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SEVENTEEN

CIPHER

Of course I’d rather spend the next five years in Assburbia, fortifying our compound and refining our safety protocol, but I wasn’t going to let Kitten join up with the United Forces without me. We were a team, a unit. And I knew the Assholes would survive without us.

But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try and take care of them too.

I booked an appointment with Captain Crenshaw for that week, telling Kitten I wished to discuss the matter of my enlistment with her directly. The crowning feature of Crenshaw’s office was the mid-century solid wood desk planted in the center of the room that looked as if it had survived several wars and would survive several more. Crenshaw herself seemed perfectly at ease behind it, eying me steadily and, after welcoming me into her office, waiting for me to begin. It was a silent stare-off. She was good at this game, better than me.

“So, it seems Kitten has enlisted. Joshua, I mean,” I said to her, my opening gambit.

“I know who we’re talking about,” she said with the sort of smile that patient mothers give to their foolish children. “Have you come here to try and get it revoked?”

“Is that a possibility?”

“No.”

I hadn’t thought so, and besides, Kitten seemed set on it anyway. Damn his sense of duty. “Then, no. Though the conditions around his enlistment are suspect,” I told her.

“Meaning?”

“Enlist or be executed, is that really a choice, Captain Crenshaw?”

“Is that what he told you?”

“Not in so many words, but I know that you strong-armed him.” See her try and deny that . But she didn’t, merely shrugged as if she were blameless in doing so.

“Joshua would make a good soldier. He has a lot of attributes that would benefit our community, chief among them, his interest in medicine.”

“He told you that?”

“He did.”

Was she implying that I might try to hold him back from his dream of becoming a doctor? “Is that an option, working in the lab?” I asked.

“It is. And he’d have the opportunity to study under some of the best here on base.”

I’d never thought of the military as a path to self-improvement, only a straight line to certain death, whether it be the body or the spirit or both. The soldiers I’d known had been bullies and mindless machines. Could things be different here?

“Well, regardless of the way you got him to enlist, it got me thinking maybe I should enlist too,” I said and waited for her reaction.

The corners of her mouth ticked upward slightly, giving her a haughty look. “I’m delighted to hear it. You’d be a huge asset to our operation as well.”

“But I have some demands.”

She raised one eyebrow. “Oh? Seems to me like we’ve got what you want, Cipher. I’m not sure you have a leg to stand on, so to speak.”

She delivered the pun without the slightest hint of humor, except for the slightest hitch in the corner of her mouth. She was an amputee herself, so I didn’t mind the dig. “Maybe I do. I’m the lab’s star patient. Godara loves me. I imagine it would look good to the higher-ups if you had me around to show off as your in-house success story. Not to mention the added bonus that I was so grateful for the treatment I received here at StarChem Labs that I decided to devote my life to serving my country.”

“So patriotic,” she remarked drolly, “but okay, I’m interested to see where this is going. What are your demands?”

“We want the Humvee back.”

“The Humvee is an invaluable asset to our operation that would greatly help us with our work in the field.”

“Yeah, and it’s the only vehicle I trust to get my family around safely in Rabid Country. We found it, we claimed it. It’s ours. You can’t just take something because you think it’d be useful.”

“You stole it from Jeremiah and we stole it from you,” she said.

“Well now we want it back.”

“I’ll consider it. Continue,” she said with a wave of her hand.

“We need gas for our generators and vehicles. We’d like to trade for it. Produce or scavenged goods or whatever you tell us you need within reason. By the way, where do you get all the diesel?”

“The oil refineries were one of the first assets the government secured. Not enough for civilization to make a comeback, not yet, but enough for us to operate and get around. We have a filling station here on base.”

Maybe the government wasn’t quite as inept as I thought they were.

“So you’re hoarding it for yourselves?”

She cleared her throat but didn’t address my accusation. “Within reason, we can accommodate that request. Anything else?”

“Obviously, I’d like to be stationed with Kitten.”

“That might not be possible for your entire tenure. He expressed an interest in research, and you strike me more as a field asset.”

“Well, I’d want us to have times when we’re both on base then. He’s the whole reason I’m enlisting after all.”

“I thought it was for love of your country?” she deadpanned, and against my better judgment, I was actually starting to enjoy this exchange.

“Back to Kitten, he needs a hearing aid. He can’t be out in the field with Rabids stalking about and only hearing out of one ear.”

“We’ll do a full medical scan and offer whatever disability aids we have available. It’s in our best interest for our soldiers to be well-equipped in the field. Are you finished?”

“Not quite.”

“My, my, this list is getting long. Should I be writing this down?”

“Two nanny goats and a buck for my family. We want to make milk, cheese, and soap.”

“That’s a relatively easy one. The herd is prolific. Are we finished then? I’ll assemble the paperwork for you to sign right now.”

“One more,” I said. “A week of leave for us to go visit our family.”

“How do I know you’ll come back?”

“Kitten would make me. He’s honorable like that. And you could always come and track us down, for funsies. You know where we live.”

“Funsies,” she said with a slight smirk. “I certainly hope you’re worth the trouble, Cipher. Fine, in addition to your many other demands, you may have a week of leave and begin Basic Training upon your timely return. Do we have a deal?” She offered her hand.

“Oh, and I want a gun,” I said.

“Of course you do. Luckily, we are the military.”

We shook on it. And then I had to review the enlistment paperwork and about a million release forms. I read every word before signing, asking questions when I didn’t understand something, not caring that Crenshaw had to sit there and answer every one of them. Two hours later, I was enlisted as a soldier in the United Forces of America, hard to believe, but who in this world hasn’t done something crazy for love?

As we were wrapping up, I realized there was one more question I hadn’t asked her. “So, what’s the mission around here anyway?”

She looked me dead in the eye, a sliver of a smile on her otherwise stone-cold face. “Isn’t it obvious, Cipher? Our mission is to save humanity.”

A couple days later, my cast came off and Dr. Godara and I had an awkward conversation about whether it was safe for me to have penetrative sex with my boyfriend. I asked a lot of questions and Godara ultimately gave me the green light, a literal score. Kitten and I were loaded into the Humvee with the StarChem base getting smaller in our rearview. The goats were bleating in the back, the bells around their necks clanging as the animals jostled into one another.

“Let’s go visit these Asswipes,” I said, excited to be reunited with our family.

“Assholes,” Kitten corrected with a silly laugh.

I smiled and grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him right on the mouth. “Whatever.”

The journey home took less than an hour thanks to the Humvee’s exceptional off-roading skills. The clouds were low, threatening rain. I’d love to see a good summer storm, the first of the season. We saw a pack of Rabids investigating a bit of carrion on the side of the road. They raised their heads, searching with their sightless eyes as we passed by but didn’t pursue our vehicle.

“Would you be immune now if one of them bit you?” Kitten asked.

“I don’t know. Godara said that was one of the things they’d like to test, if I happened to get exposed again.”

“You won’t, not with me protecting you,” Kitten said.

“My hero. Would you want to do that? Study the virus?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I thought I wanted to be a midwife like Marion, but I want to do whatever’s most needed right now, whether it’s delivering babies or helping find a cure.”

“Probably both. I admire your passion.” With a cure, or a more reliable treatment, as Godara would say, everything might go back to normal, or some version of it. Like the Before.

“You have passion too. Security, defense, carpentry. Despite hating the military, I actually think you’d be good at it,” he said.

“I guess we’ll see. It’s funny. This is the first time I thought we might actually see an end to the plague. I’ve never thought much beyond surviving. Thinking about the future is kind of…”

“Scary?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“The future happens one day at a time, too. And you can always change your mind. About some things, at least. I think we’re pretty locked in for the next five years.”

“Is it weird that I find it comforting?” I asked him.

“No, you like a plan,” Kitten said and that was true, but this wasn’t necessarily my plan. Still, Crenshaw seemed like a straight-shooter. Hopefully she didn’t end up being a two-faced liar like Brother Larry because if so, all bets were off.

“You’re proof of the human body’s ability to heal,” Kitten was saying. “If we can begin to rehabilitate all of the other Rabids out there, just think about the possibilities for a real future, for all of us.”

“I don’t know, babe. Some of those fuckers are pretty far gone.” I recalled my own intake video, how out of my mind I’d been. And some of those Rabids had been living like that for months, even years.

“Sometimes I wake up thinking you’re out there. That you’d escaped or we were never able to cure you,” Kitten said with a worried look on his face.

I took his hand, brought it to my mouth and kissed it. Even though the risk of contagion had passed, there was a chance the virus might come back in another form and fuck me over again. Kitten knew it too. We’d have to be prepared. But for now, I wasn’t going to worry about what may or may not come to pass.

“I’m right here,” I told him.

“Yes, you are,” he said, his expression brightening again.

“Why don’t you ring up the Assholes and let ‘em know we’re coming?” I said.

Kitten plucked up the Humvee’s CB radio, “Assholes, you there?”

“Kitten, is that you?” Artemis responded almost immediately, sounding positively elated. Hers was the voice of an old friend, someone I could rely on and tell my secrets to.

“Yes, me and Cipher too,” Kitten said.

“That’s fucking incredible,” Macon broke in. There was feedback on the line, everyone trying to talk over one another. In the meantime, memories flooded me as I took in the familiar surroundings–fruit trees we’d harvested, houses we’d scavenged from, hauling pallets and fencing and whatever else we could find to build that beautiful, twelve-foot fence, cutting my fingers on all of that razor wire, watching it slowly rise up all around us. How I’d cried when it was finished. Privately, of course, but still.

“We built that,” I said, almost in awe, to Kitten.

“Yes, that right there is your pride and joy.”

“Well look who it is,” called Macon from the watchtower once we were idling outside the gate with the windows down. Another beautiful sight–the tower, that is.

“We’re back, bitches,” Kitten shouted, giving Macon the double dueces gesture while leaning out the passenger-side window. Macon responded with his own whoop of excitement.

“You’re letting Cipher drive now?” Macon teased and I recalled being on the receiving end of his good-natured ribbing.

“Yeah, he’s not too terrible at it.” Kitten shot me a wink.

“Is he… feeling better?” Macon asked, sounding unsure.

“One hundred percent better.”

“Fuck, that’s fantastic, Kitten. You fucking did it.”

“Want to open the gate for us?” Kitten asked.

“On it.”

A slender kid with dark, messy hair, wearing mismatched glasses appeared at the gate–Wylie, Gizmo’s other half. Within minutes the gate was open and we were rolling slowly through it. A half dozen rangy teenagers came out to the cul-de-sac to greet us. The Assholes, our family, and the B-holes too, one of which was Kitten’s older brother. I put the Humvee in park and shut off the engine.

“You ready for this?” Kitten asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

I stepped slowly out of the vehicle and was immediately caught up in a strong hug by Artemis. She wiped at one eye and punched me in my good arm. That definitely felt familiar.

“I thought you were a goner, you asshole. Don’t ever do that to me again,” she said.

“I’ll do my best,” I said.

Teresa was next, smaller than the rest of us and doll-like in her appearance. She launched herself into my arms and I gave her a spin, something I’d done countless times before. I set her down just in time to be squeezed within an inch of my life by Macon. “Thank God you’re back. You looked like shit the last time I saw you.”

I believed it. I’d seen the footage. Hard to believe that was only a month ago. Gizmo offered me a handshake and Ansel pulled me into an enthusiastic hug. I recalled watching this handsome fucker flirt with my boyfriend on the monitors in Gizmo and Wylie’s workshop, not to mention the blowjob incident in Atlanta. I’d be keeping an eye on him.

Kitten opened the back of the Humvee and showed off our new livestock to our crew. The goats practically leapt out of the vehicle, even the nanny whose udder was full and in need of milking. The buck raised up on its hind legs and lifted his horns as if to charge, and we all took a few steps back to give them space. They were tied to each other by a rope, and Kitten held the loose end of it, but the buck could do some damage if he felt threatened.

“Kitten, more good news,” Macon said. “We found a drake.”

“That’s fantastic. Can I see him?” Kitten turned to me. “Will you be okay here?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I told him with a wave.

“I’ll be right back.” He and Macon herded the goats to the pasture out back while the others spoke to me all at once, wanting to update me on all that had happened while I’d been away, what improvements had been made, what threats had been identified. I glanced around to get my bearings, feeling a bit disoriented without Kitten to act as my buffer. The memories were coming back like rushing water, but I needed more time to process. Still, their easy banter was comfortable and helped me to understand my role in this family.

Kitten’s brother Santiago approached at last and pulled me into a bro-hug. “Hey, man, you look great. Glad you made it. I’m sorry again about what happened.”

I shrugged, not remembering everything in detail but knowing he’d tried his best. “Bad luck,” I told him.

“Joshua still pissed at me?”

“I dunno. You’ll have to talk to him.” There was definitely friction between the brothers, on Kitten’s side at least, but I wasn’t going to poke around that particular landmine.

Santiago nodded as if he’d expected it. Macon and Kitten returned and we went into the house where it was slightly cooler. Macon shoved food at us, having been relieved of his watchtower duty by Rafi, one of the other new recruits. That they’d been following security protocol in my absence made me happy. Artemis demanded we tell her everything that had happened, in detail. Kitten, being the better storyteller, regaled them all with the trials and tribulations of the past month, while I watched him with a deep sense of contentment, thinking how good this felt.

“What are you smiling about?” Macon asked, nudging me.

“I just love him so much. I’m here with you all, alive and not Rabid. Life is good.”

He thumped my back. “Life is good, buddy. And you’ve got to be the luckiest motherfucker alive.”

So goddamned true.