Page 77 of How to Belong with a Billionaire

“As for you”—Caspian’s eyes raked over the unprepossessing splat that used to be Arden St. Ives—“you will probably be out of sorts for at least a day due to depleted dopamine stores, and may experience residual symptoms, including mood swings for at least a week or two. Try to rest, stay hydrated, eat well, and under no circumstances attempt to alleviate your condition by taking any more drugs.”

I blinked at him from inside my blanket. “You know a lot about this.”

“The information is commonly available.”

Then it clicked. “You looked it up for Ellery, didn’t you?”

“Well”—he gave a bitter-edged smile—“at least someone can benefit from it.”

Another pause. Then:

“Given the context, I am not insensible of the irony, but…” Caspian was blushing again.

“But?”

He glanced away. “Would you mind terribly if I had a cigarette?”

“I thought you’d given up.”

“I have. I mean, I am. I just—”

“You’re a grown-up, Caspian.” I gestured at the pretty, hand-painted glass ashtray that lived on the coffee table and was, as usual, full of roaches. I mean, the weed sort, not the insectoid sort. I guess with Ellery it could have gone either way. “I’d rather you didn’t die of lung cancer anytime soon, but smoke if you want to.”

“Thank you.”

“They’re not mine, by the way,” I added hastily. “I live with musicians.”

I curled my knees up to make room on the sofa and Caspian sat down next to me. It was all very decorous but I could just about feel the outline of his thigh against my duvet-swaddled feet. Reaching into the inside pocket of his coat, he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a matchbook. It hurt, of course. The familiarity. The deft motions of his hands as he lit up. The almost imperceptible flicker of his eyelashes as he inhaled. The sensuality of his lips parting around a stream of smoke.

“Umm,” I said. “I’m excruciatingly aware this isn’t my business, but didn’t you tell Nathaniel you weren’t cheating?”

“This is an aberration.”

“You’re carrying cigarettes around with you. And that isn’t the first one from the packet.”

He gave me a sharp, stricken look. “I don’t want him to be disappointed with me.”

“I think he’d be more disappointed about you lying. I know I would.”

“Arden, please. The nature of my relationship with Nathaniel is very different.”

“It really must be if you can’t be honest with him about who you are.”

He tapped his cigarette against Ellery’s ashtray. “If you recall, I wasn’t honest with you either.”

“You didn’t tell me things. Things you probably should have. But I think…I really do think you let me see you.”

“A little too much, I fear.”

“Not for me.”

Clearing his throat, he said, “I need to—” at the same time I blurted out, “You don’t have to go.”

He tucked the duvet more firmly around my feet. “You should rest.”

“Why?” I flashed him the cheekiest grin I could manage. “What are you planning on doing to me if you stay?”

“What? No. I…hadn’t…I wouldn’t…Oh for God’s sake, don’t be such a monkey.”