Page 11 of Hot n Bothered

T hey decided on going to the cinema to watch a film that night. Ben suggested she choose the film, so Isobelle picked a nice, safe horror that wouldn’t put anymore ideas into her head.

But he’d held her hand all the way through it and made her laugh by jumping and hiding his eyes behind his other. She’d, of course, teased him about that was the reason he loved Disney films so much because he couldn’t handle anything harder.

Afterwards they walked back to her flat in a comfortable silence until they got to her door.

“I have to film my next episode tomorrow.” He said. “So I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you on your own.”

She shrugged ignoring just how disappointed that news made her feel. “That’s alright. I have to pack anyway. Stop Darren nagging me.”

“Are you going to watch it when it drops?” He was looking down at their joined hands, his thumb brushing over the back of hers.

“I never watch them. I don’t follow you.”

His eyes lifted to hers. “Why not? Am I really that bad?”

“I have no idea. I mean your food is amazing but I don’t really do social media anyway.

I even struggle with bookstagram. Which I know I should keep up with if anything comes of my writing.

Plus Cat saw your first one and said it was too weird seeing you like that because it’s like, you but not you and I guess that’s why I don’t and I’ve just realised I’m babbling like an idiot so I’ll shut up now. Sorry.”

He smiled, leaning in closer to her. “I think it’s adorable when you get like that.”

“You make me sound like a puppy or something.”

“I thought I was the puppy in this relationship? I’ll call if I get finished early, bring over what I’ve cooked.”

“You don’t have to.”

Why did he have to loom like that over her so much? All she had to do was lift up on her toes and she’d be kissing him again.

“But I want to.” He murmured softly. “As your boyfriend I should want to spend all my time with you.”

Of course it was because of getting enough stories to satisfy her family about them being a couple. Before she could move away he dipped his head, pressing his lips to hers.

As before it was so soft and gentle, his tongue caressing hers. And as before, as soon as she started kissing him back, he pulled away.

“You’re getting better at that. Goodnight.” He said softly, before pressing a kiss to her cheek and walking away.

That hurt. It hurt a Hell of a lot more than it should. The fact that it was just practice so their kisses seemed more natural hurt so badly. Maybe she should tell him that they shouldn’t do any PDA. That would stop her wanting more and getting herself into anymore trouble.

Isobelle was in trouble.

Her plan for the day was a simple one.

Pack.

That’s all she had to do, not think about anything else. But that was like asking the sun to stop rising, an impossible thing.

Her brain started imagining so many different scenarios of what could go wrong.

And it came up with hundreds of them. This in itself shot her anxiety up, then she started second and third guessing what clothes to take.

And to make matters worse, her mother had started bombarding her with texts, demanding answers when she couldn’t think straight.

So now she could feel the mother (pun totally intended) of all panic attacks starting. It took three attempts to send Darren a text, she was trembling so bad.

999

That was her code for an attack she couldn’t handle herself.

As soon as she sent it, she remembered that he was working today and was hit by a wave of guilt at disturbing him and making him worry.

This was followed by shame for not being normal enough to handle things herself ramping the panic up even higher.

Pretty much the standard for any of her panic attacks, but knowing that did nothing to help her right now.

She almost didn’t answer when he called, the guilt was so bad. But the panic was so great she needed help, it was so extreme at that point she could barely speak.

“Iz? Iz? Talk to me.”

“Can’t… breathe.” She managed to gasp out.

“Fuck.” He swore. “I can’t get to you. Stay focused. Remember your breathing. Let me call Ben. I gave him your key for emergencies.”

“No… too… busy.” She couldn’t get enough breath to get her words out. His voice was not doing the usual trick of being enough to ground her to pull out of it.

Her phone slipped from her trembling hands as she curled up in a ball shaking and gasping for breath.

Darkness was pulsing at the edges of her vision as her lungs just couldn’t get enough oxygen into them.

Everything was sounding so far away over the rushing in her ears and the pounding of her heart.

It was going so fast it felt like it was about to explode in her chest.

She was dimly aware of her door crashing open and her name being shouted. Then she felt his strong arms wrap around her and pull her up against his chest.

“Come on Belle breathe. Please breathe with me. You can do this.” Ben patted the timings for her breathing on her back as he whispered in her ear. “You’ve got this Belle. You’re so strong. Come on please. You’re the strongest person I know. Come on, breathe.”

She focused on the timings. On his voice and how safe his arms made her feel and finally she slowed her breathing.

“That’s my girl.” He said pressing kisses to her hair, his arms tightening around her.

He didn’t say anything else, just held her silently, his lips at her temple until she was recovered enough to feel embarrassed.

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled, pulling away.

“For what?” His smile was so sweet as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

“For being such a mess.”

“Not a mess. I keep telling you this Belle. When are you going to listen to me? It was a panic attack that’s all. You’ve had them before, you’ll probably have them again and you’ll beat them as you always do.”

She stared at him. No one had ever made it sound like they were a normal thing. Even Darren, as brilliant as he was, always spoke of them as things to get rid of. Of things that should have been avoided.

But here Ben was talking as though she’d just dropped a plate and while it wasn't pleasant, it was nothing big. It was just a part of who she was, and that was fine. Did he have any idea how much that meant to her to hear that?

“Most boyfriends would be running away from a crazy woman who has panic attacks.”

He grinned widely. “Hey look you’ve finally called me your boyfriend. And I’m not like most boyfriends you know.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “And you’re not crazy. But you do look exhausted, let’s get you laid down in bed. Have you a nap.”

She was so drained. Panic attacks always took it out of her and this one was especially big.

She felt like she had run the London Marathon in under an hour, physically, emotionally and mentally wiped out.

She stumbled as she walked, her eyelids so heavy.

But he just wrapped his arm around her, keeping her upright.

“Lean on me Belle, we’re almost there.”

So she did with a sigh. How did he do that?

Make it feel like everything was going to be alright just with a touch?

Taking off her glasses before she flopped down, he tucked her into bed, no suggestions of staying on top of the covers.

It was like he knew what she needed. He even covered her with her weighted blanket.

She was struggling to keep her eyes open, but she didn’t want him to go. She reached out her hand grasping his.

“Stay.” She mumbled.

“For as long as you need me.” He whispered leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead before sleep claimed her.

She woke to a candle burning in her room, chasing away the gloom but not bright enough to wake her.

She frowned at it wondering if she was still dreaming.

As she slept she kept hearing Ben pottering around and she was sure she dreamt him coming in to check on her several times.

He would smooth the hair from her face and gently kiss either her cheek or forehead before leaving.

She sat up rubbing her eyes, stretching with a groan.

“Belle?”

She looked over to see him stood at the doorway.

“You awake? How do you feel?”

“You stayed.” She blurted out, shocked to still see him there. “But your show? I thought you were busy.”

He shrugged. “You needed me, that was more important. You want to get up? I can make you some of your herbal tea if you want? How about some jasmine?”

She rubbed her eyes again, yawning widely. “I should get up. Can you hit the light? How long have I been out?”

She shut her eyes at the sudden glare of light blinding her.

“A while. You needed it though, take your time. Darren is on his way over to check on you. Apparently he doesn’t trust me enough to say you’re sleeping peacefully. The kettle's not long boiled.”

She blinked bleary eyed at him as he left. She frowned as she focused on her bedside table, where had all the glasses and mugs gone? Her books and notebooks were now in neat piles and had it been polished? Even her glasses, usually covered in smudges and fingerprints were sparkling clean.

Looking around her bedroom she saw the floor was clear of the piles of clothes.

Her empty baskets were stacked neatly on top of what looked like her empty(?) wash basket.

Opening her wardrobe showed her clean clothes had been put away and yes that clunking noise was her washing machine about to start its spin cycle.

Wait…

He’d done her washing?