Page 42 of How to Puck Your Boss (L.A. Hawks Hockey #3)

“Yes — and it’s burdensome for you! I don’t want to be another burden to you.

And you don’t want that for me either, right?

Right now, though, you are. Right now, I am.

Right now, we are…a total mess! It’s too much!

” She looked up at him pleadingly. “You know, I’ve spent my whole life dating losers who couldn’t get their acts together so I wouldn’t feel like I was the only wreck.

I thought that with you, I had finally found someone who was smart and sensitive and knew exactly who he was.

Who knew what he wanted, who had his life…

in order! Because it would mean I had my life in order, too.

Which is nonsense. You keep so many secrets.

From your family, your team, and your fans.

And I…I get thrown off-track as soon as the press says something bad about me!

I’m still in the exact same place as I was five years ago.

Just like you! And I would like to be with you, Jack, but right now, it’s not good for us to hold on to something that might ruin our lives.

So…yes, we need distance. Not forever. Just for…

for the moment. For the next few weeks. Maybe months.

Then we can see where we stand. We’ll know if the team belongs to me or not and…

” She nodded and let the sentence trail off.

She didn’t know where it should end, didn’t want to think about where they might be, in the next couple months, or if they even could just pick up where they left off.

But that didn’t look like it was an option for Jack.

He stood in front of her, his toes against hers, just staring at her, his green eyes darker than usual and his lips pressed together.

And then a key clicked in her apartment door…before they heard it swing open.

“Damn it, Penny!” Gareth shouted before he was even visible down the hallway. “Are you serious? Jack West? Did you have to mess with the Saint?”

God. She should have insisted that he give her his key back.

“Man, I should have listened to my gut when I caught you guys at the pool!” he shouted, slamming the door shut and approaching with heavy steps.

“But I thought to myself: Hey, Penny is one of the smartest people I know. She can’t be stupid enough to get involved with one of the players.

And then my Google Alert pings this picture — God!

I understand that Jack is hot, I subscribe to Sports Illustrated, but Penny, you… ”

Her brother fell abruptly silent as he stopped in the middle of the kitchen doorway.

“Gee, thanks, Gareth. I’m honored,” Jack greeted him dryly. “But I would feel a bit uncomfortable if my pictures were hanging above your bed. One member of the Clark family is enough for me.”

Gareth was speechless for a few seconds. Then he shouted, “What the hell are you doing here, West? Do you want the press to go even crazier?”

Penny sighed heavily. “I’ve already told him that he shouldn’t have come.”

Her brother, though, didn’t seem to hear her at all.

He just kept speaking, his eyes narrowed and his voice loud enough for the man in the moon to catch everything.

“What’s the point of this crap? Do you seriously have to sleep with my sister ?

Couldn’t you have found someone else? I swear, if you hurt her… ”

“You know, I think it’s nice that someone in her family is finally standing up for her,” Jack replied coolly, his arms folded across his chest. “But you’re barking up the wrong tree. I’m not going to hurt her. It looks more like Penny is taking on that role right now.”

She groaned softly. “It’s not what you think, okay, Gareth?” she said quickly, pushing between the two and raising her hands. “We didn’t have a fling or anything. We were in a relationship! Okay?” Uncertain, she glanced over her shoulder at Jack, who opened his mouth in disbelief.

“Of course we were in a relationship! We still are.”

That left Gareth speechless again. “You…what?”

Penny sighed. “Gare, it doesn’t matter what they say or write. Jack and I aren’t going to see each other again for a while.”

“No,” Jack said stonily.

“Yes!” she cried heatedly. “We have to. It’s the best solution for now. So, can you please just go, Jack? Keep your distance for a while until this blows over?”

“And then what?”

She swallowed. If she was honest, she was afraid of the answer to that question herself. “I…I don’t know. We’ll see.”

“No,” he repeated harshly. “I don’t want to stop seeing you. I tried and it sucked.”

“Please, Jack,” she whispered pleadingly. “Go.”

“Penny, I…”

“West, next time I’ll ask you to go,” Gareth interrupted sharply. “And I won’t be nearly as kind as Penny.”

Jack pressed his lips together and looked at Penny, then her brother, and then back again.

Then, he closed his eyes and shook his head before gently placing a hand on her cheek.

“Penny, I don’t want to wait. I don’t want a break.

I’ve wasted time all my life. Reconciling with my family, telling my father how I feel.

..I don’t want to wait again and then realize it’s too late.

If you don’t want to see me anymore, that’s okay, but I don’t want to wait until the press can handle it.

I don’t want to be with you maybe or someday.

I want it now . If you need space, take it.

But take it forever. Don’t string me along. I don’t think I could handle it.”

And then he leaned over and kissed her, gently and tenderly. Then he pulled away, walked past Gareth, and quietly exited through the apartment door.

With her mouth gaping, Penny stared after him. It was worse than if he had closed it with a bang. Worse than if he had screamed. The click in the lock sounded so unbelievably final—just like his words.

Her heart contracted painfully, and her breathing became heavy, as if her lungs were refusing to work normally.

Jack wanted her completely…or not at all.

And she couldn’t even blame him. Someday wasn’t enough.

Someday would never be enough for him ever again.

He’d had too many of them in his life already.

However, she couldn’t give him now . Not like this .

“Shit,” she whispered and put her fingers to her lips, trying to preserve the feeling of his on hers, but it had fled out the door with him.

“Oh no.” Gareth looked at her in pain. Hesitantly, he put an arm around her shoulder. “You’re in love with him. This just keeps getting worse and worse.”

She swallowed and nodded because he was absolutely right. And now she couldn’t stop the tears. They flowed down her cheeks and dripped onto the floor. She hurt so damn bad. And the only person who could have made it better had just walked out the door, probably disappearing from her life.

“Don’t cry, Penny,” Gareth whispered. He pulled her close and laid her head on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay…”

“No, it won’t!” she contradicted and hiccupped.

“Because I can’t have everything I want!

If I’m with Jack, no one will take me seriously.

Mom and Dad will decide right away that I can’t possibly lead the team.

That they can’t risk bigger scandals… God.

” She sniffed and wiped her tears on Gareth’s shirt, who, to her surprise, didn’t change his expression.

“Actually, this scandal is already too big, isn’t it?

I should just give up and resign. Then maybe I could have Jack.

Anyway, I’m just kidding myself, aren’t I?

Mom and Dad will choose you, no matter what.

I never really stood a chance at getting the team. What’s the point?”

Her words sounded deliberately light, her body, though, was flooded with such deep disappointment that she felt like she couldn’t lift her legs. It was so cosmically unfair that she couldn’t have her dream job and her dream man!

"What’s the point?” Gareth echoed dryly and let her go. “Wow. And I thought you had truly changed. That you wouldn’t run away at the first sign of trouble. But I guess I was wrong.”

She looked at him, perplexed. If this was an attempt to comfort her, it was a terrible one. “Stop being mean!”

“Penny,” he said matter-of-factly, “I’m not mean.” He frowned. “Well, yes, in general.” He waved his hand dismissively. “But not right now. Right now, I’m here for you.”

“How?” she asked incredulously.

“By not telling you what you want to hear but what you need to hear. You know… I’ve never believed you were crazy. Even when you were on stage with the dead rooster in your arms. You know that, right?”

She blinked and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “Well, I…I don’t know. I guess not.”

“Well, now you know,” he replied tersely.

“You’re brilliant when it comes to statistics.

And God, I admired you back then for your courage to fight for everything you believed in!

Even when it meant incurring Mom’s anger.

I took the easier route. I tried to impress them and show everyone that I was better than them.

You showed everyone that they should be better and that they should try to impress you .

That doesn’t make you crazy, it makes you honest and passionate…

and if everyone was as committed to the rainforest or animal rights or fighting poverty as you are, those problems would probably have been solved by now.

But you have one big weakness: You give up too quickly. ”

Her eyes widened as she shook her head. “That’s not true!”

“Yes, it is,” he stated matter-of-factly. “When things get tough, you flee or pull the ripcord.”

“No, I…” But she stopped. She had said it herself once. She’d admitted it to the one man she’d never been ashamed of being honest with: I’m bad at finishing things .

She swallowed. “Okay. Sometimes.”

“Exactly,” Gareth confirmed, content. “So, do you honestly think you should be punished for falling in love with Jack West?”

“Well, no, but…”

“But what? It’s not fair that you should be punished for that.

Just like it’s not fair that children in Argentina have to live in poverty.

Why are you fighting for one but not the other?

You want the job and Jack? For goodness sake, then throw yourself into it with as much passion as you do saving the world!

Lyle thinks we should lead the team together.

I think we should lead it together and so do you.

Why on earth is Dad’s opinion more important? ”

“Because he ultimately decides who gets it!” she said incredulously.

Gareth’s mouth twitched and he leaned toward her.

“I’m going to tell you a secret, Penny. Just because he’s our father doesn’t mean his opinion has more weight than anyone else’s.

Or Mom or the press.” He lowered his voice.

“Penny, most people think I’m an asshole.

I don’t care. But I don’t want to lose the only person who knows I’m not. ”

She laughed, despite everything. “Then maybe you should stop acting like an asshole.”

He grimaced. “I’m working on it. What I’m saying is that I promised you that I wouldn’t forget that I’m your brother first and foremost, not just your competitor. I admit that I’ve failed miserably at that in the last few weeks.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” she admitted.

He snorted but smiled. “Well, promise me you’ll stay.

That you won’t take the first escape route that comes along.

Then I’ll tell Dad that I want the team with you or not at all.

And you do the same. Because he doesn’t want to look for anyone new.

He’s bluffing. I’m fairly certain. And if he’s not…

well, then we’ll just look for a new job together.

And when that’s over, you can still fight for

Jack’s—” he sighed heavily—“for Jack’s heart or whatever. Even though I don’t know if he’s good enough for you.”

She sniffed and gave half a chuckle before pulling Gareth into a hug. “He’s not a penniless artist and he doesn’t sleep on his best friend’s couch. He also never has holes in his pants and his hobby isn’t enjoying the day . I thought that was what you wanted for me?”

“Yeah, that’s a big bonus, I guess,” Gareth said matter-of-factly. “I should be happy, shouldn’t I?”

She smiled and nodded before murmuring, “I want to stay in LA, Gareth. Really. It’s nice to have a home.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God, because it’s been really boring without you. I haven’t seen anyone slaughter a rooster on stage in ages.”

She hiccupped. “Maybe at the next charity gala.”

“I’m counting on it,” he murmured, patting her on the back. He didn’t say anything for a few moments and then he asked softly, “Did Mom really suggest that you leave? Back then?”

She nodded.

“Man, Penny, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you get along with Mom, Gareth. I didn’t want to take that away. And she was right. It was good for me to get away.”

“But it was for so long.”

“I know. I won’t do it again. I promise. I’ll…stay. No matter what happens.”

Because Gareth was right. Some things were worth fighting for. Even if she couldn’t save the world — but only herself.