Page 37

BLAISE

I wake the next morning feeling like shit. My shoulder burns. My heart has a hole in it where Jenna’s love used to be. I deserve all this pain.

I roll from bed and immediately get into the shower, not caring if it fucks up my bandage. When I get out, I dress and head for the coffee.

Phoenix’s place is empty. I check my phone and see that Flint is back on hospital duty. Ash messages that Jenna is fine but he won’t stay another night. Phoenix sent a message that he’s off to see O’Donnell.

That concerns me. While I can tell O’Donnell doesn’t have much respect for Hampton Kean, he had agreed to marry his daughter Hannah off to Ronan. He was at the party last night and he knows the chaos I created. Oh, and that Hannah won’t be marrying Ronan. He might not like all that.

I text Phoenix to tell me where he is and I’ll come as backup. Phoenix texts back that all is well and to meet him at the safehouse in an hour. I don’t want to go to the safehouse. I promised Jenna she wouldn’t have to see me. But Ash can’t leave her so it’s the only place we can meet.

I down several pain relievers with my coffee and check my phone for news. Weirdly, there’s nothing about Ronan’s death yet. I now wish I’d moved him out of Jenna’s cottage. I’m a little worried the Keans will try to pin his murder on her. I’ll bring it up with Phoenix and Ash when I see them.

I arrive an hour later with Ash giving me the stink eye. “I don’t know what you see in her. It’s like she’s completely oblivious?—”

“She’s sheltered and na?ve.” I stop him from saying something that might have me punching him. “But she’s good and sweet and I love her, so shut your fucking mouth.”

Ash holds his hands up in surrender. “It’s your heart, Brother.”

“Yes, it is.” And it sits in a million pieces in my chest.

“Good, you’re here,” Phoenix says, joining us.

I want to see Jenna, at least ask how she is, but Ash’s comment makes me hold my tongue.

“Did you notice there’s no news about Ronan?” I say, sitting on the couch nearly in the spot Jenna did the night before. I swear I can smell her pretty floral scent.

“Yeah. I’m not sure what to think of that,” Phoenix says.

“Did you ask O’Donnell?” Ash takes a seat at the dining table just off the living area to clean his gun.

“He seemed a bit entertained by Ronan’s panicked shouts of an Ifrinn in the house.

It was all his mother could do to calm the crowd, especially when Hampton wouldn’t let anyone leave.

He didn’t mention Ronan’s demise, so he must have not known before he left last night, and the Keans aren’t telling. ”

I think about that for a moment. “Do you suppose they haven’t found him?”

“I don’t know. Could be they don’t want it out that we’re back right when they’re trying to reassert their power.” Phoenix goes to stand by the window and sips his coffee.

“I’m worried they’ll try to pin it on Jenna.”

Ash laughs, but I send him a look before he can say anything.

“No. That will make them look even weaker.” Phoenix looks at us with a sinister smile. “They’re shitting their pants, my brothers. They know at least one of us is back. They have to be wondering if we’re all back, and that’s got to terrify them.”

Ash grins, a rare thing. “I wish I could see that.”

If Flint were here, he’d be seconding that. His absence reminds me of Mrs. Hart.

"Any word from Flint?”

“Last update was an hour ago. Hospital's quiet.

Mrs. Hart's vitals are stable. I suspect the Keans have too much on their plate now to worry about her or Jenna, but…” He continues before I can express my belief that we still need to keep them safe.

“We’ll still protect them until we can get them to safety. "

I glance toward the hallway where Jenna's room sits. The door is shut and it’s quiet. Is she resting? Hiding? Crying? God, I’m such a fucking asshole.

“So, what about this meeting with O’Donnell?” Ash asks.

“O’Donnell hasn’t been happy with Kean for a long time. If we can prove we can retake what’s ours and run it like Dad, he’ll help us.”

That’s good news. “So he’s not broken up about Ronan not being able to marry Hannah?”

“He doesn’t know Ronan’s dead, but he did say he’d be willing to break the arrangement if we help clear the debt he owes Hampton.”

“If we can afford it, it might be worth it. We’d always be at risk of O’Donnell going against us if Hampton holds that debt over him,” Ash says.

Phoenix nods. “There’s one more thing.” He looks at me and then Ash. “Someone needs to take Ronan’s place.”

I frown. “Do you mean marry or get murdered?”

“Both suck. I’m not doing either.” Ash makes a face of disgust.

“He feels a marriage between the families shows more commitment.”

My brow furrows. “So he wants Hannah to marry you?”

Phoenix practically gags. “No. I dissuaded him from that.” He eyes me. “He was impressed to learn you infiltrated the Keans.”

“Me?” I do that thing in movies where people look behind them thinking there must be someone else there that Phoenix is referring to. There is no one. "You can't be serious."

"Dead serious." Phoenix's eyes meet mine. "We need his men, his resources. A marriage would cement his loyalty."

Ash perks up, probably because he’s not being volunteered to marry Hannah. "Come on, Blaise. You're single, good-looking…”

I gape at them for the audacity to suggest such a thing, especially with Jenna in the other room. "I'm not marrying O'Donnell's daughter."

“Why not?” Ash asks. “It can’t be because of her.” He nods toward Jenna’s room. “The woman can’t stand you. You said so yourself that you’re going to send her and her mother off to live away from all this.”

Phoenix’s expression is a bit more sympathetic. “It could help you get over her?—”

“No.” I look at them, wondering how they could even think I could marry someone else. "I don't care if she never speaks to me again. I won't pretend to love someone else when I’m in love with Jenna. It wouldn’t be fair to Hannah.”

“None of us love her. She doesn’t love us. Fairness has nothing to do with it.” Phoenix reminds me more and more of our father, his ability to say something that sounds so outrageous but make it seem normal… Perhaps in our antiquated world, it is normal.

“Then you marry her. Or Ash can marry her.” I rise from the couch with no clear plan. Maybe I’ll go to the kitchen and find the booze.

Ash's face darkens. "If the reason you can’t marry is because you love someone else, then I’m going to use that excuse too. I love someone else.”

I’d be an even bigger ass if I pointed out the woman he loves is dead. She died in the fire that killed our family. Her death nearly destroyed Ash. Even now, a decade later, the pain is etched in his face.

"The woman I want to marry is down that hall," I say instead of dwelling on his old wounds. "And she's carrying my child." The words come out raw, honest. "I can’t do it, Phoenix. I won’t.”

Ash leans forward. "Noble sentiment, Blaise. But the Keans won't care about your feelings when they come for us. We need O'Donnell's men."

“Then you marry her.” I turn my attention to Phoenix. "Find another way."

Phoenix’s gaze moves from me to something behind me. I swivel around to find Jenna standing at the opening of the hall. Her hair falls loose around her shoulders, and dark circles rim her eyes.

She’s wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, and I wonder where they came from and then chastise myself for not thinking about the things she needs.

“Thank you for these,” she says to Phoenix.

He nods. “Flint’s wife, Lucy, thought you might like a change of clothes.”

Her gaze turns to me, and I’m filled with fear and hope. “I owe you an apology.”

I can’t imagine why.

“I truly didn’t know Ronan’s plan all those years ago.

I thought the families were friends. And after, they played it like they were honoring your memory.

” She looks so broken, and I want to hold her and put her back together.

“I know I’m complicit, but mostly it’s because I was a dumb girl.

If I had known, I would have gone to your father. Honestly, I would have.”

“I believe you.” And I do. The truth is, I should have acknowledged earlier that she was used by Ronan. Before and after the fire. I have no doubt that he kept Jenna and her mother on the estate as a way to protect them from anyone finding out the truth. I should be glad he didn’t kill them.

“Do you?” Her demeanor is so different from last night. Is this her reaching out to fix what we had? Or is she just seeking forgiveness before she leaves me behind?

“I do. I should have recognized Ronan’s manipulation sooner.” My fingers itch to reach for her, but I put my hands in my pockets knowing I don’t have the right. "Instead, I let my anger blind me, made you pay for something you didn’t even know happened."

"I did show him the passageway.” Her expression is stricken. "Your parents died because of me."

"No." I shake my head, not wanting her to carry the guilt of my parents’ death. It’s ironic, I know, considering that is exactly what I wanted last night. "They died because the Keans are murderers who manipulated a thirteen-year-old girl. That's not on you."

Tears fall over her cheeks, and this time, I can't stop myself from stepping closer. When she doesn't back away, hope blooms in my chest.

“It doesn’t change that I helped.” The guilt in her eyes mirrors my own, and I understand her struggle.

"I know what it's like," I say softly. "To wish you could change the past. You wish you didn’t show Ronan the passage…"

She nods.

“And I wish I’d told you how I really felt when I felt it instead of holding on to my anger.”

"I keep thinking about everything." Her eyes meet mine. "About us. About how real it felt, even when you were pretending."

"I stopped pretending a long time ago, Jenna." How can I make her understand that? I said horrible things. My initial intentions were rotten. But my feelings were always genuine.