Page 56 of Hope After Loss

“What’s the point in praying if God isn’t going to hear me?”

“What makes you think he doesn’t?”

I raise my arms and gesture to the garden of stones. “The fact that I’m standing here in a cemetery, wishing Mike a happy birthday instead of at home with him and Kaela, singing as we cut a cake,” I say.

“That’s just geography.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s every hope and dream that I ever had, dead and buried in the ground,” I insist.

He moves to stand beside me and places a comforting hand on my back as we both look down at Mike’s grave.

“No, it’s a part of your story that’s ended, but the story goes on. You have to let Mike go and let him rest in peace and move on to a new hope and a new dream,” he whispers.

“I don’t want a new one,” I tell him.

“I know.”

“It’s not fair,” I state.

“I know.”

“You have no idea,” I whimper.

“Can I introduce you to someone?” he asks.

I look behind us and around the cemetery in confusion. “Who?”

He takes my hand and leads me down the path to a headstone adorned with a beautiful angel statue.

“Anna, I’d like for you to meet my wife, Heather.”

His wife?

He can read the confusion on my face.

“We were madly in love for eight years. Happily married for six of them before stage four breast cancer took her from me. She was twenty-five years young,” he explains.

“Oh, Graham, I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” I gasp.

“It wasn’t fair, and I didn’t want a new dream either, but I had a choice to make. I could live the rest of my life wishing things were different, talking to this plot of dirt, knowing that she isn’t here, that her soul has been set free. This is just a place where her body was returned to the earth. Or I could move forward and make room for something new.”

“Taeli and Caleb?” I ask.

“Taeli and Caleb. And I’m so in love and so happy, but I still miss her too. You can do both. Healing. It’s hard and messy, but it’s where true faith and beauty are found.”

He squeezes my hand that he is still holding.

“I’m scared to move on. It feels wrong, like I’m forgetting him,” I admit.

“It’s not forgetting him, Anna. It’s loving him and yourself enough to let him go so you can live. For you and for Kaela. You’re the light that will guide her through the darkness. She’ll watch you, and she’ll know that everything is going to be okay.”

“I want to do that for her,” I utter.

“Do it for you too.”

I lean into his side, and he wraps an arm around my shoulders.

“Thanks for sharing this with me,” I whisper.