Page 46 of Hot n Bothered

B en paced the kitchen hating himself. There was nothing left for him to clean so it was just him and his thoughts. All calling himself every single name under the sun.

All of them deserved. Because he was such a fucking coward. Why was he such a fucking mess that he couldn’t tell Belle how he felt?

I love you.

Three simple words. That’s it.

I. Love. You.

But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t say them. He locked up, his throat closed, and he could barely breathe let alone speak. He was such a mess.

It certainly didn’t help that he majorly fucked up five months ago. His birthday had been the best night of his life up to that point.

Everything he’d told her parents was true.

He fell hard and fast for Belle, that damn smile made him weak at the knees.

After Alison he’d never thought he could trust anyone enough to let them in.

But Belle allowed him to be himself with her.

She never once ridiculed him for liking Disney, for being a big kid at heart.

She instantly saw how soft he was and instead of making him feel like a failure, she liked what she saw.

She helped him start to like himself again.

She had no idea how much she helped him.

What she had done for him, just by being the wonderful, kind, beautiful her.

Seeing how she dealt with her depression and anxiety inspired him.

She had them, but they did not define who she was.

Just like all the baggage that came from Alison didn’t have to define who he was.

Hell, even starting the Hot n Bothered show had been because of her.

If she hadn’t suggested he do a cooking show he wouldn’t have dreamed to put it out there.

It was Darren who had dared him to do it in just the apron and the rest is history.

And even though he grew and rediscovered who he was during their years of friendship, he still had that fear she wouldn’t feel the same.

So instead he was happy with being around her and loving her without ruining what they had.

So when she responded to him kissing her he couldn’t help himself. So many years of longing came out that night. He had watched her sleep for a long time before he dared to close his eyes. He’d been too afraid that it had all been a dream and she’d be gone in the morning.

She had though. He wasn’t sure how she felt as she wouldn’t meet his eyes and he wondered if she might’ve regretted it. He was about to suggest they talk, then Joey mentioned how much she’d had to drink, and it left him feeling sick to his stomach.

His mind had immediately flashed back to all the times Alison accused him of assaulting her after she’d had a single drink, even though she was the one all over him.

He couldn’t believe he’d done that to her, not to Belle.

That made it even worse, the idea that he’d coerced her into sex without her full consent was abhorrent to him.

No wonder she wasn’t looking at him, he was the worst. Her escaping as quickly as she did proved it.

He’d felt so terrible he burnt the breakfast and fobbed everyone off saying he was hung over and just wanted to be alone.

Darren had instantly known something was wrong as he’d avoided him for a few days.

He’d confessed to him, thinking it would be the end of their friendship and rightly so for what he’d done to Belle.

After Darren had finished laughing, he’d explained that she had been sober that night.

That she’d been doing the same soft drink trick that he had also been doing.

Then Darren had shown him the group text they’d set up a couple of years back, where they were all trying to figure out how to set him and Belle up.

Apparently, everyone could see how much he adored her and they all agreed they would be perfect together.

But no matter how many times they orchestrated them to be alone together, he just screwed up.

She never mentioned that night and he came to believe she really did regret it.

He knew she was nothing like Alison. But it didn’t stop him from freaking out and thinking she would just laugh in his face.

His mess of a mind kept seeing her walking away from him in disgust. So it was easier to not say anything, do anything that could ruin their friendship.

Because those few weeks where they didn’t talk were terrible.

He needed her in his life, even if it was just as friends.

Darren was the one who cooked up this fake dating idea as soon as his father suggested a family holiday.

Of course, he eagerly went ahead with it.

If he could show Belle just how good he could treat her, it might help her look at him as more than friends.

Plus, as Darren suggested, it was good practice for him to get used to the idea of them going out.

He could tell her parents and sisters how he felt about her and thus making it easier to tell her. Easy right?

Wrong.

He tried so many times, there were so many opportunities, but each and every time he bottled it.

He thought maybe having his family here, they could see if he had a chance.

He had lied to Belle about why they came, he could’ve put his mum off easily enough.

But he felt if they were there for moral support he could finally do it.

They all confirmed that as far as they could see, she felt the same.

So that’s why he planned last night. The meal, the atmosphere, it was planned out so perfectly.

He spent so long practising saying it to the mirror, the wall, Hell, he even said it to a lizard that had crept into the pool area.

And still he fucked it all up.

Last night she said alright when he’d dared ask for forever. But the idea of talking about it to her face sent him running from their room. What if he never got the courage to tell her? Would he lose her?

He needed to get it all out. If he couldn’t tell her, he could still tell others.

Who knew maybe she would see it? He’d dropped enough hints about her following him.

He knew she wasn’t. Each day he checked her profile to see if she was following him, but his name never appeared.

Setting up his phone on the portable stand he had, he started a live stream and just spoke.

“I may come across as being bold and confident. Some might say I’m a little cocky.

” He flashed a grin. “But truthfully, under it all I am so messed up and it might ruin the best thing I’ve ever had.

” He took a deep breath, looking at the screen.

“My Belle. She’s my world, my everything.

More important than the air I breathe. I love her.

I love her so fucking much. She is my life, my reason for being.

So why can’t I say it to her? Why do I get so terrified she’ll laugh and walk away from me, taking her light with her if I do?

Why am I like this? If only she’d follow me on here then she’d see. How can I tell her how I feel?”

He could see all the comments coming up as he spoke.

It was practiced to read as he spoke. Most offered support, the usual trolls calling him names that he ignored.

A few pick me instead. But most were good lucks and just tell her.

He was about to explain why he couldn’t, how he froze, when he noticed a sudden change to them.

His eyes focused on the room behind him in the shot and there Belle was. He turned, wanting to say it. Say I love you. His mouth opened, but his throat closed, he locked up. His chest burned as frustrated tears pricked his eyes.

She was going to demand he say it. She deserved to have him say it. But no matter what he did. How hard he tried it just wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t good enough for her. He never would be. He deserved to have her leave him.

“You don’t have to say it.” She said, blinding him with that smile of hers. “I love you and I don’t need you to say it to me.” She held up her phone. “I’m now following you. That’s one Hell of a love letter you’ve written me.”

She loved him. She said she loved him. He searched her face and she was telling the truth, she really did feel the same.

He crossed the room to her, pulling her to him and kissing her deeply.

He couldn’t say it but he poured his love into that kiss.

He groaned as his tongue moved over hers.

She really was his favourite thing to taste.

He honestly didn’t think he could be happier than he was right now.

Well, obviously if there were less clothes between them. He moved his hands down to her luscious arse and pulled her tight to him.

“Oh my God your video is still live!” Nat shouted from the stairs. “We can see everything.”

That got him pulling back as Belle laughed blushing so adorably. He rushed back to his phone.

“Ok, so yeah. That just happened. Thanks for all the best wishes. I’ll… um… I’ll do another video later.” He looked over to Belle. “Much later.” Then switched it off.

“Alright. So, congratulations. We’re off out, probably for most of the day.” His mum said as they all came down grinning widely.

“You’re welcome.” Nat said smiling smugly.

“I thought we agreed not to say anything.” His dad said.

“No. You agreed. I didn’t and they were just taking too damn long. Anyway, it all worked out, I’m brilliant. So everyone out now. Let’s go. They have to talk.”

And with that they were gone and it was just the two of them.

“Belle… I…” Dammit. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“You love me?”

He nodded. Fuck her smile was so beautiful. He would never tire of that smile.

“I know now. And I need you to know I don’t need you to tell me to my face. If you need to tell me by text, by video or even via posts on your Instagram, then that’s enough.”

“You’re not upset I can’t tell you? That I’m such a mess that I can’t… OW!” He leapt back from the sharp pain of her pinching his nipple. “What the Hell Belle!”

“Not a mess, And it’s called negative reinforcement.” Her grin was so smug he had to laugh.

“I walked right into that one didn’t I?”

“Yep. And stop saying you can’t tell me. Because you have, haven’t you? All this time, all the things you’ve done, everything you said to my parents. It was you telling me you loved me wasn’t it? I was just too blind to see it.”

Ben nodded. “Every word to them was all true. The only lie was to you about any of it being fake. But I’m going to be honest from now on, I promise.”

“So in the interest of being honest.” She was blushing so red and not looking at him. “Your… um… birthday.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Oh man. Yeah I’m so sorry about that. I thought I’d pressured you too much and you were too drunk to give proper consent. Especially after what Joey said and…”

“You remembered?” She squeaked. “I thought you were that drunk you forgot. Joey said you were because of all the beers you had.”

“No. I was doing what you were. That’s why you didn’t say anything? I thought it was because you regretted it, even after Darren said you were sober.”

“Darren knows!” She pressed her hands to her burning face. Then she started laughing. “He set all this up didn’t he? Honestly, what a pair we are. If we hadn’t listened to Joey we could’ve gotten here sooner.”

“Fucking Joey.” He muttered. “Wasted so much time. But I’m not wasting anymore.” He pulled her close to him pressing kisses along her neck. “I know we need to talk. We have so much to go through, hey where are you going?” He frowned at her pulling back and walking away from him.

“You heard your folks. They’ll be gone all day, so we’ll have plenty of time to talk later and I’ve never been skinny dipping.”

That sexy smile had him so hard it fucking hurt. That and her top and bra being thrown to the side.

“Are you finally going to tell me who your secret shag was? I mean I do believe you said I had beaten him.” He shoved down his shorts, pulling his top over his head as he followed her.

He groaned to see her arse in all its beauty as she bent down to take off the rest of her clothes. Laughing she skipped away from his hands.

“I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out Wallace.”

“Figured what…” It suddenly clicked. “No.”

She walked backwards into the pool nodding. Crooking a finger at him, he eagerly followed her.

His Belle. His sexy, beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, lovely, generous, loving Belle had really had him competing against himself.

But he didn’t care. She deserved his best. She loved him with all his faults and quirks. Just like he loved her with all hers. Yes they had a lot to talk about, but they now had forever to do that. Which was fine because right now he had to taste her.