Page 33 of How to Puck Your Boss (L.A. Hawks Hockey #3)

Chapter Nineteen

H ow the hell does she know?” Dax snapped, watching Penny as she hurried away from them.

Shit. This couldn’t be happening! Jack sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Dax’s timing was just shit. “I told her the clown story! About when I was a teenager and with my brother!”

Dax stared at him in disbelief. “What? Why?”

“For the same reason I slept with her and want to go out with her again! I’m tired of life alone. And I like her.”

“Yeah, so I’ve noticed. You didn’t mind losing to her in there. You!” Dax replied angrily. “But she can’t tell anyone that we’re brothers! Go after her!”

“She’ll keep it to herself, she…”

“Even if she does! Do it anyway.”

“Dax, she…”

“Man, why are you still standing here? If I’ve learned anything in the last few months, it’s that you should always run after a woman who’s angry at you. Unless she has access to pepper spray.”

Shit, he was right. “Tell the others…”

“…that you got diarrhea, no problem,” Dax added with a grin and disappeared back into the bar.

Jack didn’t even have time to get annoyed about it. He was too focused on not losing sight of Penny, who was already turning the corner. Where the hell was she going? Away from him, it was clear.

Swearing, he accelerated and caught up with her around the next corner, where she had stopped to dig her cell phone out of her pocket.

When she heard his footsteps, she looked up, rolled her eyes, and tried to flee again.

“It’s useless to run from me. My stamina is better than yours,” he said hastily. Right, because proving his dominance was how he’d win her over! God, he was an idiot.

“Wow,” Penny replied dryly, shaking her head with her lips pressed together. “Thanks for the tip.”

“Ah, fuck.” He rubbed his forehead. “That came out wrong. I…” He sighed and wearily dropped his hands. “Can we talk for a minute?”

“I’m curious,” she said, “Are you chasing me to make sure I keep your secret? Or because you want to apologize?”

“Neither. I’m chasing you because you seem…angry.”

“I am angry, Jack!” she shot back. “I know anger is a concept you don’t understand. Which is absurd since you’re excellent at evoking it. But, yes, I’m angry.”

“Right. Why are you…?” Because she thought he was lying? Technically, that wasn’t true. He’d never said Dax wasn’t his brother. Even in his mind, though, that was a weak argument, and his mind was usually on his side.

Penny opened her mouth in disbelief, as if she could somehow hear his lame excuse, or perhaps she was reacting to his stupid question. “Why am I angry?” She echoed.

Yes, it was his dumb question.

“I’m angry because you lied! Because I thought I knew you.

That I knew what I was getting myself into.

But that’s not true, is it? You know a lot about me, but I know almost nothing about you!

And that makes me angry because I thought we…

that we were friends. Maybe more than that.

But your whole life seems to be one big secret.

” She took a shuddering breath and studied his face.

“Jack, I know that we said at the airport that we wouldn’t tell each other anything about family and work.

But that time has passed. You know so much about me, but I…

I have no idea who you are, right? And it’s you who wanted a date, who wanted more than a fling, who… ”

“Can you slow down?” He said it loudly but calmly, gripping her shoulders. “I’m not a different person simply because Dax Temple is my brother. And I didn’t lie about it. Not exactly, at least,” he added hastily when he saw the creases on Penny’s forehead.

“Wonderful. Then I don’t exactly think you’re shit, either,” she replied curtly, removing his hands from her arms. “Glad we cleared that up.”

He sighed heavily. “It’s not my secret, okay?” he replied impatiently. “It’s our secret . I didn’t tell you because Dax doesn’t want anyone to know. And it’s not that bad.”

Penny looked up at him, her eyes narrowed. “Does your brother play a big role in your life?”

Confused, he blinked at her. “Um, yes. I guess so.”

“And did you think about telling me?”

He opened his mouth but didn’t know how to respond.

“Fine,” she said tersely, averting her gaze and tapping her phone.

“Penny.”

She didn’t react.

“Penny!”

She turned her back to him.

“Good God, Penelope! What are you doing?” he asked impatiently, taking another step toward her and taking her hands between his so she would stop tapping her screen.

“Calling an Uber! My car is at home. Gareth gave me a ride earlier.”

He sighed. “You don’t need to call an Uber. I can drive you home.”

“No, thank you,” she replied coolly, pulling her hand away from him.

“Penny!”

“No!” she snapped. “Stop saying my name, stop manipulating me with your stupid, soft, dark voice. I’m allowed to be angry and you’re allowed to not care.

God.” She pressed a hand over her eyes, seemingly to calm herself down, before saying in a composed voice, “Jack, it’s okay, you know?

You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to tell me why no one in the world knows you’re brothers.

You don’t have to tell me why you were so angry at the pool last Friday before I…

I distracted you, or why you don’t normally have sex during the season.

” She swallowed. “But I can’t risk everything to be with you without even knowing what drama I’m getting into.

I can’t risk my career for a guy who obviously doesn’t trust me and who I can’t trust either. ”

He laughed dryly and buried both hands in his hair before looking down and taking a deep breath.

What did any of this have to do with trust? He trusted a lot of people, but that didn’t mean he was bothering them with his personal crap! God, this was new territory for him. Everything about this situation was new.

“You’re right,” he stated slowly, unsure how to explain to her that he didn’t quite know what he’d done wrong.

“I hadn’t thought about telling you about Dax.

Just like for ten years, I haven’t thought about telling anyone anything about my past or family.

I’m not used to it, okay? It’s news to me that someone even wants to know what’s on my mind, unless it has something to do with hockey.

I’m used to keeping secrets. I didn’t tell anyone at school that my dad drinks too much, because he didn’t want anyone to know.

I didn’t tell my brother that it was our mother who kicked me out of the house, because I didn’t want him to think less of her.

I didn’t tell the world we were brothers – I’m trying to make life easier for him and my sister.

And, yes, I have a sister!” He sighed. “It’s…

it doesn’t come naturally for me to burden anyone with the shit that haunts me because, for the most part, I’ve always been on my own.

So, yes, I’m sorry I didn’t think about telling you about Dax.

Or sharing my anger with you. But I’ve had no one to share it with for the past decade.

Hell, until recently, my siblings barely talked to me!

So, yes, you’re right. I’ve told you so little — but still more than anyone else in my life.

And just because I prefer to keep some things to myself doesn’t mean you can’t trust me.

Actually, quite the opposite, right? I could keep your secrets just as well. ”

Silence spread between them, a thick, cold silence that shimmered uncomfortably in the air between them, disturbed only when Penny whispered, “You haven’t talked to anyone about your private life in ten years?”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and middle finger. No. He hadn’t. He couldn’t have talked to anyone. He’d kept half his life and a hundred percent of his past secret from his family. “Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he murmured.

For a few endless seconds, Penny just stared at him with her lips slightly parted. Then she nodded.

“Good,” he said with relief. “That’s…good.” As long as she was still in his company, nothing was lost.

The silence in the car was no longer uncomfortable but strangely familiar. Jack had a strong feeling of déjà vu. This was exactly how he’d felt when he’d come home from the airport with her: a little nervous and expectant. Yet, at the same time, he wondered if he should back out.

It was too late to change his mind, though, wasn’t it? He’d fallen for her long ago. He’d fallen for her when she’d stolen his whiskey. She wanted him to be honest, and maybe…maybe he could be.

It was dark outside and the blurry lights of the city drifted by like migratory birds, fueling his insecurity. Could he be honest? Where would he even begin?

“You know I’d want to know,” Penny’s quiet voice brought him out of his thoughts.

He blinked and glanced at her quickly. “What?”

“I’d want to know,” she repeated harshly.

“What kind of shit is bothering you? I’m interested in that stuff.

I’m interested in you . But I understand that it’s hard to break habits.

So…I guess I just wanted you to know. Your problems aren’t crap to me.

They’re precious details of your life that tell me how you became the man sitting next to me right now.

And…” She swallowed. “…the man I quite like.”

His throat tightened and something heavy sat on his chest. It was something that made it impossible for him to breathe, but was sweet and soft at the same time.

Then his tongue loosened as if by itself. He thought of things he’d formulated countless times in his mind, his most intense self-talk. But he’d never said them out loud – never to anyone else.

“Do you know why they call me Saint ?”

Strangely, it was easier to talk while he was driving, when his hands and eyes had something to do. He had to remain calm, and his words were isolated from his actions.

“Because you’re…a good person?”