “I fed before I came.”

Yup, I was never going to get used to hearing those kinds of words out of my best friend’s mouth.

Virgil strolled behind Ellie, his expression wary. “What was that scream just now?”

“I apologize,” Barney said, contrite. “That was Melvina, my housekeeper.”

“She gets a tad melodramatic at times,” Harold said apologetically.

On cue, heavy footsteps came from the direction where the butler had originally appeared. A dwarf with a braided beard and an unhappy expression traipsed into view, a baking tray in her mitt-covered hands. She had a battleaxe strapped to her back and was wearing an apron adorned with comical vampire-themed scenes.

Bo snickered at one of a vampire overreacting to garlic and another getting startled by sunlight.

I was pretty certain I was looking at the perp behind the googly eyes.

“It’s a disaster, Master,” the suspect blubbered. “The latest batch of cookies—they—they came out wrong too!”

Our gazes dropped to the divine-smelling chocolate chip cookies she was presenting like some kind of natural disaster. They were shaped like bats.