Page 30 of How to Stake a Vampire

“Philippe,” Barney grunted.

“Oh Barnabas!” Baron Beaumont sat up weakly. “It is good to see you,mon ami. Come, let me tell you about my woes.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

“But Hell is empty and all the devils are here,” the baron protested.

Bo’s tail started wagging. “I like him. He’s like that guy from my favorite TV show.”

“Murder, She Barked?” I asked automatically.

“Buried Secrets and Biscuit Treats.”

Didi’s left eye started twitching.

Lady Atkins gave my dog a wary look before addressing Beaumont a tad sharply. “He’s here to listen to all our woes, Philippe, not just yours.”

“Yes, so how about you put a sock in it,” Count de Vile grumbled.

Baron Beaumont bristled. “Do not speak to me, sir,” he snapped. “Why, more of your conversation would surely infect my brain!”

I was impressed by the flying thespian insults despite myself.

I heard teeth grinding and shot a glance at Didi.

The witch looked like she was five minutes away from saying to hell with it all and transforming everyone into an amphibian.

“The Tremaines asked Hawthorne & Associates to investigate a series of blood bank robberies,” I told the assembled vampires hastily. “We suspect the one who attacked the three of you last night was behind them.”

Lady Atkins clutched her nonexistent pearls. “A robbery, you say?!”

“Robberies,” Gavin corrected.

“Madre de dios,” Baron Beaumont murmured, ashen-faced.

Count de Vile lowered his brows. “Does this mean the blood banks in Amberford are running low?”

I could see why Dave popped antacids when he had to pay this guy a visit.

“Oh, no.” Lady Atkins had gone as pale as a ghost. “Please don’t tell me this is going to be like that time in the 1980, when we had to survive on kale for six months?!”

“There was a blood-borne virus going around,” Gavin explained at my puzzled expression. “We learned about it in school.”

Bo shuddered. “I hate kale.”

“Tell me about it,” Lady Atkins mumbled.

Barney steered the conversation back on track. “Gregory told us you were in your own homes when it happened. Can you tell us more?”

The three victims exchanged an uncomfortable glance.

“There’s not much to say.” Count de Vile scowled. “That scoundrel broke into our bedrooms and sucked us dry while we slept.”

We stared.

“That’s it?” I asked skeptically.

Didi frowned. “You’re all powerful vampires. How could one man immobilize you and drain you of over half your blood volume without you putting up so much as a fight?”