Page 6 of Honey Bee Library (Sweet Tea and a Southern Gentleman #7)

SAbrINA

I woke up Monday morning with a new sense of purpose.

My interview at the library had gone splendidly, and Isabelle had hired me on the spot.

After we bonded over our babies—her daughter was six months old—and compared favorite authors, she declared that she doubted she could find a more perfect librarian and offered me the job.

I wasn’t sure who was more excited by my news, me or Abigail. As soon as I announced to her and Bash that I’d got the job, she leapt off the barstool, wrapped her arms around me, and declared that we were going out for dinner.

I loved my sister, and I was happy that she was happy for me, but at times like these, I could hear what she wasn’t saying. If I had a job, that meant I was getting better. And if I was getting better, she didn’t need to worry about me anymore.

I tried to not let it bother me. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, but Abigail’s reaction showed that was exactly what I had been to her: a burden. I was the messed-up older sister who couldn’t get her life together and kept failing at every turn. I hated that.

I pulled my gaze from the dark ceiling and yanked the covers off my body. Lying in bed, overanalyzing Abigail’s reaction to my news wasn’t helping anyone. I was going to push that from my mind, get up, and take on the day.

I was determined to prove to my sister and the world that I could do this.

Samuel was still asleep in his crib, so I took a quick shower while playing the newest release of the masked singer, Drifter.

His channel and songs had become my newest obsession.

After I was dressed in a floral peplum top and knee-length pencil skirt, I wrapped my hair up in a faded t-shirt to dry.

I slathered lotion on my face as I walked back over to check on Samuel… only to find that he wasn’t there.

I rested my hands on the railing of his crib and took in a deep breath.

Abigail must have gotten him while I was in the shower.

Normally, it wouldn’t bother me, but I was determined to start proving to myself that I could manage my life.

Samuel was my responsibility. If I was ever going to make it as a single mom providing for her son, I needed to actually be a single mom providing for her son.

I took in another deep breath, reminded myself that Abigail had good intentions, and then turned and walked through my bedroom and out into the hallway. Samuel sat, giggling, in his high chair while Abigail was busy in the kitchen opening jars of baby food.

When she saw me, she smiled and said, “Morning.”

“Morning.” I glanced from her to Samuel and then back to her. “I had it handled. I was going to feed him once I got out of the shower.”

Abigail shook her head as she stirred the baby food. “Oh, that’s okay.” She glanced over at Samuel. “I don’t mind getting up with the stinker.” She grabbed a jar in each hand and headed over to sit in front of him.

I stood there, not knowing what to say. Part of me wanted to stand up for myself.

I knew Abigail had taken care of Samuel when I was in the depths of my postpartum depression, but I needed her to let that go now.

I needed her to trust that I could do this.

That I could be the mom Samuel needed me to be.

That I could be the person I needed me to be.

I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and I didn’t want our relationship to be strained. It had already changed so much because of my mess, I couldn’t be the one to put tension on it once again.

“Okay,” I said, defeatism sinking into my body. “I’ll go do my makeup and hair.”

Abigail acknowledged me with a wave but kept her focus on Samuel. She was pretending that the spoon was an airplane.

When I got back to the bathroom, I shut the door, leaned against the nearby wall, and sighed.

I closed my eyes and covered my face. I was in a strange place.

Inside, I felt freer than I had since Trevor left me.

I had clarity on who I was and what I wanted.

But my environment felt like a prison I was never going to be released from.

My body and mind once held me hostage, and now… it was this apartment. It was Abigail.

I felt guilty for thinking that. I felt guilty for being frustrated with my sister. Samuel and I were thriving because of her. I just wished she would see that what I needed now was for her to let us go and to trust me.

Especially when I was trying to trust myself.

I pushed off the wall and stood in front of the vanity. I was going to shove all my thoughts and worries about Abigail from my mind and focus on getting ready. After I applied my makeup, I plugged in my blow-dryer and unwrapped my hair.

After it was dry, I settled on styling it in soft curls that framed my face. When I was satisfied with my appearance, I opened the bathroom door and headed into the hallway, turning the light off and shutting the door behind me as I went.

Abigail and Samuel weren’t in the kitchen anymore. I headed into his room to find her standing at the changing table, putting on a fresh diaper. Wanting to be useful, I hurried over to his closet to pick out an outfit.

“No worries, I already grabbed these overalls with a white onesie,” she said as she leaned forward and blew raspberries on Samuel’s exposed tummy.

I had just removed a football jumper from the closet, but her words stopped me. I stared at the outfit before I slowly hung it back up on the rod.

“Oh,” I said as I turned to see her smiling down at Samuel as she pulled the onesie over his head.

The desire to say something washed over me once more. I needed her to step back and let me do the mothering. I needed her to trust that I could take care of Samuel. She said she did, but when push came to shove, her actions betrayed her words.

There were times I allowed myself to wonder if Abigail was just stuck. I was working hard to find myself and create a life for Samuel and me, but Abigail? She wasn’t interested in her future. Nothing seemed to excite her anymore.

I thought that her engagement would be the distraction she needed, but she was more interested in ignoring it than in doing any real wedding planning.

Bash was in New York more than he was in Harmony.

He was dealing with the fallout of the Proctors and with something about his sister-in-law, Emery.

I wasn’t sure of the exact details because Abigail only talked about it in passing.

I’d wondered if her lack of enthusiasm for the wedding was a result of their relationship struggling, but when Bash was here, they were inseparable. Abigail loved Bash, and Bash loved Abigail. It was just so strange that she didn’t want to have anything to do with her wedding day.

Maybe she needed a reminder.

“How are the wedding plans going?” I asked as I leaned against the nearby wall. I studied her to see if she would take the bait. “Did you and Bash set a date?”

Abigail finished snapping Samuel’s onesie before she glanced over at me. “Not yet,” she said as she shook out the overalls and unfastened one of the straps.

I frowned. “Why?” Her attention was on Samuel as she shimmied his legs into the overalls. When she didn’t answer, I leaned forward. “Abigail, why haven’t you set a date?”

She flicked her gaze over to me before she glanced back down at Samuel. “We’re not in a hurry,” she said as she sat Samuel up to fasten the overall straps.

“Not in a hurry? What are you waiting for?”

In the beginning, her relationship with Bash had been on the fast track. Now, it was as if they had stagnated, and it made me sad. All I wanted for my sister was for her to be happy.

“Everything okay?” I asked, the words coming out hushed.

Abigail glanced up at me, her eyes wide. My question wasn’t lost on her. “Oh, yes. Bash and I are fine.”

“Are you sure?” I’d already started this conversation, might as well rip the bandage all the way off. I wanted her to know that she could be honest with me no matter what.

“Sabrina.” She held my gaze. “Bash and I are fine.” She paused, dropping her gaze to the floor before she shrugged.

“I just don’t really want to commit to a date right now.

And with Bash being so busy, he’s okay with holding off.

” Her smile returned when she glanced back up at me. “You don’t have to worry about us.”

Her words echoed in my ears. I was her big sister; it was my job to worry.

Abigail had spent so much of our recent relationship worrying about me.

I was ready to return the favor. I just needed her to open the door and let me in.

We used to be open and honest. Now, it felt like all we did was tiptoe around each other.

It was strange and I didn’t like it. I missed my sister.

“Let’s go out tonight,” I said. “We can go around the island and do some wedding planning. I know you don’t want to set a date, but maybe we can find a florist or taste some cakes so when you’re ready to commit, you already know who you want to use.”

Abigail was quiet for a moment before she glanced over at me. “Sure. That sounds nice.”

Once again, her words said one thing, but her body language and tone of voice said another.

I wanted to keep pushing her. I wanted Abigail to move forward with her life so I could move forward with mine, but she was making it impossible.

It was like she was a boulder, refusing to move.

And I needed her to move if I was going to make any real progress.

Samuel babbled, interrupting our conversation. Abigail cooed as she picked him up. She twisted side to side as she cradled his head close to her chest. I could tell from her countenance she was done with this conversation, which meant I was done as well.

“Do you want me to take him?” I asked, stepping closer to her.

She flicked her gaze up at me. “I told you, I’ve got it. This is an important morning for you. Go. Get some coffee. I can get him to daycare on my way to the shop.”

I forced myself not to take offense and tried to let it go.

I knew that she was being nice, but this wasn’t how I wanted my morning to go.

I wanted it to be just Samuel and I. I wanted to be the one who got him up.

I wanted to be the one to feed him breakfast and pick out his clothes.

I’d been so distant from my son for so long, I was ready to discover who we were as mother and son.

I just didn’t know how to say that to Abigail without hurting her feelings.

“Okay,” I said as I made an effort to hide my disappointment.

I turned to leave, but then stopped. I hadn’t held or kissed my son today.

So I turned back around and crossed the space between us.

I reached over and took him from her, nuzzling his neck and planting kisses on his cheeks after blowing a few raspberries.

“Bye bye, baby,” I said as I pulled back to see his wide, gummy smile. He was drooling and giggling.

“Tell Mommy good luck,” Abigail said as she held out her hands to take Samuel from me.

I gave him one last kiss and then handed him over. “Love you, stinker,” I said as I pressed my hands on each cheek and kissed his forehead.

Abigail held Samuel up in front of her face. “Good luck, Mommy,” she said in a baby voice.

I studied him for a moment before I turned and headed out of the room. As I walked through the kitchen, I grabbed my lunch that I’d packed last night from the fridge. When I got outside and tipped my face toward the sun, I decided to walk the two miles to the library instead of driving.

The morning air was crisp, and the breeze sent shivers across my skin. I welcomed the temperature. It helped wake me up and prepared me for the day. Plus, it guaranteed that I wasn’t going to show up at the library a sweaty mess.

I ran my finger along the bottom seam of my purse as I waited at the crosswalk that led to the library. Once it was safe, I hurried across. The library was quiet when I walked in. The lights were on, but according to the sign in the window, there were still ten minutes until it was officially open.

I stood just inside the front doors, wondering what I was supposed to do. Isabelle and I hadn’t talked about the plan for Monday morning, and the last thing I wanted to do was overstep.

“Hello?” I asked as I leaned over to peer down one of the book aisles. Nothing. It didn’t even sound like anyone was here.

Just as I opened my mouth to speak again, I was stopped short by the shrill sound of a text notification.

I startled and grabbed my bag like that would silence the noise.

Luckily, I’d slipped my phone into the front pocket of my purse, so I was able to retrieve it quickly. I swiped my screen on and glanced down.

Abigail: Just checking to make sure you got to the library. I saw that your car was still in the driveway when I left. Send me a thumbs-up so I know you’re safe!

I knew what she was actually saying. She was checking up on me because she thought I was a liability. I’d made a mistake once, and my sister was never going to let me live it down. No matter how responsible I was now, she was always going to see the broken sister who needed her help.

I was trapped in her cave of good intentions, and I feared I was never going to get out.

I sent a quick thumbs-up emoji before slipping my phone back into my purse. Needing something to focus on other than my sister and her worries, I turned my attention back to finding my new boss.

“Isabelle?” I called as I looked to the left.

“Sabrina?” Isabelle’s voice was faint, and relief filled my chest.

“Yeah! I’m here,” I said as I started walking in the direction her voice had come from.

“Coming,” she said. A few seconds later, she appeared in the doorway of a small office in the back left corner of the library.

Her platinum-blonde hair was pulled up into a bun, and she had a pair of black, square-shaped glasses perched on her nose.

She looked like a true librarian with her navy-blue pencil skirt and white shirt with a patterned cardigan over it.

“I’m so sorry, I got distracted answering my emails.

” Her smile widened. “I’m so glad you’re here. Are you excited to start?”

I nodded. “Absolutely.” I was excited to start my life again, and this job was my first step in making that a reality.

“I think my plan is to hang with you for the first half of the day. I’ll show you the book catalogue, how to process check-outs and returns, and the library card system. Tomorrow and Wednesday we’ll go over shelving the books while practicing what we talked about today. Does that sound good?”

I nodded. “Sounds wonderful.”

She smiled. “Perfect.” She took a step forward and then waved for me to join her. “Follow me.”