Page 30 of Honey Bee Library (Sweet Tea and a Southern Gentleman #7)

SAbrINA

Every time the door chimed, my gaze would instantly snap in its direction to see if it was Liam coming in.

There was a moment earlier this afternoon when I swore I heard him talking, but when I rounded the bookshelf, the only person in the area was an elderly woman sitting in one of the sun-bleached armchairs by the window, reading.

I was officially losing my mind.

By the time I opened the front door to my apartment and stumbled across the threshold, I was exhausted.

Waiting for my next encounter with Liam was going to be the death of me.

I closed my eyes and took a breath only for my phone to chime, startling me back into the present.

I shut the door, and once it was fully closed, I dug around in my purse until my fingers wrapped around the cool metal of my phone.

I glanced down to see that Isabelle had messaged me. I leaned against the wall for support as I swiped at the text.

Isabelle: Hey girl! Don’t forget that there’s book club tonight! I just emailed you the talking points. You’ll have a fun group of ladies to wrangle. You’re the best!

Crap.

Book club.

I tipped my head back and closed my eyes.

Thankfully, Isabelle had given me the book when I left work yesterday, and I’d spent last night skimming through it.

It was a cute murder mystery about a group of older women solving crimes.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I was going to talk about, I was just way too tired for this, yet I knew that didn’t matter.

This was my job, and I was going to have to go. I glanced down at my phone screen.

5:30.

I had an hour and a half to eat, make myself presentable, and spend some time with Samuel before I had to leave. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I could do this…I had to do this.

I pushed off the wall and headed further into my apartment in search of Abigail and my son. Each room was eerily quiet as I came up empty. Had Abigail taken him somewhere? Normally, she texted me if she wasn’t going to be here when I got off work.

I was in the process of scrolling through my contacts in search of Abigail’s name when I heard the front door open, and Abigail’s voice filled the silence. I stuffed my phone into my back pocket as I headed in their direction.

Relief filled my chest when I saw her standing in the middle of the kitchen with Samuel propped up on her hip. She was talking to Bash, who was carrying two white plastic bags in his hands. He was quietly nodding along with what she was saying, and she didn’t pause to let him speak.

Typical.

“Hey,” I said as I focused my attention on Samuel, who was squirming in Abigail’s arms.

I wrapped my hands under his arms and around his chest before I lifted him from Abigail’s hip. He giggled as I raised him up over my head and lowered him so I could blow raspberries on his tummy.

“I missed you,” I said as I lifted him above me once more.

He squealed and laughed, drool dripping from his mouth.

I kissed his cheeks before I settled him onto my hip. Abigail was gathering some plates from the cupboard while Bash was unloading the boxes of Mr. Cheng’s Chinese and setting them on the counter.

“Hey, Bash,” I said, nodding at him.

He glanced over at me and smiled. “Hey, Sabrina.”

It was normally Abigail that kept the conversation going in this house.

Bash wasn’t much of a talker. But I didn’t mind.

Sometimes, you just needed to sit in silence.

And Bash understood that. “How was your day at work?” Abigail asked, breaking the silence in the room. Abigail definitely didn’t understand.

I walked over to the freezer to grab a teething ring for Samuel. He happily took it and instantly began gnawing. “It was good. Busy,” I said as I turned and backed up so I could lean against the far counter.

Abigail set the plates down on the counter next to the containers of food and turned and smiled at me. I knew my sister was proud of me for getting out there, but sometimes there was something else in her smile. Pity, maybe?

It ate me alive.

“What?” I asked, doing a terrible job at hiding the bite in my tone. What I wouldn’t give to go back before Trevor left me, when Abigail still saw me as her strong big sister. Now, I was just Sabrina, the sister who needed to be perpetually bailed out of every situation.

Abigail must have noticed my tone because her eyebrows shot up.

“Nothing, I just...” She glanced over at Bash.

A silent conversation took place between the two of them, and I knew what was going on.

She was saying, “ See, this is what I’m telling you .

” And his response was, “ Don’t jump to conclusions . ”

Ugh. This was worse than parents fighting in front of their kids.

“Did you get some honey walnut shrimp?” I asked as I sidestepped Bash to peer into the boxes he’d opened. I needed to move this forward or I was going to lose my mind.

“Uh, yeah,” Bash said, looking through a few boxes before he handed one to me. “I know it’s your favorite.”

I took it from him. “Thanks.”

I had to be strategic in the way I was holding Samuel as I dished my food. He was a ninja, and if I wasn’t careful, he’d grab the container and dump its entire contents on the ground before I could stop him.

With my plate full of shrimp, I dished up some fried rice and then grabbed a fork from the drawer on my way to the table.

I set Samuel down in his high chair and shook some puffs onto his tray before I pulled up a chair to join him.

He tossed his teething ring onto the ground in favor of fisting as many puffs as he could in each hand.

I could hear Abigail and Bash whispering in the kitchen. I knew that they were talking about me, but I decided to ignore it. Abigail could think what she wanted. I was going to continue living my life the way I saw fit.

They exchanged silent glances when they joined me at the table. I had to fight the urge to snap at them. I was an adult. I didn’t need a mother. I’d had that, and she was no longer here. What I needed right now was a sister who supported me. Not…whatever Abigail was trying to be.

“I need you to watch Samuel tonight,” I blurted out as I mashed up a few grains of rice with my fork and slipped it into Samuel’s eager mouth. I watched to make sure it went down before I shifted my attention to Abigail and Bash.

Abigail had paused with her hand halfway to her mouth. Her gaze was on me, and I could feel her judgement without her even speaking a word.

“Isabelle asked me if I could host the book club tonight. Since I just started, I didn’t feel like I could tell her no.” I speared a shrimp with my fork and slipped it into my mouth.

I watched as Abigail’s expression softened and her lips formed a soft “o.” “Um, yeah, of course we can do that,” she said as she glanced over at Bash, who was nodding. Then she turned her attention back to me. “I’m happy for you, Sabrina.”

I forced a smile. I liked that my sister was excited for me. I just wished she didn’t dish it up with a side of guilt. “Thanks.”

After I finished dinner, I brought Samuel into my bedroom with me so I could get ready. He played in his jumper while I slipped on a soft, floral maxi dress and then washed my face and applied some foundation and mascara.

With my hair pulled up into a banana clip, I grabbed my purse and slung it over my shoulder before I grabbed Samuel and headed out into the living room. Abigail and Bash were snuggling on the couch, watching some true crime show.

“Here’s the stinker,” I said as I handed Samuel over to Abigail, who was now sitting up with her arms extended.

She cooed before pressing a few kisses into his cheek. It was strange, seeing Abigail snuggled up next to Bash while holding Samuel. They looked like…a family. Something that I would never be able to give my son.

My stomach sank. I’d given up on Trevor ever coming back into our lives, and the truth was, I didn’t want him here.

He was all headache and tequila. It hurt when he left, but after some time, I knew it was the right thing.

But watching my sister and her fiancé hold my son, I realized that I was never going to be able to give this to Samuel.

I loved my son, and I would do anything for him. But I’d only just found a job to provide the necessities. With my track record, who knew how long it would take before I found the right father for him—if I ever did.

I took in a deep breath, shoved my purse strap further up onto my shoulder and forced a smile. “I’m going to head out,” I said, and before either of them could answer, I made my way to the front door and pulled it open.

Once I was alone in the hallway with the door shut, a soft sob escaped my lips.

I covered my mouth and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes as I let my heart break.

I wanted to be okay with having to be enough for my son.

After all, I knew that single moms could go the distance.

I just couldn’t help but feel like I was failing Samuel when I saw what he could have had.

I allowed myself to feel bad for my situation for exactly one minute before I wiped away the tears that had slipped down my face, squared my shoulders, and headed out of our apartment building.

The cool evening air hit me as I pushed on the door release and walked outside.

I took in a deep, cleansing breath, hoping to ground myself in the present.

I had a job to do and showing up a blubbering mess wasn’t going to make anyone feel bookish.

I could break down later tonight when I got home. Until then, I was going to be as happy and bubbly as I could manage.

There was a group of older women standing near the front door of the library as I walked up. They were so busy chatting with each other that they didn’t notice me until I approached them with the key in hand.