Page 43 of How to Puck Your Boss (L.A. Hawks Hockey #3)

Chapter Twenty-Five

S he didn’t write him.

She didn’t call, didn’t visit, or even send him smoke signals. Jack shouldn’t have been surprised: He’d given her the choice and she’d obviously chosen the distance option. He just wished he didn’t feel so crappy about it.

He couldn’t sleep anymore. He couldn’t eat properly. He felt like he was missing all the important parts he needed to manage his life even though it was probably simply one part: Penny.

The absurd thing was that he was still playing well.

All these years, he’d only imagined that he had to forego the ups and downs of a relationship to be the best. The truth was, it was probably because he’d been too scared of it.

After all, so far, all his relationships had ended in failure, be it within his family or with random women.

Or maybe he’d just been waiting for Penny, for the right person to prove him wrong.

He told himself that he needed to get over it. He understood that Penny wanted to prove herself at work, so he wouldn’t ruin her job or take away her opportunity. He had already destroyed too much in his life. It had to stop. But why was it so damn hard for him to accept, with Penny?

“Because you love her, man,” Dax said, annoyed. “That’s why. You’re obviously one of the slow ones. Usually, you get it after one or two internal monologues or a lecture from Matt, but you still don’t get it after a monologue spoken out loud.”

“I know I love her,” he said, annoyed. “And keep your voice down!” They weren’t alone. They were standing in the tunnel at the edge of the ice rink with two dozen hockey players and ten thousand fans surrounding them.

“Really?” Dax raised his eyebrows, impressed. “You know you love her?”

“I’ve known for weeks.” He wasn’t a complete idiot.

He could tell the difference between love and sex.

Sex made you feel like you were in seventh heaven.

Love, too — but with both feet firmly on the ground.

You didn’t just like the qualities of and moments with the other person that made you float above the clouds, but also those that brought you back down to earth.

And when he was with Penny, he always felt…

whole. Up and down. Not just in the middle. Did that make sense?

“No, not at all," Dax said. “You can’t feel up or down.”

Fuck, he had thought out loud again. “It doesn’t matter,” he replied gruffly. “I know I love her. Period.”

“Ah. And did you tell her that?”

Jack opened his mouth to say of course , but to be honest, he didn’t remember using the words. But it had been clear, hadn’t it? “Well…no,” he finally replied. “It just wasn’t the right time. Her brother was there, she was angry, and…no.”

Damn it, he should have said it, right?

Dax seemed to agree. “Man, Jack, the timing doesn’t matter! Really. I’ve had a girlfriend for five months now, so I know a lot about relationships, and I’ve been doing everything right for weeks. Listen to me when I tell you…”

“Dax!” The call echoed down the hallway that led out to the ice rink as an angry redhead stomped toward them. “Are you serious? You knew? And then you tell your sister and not me ?”

“Yup,” Jack said quietly, patting Dax on the back. “You always do everything right.”

Dax’s ears turned scarlet. “Hey, Lucy. Honey,” he said sheepishly.

“Don’t give me that!” she snapped. “You never call me honey! I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

Curious, the other players turned toward them. Dax just grinned uncertainly before saying in a lowered voice, “Jack asked me to!”

“So what? I’m the one who has to fix this now!” She glared up at Jack darkly. “You know you can tell me your big secrets!”

“Lucy, we have a game now!” Coach Gray thundered. “Can’t you beat up your boyfriend some other time?”

“This way it has a dramatic effect,” she said, peeved.

“I don’t care! Now all of you, out on the ice,” Gray barked.

They started moving and Jack noticed out of the corner of his eye that Leon was eyeing him curiously.

“What?” he asked sharply.

“Are you seriously having a relationship with the boss?” Leon muttered. “I thought it was only a rumor. I mean she’s too good for you, right? Smart, mature, and all that.”

Yes, she was. “Shut up, Leon,” he replied dryly and headed onto the ice.

They were playing the Arizona Wolves again and Andre M?kel? was opposite him once more for the face-off.

As always, the other man grinned arrogantly, the usual drill before the first puck was played. He was about to insult Jack in some way, but Jack would not react and still win the first puck.

“Well?” M?kel? asked slowly. “What’s it like to lie down with the boss?”

Suddenly, Jack’s shoulders tensed, and he looked through the face shield with narrowed eyes. “What did you say?” he asked quietly.

“I’m just asking what we’re all interested in,” Andre continued, nodding to his teammates. “Is she good? Worth all the stress?”

Jack’s teeth scraped together, and he gripped his stick tighter. It was just stupid trash talk, nothing more.

“Be quiet, M?kel?,” he replied calmly.

“That’s not a satisfactory answer. But, I guess you’re not the satisfying type, are you?” He grinned. “She definitely has a better job than you. And we all agree she’s hot.”

Jack’s fingers clenched.

“Maybe in a slightly boyish, hippie way, but still definitely fuckable.”

Fuckable .

“Or is she overly chatty in bed? Because she’s the boss. Do you like gag games? That would be handy.”

Jack’s jaw was about to burst.

“I mean she seems a little crazy , but hey, she’s probably uninhibited. I’d probably fuck her anyway.”

Jack saw red.

The blood rushed in his ears and his hands took on a life of their own. He wasn’t sure what was happening…but a second later, one of his gloves was on the ice and Andre M?kel? was next to it.

A loud whistle sounded. The opposing player groaned as Jack stared at his scraped knuckles with only one thought: So this was what it felt like when you couldn’t control your anger.

Jack was suspended from the game and thrown out of the arena. He wasn’t booed, he wasn’t yelled at by his teammates about what the hell that was about—everyone was too shocked for that. Including himself.

It had never happened to him before. He had never lost it on the ice, never lost his patience. And suddenly, he understood why Dax was serving so many penalty minutes. It had to be because of Lucy. Because, shit, if the opponents were throwing crap like that at him, how could he hold back?

Jack didn’t give the coach time to lecture him or pay attention to the fans staring at him with their hands over their mouths, he just hurried into the tunnel past Lucy, who gaped at him, and changed his clothes before leaving the arena.

He knew it was wrong. Violence was not the solution. M?kel? had only wanted to fluster him, strike a nerve, and make him miss the puck.

And boy, it had worked.

Jack hurried to his car, wondering if he should just go home. But then, he slumped down on the ground next to it and pressed his still-burning fist to his forehead.

God, he was such an idiot. He had told Penny to stay away forever!

Why did he do that?

He didn’t want to stay away forever ! He didn’t want to stay away at all.

He glanced at his phone a hundred times, thinking about what to do and what to say to her, but no words could sum up what he was feeling.

So, he just sat where he was for what seemed like an eternity—until two feet entered his field of vision.

He looked up, straight into his brother’s face.

“Man, you’re a wreck,” Dax said tonelessly.

“I know.”

“ What did he say?”

“Does it matter?”

“No! Because you never let yourself get angry. You don’t give a shit about the bullshit the others spout at face-off. So, what happened? Controlling anger is one of your most impressive qualities!”

He laughed bitterly. “No, it’s not. I’m only half as good at it as you think.”

“Why do you think that?” he asked, irritated.

Jack inhaled deeply, looked thoughtfully at Dax, and finally said, “Dax, can I show you something?”

“What do you want to show me?”

“The reason why I can’t control my anger,” he muttered as he stood and got into his car. To his surprise, Dax followed, sighing. He didn’t ask questions, just looked at him from the side, shaking his head as if he needed time to understand what the hell was happening.

After ten minutes, he finally muttered, “You left quite a mess back there.”

He fought a smile. “Yes.”

Dax nodded. “It had to happen at some point. You’ve suppressed your feelings for too long.”

He laughed dryly. “That’s no excuse.”

“No, but…okay.”

Surprised, he glanced at him sideways. “You’re not mad?”

“Nah,” he replied calmly. “Just shocked and…”

Dax turned his face away and glanced out the window before continuing. “I don’t know if you realize this, Jack, but…I’m on your side.”

He blinked. “What?”

Dax sighed. “I’m only saying this because it seems like you didn’t know before, and you still don’t know now. You were just the half-brother. I’ve thought about it for a while, and I understand it better now.”

Jack swallowed and his eyes burned uncomfortably. “What do you understand better?”

Dax shrugged. “Why you felt it would be okay to leave. I think you thought we wouldn’t miss you, that we didn’t need you because no one ever missed you or needed you. Why would you think otherwise, when your father and then your mother threw you out of the house?”

Jack’s heart burned as he pulled into the parking lot that was his destination. He just sat there for a while, staring at the gray concrete block in front of them, thinking about Dax’s words.

“I’ve missed and needed you ,” he finally whispered.

“Ditto.”

And that said it all.

So, he pushed open the door, crossed the courtyard of the St. Clair Nursing Home , and walked in.

“Oh, hello, Mr. West. I wasn’t expecting you today,” the receptionist greeted him, astonished.

“I didn’t register, either,” he replied kindly. “May I still see him?”